How things have changed - post meds

[boom123]

Hi Everyone

I know i started a thread a while about post diagnosis pre-meds. I updated a bit on that thread but wanted to take time to give a bit more of my experiences in the hope that others can get some comfort from it.

I am on 60mg of methylphenidate a day. This was built up over some weeks and this is the dose that fits well with me.

The difference in me has been immense. Its been truly life changing. I feel so much more in control, my mind is clear, my thoughts dont wonder its overall a massive change.

Getting my diagnosis was no shock to me. I was well aware that i was probably living with ADHD. My assessment said "strong" symptoms. Getting the medication was amazing.

I had no ill symptoms, just positives.

However!

I went for an assessment and it was all very reassuring, text book results, brilliant improvements etc. Then i had my blood pressure taken and it was sky high. Boom.

Having now had time to settle down and appreciate what my life is now i found myself looking back at the past and feeling a huge amount of grief, guilt and shame about all the things that i had previously said and done because of my condition. (I am 40+). It was so very sad that i might be taken off the very medication that has changed my life because of my blood pressure. I cried a lot and talked about my sadness with my family. They all accepted what i was saying and why i felt so yucky.

So i had some time to reflect. I know i have to loose weight, give up drinking, even consider my very stressful job and make the right life style choices to correct the issue. I wont give up my meds without a fight, and if that fight is with myself then so be it!

I think what i am trying to share is that diagnosis and medication is life changing, but that comes with a period of internal reflection which can be difficult to manage, but it does pass, and having been through that there is only a bright future to face. My husband says i am still me, but the nice calm me is more present then before.

For those out there not sure about finding the courage to get that assessment i would say go. I now appreciate myself as a person, and accept my ADHD.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by boom123

i found myself looking back at the past and feeling a huge amount of grief, guilt and shame about all the things that i had previously said and done because of my condition.

These are the emotions that are the most damaging to people, especially your self esteem. IMO they are the worst, most useless emotions to have. (add jealousy and regret to that list also). They do not help you. They make you feel worse and I had to have years of therapy and sobriety to keep them at bay.

(I am 40+). It was so very sad that i might be taken off the very medication that has changed my life because of my blood pressure. I cried a lot and talked about my sadness with my family. They all accepted what i was saying and why i felt so yucky.

Is your doctor going to do this? Have you seen a cardiologist to check things out so that you will know if its safe to take the meds or not?

So i had some time to reflect. I know i have to loose weight, give up drinking, even consider my very stressful job and make the right life style choices to correct the issue. I wont give up my meds without a fight, and if that fight is with myself then so be it!

I think what i am trying to share is that diagnosis and medication is life changing, but that comes with a period of internal reflection which can be difficult to manage, but it does pass, and having been through that there is only a bright future to face. My husband says i am still me, but the nice calm me is more present then before.

Its very validating to have a loved one see how we have improved.
Its very discouraging to feel this way too.
Remember:
You are NOT: lazy, crazy, stupid, dumb, awful, terrible, horrible, evil, unworthy, unlovable, worthless, useless or insignificant.

You are human.
You have flaws.
You have gifts.

[ToneTone]

You the energy and clarity, focus, joy you have about now ... to slowly work on those other issues.

You can't solve all these problems at once ... well ... sometimes we get lucky .. exercise, for example, can help with multiple areas of life.

I'm not telling you what to do ... but I know what I would do in your situation ... or what I think I would do.

Continue to work on those other health issues ... now that you have real energy and focus.

And I'd happily go on a blood pressure medication to control bp in the meantime.

It's a pain but sometimes it's smart to take an addition medication to control the side effects of another medication. If your life is so much better on methylphenidate, I'd say that is an essential med.

I love you saying you're not gonna give up the methylphenidate with a fight.

That's the spirit!!!!!

You're valuing your new life. Fantastic.

[boom123]

I really love this forum, there is so much positive support here its uplifting

After my first shock BP reading i was sent home to test myself daily which i did. Each day i was getting normal readings. I did however change my diet, upscale my exercise and didnt touch a drop of alcohol, and that along with my calm composed state of mind i was in the zone!

Went back into clinic and my BP was up again. So i shared my readings at home and my high clinic readings were attributed to white chair syndrome. Clearly i dont like going in. So they accepted my home readings and took the average. I was told that i was all good and that there was no need for any follow up.

I came away with a massive grin and a sense of achievement.

Yesterday i found myself driving to work thinking to myself that i am indeed actually happy, a real feeling of inner piece. Debts, work stress, self doubt...not a worry, it can all be dealt with.

[PoppnNSailinMan]

I have a problem with "white coat syndrome" as well. My blood pressure and pulse are always up in the doctor's office and usually fairly normal at home. About 10 years ago a doctor told me that he wanted to put me on blood pressure medication, so I bought a blood pressure monitor and started monitoring at home. My readings were all normal and not high at home, so I didn't end up needing blood pressure medication after all.

[Alphawave]

I have "white coat syndrome" too - my levels are sky high at a doc and pre high at home.

What worked for me is exercise, it can reduce blood pressure and has done with me. After a month or 2 of building up to running 30 minutes per day. I would do a blood pressure reading in am and pm for a week as requested by doc and they're both in the ideal or normal range.

It's a big lifestyle change but if you're willing to fight for what works then it might be good to try. BTW I used to drink a lot too but after exercising you don't feel like alcohol as much