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  #1  
Old 02-28-14, 10:29 AM
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Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

I'm not just talking about overdue late payment calls. This is dear family and friends. It is so hard to return the call, then it becomes immobilizing guilt. Now I've noticed I have difficulty returning texts! How ridiculous is that? I have general motivation and avoidance issues, mail,paperwork etc.

But this just lets down other people I do care about. Once talking is happening, no problem. I can't figure out why I am missing the on switch part of my brain, that lets people do the normal responsive stuff.

With this horrible winter in NY my usual issues have been worse. Depression and anxiety. Binge watching shows, staying in bed. The phone almost feels like a breech of my self imposed force field. I know things will improve with Spring coming, but the phone thing has become year round.

Anyone struggle with this? I just wish I knew WHY this happens.

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  #2  
Old 02-28-14, 10:38 AM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

Can this thread be moved to the General Talk thread?
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Old 02-28-14, 12:04 PM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

Yes I use to have the same exact experience with calls and avoidance.
It was associated more with my depression than with my AD(H)D.

It's a double kicker because you don't respond. The people feel like your rude or that you just don't care so know you get anxiety and depressed because you have fell so behind in responding tha tyou end up isolating yourself which makes the depression even worse.

Problem identified, what do we do to fix it?

I say to myself, self, why are you avoiding responding? Most of the time it's because I have to tell someone something they don't want to hear and I know that will bother them so I take on all the guilt based on that assumption and walk around with it day after day!

I know, it sounds so silly when you write it out. Why do I feel guilty?

I'm a good person, I care about people and do my best to help, yet I walk around with this guilt avoiding people and getting more and more depressed! I must be crazy!!

So, I just decided one day that I'm going to contact people right back and tell them the truth and if that bothers them the nso be it.

I'm not being mean I just refused to stop caring the guilt and anxiety because I'm afraid of what someone might, or might not, think!

You know over the last 5 years people have appreciated and respected the fact that I respond back and always tell the truth even when it was bad news! They actully like it better this way then the old way I was doing it.

So no more guilt or anxiety, and most important no more depression!

"Women aer like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but hit the wrong number and you'll be disonnected!"
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Old 02-28-14, 12:38 PM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

Yes, can be guilt about telling them something they don't want to hear; can also be fear that if I say this then they won't like me or will reject me.

It can tie in with ADHD symptoms as well - telling the boss that I'm behind in my work (ADHD stuff) worries me in at least three possible ways - the fact that my work isn't done (ADHD) makes me look incompetent and likely to be fired, being the bringer of bad news can make me feel guilty for hurting the boss, and being the bringer of bad news can make me afraid the boss will dislike me as a person. There might be more. Oh joy.
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Old 02-28-14, 01:09 PM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepster View Post
Can this thread be moved to the General Talk thread?
mod note: Thread moved

I have the same issues with the telephone. Its like i often just dont want to be bothered. I need my alone time and I want to reach out to people on my own terms.

Having said that, it doesnt apply to close friends, but mainly to other people.
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Old 02-28-14, 01:14 PM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

What exactly is the difficulty?

I've got several problems with this.

1. I forget to call (or text) people
2. I don't like talking to people in general.
3. It's worse on the phone because it makes me feel trapped. I don't like chit chatting but it's difficult to end phone conversations quickly without sounding rude (I still try..and end up sounding rude ). I also struggle to focus on conversations and pay attention what the other person is saying, which makes the whole experience rather unpleasant. What makes it even more unpleasant that I find it incredibly boring.
4. Most people I talk to on the phone (i.e. family), say things that are unpleasant or hurt me.

What is it that troubles you? Once you know that it might be easier to find ways to deal with it.
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Old 02-28-14, 01:24 PM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepster View Post
I'm not just talking about overdue late payment calls. This is dear family and friends. It is so hard to return the call, then it becomes immobilizing guilt. Now I've noticed I have difficulty returning texts! How ridiculous is that? I have general motivation and avoidance issues, mail,paperwork etc.

But this just lets down other people I do care about. Once talking is happening, no problem. I can't figure out why I am missing the on switch part of my brain, that lets people do the normal responsive stuff.

With this horrible winter in NY my usual issues have been worse. Depression and anxiety. Binge watching shows, staying in bed. The phone almost feels like a breech of my self imposed force field. I know things will improve with Spring coming, but the phone thing has become year round.

Anyone struggle with this? I just wish I knew WHY this happens.

Peace and Love
Peace and Love

Prozac: was on 40mg, now starting 60mg
Dex IR 10mg morning and afternoon
you said this all great

this describes me exactly
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Old 02-28-14, 03:36 PM
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Re: Telephone avoidance Ugh sooo Stupid!

I think adhd (or whatever) has made me a hermit. I really only enjoy talking to about two people at the moment.
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