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  #16  
Old 07-12-18, 04:44 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
Once my anxiety switches to anger, I could care less about what they think of me. I tend to falsely believe they think very poorly of me and Iím done. After an honest attempt to make a good impression my feelings change to ďif they donít think well of me then F themĒ.

Itís not a good method ďto not careĒ but thatís the progression I go through.
It starts out as a thought process something similar to CBT.

No, Greyhound, you are actually onto something there. One way is to think logically about it. Who is this person and why do I feel they have the right to judge me? The answer is probably, they don't, it's just some smuck. We know from studies that people pay way less attention to you than you think. I'm too lazy to go find one right now but you can search for them if you want validation. Then how well do they know you? Is this someone you casually talk to at work? Well they don't even have a good basis to judge you anyway. A clerk you'll never see again? Someone you don't interact with often? Most people don't know the real you and few people would know the real you as a whole.Why should you care? Really why should you care? What effect does it have on you? Does it change anything about the person you know you are? No. So basically you use a thought process to end up at "If they don't think well of me then f- them". The only exception is people who sign your paycheck. Try to look good in front of them.

I would like to say I very rarely care what someone thinks of me (unless it's getting in my way, then it ****** me off and I'll do something about it). I skip the thought process and just say f- 'em. I would like to note that I do NOT think very highly of myself. I'm extremely extremely tough on myself. I have grown accustomed to myself and accepted most of it so that's all you really need. It doesn't mean you think you are a shining star of a person. So how you see yourself and how others see you are two different things and they may not always match up. Or, if someone gives me sh- about something and I know I could do better at it I say 'f- 'em' just to spite them. If nothing else use the frustration to make yourself better. We are never really "the best" at anything so we have room to improve. So if you must be concerned use it in a positive manner.

Small addition to the post. I sorted most of this out a long time ago by meditating over it if you want an actual method. I'd let my mind run wild but confront it with questions that it could rarely offer any meaningful answer to. It's a process of exclusion. I couldn't find any explanation to actually support my theory that everyone hated me so I was a bad person nor could I find any meaningful effect on me to want to care about it. Even now I have some people who are getting in my way because they don't think highly of me but I'm dealing with that. And it doesn't include making them like me any more.

I'm very blunt and straightforward. I speak my mind. Some people love that, some hate it. I'm a take it or leave it kind of person. I have plenty of people who straight up don't like me. And I'm fine with that. They can even start a club for all I care. Just as long as they don't screw with my life they can do whatever they please. F- 'em.

Last edited by LyrinMeow; 07-12-18 at 04:50 PM.. Reason: Adding methods used
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Old 07-12-18, 05:29 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

I feel like Fuzzy does at work. It is awful. I need to find a job where I don't feel that way. I hope I can find one sooner than later.
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  #18  
Old 07-12-18, 08:02 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
It starts out as a thought process something similar to CBT.

No, Greyhound, you are actually onto something there. One way is to think logically about it. Who is this person and why do I feel they have the right to judge me? The answer is probably, they don't, it's just some smuck. We know from studies that people pay way less attention to you than you think. I'm too lazy to go find one right now but you can search for them if you want validation. Then how well do they know you? Is this someone you casually talk to at work? Well they don't even have a good basis to judge you anyway. A clerk you'll never see again? Someone you don't interact with often? Most people don't know the real you and few people would know the real you as a whole.Why should you care? Really why should you care? What effect does it have on you? Does it change anything about the person you know you are? No. So basically you use a thought process to end up at "If they don't think well of me then f- them". The only exception is people who sign your paycheck. Try to look good in front of them.

I would like to say I very rarely care what someone thinks of me (unless it's getting in my way, then it ****** me off and I'll do something about it). I skip the thought process and just say f- 'em. I would like to note that I do NOT think very highly of myself. I'm extremely extremely tough on myself. I have grown accustomed to myself and accepted most of it so that's all you really need. It doesn't mean you think you are a shining star of a person. So how you see yourself and how others see you are two different things and they may not always match up. Or, if someone gives me sh- about something and I know I could do better at it I say 'f- 'em' just to spite them. If nothing else use the frustration to make yourself better. We are never really "the best" at anything so we have room to improve. So if you must be concerned use it in a positive manner.

Small addition to the post. I sorted most of this out a long time ago by meditating over it if you want an actual method. I'd let my mind run wild but confront it with questions that it could rarely offer any meaningful answer to. It's a process of exclusion. I couldn't find any explanation to actually support my theory that everyone hated me so I was a bad person nor could I find any meaningful effect on me to want to care about it. Even now I have some people who are getting in my way because they don't think highly of me but I'm dealing with that. And it doesn't include making them like me any more.

I'm very blunt and straightforward. I speak my mind. Some people love that, some hate it. I'm a take it or leave it kind of person. I have plenty of people who straight up don't like me. And I'm fine with that. They can even start a club for all I care. Just as long as they don't screw with my life they can do whatever they please. F- 'em.
Thank you that makes so much sense. I will try to remind myself (of the thought process you outlined) till it becomes second nature.

It's ridiculous to feel so worried all the time. Im too old to waste so much time and so many opportunities worrying about what other people think of me.
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  #19  
Old 07-12-18, 08:23 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by finallyfound10 View Post
I feel like Fuzzy does at work. It is awful. I need to find a job where I don't feel that way. I hope I can find one sooner than later.
I did consider leaving my job but wouldn't it be much easier if we could just stop worrying so much? I don't know if it's possible considering that I've been trying unsuccessfully for decades now but if it was possible...

Of course your situation might be different. My colleagues are actually reasonably nice and they used to be really friendly till I started isolating myself and avoiding everyone.
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  #20  
Old 07-12-18, 09:43 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

Lyrin is right that in modern society, it's not helpful to care so much about what others think about you. That trait does make sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Our ancient ancestors lived in small groups, so having approval from your tribe could be a life or death matter. Nowadays, you can just find a different tribe, or make your own.
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  #21  
Old 07-13-18, 04:19 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

Just ignore it. That won't affect you. It's about accepting yourself cause in the end only you yourself can define who you really are.
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  #22  
Old 07-13-18, 05:11 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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I feel like Fuzzy does at work. It is awful. I need to find a job where I don't feel that way. I hope I can find one sooner than later.

You won't. Because the issue isn't external, it's internal. You'll never find a group of people who don't make you feel that way, if you continue to convince yourself that they don't like you.


As long as you maintain the same state of mind, it's not going to matter where you work, or what groups your associated with. You need to change your mindset, not your job.
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  #23  
Old 07-13-18, 02:06 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

People in general, or close friends and family?
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Old 07-13-18, 03:25 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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People in general, or close friends and family?
People in general. Not really family or close friends. Maybe people who I don't know that we'll, like colleagues.
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Old 07-13-18, 09:19 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

Haven't read through the whole thread (What? I AM an ADHD'ER, after all!).

For me, it came with age and accepting myself as a flawed, but basically good person. Some people like my personality, and some people don't, and that's okay.
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Old 07-13-18, 10:26 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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It's ridiculous to feel so worried all the time. Im too old to waste so much time and so many opportunities worrying about what other people think of me.
Another way I've been trying to look at it is to say what do I think of them rather than what do they think if me.

I used to work in a place and I tried so hard to be liked. Then someone told me that everyone hated me on thr basis of one person's opinion so after that I couldn't give a stuff. I was there to work noy make friends and once I stopped giving a **** they all started to like me. Go figure

Now if could apply that to all my interactions that'd be great
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Old 07-15-18, 01:34 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

I could tell you to leave post it notes with positive affirmations on them, or to talk to yourself in the mirror but most of us tried that. For me I had to hit a bottom (not just with alcohol) but an emotional bottom. I dont believe this has to be limited to someone with addiction I think all people go through this at some point. Something just...clicked. I realized through some deep soul searching sh*t that it just didnt matter. I no longer wanted to be a people pleaser. I wanted to be a me pleaser. I no longer wanted to waste energy on those kinds of negative thoughts. I learned that I DONT matter that much..the world doesnt revolve around me and most people are not sitting around thinking about me the way I sat around thinking about me. Like it or not being overly concerned is a very...minor form of self centeredness. (JMO) because your thoughts are going around and around about yourself and what other people think of you, what they are saying about you, how you think they feel about you. I had to come to grips with humility in that sense. I had to give to others to learn how to accept things about myself, including praise from others. Realizing I have the power to feel things the way I want to feel them, and no one can make me feel a certain way unless I give them the power to. I learned I have a pause button and that I never have to say yes and I never have to give an answer right away, just for the sake of giving an answer.
I am worth more than I give myself credit for. And you are too. I had to make a list of "#1 offenders" which are people that I try and please despite how I actually feel. The surprising part was a lot of these people were family.

All of this stuff I learned through pain and consequence but you do not have to go through that if you are able to be mindful and make changed before the bottom drops out of the basket.
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Old 07-15-18, 11:40 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
I did consider leaving my job but wouldn't it be much easier if we could just stop worrying so much?
I guess I've already suggested to you before just to not work period since you can afford to do that. Just seems like everything would be easier that way to me. But maybe it's bad advice from me due to circumstances in your life that I'm unaware of.
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Old 07-16-18, 01:22 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Just ignore it. That won't affect you. It's about accepting yourself cause in the end only you yourself can define who you really are.
Totally agree with you. Accepting yourself is the key
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Old 07-22-18, 04:13 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
You won't. Because the issue isn't external, it's internal. You'll never find a group of people who don't make you feel that way, if you continue to convince yourself that they don't like you.


As long as you maintain the same state of mind, it's not going to matter where you work, or what groups your associated with. You need to change your mindset, not your job.

Yes and no. The career I have now is new for me and has been difficult since day 1. Getting the 2nd degree was difficult, working in the field is difficult- everything about it is. I am trying to fit a square peg into a round hole essentially. I was not/am not cut out for this line of work and I'm now accepting that and moving on.



In my last career and related jobs, I did well, very well in some of them. I felt confident and energized. People asked for my ideas and opinions. It made the difficulties of the second one that much harder. Yes, there were some bumps that I look back now see were ADHD- related for the most part but it is nothing like what I've experienced in the my current career. I wasn't diagnosed until I was into the schooling for the second career at 40 years old.


I am trying to get a job that is sort of a mix of both. They do exist and I've applied to one already but haven't' heard anything yet.
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