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  #1  
Old 04-17-09, 03:32 PM
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The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Anybody else get sick and tired of saying the same things over and over to the same questions?

...........................

"Why does it take you so long?"

I have ADHD-I...

"What's that mean? You're not hyperactive..."

Right. There's a type that's exactly the opposite.

"So you just daydream all the time?"

Not any more than any other person...

"So why does it take so long?"

Because my thoughts are in slow motion

"If it takes you so long to do stuff, why don't you start earlier?"

Because I prioritize things differently...

"You prioritize things differently? Don't you realize the consequences of being late too often and not getting your homework done?"

Yes

"Then why do you play video games/procrastinate when you know the consequences?"

Because I have ADHD-I...

Look, dude... Here's an example: You're not schizophrenic, right?


"Right..."

So do you have any idea what it's like to hear voices inside you're head that aren't real but not your own?

"No..."

Same concept. Neither do I.

You can't possibly understand what it's like unless you have it. Rationalizing and saying "the voices aren't real" doesn't shut them up for schizophrenics. Neither does rationalizing about consequences for ADHD-I.


.........................................

Or some argument along those lines...

I wish someone would make a movie like "A Beautiful Mind" for ADHD-I... Then you can just say, "go watch the movie, and you'll get it"
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  #2  
Old 04-17-09, 04:09 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

wow, a movie that puts it in perspective.

that would be awesome.

I guess till then we just have to tell imagine Beaver Cleaver all grown up. Only his brain still works the same way.

gosh, except a lot of you are probably too young to even remember Leave It to Beaver.
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Old 04-17-09, 04:10 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

trying to explain how I do things & I get, "yes but just turn on your brain". (said affectionately) - but geez it's not a question of willpower! executive function: that's the part that doesn't work in the first place, I can't turn off my brain.
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Old 04-17-09, 04:27 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by stef View Post
trying to explain how I do things & I get, "yes but just turn on your brain". (said affectionately) - but geez it's not a question of willpower! executive function: that's the part that doesn't work in the first place, I can't turn off my brain.
wow... no offense against the person who said that, but that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever heard...

Maybe you're not really ADHD-I... you're just surrounded by stupid people... bad influences... :P



But seriously, yeah... I try to stay away from the phrase "executive function" because most people have no idea what that means.

Another of my favorite explainations/analogies is:

Think of a bad president who is influenced way too easily by bribes and bureaucrats... but you can't impeach him and get a new one... That's how my brain works.



And about this whole "willpower" issue... yes, that IS a factor... but willpower is just as much as a product of brain chemistry as attention, motivation, and "seeing dead people."

Not to mean that ADHD is entirely out of a person's control. It's quite the contrary. But it's not as simple as flipping a switch.

Can you bench press 500 lbs just by trying harder? No... Not unless you've trained for it. It's not a simple process. It takes not weeks, nor months, but YEARS of dedication and work ethic to reach that point. And even THEN, some people just don't have the genetics to do it. But, it IS possible... once you've trained and earned it.

The irony is that, we have a disorder that usually results in poor work ethic.... but to SOLVE a problem, even a work ethic problem, takes work and dedication.... but, that IS the problem...

See how this goes around in circles?
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Why the hell does everybody list their medication regimen in their sig?

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Old 04-17-09, 04:28 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Frequent NT replies:

"Well, if you really wanted to, you would do it."

" Only you can change that."

And the oh, so familiar: "You just need to pull yourself together."

I´ve tried many times to explain that such comments and advice make no sense if the executor or willpower doesn´t work. It is extremely hard for NT people to understand that. They simply don´t get the concept. It seems the kind of metaperspective it takes to understand that is unavailable to them.
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Old 04-17-09, 04:37 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Familiar territory. Familiar experiences.
I learned my lesson. I am not going to run into any walls anymore.

Its even worse in the Netherlands actually because they do not even know you can get it without hyperactivity and you can have it if you are not a kid.

Our national adhd stereotype is a kid on ritalin.
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Old 04-17-09, 04:40 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by olavia View Post
I´ve tried many times to explain that such comments and advice make no sense if the executor or willpower doesn´t work. It is extremely hard for NT people to understand that. They simply don´t get the concept. It seems the kind of metaperspective it takes to understand that is unavailable to them.
Metaperspective is a dirty word for NT's. The art of empathy is more our turf after all.
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Old 04-17-09, 05:30 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

I have physically and mentally hyper adhd, and like combined types, its pretty obvious I have ADHD because of my moving around alot, excessive talking like i am wired on coke, and interrupting, constantly jumping around.

i feel sorry for folks who dont have this 'proof' and have to constantly 'prove' their ADD to ignorant people. It must be easier if you are combined type and hyperactive.
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Old 04-17-09, 05:33 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Obvious View Post
wow... no offense against the person who said that, but that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever heard...

Maybe you're not really ADHD-I... you're just surrounded by stupid people... bad influences... :P
...

Not to mean that ADHD is entirely out of a person's control. It's quite the contrary. But it's not as simple as flipping a switch.
LOL it was my husband!
exactly what I meant, you can't just "flip a switch"...

oh whovever wrote about leave it to beaver - my mom still watches reruns sometimes I just saw one a few months ago.
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Old 04-17-09, 05:45 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Then there is the second worst thing about ADHD-I: Getting fellow ADHDers to understand it...

(Thanks Forum Lords for the new forum!)
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Old 04-17-09, 05:56 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

Maybe we could try to change the concept that we are doing things "normally" and those who do have AD/HD, are just waisting time, trying to be so clock driven, perfect, or not enjoying life because they never pick up the Wii, or enjoy the never ending concept of the internet.

You make a valid point with the schizophrenia, but how about comparing it to, when was the last time you had fun in your regimented world? When did you say, being late won't hurt anyone, or is changing going to help you or me?
I am serious...
I realize a lot of the population does not understand, because the ADD card has been played too often, but stand up for you and say...I have to deal with me, so you don't have too...Life is too short!
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Old 04-18-09, 03:11 AM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

This is interesting.. I personally find my problem has never been explaining (although I suspected it.. I never really could say for sure I had adhd-I).

My problem isn't that my thoughts feel slow perse. My problem has always been knowing I'm intelligent (partly arrogance I admit). And not being able to figure out why I could never get good grades.

Now that I know waht the problem was.. I personally feel my greatest asset/curse. Is that because of adhd-i.. I have always day dreamed, I have always had my 'head in the clouds' and I have always seperated myself from many of my peers.

I have always been into anime.. (its far more popular now then it use to be). no one else for the longest time even understood it.. till it became "cool". I have always been into the fantasy world. (this is good because I'm in college now where they value understanding of symbolism, higher level thinking ect ect). However, because so many things never appealed to me and only the more interesting idea's where what caught my attention.. "football" was never so hot to me..

I'm not complaining because, I am who I am.. However, I always found it wierd people were so interested in such horribly boring ideas.

A man running with a ball down a field while 11 other guys were trying to stop him.. *yawn*.

A show about the idea that humans could use their own energy to cause molecular conversions which could in turn alter the shapes/properties of objects changing one metal to another or even condensing the molecules of hydrogen and oxygen in the air at such a rapid pace into water and then splitting it that it creates a bomb like explosion. DING DING DING you have my attention.

Even though its not possible.. its interesting.. it get ths mind thinking *how could I do that*. Even if not possible it at least makes me start to think would that really be the result if you could compress the molecules into water and the split them at that quick of a rate?

Or even just the shows which make me think on a basic level.. *is it moral to kill someone who has never done you wrong even if you watched them kill someone else?*

Its hard to explain but, to me (please if there are any football fans I'm sorry don't take this personally). Foot ball requires no *real* thinking.. its simply "here are my possible options.. I pick the most logical one" and watching it is soooooo boring..

But, give me a copy of the raven by edgar allen poe.. and sudden I see a forlorn man in his room.. with purple curtains about, its snowing outside and suddenly a loud rapping, tapping upon the chamber door.

So I can honestly say that my biggest problem is not so much explaining the inattentive adhd problems.. but, rather.. why I think football is a waste of time. Why I think the "stupid" cartoon shows have philosophical value.

My problem has always been explaining why I am different from everyone else..

And those of you with add of any kind who like football and those without who like football.. Please forgive me for insulting what may be your favorite sport. I have nothing personal against football although I am not a fan. My point goes somewhat beyond the scope of add to simply point out that in many places if you simply don't like football your the odd man out. You are wierd and strange. Bringing it back into the scope of add, I have never been able to care for it in part ( I believe) because its so low stimulation of any kind.. So my troubles have been understanding why people like it.. and taking their perspective on it.. much in the way someone who doesn't have adhd has trouble keeping up with various anime episodes.. Because its *too* much stimulation.. they have too many flashing lighs, too many screen changes, too much going on.
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Old 04-18-09, 04:07 AM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

The worst part for me about trying to get Non ADHDer's to understand my condition has been the constant questioning of the "need" (often insuinuating addiction) to use stimulants.

At one point I began ignoring the impacts of the tolerance that most people build up to stimulants and refused to incase my doseage for 18 months in an effort to allieviate some friends and family concerns.

Shock suprise horror my emotional control switch (executive functions) went haywire and I could barely function.

I guess the key thing I am learning is that I cant make everyone in my life understand (at least not all at once) - all I can do is accept that there will be some who wont get it and be able to live with their critisim / questions / insuinuations.
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Old 04-18-09, 03:22 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

yea, so many people disrespect me because they think I can control all the things I do wrong.
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Old 04-19-09, 01:30 PM
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Re: The Worst Thing About Having ADHD-I: Getting "Normal" People to Understand

My very best and totally IMHO:

Don't talk to starngers about it.
Don't ever say it at work.
Don't mention it at college/school (unless you get more time in the exams )

Restrict yourself to professionals (doc), close family (bear in mind if they will understand it or not), wife/husband, girl/boyfriend etc

again, this in MY opinion only, based on my experience and people I know.
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