Patience as a parent

[IdaOslo]

To the moms, how do you manage to stay calm and patient with kids? I decide about 500 times a day that from now on, I'll talk calmly to my 3 year old. The next minute I'm going "noo, WHY did you do that, stop it, stop nagging!" and so on. I'm not yelling, but I use a very annoyed and critical tone and it affects my child. My problem is impulse control, I get stressed or upset and act on ut before I have time to think. Advice?

[sarahsweets]

I have been a member here since 2011. These are three examples of what I have had to deal with my children over the years. I am not trying to act like I am some great poster or wonderful prolific writer but to share with you how even things that seem neverending and painful do change and get better. In particular the first and third links directly relate.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191004
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=194001

[Andi]

I'm not the best at giving this advice as I was an undiagnosed bipolar/adhd parent who had two children who were undiagnosed adders. I definitely had my abusive moments. It wasn't a good mix initally. What changed our lives was the diagnosis and medication that came with it. I wouldn't necessarily medicate a 3 yo but do you have a dx? Are you seeking a dx for anything?

[jwynnwire]

children at that age has yet developed an appreciation of abstract thinking. try not to burden yourself by expecting the same level of moral/cognitive competency from them yet. at that age, they are still mostly only able to visualize all the situation only from their perspective. this may easily frustrate any adults. setting the boundaries is important. but try focus on your patience, guidance and love.

[Lunacie]

Two things helped me in co-parenting my grandchildren.
1. Reading "Parenting With Love and Logic"
2. Taking an anti-depressant for my anxiety.

I have adhd, asd, ptsd, anxiety, and migraines.
When I'm in pain I do tend to snap and yell or over-react.
But with the knowledge and the meds it takes me longer to reach that point.

We have some really great information here in the parenting section about
living with our adhd children. I really recommend one of the sticky threads
called "Dizfriz's Corner".

That's where I first learned "The 30% Rule" which explains that in some areas
of development children with adhd are at least 30% delayed compared to most
of their peers. So we can't really expect an adhd child of 3 to act like a 3 year
old. Their behavior would be expected to be more like a child of 2.