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ADD News News from around the world about ADD/ADHD, other disorders, and some rather bizzarre & strange stories.

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  #16  
Old 12-28-13, 08:46 PM
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Re: ADHD in girls.

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Originally Posted by ana futura View Post
Internalization vs externalization is what it's always seemed like to me. The same is true for the non-ADHD population as well, women are more likely to internalize.

I think I present in a more hyper and defiant fashion because I was an only child and very entitled. My instinct is always to think that everyone else is at fault. So instead of moping around or hating myself, I yell and scream at people for being idiots.

Not all boys are raised to be entitled, but I think far more boys are entitled than girls, on average.

Any time I got in trouble at school I would somehow convince my mom to take my side. I think I learned how to take advantage of my parents misanthropy. It was never hard to convince my parents that an authority figure was terrible, because they also had little respect for the concept of authority. Every problem I ever had was because I was simply "too smart" for school. It's really been a bear to unlearn that attitude and become a functional adult, but I'm also grateful that I don't have to deal with the self loathing that other people with ADHD have to deal with. It's hard to hate yourself when everything is someone else's fault. It's the perfect self defense mechanism, and I suspect that externalization is the natural state for the ADHD'er, until it's beaten out of them.

While I wasn't dx'ed as a child, I was dx'ed within a couple months of my first contact with a mental health professional. I never had to deal with the ssri carousel or any of that. If I wasn't such a self righteous, quick to anger jerk off, I'd probably still be undiagnosed. So, thanks mom and dad!
This is the first I've heard of adhd and entitlement going together.

My ex was very very very entitled. I never understood it. She was gorgeous. The pretty daughter. She is a hyper.

I've never been entitled. I've always been humble or so others thought. Truth is I was in denial of the positive comments that came my way.

So if opposition is fed it can lead to entitlement?
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  #17  
Old 12-28-13, 08:58 PM
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Re: ADHD in girls.

Although my brother and I have different diagnoses - he has NLD while I have ADD - I see these differences manifesting in us.

My mom always says I was a really good baby, always quiet and never fussy. My brother was the exact opposite. He threw tantrums, he yelled and cried, and to this day he acts out in violent bursts and torrents of verbal abuse. I learned, when I was younger, that my brother's issues were more than enough for Mom and Dad to handle. Parts of my life revolved around keeping him happy so our family could have some peace. I was always praised for my flexibility and ability to go with the flow, and always got positive feedback from my parents when I gave up something I wanted so that my brother could have his way.

I think this is why I wasn't diagnosed until I was 14 when I asked to get diagnosed, and had the support of my school counselor behind me. Whereas my parents spent the first 8 years or so of my brother's life trying to get a diagnosis and accommodations for him, because his outward symptoms had a much bigger impact on the family as a whole, whereas my ADHD symptoms generally hurt no one but my grades. I've been told repeatedly my whole life that I am "my own worst enemy," but apparently that was fine if I was nobody else's enemy.

I know his disorder is more severe than mine, so I try not to be bitter. But I think the bitterness has come out in a stubborn refusal now to give in to things just to pacify my brother, so now I'm veering away from the complacency that I used to strive for, toward a more oppositional and probably just as unhealthy attitude.

I used to complain that it was so unfair the way my youngest brother and I were treated differently from my NLD brother, and was told "you're treated differently because you're all different people." I wonder if boys and girls are treated differently because they are different, or if they are different because of the way they are treated differently.
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  #18  
Old 12-29-13, 09:45 AM
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Re: ADHD in girls.

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Originally Posted by Nicksgonefishin View Post
This is the first I've heard of adhd and entitlement going together.

My ex was very very very entitled. I never understood it. She was gorgeous. The pretty daughter. She is a hyper.

I've never been entitled. I've always been humble or so others thought. Truth is I was in denial of the positive comments that came my way.

So if opposition is fed it can lead to entitlement?
No, I don't think they "go together", I just think that entitlement affects the manifestation. And many boys are raised to be entitled, I think more often than girls. The whole culture sends men messages that they are entitled to certain things. Women don't receive as many of those messages. You'd have to have very strong contrary messages from your parents to drown out those cultural messages. An individualist culture and notions of entitlement go hand in hand.

I'm certainly not implying that every hyper child is a product of entitlement, hyper children could have parents that treated them like absolute crap as well.
I think with abusive parents it can go either way- either the child rebels and maintains their autonomy and directs their anger outwards, or they internalize.

I do think though that ADHD has a tendency to make one self centered- simply because it is difficult to care for others when it's so hard to care for yourself. This nature towards self centeredness I think drives some of us insane- we think are horrible people because we don't want to be self centered, but our actions conflict with our desires. Others become jerks, doing whatever we want because controlling our behavior with others is just too difficult.

I seem to alternate between the two- being horribly self centered, and going out of my to help others.

Last edited by ana futura; 12-29-13 at 10:00 AM..
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Old 12-29-13, 12:05 PM
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Re: ADHD in girls.

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Originally Posted by ana futura View Post
No, I don't think they "go together", I just think that entitlement affects the manifestation. And many boys are raised to be entitled, I think more often than girls. The whole culture sends men messages that they are entitled to certain things. Women don't receive as many of those messages. You'd have to have very strong contrary messages from your parents to drown out those cultural messages. An individualist culture and notions of entitlement go hand in hand.

I'm certainly not implying that every hyper child is a product of entitlement, hyper children could have parents that treated them like absolute crap as well.
I think with abusive parents it can go either way- either the child rebels and maintains their autonomy and directs their anger outwards, or they internalize.

I do think though that ADHD has a tendency to make one self centered- simply because it is difficult to care for others when it's so hard to care for yourself. This nature towards self centeredness I think drives some of us insane- we think are horrible people because we don't want to be self centered, but our actions conflict with our desires. Others become jerks, doing whatever we want because controlling our behavior with others is just too difficult.

I seem to alternate between the two- being horribly self centered, and going out of my to help others.
wells said.

I think that alternating between not wanting to be self centered and helping each other are the same thing. If you are fighting being self centered a certain amount of self avoidance can happen and this manifests by over compensating and helping others even to the point of meddling!(my own epiphany, I've been struggling with the concept of needing to be meddling for weeks)

So if we beleive that ADHD-pi and ADHD are in the same spectrum and affect the same set of cognative functions then it is a matter of nurture that decides manifestation.

If nurture is the deciding factor between PI and H manifestation it definetly explains the difference between male and female ADHD. And that difference is that there isn't one. We are simply males with ADHD and females with ADHD. Because we are nurtured differrently as men and women we manifest differently.

I lost my point.... oh yeah... ADHD is ADHD. The manifestation differences in sex is cultural influence.

We are human first and formost.
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  #20  
Old 12-29-13, 01:59 PM
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Re: ADHD in girls.

People say to me "Asian, a girl, and smart? No way you can't have ADHD."
ADHD affects my social abilities and my job. So it never affected my schoolwork in a major way.
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Old 12-30-13, 12:21 PM
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Re: ADHD in girls.

I don't think me being ADHD-PI has anything to do with my upbringing. I would have been quiet and introverted no matter what anyone would've told me to do. It was just me. I don't blame anyone for not noticing my ADHD, but I blame them (every adult in my life) a lot for not noticing or caring about my depression and my anxiety! Because my grades were ok, I wasn't harming myself or anybody else, well... nobody cared. All I heard was how I will get over it.
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