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Old 01-08-14, 12:29 PM
Jaydah Jaydah is offline
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Other parent- against medicating

My 5 year old son (almost 6) was recently diagnosed with ADHD.Both his dad and I have ADHD. I recently chose to start medication and in combination with diet, exercise and learning to function all over again (behavioral strategies) I feel it has made a world of difference. My sons father and his family do not agree with meds, they say they had bad experiences with medication, and that is all they will say about it.

While I feel that some people may do just fine without medication, I also believe that some people need it. I believe my son and I are the type that need it, so I chose to start my son on medication, and we have started him on 5mg XR Adderall three weeks ago. I have noticed positive changes and his teacher has noticed a huge difference his behavior and ability to focus and follow directions.I have also noticed some not so positive changes but I am not sure if they are due to the meds or if it's something else. Since my sons dad (and family) doesn't agree with putting him on meds he refuses to discuss anything with me, he refuses to discuss any changes he has noticed, any of the reasons why he disagrees with meds, refuses to tell me what he thinks should be done, what he is doing to help with behavior(even though he keeps telling me his way is working better) etc. etc...

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions on how to handle this situation or what I could do, perhaps even suggestions as to some easy reading material I could give to them? as I think their information may be a bit outdated, which may be the reason they are against medicating?

I should also mention we are currently going to court for custody but right now I have sole legal custody and primary placement during the school year. I would also like to mention his dad has always fought with me and disagreed on every little thing?

Thanks in advance for any help or suggestions you have to offer!
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Old 01-08-14, 01:11 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

You're the bad guy as far as his father and family is concerned. This means any input from you is going to be almost automatically negated. Also trying to convince them will only leave you frustrated. The only thing that might sway them is your sons success on the meds and TIME is the only thing that does this.

I think that it is great thar you're going to court.

For one you're medicated and clear. The second and biggest thing is you will have an impartial third party who isn't emotionally involved. You also have proof from your sons teacher. I would get a written statement from her to take to court.

IMO meds are like reading glasses. Not providing them is borderline neglectful.

Don't worry about changing his mind. Focus on custody so you will be the sole decision maker when it comes to medical decisions.

I hope you have legal counsel. So many ADHDers have a "I can do it myself" attitude. This isn't bad but Court rooms should absolutely be an exception to this.

I hope counseling is in the equation for both of you as well.

Good luck. Keep us updated.
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Old 01-08-14, 04:01 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

I would photo copy as many things as possible about adhd and then mail them to him along with a note.
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Old 01-08-14, 04:23 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

Thanks! I hope you are right, because I am worried that the courts will look at it as me being unwilling to co-parent and that is not the case at all. He has a way of turning anything into me being the one who is in the wrong, and he has done in for this court case.

As far as not changing their mind you are probably right, and I can understand why they would not want to discuss it with me since they do not agree with my decision, but I would like to have all information to be able to discuss this with my sons doctor, so we are able to decide if this is the correct medication and dosage for him
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Old 01-08-14, 04:57 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

I can tell you this. I have worked with children with all kinds of different conditions from AD(H)D to Autistic, abused to delinquent, and I can confirm beyond any doubt that there are children in this world who without the proper medication will have little to no chance of success.

I was one of those children. They would have removed me from school if I was not medicated. I could not control my behavior and no consequence could alter that behavior. The only, and I mean only method that worked for me at that time was proper medication.

Now, I still needed to learn coping skills and proper behavior, but my progress in these areas was only possible while medicated.

Yes, there are many children in this world that are misdiagnosed and that are being medicated for the wrong reasons, and as sad as that is, it would be worse to have a child that desperately needs medicine and is denied.
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Old 01-08-14, 05:49 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

Thanks, I agree. I also feel that my son would have a very difficult time if he is not properly. I was also untreated as a child and feel it that more harmful than any side effect could possibly have been. I hope my son doesn't have to experience that.
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Old 01-09-14, 05:40 AM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

also

This is my story.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739
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Old 01-09-14, 08:30 AM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post

What a great story! I could not agree with you more. I would not be sitting here today as a happy successful man if not for the medication I took as a child and as an adult.

Your story brought tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing!
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Old 01-09-14, 09:31 AM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

If you have sole legal custody, that means someone (a judge?) gave you ALONE the ability/responsibility to make decisions about your son.

Can the teacher write a short letter about the positive changes that he/she has noticed? Also could his doctor write a short note (which you'll likely have to pay for) -- just a couple of sentences such as based on the research/his opinion, he is recommending/prescribing this medication -- and for what reasons (ex: stimulants such as this have the best track record, he will be monitoring the child carefully for any negative side effects, etc.)?

BUT -- as you are doing with yourself, so you know this already -- your son needs more than just medication. Make sure he gets good sleep (about 11 hours, at your son's age -- a blue light in the mornings and/or a small dose of melatonin at night and good, calm bedtime routines can help with this if needed), lots of exercise, proper nutrition including multivitamins/minerals if he is a picky eater, and behavioural strategies. Not only will this be important for your son, but also your son's father won't be able to say that you ignored his opinion -- you are taking steps to help your son in other ways in addition to medicaiton. I think this will be important later in your custody case.
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Old 01-09-14, 01:27 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

You definitely should get written accounts of changes noted by teachers and other adults, as well as a letter from the doctor who's diagnosed and prescribing. Are you taking him to a therapist for behavior modification, or doing that on your own? Just asking because if you're not seeing a professional, you should, so you have another objective professional opinion to bring to the table. The more well-educated child service providers you have putting down in writing that your son is doing well and has shown improvement on meds and was unequivocally demonstrating symptoms that needed treatment, the better your case is.
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Old 01-09-14, 10:35 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

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Originally Posted by messyme View Post
If you have sole legal custody, that means someone (a judge?) gave you ALONE the ability/responsibility to make decisions about your son.

Yes, Someone did give me sole legal custody, but the Guardian Ad Litem is very concerned about my not including his dad in the decision and questions my co-parenting because of i, which could affect the outcome. Even if I do have the right to the decision making, I can't guarantee that his dad will comply with it.

Can the teacher write a short letter about the positive changes that he/she has noticed? Also could his doctor write a short note (which you'll likely have to pay for) -- just a couple of sentences such as based on the research/his opinion, he is recommending/prescribing this medication -- and for what reasons (ex: stimulants such as this have the best track record, he will be monitoring the child carefully for any negative side effects, etc.)?

As far as notes go, yes I can get a note but according to my lawyer notes are just hearsay. They would all actually have to appear in court and testify. I am not sure if that is an option.

BUT -- as you are doing with yourself, so you know this already -- your son needs more than just medication. Make sure he gets good sleep (about 11 hours, at your son's age -- a blue light in the mornings and/or a small dose of melatonin at night and good, calm bedtime routines can help with this if needed), lots of exercise, proper nutrition including multivitamins/minerals if he is a picky eater, and behavioural strategies. Not only will this be important for your son, but also your son's father won't be able to say that you ignored his opinion -- you are taking steps to help your son in other ways in addition to medicaiton. I think this will be important later in your custody case.
Yep, these are things I am working on with him! The only thing that makes it difficult is the lack of consistency in the two household, I feel as if I am starting at square one every time he comes home.
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Old 01-09-14, 10:49 PM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

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Originally Posted by Amtram View Post
You definitely should get written accounts of changes noted by teachers and other adults, as well as a letter from the doctor who's diagnosed and prescribing. Are you taking him to a therapist for behavior modification, or doing that on your own? Just asking because if you're not seeing a professional, you should, so you have another objective professional opinion to bring to the table. The more well-educated child service providers you have putting down in writing that your son is doing well and has shown improvement on meds and was unequivocally demonstrating symptoms that needed treatment, the better your case is.
I'm currently looking for a new counselor because I missed two sessions (oops!) but it is for the best because as experienced as they were with ADHD, I don't feel we clicked. In the meantime I am just sticking with diet, yoga,browsing the internet for suggestions and trying to get enough sleep

My son will be seeing someone at the end of this month! I finally found someone who will see him without needing both parents consent as long as I had proof of sole legal custody, this was a problem before because his dad would not sign the consent forms. He felt he was entitled to know what my son said in his sessions and since they would not share that with us he refused to sign.
I am really excited for this because even with doing all the research, there is just so much information and I don't know where to begin as far as certain behavioral modifications are concerned. This is all new to me so I am having to learn myself as well
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Old 01-10-14, 09:29 AM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

Hi Jaydah and welcome...
Here's a great place to start re behavior modification tips, and there is much more info about ADHD there, also. It's called Dizfriz' Corner, and is a 'stickie' in the General Parenting section. Here's the link:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130
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Old 01-10-14, 11:49 AM
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Re: Other parent- against medicating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaydah View Post
Yep, these are things I am working on with him! The only thing that makes it difficult is the lack of consistency in the two household, I feel as if I am starting at square one every time he comes home.
How often does he go to his dad's? I have a similar problem with my son (not just with visiting his dad but also grandparents). The courts will take this into consideration too, I think. When does your son visit his father? Is it possible to make different arrangements? For example, instead of every other weekend from Friday until Sunday night, maybe once a week from Friday after school until Saturday afternoon (so you can get him back on track for school on Monday)? If the visits to the father are very disruptive and the father doesn't support your son's treatment which is prescribed by professionals, a judge may work with you to change the visitation routine. I don't know for sure, it's just a suggestion. The judge is supposed to do what's best for the CHILD -- the parents' interests and fairness don't really count. (If the teacher notices a difference in your son's behaviour at school after visits with his father, this could be something else he/she could write a letter about).

That's wrong that some professionals wouldn't see your son without both parents' consent. Sole legal custody means (at least in Canada, and I assume it's the same there) that only you are able to make decisions for your son -- your son's signature shouldn't mean anything, really. The only thing you have to do is INFORM the father of certain things. It might be different though if your sole custody isn't permanent.
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