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  #16  
Old 12-02-17, 08:09 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I also want someone I can get emotionally involved with. But I find as soon as I show the slightest hint of any emotion, they're running for the hills. Am I supposed to act cold and reserved? Because I just can't do that.
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Old 12-02-17, 08:13 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I also want someone I can get emotionally involved with. But I find as soon as I show the slightest hint of any emotion, they're running for the hills. Am I supposed to act cold and reserved? Because I just can't do that.
No acting. Be yourself.
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Old 12-02-17, 08:21 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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No acting. Be yourself.
Myself isn't attractive. Myself is the guy that should be ignored and avoided.
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Old 12-02-17, 08:24 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Myself isn't attractive. Myself is the guy that should be ignored and avoided.
Knock it off already.

Stand with good posture and a purposeful stride.

Online is going to be too difficult without wheels.
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  #20  
Old 12-02-17, 08:29 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Knock it off already.

Stand with good posture and a purposeful stride.

Online is going to be too difficult without wheels.
I can't meet the impossibly high standards demanded by women in the online dating world, or the real world. I wish I could just be numb and stop caring. Then my life would be so much better.
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  #21  
Old 12-02-17, 08:46 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I can't meet the impossibly high standards demanded by women in the online dating world, or the real world. I wish I could just be numb and stop caring. Then my life would be so much better.
bah! Quit believing that. Hogwash! You are believing a construct someone else is plying you with.
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Old 12-02-17, 08:51 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

There will be an Imelda Quirke somewhere. I can promise you this. There is someone for every one. She will come when you least expect it.
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  #23  
Old 12-02-17, 09:05 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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There will be an Imelda Quirke somewhere. I can promise you this. There is someone for every one. She will come when you least expect it.
Well I least expect it now. My expectations have never been any lower.
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  #24  
Old 12-02-17, 10:42 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I make the mistake of telling them that I ramble on too much (which I do). I just don't know when to put the phone down and keep them waiting for a while. I always feel the urge to respond back as soon as possible. I think it's just poor impulse control. I'm far too impatient to play the waiting game.
I don't get it. They want you to play the waiting game with them? Sometimes I get replies back right away, other times it takes a little while and I know he's busy. Same with me, if I'm busy or formulating an answer, it might take a little while. But I don't wait on purpose, just to keep them waiting.
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Old 12-02-17, 10:46 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I don't get it. They want you to play the waiting game with them? Sometimes I get replies back right away, other times it takes a little while and I know he's is busy. Same with me, if I'm busy or formulating an answer, it might take a little while. But I don't wait on purpose, just to keep them waiting.
Well it seems that way. Because the responses just come to an abrupt end and the only conclusion that I can draw from that is that i'm saying too much too quickly.

I think women like an element of "mystery" about the man they're talking to and if he tells her too many things about himself, then that feeling of mysteriousness quickly dies out. I think that's where i'm going wrong. I give them my life story too quickly, so they figure out that i'm really not all that interesting and not worth another second of their time.
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Old 12-02-17, 10:55 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I also want someone I can get emotionally involved with. But I find as soon as I show the slightest hint of any emotion, they're running for the hills. Am I supposed to act cold and reserved? Because I just can't do that.
What's an example of you showing emotion and how far in do you start showing it? I would think that is a good thing. Obviously not saying "I love you" on the second date, lol, but I think the ability to feel and show emotions is a good and healthy sign. The guys I've talked to that are open and honest about their feelings, make me feel safe and secure, and it helps me to be open and honest about my feelings, as well. Maybe you're still talking to the wrong people and they're not emotionally mature or don't know what they want. It really can take a while to weed through all the wrong people.
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  #27  
Old 12-02-17, 10:57 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Well it seems that way. Because the responses just come to an abrupt end and the only conclusion that I can draw from that is that i'm saying too much too quickly.

I think women like an element of "mystery" about the man they're talking to and if he tells her too many things about himself, then that feeling of mysteriousness quickly dies out. I think that's where i'm going wrong. I give them my life story too quickly, so they figure out that i'm really not all that interesting and not worth another second of their time.
Well, that concept is foreign to me. I want to know everything right away, they can't tell me enough and I have to try to keep myself from prying too much. I can't be the only one, lol.
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Old 12-02-17, 11:13 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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What's an example of you showing emotion and how far in do you start showing it? I would think that is a good thing. Obviously not saying "I love you" on the second date, lol, but I think the ability to feel and show emotions is a good and healthy sign. The guys I've talked to that are open and honest about their feelings, make me feel safe and secure, and it helps me to be open and honest about my feelings, as well. Maybe you're still talking to the wrong people and they're not emotionally mature or don't know what they want. It really can take a while to weed through all the wrong people.
I'm overly emotional and I mean overly. It was the way I was brought up. My mum always wanted me to be the perfect gentleman. The guy who was always emotionally open and never said anything ever that would hurt or disrespect a woman.

I think that's probably one of the deeper reasons why I hate her now. All she did was ensure that I never grew up as a man and I constantly feel overly sensitive and vulnerable. I'm bitter now, because when my parents got divorced, my brother got to move away with my dad, while I was stuck with my mum. My brothers now getting married next year and i've still never had a single date.

It all gets on top of me.
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Old 12-02-17, 11:16 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I'd probably tell a woman that I loved her on the first date. It's not being emotional though is it? It's just me being emotionally insecure.
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Old 12-02-17, 12:50 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I'm overly emotional and I mean overly. It was the way I was brought up. My mum always wanted me to be the perfect gentleman. The guy who was always emotionally open and never said anything ever that would hurt or disrespect a woman.
And this is a bad thing?! Seriously?

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I think that's probably one of the deeper reasons why I hate her now. All she did was ensure that I never grew up as a man and I constantly feel overly sensitive and vulnerable. I'm bitter now, because when my parents got divorced, my brother got to move away with my dad, while I was stuck with my mum. My brothers now getting married next year and i've still never had a single date.

It all gets on top of me.
Ok, there's a difference between being a gentleman that respects women and would never hurt them, and being needy and codependent. You may be needy and codependent because of your parent's divorce and being separated from your dad, especially if there was turmoil. Dysfunction can create codependency, as it did with me and my dysfunctional family growing up. But I really wouldn't blame your mother too much for wanting you to be a gentleman. There are a lot of men raised by their mothers, who treat women well and are not overly emotional. Again, your sensitivity could be caused by other things, including ADHD.

The last guy I saw, he's very sweet and treated me very well, says he was raised right. Yet he's also very needy and that's one of the main reasons it didn't work out. I was just filling a void for him. He desperately needed attention really bad and just wanted to feel wanted. Very emotional and open about his feelings. I think his neediness is separate from him being a sweet and considerate person. I think if he continues being gentlemanly, but gets therapy for his other issues, he would make someone very happy someday.

I have some neediness, too. I think a lot of people do. I need to feel secure and know my place in the relationship. Thankfully, I haven't had to worry about that with the person I'm seeing now, at least not so far, because he lets me know exactly where I stand and I feel secure. If not for that, I would be a mess, like I was with all the other people I talked to. I hope you find that person, too. But in the meantime, maybe look up codependency and try to work on fulfilling yourself, so another person doesn't have to.
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