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  #1  
Old 06-21-18, 07:04 AM
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Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

I have a headache from trying not to cry at work all day.

There's just too much loss..

In March I lost my cat of 19 years. People say 19 years you were lucky to get that long. Yes I was but does that mean they think I don't have the right to feel so sad? A member of the family for 19 years is now gone. The purring being that gave me comfort when I sad is no longer there to comfort me in my grief.

Then less than 2 months later my son lost his dog.

Then this week I lost the remaining family relationships from my life. Even if they weren't real I just feel so sad. I know they only want me in their lives so they have someone to abuse when they get bored. So I had to block them so they would stop taking random pot shots at me and making me unstable.

And then last night my daughter and her husband had to put their dog down. When I saw him before they took him in I could see he was gone.

And this Sunday is the anniversary of my Dad's death. I really need to talk to him. I need his help. But he died before I had a chance to grow up.

It's just too much. I am just so sad. I don't know what to do
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  #2  
Old 06-21-18, 07:35 AM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

First of all everyone can f**k off about you being lucky to have had your cat that long. I am still not over having had to put my kitty franny down.. she was 17. As far as the death of mad personal family relationships I say feel that grief. Givew yourself a day or a week to throw yourself into it and try to let it all out. Then try and work on being mindful of when you feel that loss and try to reframe it and not waste energy from your bank on negative things you cant control or change. I had to do this when my daughter ran away and even though I thought it would never get better I swear... it did get more bearable and I even started to move on a bit.
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Old 06-21-18, 07:42 AM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

Thanks Sarah that helps. I waste a lot of energy swinging between raging and sadness. It doesn't change anything and it makes me unstable. I need to spend my energy more constructively.


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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
First of all everyone can f**k off about you being lucky to have had your cat that long. I am still not over having had to put my kitty franny down.. she was 17. As far as the death of mad personal family relationships I say feel that grief. Givew yourself a day or a week to throw yourself into it and try to let it all out. Then try and work on being mindful of when you feel that loss and try to reframe it and not waste energy from your bank on negative things you cant control or change. I had to do this when my daughter ran away and even though I thought it would never get better I swear... it did get more bearable and I even started to move on a bit.
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Old 06-21-18, 09:08 AM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

You need to put yourself first tudo, you can't spend your whole life putting others first and ignoring your own needs


Many hugs to you
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Old 06-21-18, 09:40 AM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
You need to put yourself first tudo, you can't spend your whole life putting others first and ignoring your own needs


Many hugs to you
Thanks Star

Every time I thought about my sisters and mother I'd feel like I want to leave the state. But that doesn't feel far enough so then I'd think I want to leave the country but that doesn't feel far enough so then I'd think I want to leave the planet.

I've spent too much of my life already in a suicidal state. I don't need to do that any more. And that means I need to block every avenue they can use to get to me. So I cut ties with everyone they can use to harass or spy on me. But they had a choice too. They chose to not even hear me out.

So now it's me first.
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Old 06-21-18, 11:27 AM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

That's an awful lot to process in a short amount of time.

Advice I was given years ago was when you find yourself dwelling on the loss
set a timer for 15 minutes or so, and just feel your feelings.

When the timer goes off, get up and do something, anything. Take the focus
off the feelings.

If you start to feel bad again tell yourself "Nope, you've had your time for today.
I'll deal with you again tomorrow."

So yeah, acknowledge the feelings. They are real. There is a reason for them.
But don't allow them to swallow you whole and consume you completely.

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Old 06-21-18, 12:47 PM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

And Koko the gorilla died.
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Old 06-21-18, 07:12 PM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

That's great advice. Thankyou xx


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
That's an awful lot to process in a short amount of time.

Advice I was given years ago was when you find yourself dwelling on the loss
set a timer for 15 minutes or so, and just feel your feelings.

When the timer goes off, get up and do something, anything. Take the focus
off the feelings.

If you start to feel bad again tell yourself "Nope, you've had your time for today.
I'll deal with you again tomorrow."

So yeah, acknowledge the feelings. They are real. There is a reason for them.
But don't allow them to swallow you whole and consume you completely.

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Old 06-22-18, 03:51 PM
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Re: Too much grief and loss Enough already!!

Sorry to hear about all your losses. I agree that you have to process the feelings for a time but can't let them takeover for too long. Anniversaries are always a difficult time also. Have you considered doing something that your father liked to do? That is a nice way of remembering him in your life. Keeping a journal is also helpful by writing down your thoughts and getting your feelings out. I hope that you can come up with a creative way to express your emotions.
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