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  #1  
Old 09-23-18, 05:43 PM
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Arrow Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

A friend of mine has been a confidant regarding my career but recently said something that's making me question who he's really looking out for: he told me to be content/accept my current situation and not to look for future opportunities in that field (he said it in a less direct, more subtle way). Is my friend looking out for my best interests anymore?

He knows how much I love this field and yearn to be in it full-time! He's in the field already with a solid job, and I'm thinking to myself, "Why not me?."

Thinking back to recent conversations, he made a comment discouraging an idea I had when I never asked for his opinion. Then, I saw him posting about the same topic for which I have a ton of experience with. The topic involved my original idea.

I've been in this industry for several years and have worked my butt off to exceed and get promoted. In recent times, I've realized that I'm being passed up for better opportunities, ones that I've been pining for for a long time.
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  #2  
Old 09-23-18, 05:53 PM
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Re: Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

It's possible that he's giving you a difficult but honest appraisal of your future, given your skills / intangibles / the availability of opportunities in your field. Loving the field, and being willing to work hard, aren't always enough to succeed.

It's also possible that he's discouraging you for some other reason (possibly his own gain, if he's taking your good ideas and presenting them as his own?).

Or maybe he was just suggesting that you hold tight for now, and maybe an opportunity will find you...

It's really hard to say without having been there or heard what he actually said in what context.

In any case, if this guy seems to be operating in bad faith, ignore his advice, and don't share your ideas with him anymore. If you trust his opinion, perhaps you could ask him why he said what he said.

Do you have any gut sense as to why you're being passed over for opportunities? It is an issue of qualifications? Personalities? Presentation? Exploitation (since you have been willing to volunteer in the past)?

Last edited by namazu; 09-23-18 at 06:03 PM..
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Old 09-23-18, 06:45 PM
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Re: Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

Was going to post exactly what namazu said (just not so eloquently)
It's very difficult to say without knowing all the contrxt.
Is he in any way required to your job's success or does it not really.matter what he said.

Could you get a second opinion?

Does he know this field better than you?

Don't let him discourage you .I'd verify everything he said but if you can't find any evidence or merit in what he said then just listen to your gut feeling.
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Old 09-23-18, 09:15 PM
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Re: Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

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Originally Posted by namazu View Post
Do you have any gut sense as to why you're being passed over for opportunities? It is an issue of qualifications? Personalities? Presentation? Exploitation (since you have been willing to volunteer in the past)?
I want too much money. They want to hire a kid out of college so they can pay them less. I'm basically not young enough.
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Old 09-23-18, 09:20 PM
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Re: Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

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Originally Posted by namazu View Post
It's possible that he's giving you a difficult but honest appraisal of your future, given your skills / intangibles / the availability of opportunities in your field. Loving the field, and being willing to work hard, aren't always enough to succeed.
This is great advice and complete. You're right in your assessment about success and how to get there. People seem to like me, and I believe I have many of the skills necessary to succeed.
Quote:
In any case, if this guy seems to be operating in bad faith, ignore his advice, and don't share your ideas with him anymore. If you trust his opinion, perhaps you could ask him why he said what he said.
It's hard to tell. He's extremely nice, and I admire him. I also worked for him before, and he's given me his endorsement.
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Old 09-23-18, 09:22 PM
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Re: Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
Does he know this field better than you?
Maybe in some areas, but I would say that we're equals.
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Old 09-24-18, 10:35 AM
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Re: Exploring the truth about friendships and my career

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I want too much money. They want to hire a kid out of college so they can pay them less. I'm basically not young enough.
If you trust the guy, I agree with Namazu that you should just ask him for more details on his comment so you know better what's wrong. If he's not trustworthy, I'd trust your gut that it is age discrimination.

Imo, you certainly do not want to be complaining in a volunteer job in your field about age discrimination. If word gets out, companies might not want to hire someone that has ever suspected discrimination in anything since they don't want to end up being sued someday.

I've worked for 2 companies (besides internships) in the 20 years that I've worked. When I left them, in both cases I told them exactly what upset me even while knowing it's safest for me not to do that. I just couldn't bring myself to not do my part in trying to improve the company so it would be better for future employees even if the chances were slim to none that they'd listen to me. That said, even I wouldn't say anything in your shoes if I'm seeing the situation correctly for you. Talking about age discrimination seems a much bigger deal than what I complained about in my first company (salary which was way too low for all employees) and in the second, I was retiring anyway.

Are there other companies in your field that might hire you to a full time position?

Last edited by acdc01; 09-24-18 at 10:45 AM..
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