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Old 04-04-18, 09:34 AM
mayebo mayebo is offline
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Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

Hey all,

At 29 years old, I have finally been receiving help for severe anxiety and depression after having resigned from another job, and have been advised that I more than likely have ADHD (no formal diagnosis yet). It all makes sense - I am very fidgety/can't sit at a desk all day, become bored easily, find it difficult to remember specifics and have issues with anxiety. I have drifted from job to job, all of which I've absolutely hated (worked with great people but the job itself has been soul destroying). I have wondered for years "what the heck is wrong with me?? Why must I become so bored so quickly? why do I have such horrid anxiety over everything?" and have been criticized by my parents, family and boyfriend for jumping in to jobs and then resigning so quickly... so I am really glad to have been told what the root cause actually is so that I can go forward!

Due to anxiety I couldn't go to university so have been doing jobs like retail, administration, etc, but have always dreamed of going to university and having an actual career. But being so indecisive, I have absolutely no idea what to do and am very frustrated

Ideally, a career with variation and not being sat at a desk all day is for the best. I do enjoy being on my feet, am very "hands on" and was always immensely interested in medicine/dentistry but this would mean 5-10 years of not having an income. At 29 years old, I wouldn't want to put that pressure on my boyfriend.

So my next choice would be a degree in statistics. Careers that involve it seem to pay decent, but all careers that involve statistics feel as though they're all desk-jobs (e.g. actuary, risk management, etc) which would be an absolute nightmare.

Could you please advise on how you found a career that you enjoyed and could maintain? If anyone works in the field of mathematics or has suggestions on ideal careers, it would be hugely appreciated thanks.
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Old 04-04-18, 09:35 PM
ToneTone ToneTone is offline
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

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Originally Posted by mayebo View Post
Hey all,



Ideally, a career with variation and not being sat at a desk all day is for the best. I do enjoy being on my feet, am very "hands on" and was always immensely interested in medicine/dentistry but this would mean 5-10 years of not having an income. At 29 years old, I wouldn't want to put that pressure on my boyfriend.

So my next choice would be a degree in statistics. Careers that involve it seem to pay decent, but all careers that involve statistics feel as though they're all desk-jobs (e.g. actuary, risk management, etc) which would be an absolute nightmare.
OK ... I don't wanna be rude and I don't quite know how to say this ... other than to say that worrying about pressure on "boyfriend" ... is not the direction you wanna go in. Trust me ... if this is the reason you turn away from a career then at age 50, you will hate him and you'll be an annoyance to your children because all you'll be telling them is that you made this strange decision to not pursue medicine or dentistry because you didn't want to stress out your boyfriend--or possibly husband by then.

Getting in the right career can like solve 80 percent of life's problems. I'm making that number up, but the point is that getting in a profession that genuinely interests you pays HUGE dividends and bonuses. So if you are interested in a particular career, worrying about a boyfriend's reaction is not something you want to do.

Let's say in a few years boyfriend decides on a career that will affect you ... because he's found a calling or interest ... Just because you turned down an idea for him does NOT mean he'll turn away from his self-interest for you ... Nor should he! If you volunteer to reject your own interest, he's under no responsibility to reciprocate.

You can google ADHD and jobs ... If you enjoy statistics, you might be able to do it ... strange as that sounds ... maybe that is a hyperfocus area for you ... one that you CAN concentrate in ... But yes, your overall thinking is right ... jobs that allow people to move around ... not exist in a cubicle ... those conditions are good for people with ADHD ... In medicine, there's a ton of material to learn ... but once you're in practice, you'll likely have assistants and staffers who can really take care of the tedious stuff ... I think of nursing as a much harder job for someone with ADHD than say ... lots of doctor specialties.

Life is really hard for people with ADHD -- let alone for people with ADHD and depression and anxiety. You don't want to add to life's difficulty by avoiding an interest because of anticipated fear of a partner's reaction ... One, you don't really know how the partner will react ... and two, if this is the right partner, they will be someone who can support you in their interests!

Good luck.

Tone
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Old 04-05-18, 04:22 AM
mayebo mayebo is offline
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
OK ... I don't wanna be rude and I don't quite know how to say this ... other than to say that worrying about pressure on "boyfriend" ... is not the direction you wanna go in. Trust me ... if this is the reason you turn away from a career then at age 50, you will hate him and you'll be an annoyance to your children because all you'll be telling them is that you made this strange decision to not pursue medicine or dentistry because you didn't want to stress out your boyfriend--or possibly husband by then.

Getting in the right career can like solve 80 percent of life's problems. I'm making that number up, but the point is that getting in a profession that genuinely interests you pays HUGE dividends and bonuses. So if you are interested in a particular career, worrying about a boyfriend's reaction is not something you want to do.

Let's say in a few years boyfriend decides on a career that will affect you ... because he's found a calling or interest ... Just because you turned down an idea for him does NOT mean he'll turn away from his self-interest for you ... Nor should he! If you volunteer to reject your own interest, he's under no responsibility to reciprocate.

You can google ADHD and jobs ... If you enjoy statistics, you might be able to do it ... strange as that sounds ... maybe that is a hyperfocus area for you ... one that you CAN concentrate in ... But yes, your overall thinking is right ... jobs that allow people to move around ... not exist in a cubicle ... those conditions are good for people with ADHD ... In medicine, there's a ton of material to learn ... but once you're in practice, you'll likely have assistants and staffers who can really take care of the tedious stuff ... I think of nursing as a much harder job for someone with ADHD than say ... lots of doctor specialties.

Life is really hard for people with ADHD -- let alone for people with ADHD and depression and anxiety. You don't want to add to life's difficulty by avoiding an interest because of anticipated fear of a partner's reaction ... One, you don't really know how the partner will react ... and two, if this is the right partner, they will be someone who can support you in their interests!

Good luck.

Tone
Hey Tone, thank you for replying!

You're not being rude and I completely agree. You are right. In short, he has supported me financially through having on/off jobs, so that is my conscience talking. I've looked at my girl-friends who are in long-term relationships and I have been so, so depressed because they're advancing so much in their lives (buying homes, starting families, etc) and it's not like they have what I'd describe as interesting careers (in my opinion) but they seem able and happy. That's most important. I've hated myself so much for not being able to do that for our relationship. But that being said... like you said, it could make you embittered in the long-run. In reality, I can see that happening if I don't find a career that I enjoy.

I have complained and cried on a weekly basis during our relationship (before my doc suggesting possible ADHD) about "why can't I stick at a job? why can't I be normal and just suck it up?" and he says "how about you find something, and make yourself like it". I would scream "...but.. I can't!! I've tried!! " Having narrowed it down, what I want is to work in a role where I have a manual skill and can help people directly. I researched math/statistics roles and they all seem to be very sedentary which would make me very antsy! Psychology has always interested me too but feels too slow-paced. The only solution is to work hard to try and get in to dental school then I think.... I will definitely need a back-up though because admission is so fierce.

Thanks for your advice again btw, much appreciated.
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Old 04-05-18, 08:48 PM
ToneTone ToneTone is offline
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

I would encourage therapy as a way to get an outside support--sorta a coach--as you go through the process you're going through now of taking big takes in your life.

Might take some pressure off boyfriend ...

One suggestion that I'm making these days ... for everyone ... something I did do ... but wish I had done more of ...

Go talk to a dentist ... ask to work in a dentist's office ... watch what a dentist does ... that can be helpful as it's easy to get these fantasies in our head about a job ... without knowing what the job really entails ...

Now, in my case, I've had enough dental work ... such that I know dentists quite well ... Actually love my current dentist ...

The right kinda sales job can be good for people with ADHD ... I'm a teacher and I get to move around A LOT at my job ... and don't sit in a cubicle for long ... I teach college, so the organization demands are lower than if I were a teacher in high school or so ...
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Old 04-05-18, 10:45 PM
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

How about a nursing home? Working with the elderly?
At my nursing home they had this department called Life Enrichment. It was our job to set all the activities up for the center. All the big ones like parties and such, but all the small day to day things as well...as simple as getting rooms set up for games (such as bingo) or for church service.
It would've been perfect had my boss not been so danged strict haha. I love him, and think the center is lucky as heck to have him...but I simply couldn't work for him.
But the job was amazing! I got to do a lot of fun things! Morning exercises (VERY simple fun things like kicking a big giant beach ball back and forth hehe ), sitting around having coffee and tea (okay...so there really wasn't a lot of siting with that as I was always on the run getting more coffees and teas, but it was still a fun activity for me!), and doing games like bingo, and family feud! I even got to take a small buss with a bunch of the lovely elders on scenic rides once a week! haha I could hardly believe I was getting paid to do what I was doing!

Just an idea!
I deal with anxiety myself. Use to have crippling social anxieties...but I LOVED being with the lovelies! That was the absolute best bit of being there. Just being around them. Loving them and being able to do things for them...even if it's as little as talking to them for a couple of minutes, or offering to go get them a juice or something.

I wish I'd get over myself. I seem to be stuck in life atm. I wish I could become unstuck. I REALLY want to get back into working at a nursing home again...but dang, I'm having a heck of a hard time moving right now. /sigh
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Old 04-06-18, 12:53 PM
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

Have you heard of a 504? Colleges can accommodate your needs with ADHD for anxiety, testing, on-line work, extended work time, etc. Check in with the college you are looking to attend and find out what they need from a doctor to accommodate your needs.

You will regret any decisions you don't make because of another person. Have you considered going to school part time and working part time to help pay for it? Look into scholarships? Perhaps an unemployment continuing education opportunity where they pay for the education?

I do realize that going to school for a 5-10 year stint has been adding a lot of debt to people and has lasting effects. You are wise to consider ways you can pay as you go and mitigate debt.

It's really powerful you know yourself so well to know what you don't like doing and better yet your strengths! Stay on that path of understanding and you will find there isn't anything that can get in your way! Not ADHD, anxiety or anything else! Good for you for pursuing counsel and looking for the best path for you!

I have dealt with anxiety and panic disorders. What has helped me is learning some mindfulness activities, doing things that feel obtainable in smaller goals, and giving myself room to adjust how I do things and the atmosphere so I can breath a bit better. Perhaps some night or on-line classes would help to reduce the number of people, if people is what brings on the anxiety?

Remember life is full of choice. When we feel stuck it's a choice or a conflict we are choosing to live in. No matter the challenges if we will face our fears we become brave and find we aren't stuck anymore. Life is a ride of unknowns and adventures. It's a journey of bravery and we are the warriors. Big hugs for your next journey!
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Old 04-07-18, 07:30 AM
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

Work to be happy. The money matters but not as much as you let it.
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Old 04-07-18, 10:45 AM
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Re: Finding an ideal career - Suggestions?

Have you considered other medical jobs besides dentist/dr? Ones that perhaps require less time in school and isn't as tough on people (I think internships as a doctor are grueling, maybe their studies are too). I personally think the medical field is a great area to go into as demand is so high and I expect will grow even more in the next decades.

Is your treatment effective enough that you can handle 5-10 years of school now when you before couldn't handle even going to school? If not, I'd personally stick with the careers that require only 4 years or less. Sorry, don't let me discourage you if you can. We have to figure out to be realistic with ourselves which means understand your limitations but at the same time don't let poor self-esteem make you believe you aren't capable of something you are.

If you are someone that needs change all the time or else gets bored, there are a lot of traveling medical jobs out there. If interested in temporary, traveling jobs you might want to check out a temp agency website like this one https://www.medtravelers.com/ to see the different types of jobs where you could do that. Be careful, I think automation may replace/reduce some of these jobs someday. I've been watching a bunch of vandwelling youtube videos. Those people get these types of jobs and then live in a van/rv traveling all over the country. Seemed very interesting to me. There's stay at home jobs too for those careers.

I thought the same thing as you at 29. I considered switching careers but decided I didn't want to go another 4 years of school cause I'd be old by then lol. Now that I'm older, I realize I was still young and 4 years is a blink of an eye.

Also, I completely agree with Tone Tone about job shadowing. I think in most jobs, you spend 20% doing what you think the job was supposed to be and 80% of the time dealing with other crap you never thought of as the job description. It's that 80% that will most likely decide whether you like and can succeed in a job. Also other non-job description aspects like how hours a day you will have to work, whether it's a high stress job, the type of people you'll end up working with (people matter a lot in job satisfaction), job outlook, salary, etc matter a lot too.
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