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  #106  
Old 11-08-09, 05:19 AM
movingshadow movingshadow is offline
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

What exactly do you mean? Thats not so comforting ya know..

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  #107  
Old 11-10-09, 02:53 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

There are plenty of women and men that would agree with me on this, I know people personally who DON'T judge someone because of a disability/difference (I prefer the term difference) or because they're unemployed, yes I admit it's harder to find that special someone who'll take us warts and all and that's my biggest worry when I chat to a guy who isn't ADD etc but again I've also been judged for being unemployed and where I live by one ADD guy whose no longer my friend (I think you know who I'm talking about, you and I have discussed him before in conversations) and that was a horrible experience!

Although I admit it's really hard to find someone who'll take us for who and what we are especially when we have these issues but there are those far and few in between people who WOULD love and accept us warts and all that are out there...you just need to keep looking seriously and another thing you could do is perhaps think outside the square a little and open your eye, mind and heart to that possibility but still remain realistic, though you are right about one thing there are many shallow and superficial people out there and that's sad.

By the way I'm also pretty hopeless at going out and meeting people to the point where my mother is worried about my social life or should I say my lack of social life, years ago I was able to step inside a nightclub, mingle and make friends although they were only situational friends but friends nonetheless and now I can't even go to the local women's groups or anything I just hate the thought of having to make that effort and right now I'm personally not ready to.

What I'm really saying is that NOT every person is shallow, superficial and judgmental!!

Selena
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I am curious to know if anyone agrees with this statement.

I am not good at getting out to meet people and so I hang out on a lot of free singles sites and when I chat with a girl - the at some point say "what do you do" - and I say.. ? eh.. but i don't know maybe its easier in person somehow.

But the reason I really wanna know if anyone else agrees with you.
Because based on what I have come across - I'd say 95 percent of the woman out there will slowly if not instantly blow you off if they realize your unemployed - and sometimes I think they just all immediately judge you as a waste of their time at that point.



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  #108  
Old 11-22-09, 07:30 PM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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Originally Posted by movingshadow View Post
I am curious to know if anyone agrees with this statement.

I am not good at getting out to meet people and so I hang out on a lot of free singles sites and when I chat with a girl - the at some point say "what do you do" - and I say.. ? eh.. but i don't know maybe its easier in person somehow.
I'm a late-comer to this thread, so let me first just offer my congratulations on your quick approval. I've applied twice or three times now and the very fact that I'm honestly not sure how many times kinda speaks volumes about how organized MY life is. My best friend is even more disabled than I am...if he was any more disabled he'd have had to go to his Social Security interviews on a gurney...and he was denied multiple times. He was only approved when he got an attorney, leading me to conclude that may be my only hope. I'm sure I would probably be approved with legal representation - my past applications were before I even knew about the ADD.

But the truth of it is that I continue to resist the notion...even though I know I'm entitled to receive Disability, I feel like once I go on disability I'm effectively accepting that I'm never going to be able to obtain and hold a job. I'm 42 years young, and I've never really had a "career" doing anything exciting or interesting or geared to my talents. I just...I can't quite bring myself to give up on that dream. Even though a part of me realizes that it is just a dream, and I'd been unemployed for several years before the economy started circling the bowl. Part of it is also that I worry that my wife won't be happy until I have a "real job" where I actually go somewhere and have a chance at advancement. Social Security isn't known for giving promotions or bonuses! (Although the truth is that I've rarely experienced either...employers were more likely to reward me with permanent vacations ).

I know that it isn't like you can't go off disability once you're on it...its not some kind of permanent all-or-nothing status. But I still hesitate. I'm sure more than one of you can probably understand. And yet, I envy you having the courage and initiative to finally just go through with it.

Having said all that...I want to get back to your question. I face a very similar situation right now with all sorts of people I meet, and I'm not even trying to connect with anyone romantically (I think my wife would object!)
It seems that in our society "what do you do?" is one of the first four questions that comes up in conversations, as if the most important thing you can know about a person is how they earn their money. Many of the people that I've been friends with in my life were chronically employed in occupations well-beneath their abilities and intelligence, often due to disabilities, and this has certainly been true for me as well. What the people really want to know is "What are you?" "Who are you?" I've never defined myself by my job, and frankly kinda pity those who do...unless they are one of those rare people who earns a living following their heart.

So, after all that rambling my advice to you is simply this: if someone asks "what you do" tell them how you spend your time. What do I do?
I write, I read, I go on walks in the forest...etc, etc (insert your favorite
past-times) The fact that noone PAYS you to do them doesn't diminish their importance. Depending on who asks me, I've answered all sorts of things, including "free-lance writer" (noone says being published is a prerequisite!) "self-employed" or even (tongue in cheek) "house-wife".
Make sure to emphasize that "who you are" is not just "what you do".
And like Crazygirl says, the good ones won't be put off by that.
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  #109  
Old 11-22-09, 08:44 PM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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Originally Posted by Crazygirl79 View Post
There are plenty of women and men that would agree with me on this, I know people personally who DON'T judge someone because of a disability/difference (I prefer the term difference) or because they're unemployed, yes I admit it's harder to find that special someone who'll take us warts and all and that's my biggest worry when I chat to a guy who isn't ADD etc but again I've also been judged for being unemployed and where I live by one ADD guy whose no longer my friend (I think you know who I'm talking about, you and I have discussed him before in conversations) and that was a horrible experience!

Although I admit it's really hard to find someone who'll take us for who and what we are especially when we have these issues but there are those far and few in between people who WOULD love and accept us warts and all that are out there...you just need to keep looking seriously and another thing you could do is perhaps think outside the square a little and open your eye, mind and heart to that possibility but still remain realistic, though you are right about one thing there are many shallow and superficial people out there and that's sad.
One of the things that personally ticks me off royally is when someone who has a disability is impatient or unsympathetic to another disabled person. For me its in the same category as someone who's the victim of prejudice or bigotry themselves showing that same behavior toward a member or another group (say a black being anti-semitic for example).
I'm sorry to hear about your experience with another ADD person being judgemental. One of the things that I've found myself day-dreaming about lately is how my life might be different if my wife were also ADD
(and thereby able to really "know how it feels). I like to believe that for me, when I'm interested in a person, disabilities they might have are no
more a "deal breaker" than are quirks of personality. You might say that
when I like someone for "who they are", then I don't care "what they are".

Its a bit off-topic, but on an ADD forum, surely thats not uncommon!?
I will admit that I have had relationships that have caused me to examine my convictions on that subject pretty closely. I once had a relationship with a bi-polar woman, and the fact that she had the condition wasn't really an issue for me...having depression myself, I felt I could sympathize.
But what became an issue was when she stopped taking her medications
and started lying to her psychiatrist about how wildly out of control her symptoms were. I did my best to try to help her, but ultimately I became aware that other more serious things were going on...she had a second,
imaginary internal life in which she was living in the Victorian era, and apparently considered this life to be a "dream" she was having. From what I could peice together, this started at an early age as a defense mechanism to escape childhood abuse.

My own status as "unreal" began to concern me deeply after she showed herself capable of violence toward herself and me, and though I cared about her, it reached a point where I no longer felt safe living with her. She wouldn't tell her Dr. everything, no matter how I pleaded with her, and the Dr. simply refused to even talk to me (who did I think I was to even call her? I was just the boyfriend!). So, all I'm saying is that while I am open-minded and accepting of people's differences, sometimes one has to set personal limits for your own well-being. I can't really imagine circumstances where this would apply to something like ADHD, or most conditions, but I guess I'm saying that to me there are exceptions that kind of prove the rule. You shouldn't have to be afraid to go to sleep.
I should also note however, that I'm married now, and take my marital vows very seriously: I would stand by my wife come hell or high water.

The truth is, I still feel some guilt that I wasn't able to somehow help that former girl-friend more, but I wasn't a psychiatrist, I wasn't her husband or family (heck, I wasn't even a "real" person!) - and thus had no legal rights whatsoever. And I was faced with the "you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink" adage. Actually, you can't even compel a horse to go to the water against their wishes. Sigh.
Sorry I meandered off topic.

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What I'm really saying is that NOT every person is shallow, superficial and judgmental!!

Selena
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  #110  
Old 11-23-09, 12:47 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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Originally Posted by Blood-Phoenix View Post

Having said all that...I want to get back to your question. I face a very similar situation right now with all sorts of people I meet, and I'm not even trying to connect with anyone romantically (I think my wife would object!)
It seems that in our society "what do you do?" is one of the first four questions that comes up in conversations, as if the most important thing you can know about a person is how they earn their money. Many of the people that I've been friends with in my life were chronically employed in occupations well-beneath their abilities and intelligence, often due to disabilities, and this has certainly been true for me as well. What the people really want to know is "What are you?" "Who are you?" I've never defined myself by my job, and frankly kinda pity those who do...unless they are one of those rare people who earns a living following their heart.
I would worry more about how accounting for the time not working or unstable employment to a prospective employer than I would worrying about what shallow people will think.

Unless you are prepared to lie about your time not working, you are going to have a very tough time trying to find work when you go look for it. I speak from experience, if you don't have the linear corporate employment history it will be tough to even get an interview.

From what I hear hiring is picking up now but employers are choosing to look at employed people first because they view them at top performers being that they survived layoffs
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  #111  
Old 12-04-09, 02:04 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

Having issues getting back pay for disability. The office wanted information about a job that I had over the summer where I made no more than 6000 dollars.

I have given them all the information except they want me to apply for state disability first. Before they determine if I am eligible for back pay (SSI). So I go to the Social Security office today and they say that it was closed because I am already making too much with SSDI. 1204 a month - I am sorry but no one can live on 1200 a month!

I thought you usually got a big chunk of money and then a monthly amount. That is what I need right now.

Back pay since may of 2008! That is what I am trying to get - the idiots don't know what the hell is going on. I am calling my case worker tomorrow - the lady at the SS office didn't know what she was taking about.

Has anyone else gotten disability and not gotten back pay from the date they originally applied and deemed disabled?
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Old 12-04-09, 02:18 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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Originally Posted by movingshadow View Post
Having issues getting back pay for disability. The office wanted information about a job that I had over the summer where I made no more than 6000 dollars.

I have given them all the information except they want me to apply for state disability first. Before they determine if I am eligible for back pay (SSI). So I go to the Social Security office today and they say that it was closed because I am already making too much with SSDI. 1204 a month - I am sorry but no one can live on 1200 a month!

I thought you usually got a big chunk of money and then a monthly amount. That is what I need right now.

Back pay since may of 2008! That is what I am trying to get - the idiots don't know what the hell is going on. I am calling my case worker tomorrow - the lady at the SS office didn't know what she was taking about.

Has anyone else gotten disability and not gotten back pay from the date they originally applied and deemed disabled?
I live on 1200 a month. I work part time (which is where the 1200 comes in), go to school full time and pay for tuition and books with little financial aid, have a nice new car and make the loan payments, insurance payments, rent payments, take care of two dogs, eat very well, nice phone (and huge bill), digital tv/cable (again, huge bill), gas bill, electric bill, 200 bucks/month for fuel--I drive a lot!, pay out of pocket for medical appointments every month, pay for prescriptions...

Do you have kids? If you're single, 1200 a month should be sufficient to provide a modest lifestyle. I'm not trying to argue with you or anything, but just share my experience to say that it is possible to make it through with what seems like so little.
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  #113  
Old 12-04-09, 04:15 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

Hmm right now I would be happy to pull in 1200 a month -- and I live in Washington State, which is almost as expensive to live in as California.

I think you need a reality check...


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Originally Posted by movingshadow View Post
Having issues getting back pay for disability. The office wanted information about a job that I had over the summer where I made no more than 6000 dollars.

I have given them all the information except they want me to apply for state disability first. Before they determine if I am eligible for back pay (SSI). So I go to the Social Security office today and they say that it was closed because I am already making too much with SSDI. 1204 a month - I am sorry but no one can live on 1200 a month!

I thought you usually got a big chunk of money and then a monthly amount. That is what I need right now.

Back pay since may of 2008! That is what I am trying to get - the idiots don't know what the hell is going on. I am calling my case worker tomorrow - the lady at the SS office didn't know what she was taking about.

Has anyone else gotten disability and not gotten back pay from the date they originally applied and deemed disabled?
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  #114  
Old 12-05-09, 02:57 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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I live on 1200 a month. I work part time (which is where the 1200 comes in), go to school full time and pay for tuition and books with little financial aid, have a nice new car and make the loan payments, insurance payments, rent payments, take care of two dogs, eat very well, nice phone (and huge bill), digital tv/cable (again, huge bill), gas bill, electric bill, 200 bucks/month for fuel--I drive a lot!, pay out of pocket for medical appointments every month, pay for prescriptions...

Do you have kids? If you're single, 1200 a month should be sufficient to provide a modest lifestyle. I'm not trying to argue with you or anything, but just share my experience to say that it is possible to make it through with what seems like so little.
Nebraska is a a little bit 'less expensive' than CA or New England where I make close to 5 times that $1,200 a month figure and don't have (nor do I want ) those things but save literally nothing each month and defaulting one by one on credit card debts.

You really do need a reality check. A 'new car' is a money pit especially when you are making 'loan payments' -- how did you even qualify on that income even?? parent cosigning?? You like most others your age will learn when you get smacked hard by reality when you can't make all your debt & loan payments.
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  #115  
Old 12-05-09, 03:33 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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Nebraska is a a little bit 'less expensive' than CA or New England where I make close to 5 times that $1,200 a month figure and don't have (nor do I want ) those things but save literally nothing each month and defaulting one by one on credit card debts.

You really do need a reality check. A 'new car' is a money pit especially when you are making 'loan payments' -- how did you even qualify on that income even?? parent cosigning?? You like most others your age will learn when you get smacked hard by reality when you can't make all your debt & loan payments.
yeah it's not a new car.. 2005. in good condition. my payments are only 125 a month and i've been making them on this income for a better part of a year. I didn't have co-signer because I have amazing credit. I manage money well, somewhat frugal, but I consider that an asset. It's rather condescending to insist that I am just some young stupid little girl who is throwing money around like crazy. I have a credit card, that I use once a month for small purchases and pay off the entire balance every month. I have a budget spreadsheet, and I stick to it. It's not impossible to live on a modest income and still have a relatively nice lifestyle without debt, credit, and crazy high-interest loans.
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  #116  
Old 12-05-09, 05:34 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

This is not about just living on 1200 am month. I have a huge expense I have to cover that is going to cost me 500 a month for at least 8 months.

My rent is 500 a month. This is not anything insurance can cover. It is a medical related expense. It something I must take care of now as well.



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I live on 1200 a month. I work part time (which is where the 1200 comes in), go to school full time and pay for tuition and books with little financial aid, have a nice new car and make the loan payments, insurance payments, rent payments, take care of two dogs, eat very well, nice phone (and huge bill), digital tv/cable (again, huge bill), gas bill, electric bill, 200 bucks/month for fuel--I drive a lot!, pay out of pocket for medical appointments every month, pay for prescriptions...

Do you have kids? If you're single, 1200 a month should be sufficient to provide a modest lifestyle. I'm not trying to argue with you or anything, but just share my experience to say that it is possible to make it through with what seems like so little.
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Old 12-05-09, 05:41 AM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

Im referring to the back pay that I am entitled to I have not received any disability payments from the day I was deemed disabled which was May of 2008 ! I got the first check in November. I have accumulated bills and am in need of clothes and shampoo and food. I barely eat! I need the back pay to replenish and get back on my feet.


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I live on 1200 a month. I work part time (which is where the 1200 comes in), go to school full time and pay for tuition and books with little financial aid, have a nice new car and make the loan payments, insurance payments, rent payments, take care of two dogs, eat very well, nice phone (and huge bill), digital tv/cable (again, huge bill), gas bill, electric bill, 200 bucks/month for fuel--I drive a lot!, pay out of pocket for medical appointments every month, pay for prescriptions...

Do you have kids? If you're single, 1200 a month should be sufficient to provide a modest lifestyle. I'm not trying to argue with you or anything, but just share my experience to say that it is possible to make it through with what seems like so little.
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Old 12-05-09, 04:17 PM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

That makes sense. I did find this while googling around.

What is Social Security back pay and will you get disability back pay? Social Security back pay is based upon the date you became unable to work due to a medical or mental condition.

If you qualify for SSI disability, a need-based disability benefit program, you will be entitled to receive benefits as far back as your date of application, provided you meet the non-medical income and resource limitations of the program, in addition to the medical qualifications. of course, if your case goes on for very long (this is usually true), then your back pay benefits may be substantial.

If you qualify for social security disability, you will be entitled to benefits as far back as your date of application and potentially even 12 months retroactive to this. Therefore, you may also be entitled to substantial back pay benefits depending on how your claim takes.

Unfortunately, however, for social security disability applicants, there is a a five month waiting period, which simply means that after you have been approved, the social security administration will eliminate your first five months of benefits. This usually will not affect how long it actually takes to begin receiving your benefits because most claimants are entiteld to years of back pay benefits. But keep in mind that the social security administration will essentially hold back what would have been your first five months of payments.

How long will it take your receive your Social Security disability back pay? Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to this question. It may take some time to receive your Social Security back pay, especially if you were awarded your disability benefits at a disability hearing by a federal judge.

Moreover, you may not receive your disability back pay in one lump sum, if you are approved for SSI disability as opposed to social security disability. Supplemental Security Income recipients can only receive their back pay in increments, so as not to interfere with the income and resource limits of the program.

Furthermore, Social Security disability recipients may have to wait longer to receive their back pay if there are any SSI benefits involved (which may be the case if an individual has a concurrent claim, i.e. a claim for both social security disability and SSI).

Have you looked into legal aid to help you present your case?
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  #119  
Old 12-05-09, 07:40 PM
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

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yeah it's not a new car.. 2005. in good condition. my payments are only 125 a month and i've been making them on this income for a better part of a year. I didn't have co-signer because I have amazing credit. I manage money well, somewhat frugal, but I consider that an asset. It's rather condescending to insist that I am just some young stupid little girl who is throwing money around like crazy. I have a credit card, that I use once a month for small purchases and pay off the entire balance every month. I have a budget spreadsheet, and I stick to it. It's not impossible to live on a modest income and still have a relatively nice lifestyle without debt, credit, and crazy high-interest loans.
Whatever, I live in the Boston area now which is just as expensive as NY and make close to five times that amount and I can barely eat and have to choose many times between gas for the week or food for the week.
But as I said before when you get a little bit older your priorities will change and having a new car with payments won't be seen as an asset. I drive a nine year old car. I can't 'hang with the cool people' but would rather be cheap than broke and getting handouts from parents & the gov't.
You will learn soon enough. People your age still think this is the economy of 1997-2000 where your first job will pay $100,000 with the signing bonus and BMW.
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Old 12-05-09, 11:14 PM
trishcan trishcan is offline
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Re: About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

Quote:
Originally Posted by NickL30 View Post
Whatever, I live in the Boston area now which is just as expensive as NY and make close to five times that amount and I can barely eat and have to choose many times between gas for the week or food for the week.
But as I said before when you get a little bit older your priorities will change and having a new car with payments won't be seen as an asset. I drive a nine year old car. I can't 'hang with the cool people' but would rather be cheap than broke and getting handouts from parents & the gov't.
You will learn soon enough. People your age still think this is the economy of 1997-2000 where your first job will pay $100,000 with the signing bonus and BMW.
You appear to have some severe issues with reading comprehension. I said the car was not new, and that living frugally was an asset. Driving is an essential function of my job, and it was imperative for me to own a car with less than 100,000 miles at purchase, or I wouldn't have a car as long as I'd be making payments. A 2005 pontiac is hardly a luxury status symbol.

You're also being quite insultive toward the OP by belitting "hand-outs" from the government. I won't detract any further from the original purpose of this thread by entertaning such frivolous comments. Have fun being broke and mean-spirited.
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