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  #31  
Old 02-24-18, 11:38 PM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

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Originally Posted by namazu View Post
If our basic needs for safety/comfort/connection are not met when we are in the critical stages of development, it is difficult to learn how to regulate our feelings.
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Attachment and attunement needs are as essential as water.



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  #32  
Old 02-25-18, 08:11 AM
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

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Originally Posted by CasioCurious View Post
I was talking to my mom about this topic the other day. I told her I believe that her and her now ex husband(my father) provided all their children(we are 12) with physical support but they weren't there emotionally for us and that's why her kids are always in a frenzy state.

She told me how my father just lived inside his head; he was basically detached from reality. His own mom always complained how he never hugged her or anyone for that matter. And because of my dad's absentminded behavior..he neglected her and us--and consequently she neglected us emotionally.
Makes you wonder how they ended up married right?

Quote:
At the end of long conversation, my mom said you can't change the past just move on with your life. And she is right because I'm tired of reading all of these emotional neglect books and how they overlap with ADHD. I just need to make a move, whether it is getting back on medication or seeking alternatives. Whatever! I just need move on. So, mild we on the same boat my friend, but I don't want to go back my childhood anymore. The chicken and the egg thing with ADHD is tiring me out.
I am not saying your mom is wrong but moving on with life isnt the same as dealing with the past and then moving on. Its very easy for people who have wronged us or...neglected us to say move on...because it makes them feel better or lets them off the hook. ( I am not trying to criticize your mom, just my thoughts) I would be sick of reading emotional neglect books too, after awhile they all say the same thing it seems. Therapy helped me deal with stuff like this immensely. It doesnt have to be long term (although my commitment to therapy was years) but it does have to be consistent and thorough until whatever you are looking to get out of it is accomplished. Dealing with resentments is essential, even if we tell ourselves there arent any. I find it hard to believe that someone emotionally or physically neglected wouldnt have any resentments because they are a natural consequence of neglect.

Forgiveness always makes a difference. Forgiveness is for the benefit of the forgiver NOT the 'forgive-ee' despite what you think. It helps you move on, make peace with and deal with past issues. It frees you to feel happy again and gives yourself permission to move forward. A lot of people think forgiving lets someone off the hook or is a benefit to the person that harmed you but I do not subscribe to that belief. Some of the most awful things that have happened to me warranted forgiveness and it gave me a new life and freedom. It doesnt mean forget either. A lot of this occurred because of a 12 step recovery program and therapy.

And medication was also a life saver. I am BPII and that was treated before the adhd. Been successful on meds for about 15 years.
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  #33  
Old 02-25-18, 09:11 AM
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

I dunno if you have been following Dr. Gabor Mate

But he is mostly speaking on the same lines as yourself, I agree with a lot of his points minus the one that there is no genetic factor to ADHD and that it is entirely developmental.

I definitely agree that the familial interactions in childhood have a strong impact, but not the only ones.

He basically is going back to the debate that is as old as psychology itself, whether or not intelligence, personality and other traits are inherited genetically or developed in childhood (nature vs nurture).

I'm of the mind that ADHD and it's effects are probably a combined effect with a significant genetic (nature) cause, but also some developmental (nurture) links too
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  #34  
Old 02-25-18, 11:33 AM
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Makes you wonder how they ended up married right?



I am not saying your mom is wrong but moving on with life isnt the same as dealing with the past and then moving on. Its very easy for people who have wronged us or...neglected us to say move on...because it makes them feel better or lets them off the hook. ( I am not trying to criticize your mom, just my thoughts) I would be sick of reading emotional neglect books too, after awhile they all say the same thing it seems. Therapy helped me deal with stuff like this immensely. It doesnt have to be long term (although my commitment to therapy was years) but it does have to be consistent and thorough until whatever you are looking to get out of it is accomplished. Dealing with resentments is essential, even if we tell ourselves there arent any. I find it hard to believe that someone emotionally or physically neglected wouldnt have any resentments because they are a natural consequence of neglect.

Forgiveness always makes a difference. Forgiveness is for the benefit of the forgiver NOT the 'forgive-ee' despite what you think. It helps you move on, make peace with and deal with past issues. It frees you to feel happy again and gives yourself permission to move forward. A lot of people think forgiving lets someone off the hook or is a benefit to the person that harmed you but I do not subscribe to that belief. Some of the most awful things that have happened to me warranted forgiveness and it gave me a new life and freedom. It doesnt mean forget either. A lot of this occurred because of a 12 step recovery program and therapy.

And medication was also a life saver. I am BPII and that was treated before the adhd. Been successful on meds for about 15 years.
Thanks Sarah, I'm trying to forgive my parents for my own happiness. I didn't know I was harboring resentment until I blew up on my dad one day. Things that were deeply buried in my unconscious came out of my mouth. I was certainly suprised as was my father.
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  #35  
Old 02-25-18, 11:37 AM
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

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I know a secret, but if I tell you, you got to promise not to tell anyone else?




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Depends on the secret, if it is something that people will benefit from, I can't keep it. Lol
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  #36  
Old 02-25-18, 11:33 PM
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

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Originally Posted by sighduck View Post

I'm of the mind that ADHD and it's effects are probably a combined effect with a significant genetic (nature) cause, but also some developmental (nurture) links too

I read in Dr. Mate’s books that ADHD causation could involve both genetic and environmental factors (nature and nurture), but there does not always need to be genetic factors.
[MODERATOR NOTE: I've moved a couple of responses to ^this comment^ to the thread linked below by mildadhd. If you want to discuss environmental and genetic factors involved in ADHD causation, please do so there. Thanks. - Namazu]

And based on my own life experiences, I have agreed with Dr. Mate, long before I ever heard of Dr. Mate’s work.


I started a thread on the inborn factors called “What is inborn about ADHD in your opinion?”, if your interested I would love to discuss the inborn factors more? (See link below)

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...52#post1977952




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Last edited by namazu; 02-26-18 at 11:34 PM.. Reason: Added moderator note to point people to the other thread linked in the post, and removed quote to keep this thread on topic..
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  #37  
Old 02-26-18, 03:02 AM
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Re: It makes me doubt ADD is real when..

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Originally Posted by CasioCurious View Post
Depends on the secret, if it is something that people will benefit from, I can't keep it. Lol

We can focus on Play Theory.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...50#post1986650






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