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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 09-23-10, 11:38 AM
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Why Facebook sucks

I'm in my 30s, and have made much progress on the social front. But Facebook has brought up a lot of past friendship problems that I'd forgotten about, or didn't even know were there.

We moved around a ton when I was a kid, and it was hard to make (and keep) friends. I don't know if it was the moving around or the ADD or both, but I still have problems keeping friendships going (calling back, making plans, returning emails) especially with other women. But, in social situations, I'm comfortable in my own skin now, don't feel as awkward around new people, etc. I've come a long way.

I'm not an avid Facebook user, and true to form, rarely send out friend requests, but I accept them when they come my way. I've noticed lately that there are tons of people from high school who are FB friends with each other, but not with me. College, too. It has brought back a lot of memories of the social awkwardness I felt back in those days - wondering if I was "in" with a particular crowd of friends or not, and never really feeling secure that I was. Now I feel like I most certainly wasn't.

Or, they all kept in touch with each other because they're "normal" and that's what normal people do. I fell of the face of the earth, moved far away.

One of my former best friends sent a friend request to my brother months ago, but not to me. I've tried to remember if we ever had a falling out, how we fell out of contact, but I just can't. That's another thing - I have a TERRIBLE memory for details like that.

I guess I'm just venting. I'd put this behind me. Facebook brings it back, and it makes me sad. Back in those days, I always felt like a weirdo inside but went to great lengths trying to pass myself off as one of the cute, clever girls. I wish I'd have just been comfortable being myself.
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  #2  
Old 09-23-10, 12:36 PM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I had the worst social experience of my life the first time I signed up for Facebook. I was part of a U2 fan club. I became friends with a guy who was very dryly humorous toward the group. I posted a hell of a lot especially for lyrics I liked. Next thing I now he starts a thread about who's the biggest c#nt on Facebook. People agree and I start asking help from a lady friend who replies "You are what you are. There's nothing that can be done." I never cried so much in my life. I was mortified people were calling me crazy etc.... Did you know the guy who started Facebook ripped the idea off. He's a total waste socially speaking. It's ironic.
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Old 09-23-10, 12:55 PM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I am on facebook, even though I HATE social networking sites. In the past, if you stopped talking to someone for whatever reason, they were GONE. Now they pop up on FB and start making your life hell all over again.
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Old 09-23-10, 02:14 PM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

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Originally Posted by EshkaronsEngine View Post
. Did you know the guy who started Facebook ripped the idea off. He's a total waste socially speaking. It's ironic.
That is Ironic! Eshkaron, so sorry for that horrible experience. People can be total idiots.

Gabby,
I read your OP, and I though long and hard about it. I am sorry that FB brings up sad memories for you. FB is really high school all over again! It is a breeding area for people with huge EGO's. I hear people at work (in their 20,30's,40's) talking about FB all the time, it seems very ego boasting to me, and lots of gossip. People putting a zillion sexy pics of themself, etc It is just silly, I worry about my neices having something horrible happen to them with those kinds of pics on there for just about anyone to see...honestly, we live in a crazy world..
Gabby, consider yourself Blessed if you have a handful of really good friends in your life. The kind you can call up at midnight, the kind who know your faults and love you despite them, the kind that ask how you are and really listen to your response. The kind that don't just wish you a happy birthday on FB, but drive hours to see you as a surprise for your birthday. The kind of friends that know all of your secrets, and you know all of theirs, and they are loyal and trustworthy to keep em! Having even one TRUE friend is a blessing!
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Old 09-24-10, 10:52 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I use FB to play. I have a few people on it that I enjoy being in touch with, but otherwise, I use it to play games.

In my work life, I use Linked In.

FB is- and really needs to be seen as- a toy. I have around 500 "friends" on FB. Of that number, I count possibly a dozen as people I give a rip about. Of that dozen, three are people I friended to play one or another game with and they have become very real friends.

With FB as with many other things in my life, I recognized that I needed to make the rules that would work for me. In doing so, I chose to define success. For me, this means that my experience with FB is positive.
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  #6  
Old 09-25-10, 06:52 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

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Originally Posted by GabbyG View Post
Or, they all kept in touch with each other because they're "normal" and that's what normal people do.
Or because they are desperate for meaningless relationships?

What I see alot of on facebook are what appear to me to be relationships devoid of real substance.
I am speaking mostly of the facebook people such as my family, co-workers, and other parents I know only because our children went through grades K - 8th together.

I just had someone here at work get in my face over an issue that is personal and none of their business... I went on facebook this evening and deleted her friend status. I also went through my friends list and deleted several others... people I know, who requested friendships, yet never write to me nor I to them.

I do not play any of the games on facebook, but my older sister and her husband do, as well as their daughters and children. I do not answer their requests to join games or re-post messages in support of whatever 'cause' they are on about.

The people at work (who are the closest things to regular acquaintances/friends that I have) who I have friended due to their requests, rarely write on my wall. I find I am not interested in reading their stuff either. This indifference means I don't give one whit about other co-workers who are on their friends list but not mine. It's just facebook... just the internet.

I have infrequent 'passing of messages' between my high school sweetheart and myself sometimes. I keep in touch with a couple of people through facebook as well as texting on the cellphone or actually speaking to them directly.

Over my lifetime I have learned to value my few... very few... close relationships. Even those, can slip away for months before we re-kindle the relationship.

Am I answering the right thread?
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  #7  
Old 09-25-10, 07:23 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I don't consider Facebook to be a collection of my bestest friends. I consider Facebook to be a collection of my connections and a reflection of my real life social network.

Let me explain: in real life, you have acquaintances, friends, very close friends, friends you hang out with for shopping, friends you only go to the bar with, family friends, family, extended family, the person you were friendly with at work, the person you were friendly at work 10 years ago, the sister of the classmate you sometimes chatted to, etc. They are all connections and you never know when your network will come up with something.

In my case, I've lived and studied in different countries and I must say, it's fantastic for finding out what happened with that for example Finnish girl you used to hang out with when you were 5 in Dubai. I'm not that interested in starting immediate, frequent conversations, we haven't seen each other for so long, we can't start back up. Maybe after getting used to each other, we can or most like we won´t ever but I do want to know whether she got married, had babies, had a promotion at work and I'm happy for her when that happens. And wish her happy birthday.

So I'm not bothered, I sort out my groups of friends and only let certain people see certain things and don't put anything incriminating on my page.

Facebook is NOT a group of your bestest friends. I think that's where people make a mistake. Yea, I have 300 friends but they are not all bosom buddies.

Someone on my facebook was looking for some kind of guitar or something, he got about 5 replies and got his guitar a few days later. I've had people use it to search for roommates and at least this way, you've got some kind of reference. You can always hunt down the person.

So I'm not bothered by facebook and there are people who have different views from mine though I don't think it's worth it to defriend them, I just hide their feed. I'm not interested in having continual hourly updates about their relationship with Jesus but they are quite nice and I won't defriend them for that. And I still leave messages once in a while to say hello.

AND the best thing, it's been wonderful to weed out horrible people who were part of my network, that person I was not aware was a raving psychopath, or a secret racist or a secret mysogynist. I would never have known otherwise. We would have been friendly while they smiled in my face and hatred in their heart for me! Because updates are so short, people inadvertently reveal their secret selves. Their inner douches and inner softies. I have also had a few reveal themselves to be nicer than I thought. Not as many as the other way around. And some are just the same.

And there's nothing as satisfying as defriending that 'good' friend who turned out to be a racist (True story.) I felt so betrayed.

So I'm not hating on Facebook. It's good for finding out the hidden depths and shallows of people.
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  #8  
Old 09-25-10, 09:09 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I think facebook is 'fit for purpose' but I don't use it anymore or particularly like it as it lays bare my social deficits for all to see and makes me feel bad that I have very few people in my life, there's nothing more grounding than logging on to view an empty page for the twentieth time in the hope that somebody might have said hello or left a message... What I can't see, doesn't hurt me.

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Old 09-25-10, 07:39 PM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

It's nice to see what about 5 people are up to, and then a friend uses it for his music stuff which is great - but otherwise I don't like it much.

I am just so glad that I didn't have to worry about online "friends" and "status" when i was in high school. It would have completely obesessed me.
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Old 09-25-10, 11:11 PM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I dont put myself in bad places or decisions and dont have to worry about none of this stuff coming back to bite me.just dont do it or go there and you wont have to worry.
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Old 09-26-10, 03:26 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I should moon Facebook and let everyone I know see the best side of me.
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Old 09-26-10, 05:37 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

Ha! I was glad to see this topic title
I couldn't agree more. I haven't had any particularly bad experiences on Facebook but it all seems so completely stupid. It has made me wonder even more than before 'what makes the average nt tick'.
One of the first things I experienced on FB was that a girl I know (and whom I thought to be entirely reasonable, even smart) started showering me with posts like "x. Has thrown a sheep at you", and a link to some "app" with which I can throw a sheep at her, too - and possibly, to all my other 'friends' as well. So I asked her: "Hey, thanks for the sheep, but I don't get it... what's the idea?"
She answered: "oh, it's just a funny game ... everyone does it".

I still don't get it. I think this was 1.5 years ago.
It turns out all of FB is like that. It is a way to connect people using their most dreary, boring, sad, inane and lame sides.

I use FB to share pictures with some friends, and at times I can have fun posting things that I hope will make others see how silly FB is. Of course, I don't stand a chance .. I know that! But I'm having a lot of fun trying still

How come people play some boring online game like that one where they pretend to have a farm? Not that I don't get the "playing" part: it is the sort of games they play that mystify me. It seems to come down to this: people could have wonderful experiences in an environment like this. Social experiences, creative experiences, possibly even spiritual ones.
But instead, what do they do?
They turn towards the same dreary old muck that they also do IRL all the time. They replay the social games of highschool, let themselves be herded by a shepherd so blatantly commercial that it is embarrassing.

Really - sometimes it does make me laugh. But it is quite sad.
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Old 09-26-10, 07:43 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

i agree with so much of what luthien wrote. it's just so damn annoying! the only reason i consented to having an account made for me was to receive photos from people who are far away. what a nightmare it turned into though! all of these random people i vaguely remember started sending me all of this crap. like...'trees'...and would 'poke' me (whatever the hell that means) and write the most inane status lines.

it quickly turned into a dreadful chore to check it...so i only checked once a month (or every other month)...but that was even worse because i'd get all of these messages and people got upset that i wasn't 'poking' them back and so forth.

i finally put an end to it and closed the account.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luthien View Post
Ha! I was glad to see this topic title
I couldn't agree more. I haven't had any particularly bad experiences on Facebook but it all seems so completely stupid. It has made me wonder even more than before 'what makes the average nt tick'.
One of the first things I experienced on FB was that a girl I know (and whom I thought to be entirely reasonable, even smart) started showering me with posts like "x. Has thrown a sheep at you", and a link to some "app" with which I can throw a sheep at her, too - and possibly, to all my other 'friends' as well. So I asked her: "Hey, thanks for the sheep, but I don't get it... what's the idea?"
She answered: "oh, it's just a funny game ... everyone does it".

I still don't get it. I think this was 1.5 years ago.
It turns out all of FB is like that. It is a way to connect people using their most dreary, boring, sad, inane and lame sides.

I use FB to share pictures with some friends, and at times I can have fun posting things that I hope will make others see how silly FB is. Of course, I don't stand a chance .. I know that! But I'm having a lot of fun trying still

How come people play some boring online game like that one where they pretend to have a farm? Not that I don't get the "playing" part: it is the sort of games they play that mystify me. It seems to come down to this: people could have wonderful experiences in an environment like this. Social experiences, creative experiences, possibly even spiritual ones.
But instead, what do they do?
They turn towards the same dreary old muck that they also do IRL all the time. They replay the social games of highschool, let themselves be herded by a shepherd so blatantly commercial that it is embarrassing.

Really - sometimes it does make me laugh. But it is quite sad.
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Old 09-26-10, 10:54 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

I think it has jumped the shark. The only people I ever see posting are the same five people. I guess it's a good way to KIT with close friends and family members, and share pictures and stuff. However, I think people are starting to "get over" showing off their lives. I think people are beginning to realize that broadcasting private information isn't such a good idea.

The ones that I see posting over and over - stuff like:
"I luv my husband, I am so lucky" Blech.
"I'm at Starbucks having a frapawhattheheck" Just plain dumb.
"I drank a keg of PBR last night" Who cares?

Do these people not have anything better to do with their lives?
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Old 09-26-10, 11:10 AM
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Re: Why Facebook sucks

FB is absolutely wonderful for keeping track of what's going on in your kids lives especially after they have the gall to up and leave. Other than that it appears to be stupid.


When I signed up I didn't realise you're supposed to use your own name.. so I naturally didn't. No one finds me I find them, IF I want to. Mostly I don't.
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