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  #1  
Old 11-13-18, 07:01 PM
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Failing at every aspect of my job

1. I can't design a software solution because I can't think clearly

2. I can't participate in meetings because I know nothing about the core product (and am really not interested in it)

3. I can't ask questions because I can't follow what people are saying

4. I only work on things that are interesting to me rather than on what is needed or what I have been asked to work on. I'm not sure why I do that. Well,on as very superficial way it is because a) I can't tear myself away from the thing I want to work on b) can't focus or get motivated to work on other stuff which is more boring

5. I barely talk to people. I can't socialize. I'm supposed to suggest projects and collaboration but I can't do that without talking to people.
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Old 11-14-18, 12:46 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

Is it possible that you're underestimating yourself? Surely you must be doing something well, or else why would your employer still be paying you $ to show up?
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Old 11-14-18, 02:22 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job



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Old 11-14-18, 02:45 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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Is it possible that you're underestimating yourself? Surely you must be doing something well, or else why would your employer still be paying you $ to show up?
Exactly! and in the things that "seem interesting" to you, you are probably like some kind of a Jedi.
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Old 11-14-18, 03:16 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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Exactly! and in the things that "seem interesting" to you, you are probably like some kind of a Jedi.
No I'm not.

I love programming but I'm not good at it. I still stick with it trying to solve tiny little bugs that take me days to figure out.

I haven't actually contributed anything. Anything at all. It's really shocking.
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Old 11-14-18, 03:45 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

Dont let yourself down on it, I know how you feel.
Needless to say i've gone trough the same things as you, but i cant balme add for all of this since I need to consider that points like your Nr. 5 is due to my autism, thats to be said.


For me Ive almost come down to the conclusion not going back to a team oriented job anymore. A headhunter specialst told me to go somewhere in project managment or being a specialist in a team and only do your specialist work. Thats how he successfully use people with ADD and Aspergers in business life. But theres no easy answer for these problem i guess ... like almost in life.
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Old 11-14-18, 04:22 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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No I'm not.

I love programming but I'm not good at it. I still stick with it trying to solve tiny little bugs that take me days to figure out.

I haven't actually contributed anything. Anything at all. It's really shocking.
Maybe this job just isn't right for you then Fuzz. To me, it's either find a med that works (if it's just about your adhd and/or comorbid) or this job isn't right for you.


I remember you said you had terrible mood swings with antidepressants. Are there still some med combinations that might possibly work that you can try?

I've been taking a free computer hardware class at a non-profit organization. I was envying the class teachers today. The non-profit helps people, especially the poor, obtain and use computers. They offer free classes to everyone interested. And these paid employees truly believe in what they are doing and seem to truly love what they do. They love the hardware and the tech nature of their work as well being able to help people with their services. They also seem to all be friends that spend time outside work having fun together.

I wonder if you might do better at a job that helps people AND is in a field you are highly interested in like my tech teachers. Also, what the teachers were teaching us was basic and above their skill level. I wonder if you'd be better off in a job where you are overqualified like them (less stress that way). Overqualified, helping people so you can feel good about giving to the community, and in a field you enjoy.
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Old 11-14-18, 05:36 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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Maybe this job just isn't right for you then Fuzz. To me, it's either find a med that works (if it's just about your adhd and/or comorbid) or this job isn't right for you.


I remember you said you had terrible mood swings with antidepressants. Are there still some med combinations that might possibly work that you can try?

I've been taking a free computer hardware class at a non-profit organization. I was envying the class teachers today. The non-profit helps people, especially the poor, obtain and use computers. They offer free classes to everyone interested. And these paid employees truly believe in what they are doing and seem to truly love what they do. They love the hardware and the tech nature of their work as well being able to help people with their services. They also seem to all be friends that spend time outside work having fun together.

I wonder if you might do better at a job that helps people AND is in a field you are highly interested in like my tech teachers. Also, what the teachers were teaching us was basic and above their skill level. I wonder if you'd be better off in a job where you are overqualified like them (less stress that way). Overqualified, helping people so you can feel good about giving to the community, and in a field you enjoy.
No, it probably isn't right for me. It's a shame though because the pay is decent and the company is so family friendly. I don't know what I'd be able to do well unless it's something that doesn't require any qualification or skill at all.

I'd love teaching but I don't have any teaching qualifications. I could only teach at uni I think but universities are too cut throat. I don't want to go back to contract positions and I doubt I'd ever get a permanent position in academia. Or do well with it.
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Old 11-14-18, 07:42 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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No, it probably isn't right for me. It's a shame though because the pay is decent and the company is so family friendly. I don't know what I'd be able to do well unless it's something that doesn't require any qualification or skill at all.

I'd love teaching but I don't have any teaching qualifications. I could only teach at uni I think but universities are too cut throat. I don't want to go back to contract positions and I doubt I'd ever get a permanent position in academia. Or do well with it.

Ask yourself if it has to be somewhere in university? Or IT? Is it mendatory?
When you put money, and thats one of the two things you mentioned, as a main reason then it will be hard to get satisfied. If you can do something other, maybe really different but earn less (not too much) that maybe could make a new start and could make you happier.
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Old 11-14-18, 10:51 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

Dont take this the wrong way but.. you seem to have a negative answer for everything. You basically suck, there is no hope and life is an endless shade of gray. Get better help with your moods, not just adhd. If you are doing such sh*tty work why are you not fired?
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Old 11-14-18, 04:11 PM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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Ask yourself if it has to be somewhere in university? Or IT? Is it mendatory?
When you put money, and thats one of the two things you mentioned, as a main reason then it will be hard to get satisfied. If you can do something other, maybe really different but earn less (not too much) that maybe could make a new start and could make you happier.
Well, that's where I used to work and that's where my qualifications are. I'm not sure what else I could do really. Money and job security. At uni I had neither though I didn't feel so inadequate. I was good at what I did.

If I don't work in my field I'll have to work somewhere unskilled. I'm not even sure what my field is. I have a strange and disjoint set of qualifications and very few real skills.
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Old 11-14-18, 04:40 PM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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Dont take this the wrong way but.. you seem to have a negative answer for everything. You basically suck, there is no hope and life is an endless shade of gray. Get better help with your moods, not just adhd. If you are doing such sh*tty work why are you not fired?
I have negative answers for things that I perceive as negative. My work situation is stressful and sucky. Not everything in my life sucks. There is a lot of good but that's not what this thread about. This thread is about my problems at work and the things that suck at work. If I could think positively about them it would be great but then I probably wouldn't be posting about it.

Life is not an endless shade of grey. I've got bad mood swings and they too seem pretty unaffected by positive thinking.

It's true. I do need help with my mood. That's probably the main problem at the moment. I'm thinking of stopping the meds. I'm pretty sure it's them causing the bad mood swings. I might still be depressed but I'm tired of the constant roller coaste ride.

It's not a company that fires people easily. Thankfully. It's one of the reasons why I'm reluctant to give up this job. I might be at risk at the next round of laying off or moving people but hopefully that won't be too soon and I'll have started contributing by then. I'been looking for other jobs but there's nothing in my area that is suitable or reasonable.
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Old 11-16-18, 06:01 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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I'm thinking of stopping the meds. I'm pretty sure it's them causing the bad mood swings. I might still be depressed but I'm tired of the constant roller coaste ride.

You've not taken meds before haven't you? Does that really work? I feel like a change of meds (switching to one that deals with any comorbids first) might help more than going cold turkey. You seem depressed right now fuzz. Did this really start happening just cause you started taking adhd meds? But no harm testing out life without meds again I guess - if you can stil motivate yourself after you give them up to get back on something if needed.

You have the qualifications to be a teacher. My tech teachers do not have teaching licenses. One has a chemistry degree and had only worked in retail prior to getting the instruction job. Not all jobs where you are instructing people are in academia (I would say most aren't). Plus are there some teaching jobs in say a community college, as a substitute, or high school that you can get that with your background or with just a little additional courses for certification?


Personally, I think you should focus on finding a career you truly love over thinking about what your limitations and qualifications make you suited for. Qualifications aren't that important cause you can work around those or build them up. Personal limitations/weaknesses are a bigger deal but I suspect you have a habit of underestimating yourself so need to deemphasize your focus on that. I actually wonder if it's your poor self esteem that hurts your performance more than anything. The way it makes you antisocial which is more important usually than actual performance. The way it gives you anxiety which can be crippling and affect performance. Even if your boss doesn't fire you, they usually do still speakup about areas they think you need to improve on (except the social areas). I wonder if youd be better off not panicking unless your boss says something to you. He's not going to fire you anyway so who cares. Youd do better not caring.

But get a different job if you aren't happy. I suspect you're the kind of person who would be happier with jobs where you directly help people anyway.

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Old 11-16-18, 09:09 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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Well, that's where I used to work and that's where my qualifications are. I'm not sure what else I could do really. Money and job security. At uni I had neither though I didn't feel so inadequate. I was good at what I did.

If I don't work in my field I'll have to work somewhere unskilled. I'm not even sure what my field is. I have a strange and disjoint set of qualifications and very few real skills.

Isnt there a possibility to learn a new job? I mean i do the same now. I leave my job which ive learned in apprenticeship and looking for new ways. There are plenty of jobs out there offering you a graduation because they have a lack of employees. But sure, first you need to become sure in which direction you want to go.
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Old 11-16-18, 09:31 AM
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Re: Failing at every aspect of my job

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I have negative answers for things that I perceive as negative. My work situation is stressful and sucky. Not everything in my life sucks. There is a lot of good but that's not what this thread about. This thread is about my problems at work and the things that suck at work. If I could think positively about them it would be great but then I probably wouldn't be posting about it.
Hey I am sorry if that came off harsh I didnt meant it to be.

Quote:
Life is not an endless shade of grey. I've got bad mood swings and they too seem pretty unaffected by positive thinking.
I am not one of those A-hole who tell you to think positive and everything will work out. Mood disorders are just that- disordered thinking. I just wish there was a way for me to give you advice that works. i think therapy would go a long way for you.
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