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Old 06-01-05, 07:37 PM
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Just Diagnosed and Feeling Hopeless

Hi Everyone --

Felt that introducing myself on the Newbie forum wasn't the place to express my frustration.

I have suspected for many years that I had a learning disability -- I have devised many methods to compensate.

In my current work situation, I can't keep up with the workflow -- the software keeps changing, new software is introduced almost daily, and my list of tasks requires that I know so many different formatting systems that I can't juggle it anymore. I am making mistakes, big mistakes, and I will be haunted by my mistakes for the rest of my life. My job is in jeoprady. I face poverty. I have health issues. My doctor recommended I get tested but when I heard the results -- I was devestated. It was like hearing, no matter what you do, you can't win. It was like a death sentence.

I feel I can't afford to be healthy.

I feel like I am in a straitjacket like I have no choices.

Funny thing -- I don't think technology and ADD are good mix. I won't list my frustration with technology -- viruses alone -- frustrate me.

Anyway, that's where I am at the moment.

Still open to suggestions --
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Old 06-01-05, 09:49 PM
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Ann...

I think your feelings are appropriate to the situation. After my doctor told me, I was at first, relieved that some cause for my misery had been found. I was also quite happy that the medication helped a little. This initial giddyness did not last long.

Shortly after that, I because curious, and I went through a period of being very fascinated with what ADD was, and what it's properties were. Then the depression started.

After a few weeks of that initial fascination , I really hit bottom emotionally, and was quite depressed for a while. My depression came from realizing that I had something incurable that was not going to go away, and the fact that it was hurting me so much.

It seemed like the end of my life as I knew it. There seemed like there was no end to the misery. Like you, I work in a fast-paced high-tech environment and I really need to be able to function well enough to do my job. I am expected to be the very best at what I do, so the pressure is always on to be a cut above, and one step ahead. I really needed to get myself back into shape so I could go back to being the happy-go-lucky super-creative uber-geek that I used to be, and needed to be, to do my job.

In my usual way, I attacked it head-on, became informed, and kept working with my doctor, and got a set of medications going that worked well for me, and things slowly got better.

I stumbled on this forum and found it to be a good place to share and gather information.
The people on this forum also showed me that I was not alone, and that having ADD does not have to mean your life is over. I also found the people here to be wonderful, open , honest, and very supportive. I also learned that there is an entire subculture in this country, populated with people who have ADD, Bipolar disorder, and autism spectrum disorders. It is an amazing landscape filled with people who have creative, sensitive and beautiful minds.

I relied on my friends for moral support, and they did not let me down (for the most part).
I made a few new friends who are also ADD, and I found them to be very helpful and supportive. All these things make a difference.

I also lost some friends, and that hurt a lot (life is not always fun).

I had to learn some new coping strategies, new ways of doing things so I could work around my ADD. I discovered that there was no way I could beat ADD by struggling with it. I was only fighting with myself. I had to get informed and learn better ways of doing things if I was going to gain anything. This helps a lot, but I still have a lot to learn.

I know it is a truism, but I just have to say that you need to hang on, and keep working on it, get informed , stay aware of your condition, and work with your doctor.

One thing is certain: If you give up, there is no hope at all.

That initial depression won't last forever. It gets better, honest.

One of the properties of ADD, is that it often gives you this feeling of impending doom, as though the world is going to cave in on top of you at any moment. For the most part, it just is not so. Your chances at making things better are best if you be proactive in your medical care, and get informed, and stay aware of your condition.

I'm hoping your MD took the time to look at some of the possible organic causes for your ADD. If , by chance you have one of these organic causes for your symptoms, you have a good chance of things getting better fast if you discover it early.

I took the extra time to ask my MD to run some tests, and I followed up on the information, and luckily found an organic cause (hearing loss, nerve damage, and tinnitus) that was exacerbatimg my ADD. I sought out appropriate medical treatment, and things got a LOT better FAST. I still have symptoms, and life is not perfect, but now I have my life back, and there is hope.


As far as ADDer's and technology go... ADDer's seem to be drawn to technology. People with Obsessive compulsive disorder , bipolar, and even autism spectrum disroder are also common in technology. In fact, many people who are in the know, will tell you that without these people, we probably would not have very many innovators in technology. The people who have these syndromes are very often original outside-the-box thihnkers who can also do the work to make it happen. Technology and ADD not only go together, but technology needs ADDers to even exist.

Glen



Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnAnnAnn
Hi Everyone --

Felt that introducing myself on the Newbie forum wasn't the place to express my frustration.

I have suspected for many years that I had a learning disability -- I have devised many methods to compensate.

In my current work situation, I can't keep up with the workflow -- the software keeps changing, new software is introduced almost daily, and my list of tasks requires that I know so many different formatting systems that I can't juggle it anymore. I am making mistakes, big mistakes, and I will be haunted by my mistakes for the rest of my life. My job is in jeoprady. I face poverty. I have health issues. My doctor recommended I get tested but when I heard the results -- I was devestated. It was like hearing, no matter what you do, you can't win. It was like a death sentence.

I feel I can't afford to be healthy.

I feel like I am in a straitjacket like I have no choices.

Funny thing -- I don't think technology and ADD are good mix. I won't list my frustration with technology -- viruses alone -- frustrate me.

Anyway, that's where I am at the moment.

Still open to suggestions --
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Old 06-02-05, 08:36 PM
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Thanks for the thoughtful reply

Glen --

Thank you for taking the time to provide such a thoughtful reply. I do appreciate your comments and information. You are right.

I agree, too, that ADDers and technology are more of a fit than I feel at this moment. But it's probably my dyslexia and my allergy to math that muck up technology for me. Plus, the speed of the software changes is wiping me out.

The communication style of ADDers is also different from "normal" people. I find the communication style of "normal" people barren and they make a lot of wrong assumptions which lead to confusion and misunderstanding.

I am trying to find something funny in this -- I am a breast cancer survivor and everyone makes a big deal about that; I don't tell them that surgery, chemo, and radiation are a piece of cake compared to living my life.

Well, anyway, I do appreciate your comments and as soon as I get a new printer, I'll print them out and save your remarks in my new journal where I am tracking my progress in dealing with my new "situation."

Thanks and best wishes, Ann
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Old 06-02-05, 09:05 PM
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Ann;

automate, simplify, organize. Structure your job so that it becomes an input leads to output scenario. If you can minimize environmental distractions, it will help a lot.
I keep a notebook to organize my thoughts. I've also learned to delegate jobs to people under my responsibility. Do whatever you can to make it work smoothly for you.

I only become dyslexic if I am stressed, or far too hurried. In that situation I need to setup my jobs so that I double check myself as a matter of routine. I leave nothing to doubt.

Me


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnAnnAnn
Glen --

Thank you for taking the time to provide such a thoughtful reply. I do appreciate your comments and information. You are right.

I agree, too, that ADDers and technology are more of a fit than I feel at this moment. But it's probably my dyslexia and my allergy to math that muck up technology for me. Plus, the speed of the software changes is wiping me out.

The communication style of ADDers is also different from "normal" people. I find the communication style of "normal" people barren and they make a lot of wrong assumptions which lead to confusion and misunderstanding.

I am trying to find something funny in this -- I am a breast cancer survivor and everyone makes a big deal about that; I don't tell them that surgery, chemo, and radiation are a piece of cake compared to living my life.

Well, anyway, I do appreciate your comments and as soon as I get a new printer, I'll print them out and save your remarks in my new journal where I am tracking my progress in dealing with my new "situation."

Thanks and best wishes, Ann
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It all seems impressive when you don't know what it means. (H. Rickey, 1987)
"Aye yam what aye yam." (Popeye)
"Sig personnas illegitum non carborundum." (unknown)
The computer lets you make more mistakes faster, with the exception of tequila and a handgun. (M. Radcliffe)
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Old 06-04-05, 09:57 AM
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Glen--

Thanks again for the suggestions, not sure I should list my difficulties with technology here. What I may do is catch up reading about the resources and solutions on this forum before I touch upon that subject.

Glad you have found systems and methods to organize your work. I look forward to reading more about your systems.

Ann
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Old 06-04-05, 10:32 AM
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AnnAnnAnn,

You are stronger than you think!!! If you tackled breast cancer, you can do anything you set your mind to!!!

At this time, ADD/ADHD is not cureable, but in my case (along with my husband and son), it is ALOT more manageable with medication.

I am in the Systems/IT field and I think my ADHD is an asset for me. I am able to think outside the box. I am not afraid to try new things. If I mess up, oh well.... I try again. I have learned to not try and do it all myself. I delegate, delegate, delegate. I have reminder notes on what my top priorities are for the day. (If I happen to look at the notes.) If not, I jump from one thing to the next. I love variety. I love trying to break things and figure out what's wrong.

I highly suggest that you get medicated before you put your job at risk. I am 43 and started Adderall on March 18. I wish I would have checked into medication 20 years ago. It makes such a big difference not only at work, but at home with my family. I am not so crabby. My moods do not go from high to low like they used to. I enjoy life alot more, especially my family (who are add and adhd). I am not so stressed out.

Welcome to the forum. There are several posts on technology. It seems to be a field that add/adhd'er thrive in.

Also, I have a post entitled "Pay it forward....This is a must read...." in regard to my good friend and her also tackling breast cancer.

Hang in there.
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Old 06-05-05, 10:11 AM
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Dear adhdxyz --

Thank you for your sweet reply. For some reason, I found a gentle humor in your post. I chuckled at the reminder notes and lists you mentioned. I have recently been setting timers on in my house, so I don't wander off from one task to another leaving the first hanging -- especially if it's something on the stove or in the oven.

I will be seeing my doctor soon and I am sure we will discuss medication.

I had been trying to self-medicate by taking St. John's Wort while it had some useful effects, there was one side effect that made its use difficult, it affected my sleep. I couldn't go to sleep after I had taken it for a long period of time.

I will check out your posting, thanks, Ann
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Old 06-05-05, 04:14 PM
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"I feel I can't afford to be healthy.

I feel like I am in a straitjacket like I have no choices.

Funny thing -- I don't think technology and ADD are good mix. I won't list my frustration with technology -- viruses alone -- frustrate me.

Anyway, that's where I am at the moment." ~Annannann

welcome Ann!
In your heart, if you are in the wrong place with your job or anything else in your life you will know it. That sounds kind of ADD simple and I am sure nothing you don't know already But I believe you may have some choices, it is just a matter of finding them.
You are so worth all of the good things that lie ahead. There are so many people here on this forum who are working out similar diagnoses and frustrations, fears. So we all are understanding of yours and want to support you. You have gotten some very good advice from my friends <3 who have also helped me so much....speedo, adhdxyz, and others. And you will continue to see light hearted humor from many of them..especially that woman above your last post(snicker)

I have been through some tough times and had tragedy in my family. I have not had to deal with cancer for which I am grateful. I know many people who have and am so happy you have been successful with your treatment.

I am going to plug a book if you haven't heard of it.
"Simple Abundance by Sarah ban Breathnach
It helped change my life after facing a family tragedy and some other very hard times.
I wiill plug a thread like xyz (simple abundance) and it mentions just a few things about the book. Not many people have taken time to post from here on the forum, but I will bet many of them do something similar at home and apply this method of thinking to their own lives.
Looking forward to hearing more about you

~gourmet~
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Old 06-05-05, 05:39 PM
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Ann.....
I can relate with so much of your post, but I'm sure I'm not alone...This is probably a Great Place for you here. Like speedo mentioned,..."If you give up, there is no hope at all." I personally think, ADD/ADHD individuals have a special survival instinct....though we may get weary, frustrated, and overwhelmed at times, we are still able to journey through to the other side..

My hunch is, your a survivor type, who just got introduced to a great supporting cast (ADD FORUM). One way to look at the situation now is..."the glass is half full..."(not half empty). "Never surrender as long as you can move your little finger."...This little silly saying told to me when in the Marines, has kept this ADHD guy from throwing in the towel on more than one occasion....

Oh, by the way, see ya on the other side of this situation....

Cardo..
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Old 06-05-05, 08:33 PM
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Humor is the only thing that gets me through the day. With an add husband, and an adhd son, and me being adhd, and my daughter showing signs of adhd, and hyper dogs, etc... my daily life has got to be a practical joke of someone.

As far as St Johns Wort, my sister swears by it for her stress. She is 13 months older than me, "adhd but in denial", divorced, can't keep a long term relationship because she gets bored, hates her job but stays there because of the money, can't seem to find time to clean her house but can find time for naps, is not a financial genius and robs Peter to pay Paul that will hopefully pay me, who can't seem to remember that her car needs oil to run and has blown up several due to no oil. Sounds adhd to me.

Speaking of St Johns Wort, two years ago we all went to Bike Week in Daytona. My husband, my 2 sisters and another friend of ours. When she was unpacking, she pulled out a freezer storage bag stuffed totally full of grey pills. My other sister and I freaked. We asked her what they were and she simply said "Oh, those are my St Johns Wort pills". There were enough for every person in Daytona to take several each day and we were only staying a week. She takes that many and she is still stressed. They are expensive too even if you just buy the cheaper brands. We all gave her some for her birthday.

When I tell her that she just needs to go to the doctor and get a prescription, she says she can't afford it. But she can afford 2 million St Johns Wort pills?

I still cringe at the fact that we could have been pulled over on the way there or back and the freezer bag full of unmarked pills found. We would have been hauled in so fast. When we asked her why she just didn't just bring the bottle, she said that it was easier to pack them in the freezer bag. ??????? Again, we were only there for a frickin week.

I would strongly suggest to anyone that is questioning whether there is a light at the end of the tunnel, to be tested. It can't hurt. As I constantly tell my two "adhd in denial sisters", if you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to keep getting what you are getting. And it ain't workin.

Good luck.
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Old 06-05-05, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
…new software is introduced almost daily…
You do realize, I hope, that while this is a serious problem, it's not your problem.

There are a lot if us here qualified to make that determination, and I believe everyone would agree.

Learning to straighten out what is sensible from what people have learned to expect or accept is one of the first tasks we all have to face.

It doesn't matter how much this practice is accepted where you work, or even universally in your industry: it's just plain wrong.

And if you take heart in that fact, and look again at the people that seem to do OK under these conditions, you'll likely find they aren't doing squat, or not correctly anyway.


One other point: the comment to the effect that "AD/HD isn't curable" is way off the mark. There isn't anything to cure, and accepting the idea that there is won't get you anywhere.

We are what we are, but the appearance that we’re different doesn't accurately reflect how we're different. We’re all discovering the true nature of our differences every day, and it can be an exciting journey.

Hang in there. We’re all in the same boat in every important way.
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There's just life. Get on with it."
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Old 06-06-05, 08:26 AM
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Stabile,

I agree with you. There isn't anything to "cure" with ADD/ADHD. We are what we are.

What I meant when I said "At this time, ADD/ADHD is not cureable, but in my case (along with my husband and son), it is ALOT more manageable with medication" was that ADD/ADHD is a disability that we, as a family, receive daily medication for and special services at school. We, as a family, frequently regret having ADD/ADHD and wish there was a magic "cure" so that we could not have to worry about all of the unpleasant symptoms that we experience on an hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis.

ADD/ADHD is not something that I am ashamed of and I consider my adhd a blessing at work and in social situations. At home, it's a disability for me when it comes to cleaning or finances. But in "most" cases for me, it's an asset.

As far "cureable", I myself would eat dog doodoo daily if mine, my husband's and my son's unfavorable ADD/ADHD symptoms would disappear completely. I would consider that cured even though we would still be ADD/ADHD but the symptoms would disappear.

Yes, I agree, "cureable" was probably not the proper word. Perhaps our unfavorable add/adhd symptoms would "miraculously disappear forever and ever".
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Old 06-07-05, 09:30 PM
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AnnAnnAnn, you have voiced many of the same feelings that I have been going thru recently. I am brand new to ADD too. Diagnosed about 2 months ago. The more I read on this site the more I thank God I found it. I am feeling very lost and confused right now too. I think the best place for the both of us is reading and posting on this web site.

All of you wonderful people say thought provoking, loving, humorus, serious, intelegent things that keep me coming back for more. Thank you again!!!
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Old 06-08-05, 12:31 AM
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AnnAnnAnn,

Hope things are getting better for you, I know how the frustration and depression can cause everything to feel hopeless. But things always get better.

One thing I thought I would mention regarding the software issues, when My anxiety level heads into overdrive, I lose the ability to do basic math...and I am the person that usually has the answer before the "normie" has his calculator turned on! Only a reduction in my anxiety level alleviates this problem.

Hang in there!
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Old 06-08-05, 09:13 PM
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Thanks So Much!!!!

K-red --

I am laughing. Your signature quote is a riot!!

I agree this is a great forum. The initial shock has wore off and while the diagnosis does explain a heck of alot, it still feels like an octupus with many branching tentacles.

I just finished the book, "Healing ADD" by Thom Hartmann. There are several exercises I found useful. Two of them are: pay attention to the predicates others use (verbs reflecting any of the various senses like sight, sound, touch etc.) and speak to that person using similar predicates -- it helps to make a connection with the person; and you can recall both positive and negative memories and fine-tune them -- to change the quality of the memory because the mind stores memories like holograms. Replace the old memories with altered memories. The point being you can take negative memories and make them less painful to the point of being boring and you can take positive memories and heighten the positive qualities and also make them more easily accessible.

Oh let's see. I wish what I was about to say wasn't true. While reading the Tightwad Gazette really helped me with money matters and more, my expenses exceed my income. I live in a tiny one-bedroom home and I am currently trying to fix the house up so I can rent the bedroom while I sleep in the LR. The diagnosis triggered a decision -- I asked my boss if I could go part-time. I have been unsuccessful in finding another job but I just can't take my work situation anymore. My communication style clashes with three out four of my co-workers to the point of true disaster. My work has been affected. I make mistakes and it's getting worse. The diagnosis did help me focus on the fact that I haven't been happy in this job for quite some time. But, for me I just can't see a good future, I keep seeing homeless women whereever I go. I do have a car and I have considered that I may have to live in my car.

Luckily, I am a simple, down-to-earth person, so I won't have too far to fall.

=====
Thanks Moving on -- I appreciate your comments and look forward to reading more of your posts. It is amazing the effect anxiety can have. Glad to hear you can key in on your anxiety and find ways to reduce it.

Some of my tricks regarding technology are to use windup clocks and watches, and minimize the acquisition of gadgets. I don't have an answering machine, a TV, or cable, for example. I do have other gadgets though.

======

Stabile -- I appreciate your comments. In my workplace, it is considered standard procedure to grasp every new piece of software introduced. Because I have openly suggested that I am a bit overwhelmed by it all, this is seen as a sign of weakness. it was one of the reasons I decided to go part-time.

======

Gourmet -- thanks for the kind words. Thanks for the book plug, too. I am laughing. I am addicted to reading, supposedly an ADD trait. It helps calm me down, it helps me focus, it's a positive experience.

---

Cardo --- I can say I am lucky in many regards. I chucked at your quote --"Never surrender as long as you can move your little finger" I thought yeah, even if it is a little arthritic.

===

Also to everyone -- please accept my apologies for suggesting that ADD was incurable. It was just my frustration talking. I have secretly enjoyed many aspects of ADD, so I do recognize that it is a gift at times.

Thanks again, Ann
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