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Old 02-13-05, 12:53 PM
smurfymom smurfymom is offline
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Unhappy replies to comments on my intro... smurfymom from Texas

First off, let me start by saying that a year ago, I would have been ya'lls worst nightmare. For years and years my opinion on ADD was the same as my mother's...bordering between "it doesn't exist" and "if it does, there are only a small handful who TRULY have it and TRULY need the meds". Basically she ingrained it in my widdle brain that ALL kids would be diagnosed ADD if they were taken in for it.

That said, I have FINALLY shrugged off the last remaining remnants of cowering behind my mother's opinions! (Don't give up on me, bear with me here! lol)

My mom is also one who believes that the only time to go to a dr is if you obviously need stitches or a bone set. I can't even begin to count the many, many times I thought I was dying because of my asthma and BEGGED to go to the dr or ER or something. I could never run and play, do sports, heck I couldn't even run to the mailbox or do a handful of sit-ups because I couldn't breathe. Still, the only meds I ever had were OTC inhalers, which she would begrudgingly let me use if I begged...after a couple of hours of listening to her tell me "slow your breathing down, control your breathing" etc.

No, asthma doesn't have anything to do with ADD, but I set this up for a reason. (PLEASE, bear with me...I'm getting there!) I'm a mom. When my daughter was about 9mo old (oh gosh! I JUST NOW noticed the age does in fact coincide with the introduction of egg!) she started getting eczema. My son was born 3mo later, and I swear to you the instant I saw him I knew deep in my heart that this was my 'sick babe'. That there would always be something waiting in the background with this one. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just knew. I basically tried to ignore it, though. Until he was a couple of months old and looked like a corpse, that is. He was literally wasting away in front of my eyes. I expressed my concern to the dr who said he was just small. I shared my concern with my mom who told me there was nothing wrong (remember I'm still a very NEW mom). My husband, however, shared my concerns. At 3mo, with a grayish and almost mottled, lethargic, and SCRAWNY baby, I weighed him at home again as I had a month previously. He'd lost 9oz. I panicked and switched to formula. He improved slightly the first couple of weeks, but then started going downhill again. FINALLY I got the courage to march into the dr's office and demand something be done because things were NOT right. (All this time, my mother still professed nothing was wrong and I had to fight with myself to do anything because of this...her 'hold' or whatever was that strong.)

Eventually we discovered major, life-threatening food allergies to have been his problems (chronic diarrhea, failure to thrive, lethargy, excessive mucus, on and on). That whole 'episode' of my mommyhood gave me the little boost to be a little more accepting of my 'mommy instinct' or 'mommy knowledge' what have you. Problems came up again when the kids were 2 and 3. I highly suspected asthma (heck I've been living with it all my life, I knew it when I saw it), and yet again had to fight MYSELF to do anything because of what my mom had ingrained in me. Again with eczema and my daughter. Then I remembered the whole FTT thing and thought, darn it, my mom is NOT going to keep me from doing what needs to be done for my kids. So off we went. Sure enough, asthma diagnosed in both, sent home with a nebulizer and maintenance meds (wow! you mean they'll be able to run around AND breath at the same time? they'll be able to have entire DAYS without fighting for breath? what's that like??)

Another problem of magnitude came up with my son when he was 2.5y. He'd grown a whopping 3/4" in the last six months. This time, though, I immediately took him in, even though I was scared to death (as always) that the drs would not believe me or would somehow think this was my fault. Off to a specialist we went. He's 6 now and still not officially diagnosed, but the endo has been fairly certain since day 1 that he is growth hormone deficient, he's just been waiting till he's older to do the stim test (I expect sometime this year). A year later I noticed my daughter's growth chart was a lot flatter than the 'norms'. Again terrified of what the drs would say, I brought this up with the ped. Off to the specialist. She was diagnosed growth hormone deficient within 6mo.

I know, I know, this is long and seems to have NOTHING to do with ADD, but it does...this is where it starts. You would think, that by now I would have gotten over the whole anti-dr, anti-anything-ever-possibly-being-not-right thing my mom raised me under. Nope. We'd always planned to homeschool, but when my daughter was 4.5y and I started 'officially' teaching her to learn to read (she'd been begging for over a year), I noticed a couple of things. First, that she took to the reading of simple words like a fish to water. Second, that once we put those words into itsty bitsy sentences she could no longer even sound out the individual words. And third, that a number of people found her hard to understand. I gave her a little computer test that was to test (in a VERY unofficial way) her standings academically and intellectually against same-age peers. I watched her take it and it seemed to me that she wasn't hearing things properly. She was missing things I KNEW she knew the answer to. Her scores varied HUGELY based on whether the section was presented visually, auditorially, or a combination.

There were 3 sections. The first was entirely auditory. She was asked a yes or no question and had to click on the nodding elephant or the dog shaking it's head no. She got like a 2%. The second was a combination of auditory and visual. She was asked to draw a line under a picture (out of 3), or circle this or that, etc. She got like a 53% or something along those lines. The third was almost entirely visual. She was given a pattern and told to complete it, after the first 2, the instructions were no longer repeated, there was just a new pattern after she chose the picture to complete the last pattern. She got a 98%. I went back later and took the test myself and she only missed getting a 100% because she didn't have time to complete the last couple of patterns.

The obvious difference between visual and auditory, along with the apparent WALL we'd hit in reading (while at the same time she'd taught herself 2 place addition) and the new realization that I was basically the only one who could understand her led me to the ped for a speech evaluation and hearing test. Her hearing tested fine, but the SLP said she thought there might be an auditory processing thing going on, but we couldn't test till age 7. She received 3mo ST for tongue thrust and then was graduated.

I TOLD you it was coming! LOL Here it is... By this point I'd gotten real good at researching medical 'stuff' online. Only reputable sights, medical associations, medical journals, sites designed by and for doctors, etc. It was the only way I could ever bring myself to take the kids in for something. I had to research the hound out of whatever until I was 100% satisfied that there was indeed a need to see the dr and that the DR would also recognize this. Well, I hit the net researching again and discovered what I thought to be my dd's problem...Central Auditory Processing Disorder. I read a lot about it and noticed that CAPD and ADD share a lot of the same symptoms. I thought, yeah, but it's not ADD, it's CAPD, for sure. Well, I read a ton, and I implemented just about EVERY CAPD trick and tip and modification, etc that I could find, as well as trying a bajillion different things on my own to try and help her both in 'school' (remember we homeschool) and out. Not a thing has worked.

I wondered about ADD off and on since that point (4.5yo) on, but every time would shoot the idea immediately out of my head because of what I'd always believed about ADD (which was strictly based on my mom's opinions, I might add...completely CONTRARY to what I'd been doing with anything else with the kids...finally). I told myself I wouldn't even begin to think about ADD at all until she was 7yo, dismissing everything that made me wonder as being an 'age thing'. I have to say, though, that the older she got, the more and more anxious I was for her to reach that golden age that I'd set for myself before I even thought about ADD.

Well, she turned 7yo in December. I was still hesitant and still found myself thinking, "I can't believe I'm even considering it!", etc. A couple of weeks back in 'school' after Christmas break, though, I decided enough was enough was ENOUGH! lol I couldn't stand it anymore. NOTHING I have tried has helped in the least, and Meagan's 'symptoms' were causing HUGE amounts of stress and problems for everyone in the family.

I hit the net researching again. I was not about to say one word to the dr or anyone else until I knew for certain that she was NOT going to be 'labeled ADD' if it wasn't there. I did NOT want that! So I researched.

And here's where I say...I"M SO SORRY!! I'm apologizing officially and publicly to all of US (yes US!...lol) who suffer from ADD. OMG! I had no idea what the symptoms truly were, I had NO idea there had been so much research done, no idea that such thought and research and all went into the diagnostic process. Why? Because I'd taken my mom's opinion and used it as my own, without once checking into the facts. This was exactly what I'm promised myself I would NEVER, EVER do again when my son was so sick as an infant! This truly was shrugging off the last of my mom, since while being anti-dr-anything, her biggest 'peeve' is ADD. It's what she feels the MOST strongly about. AND I WON!!! Gosh does it feel great to know I've FINALLY become my OWN person, instead of some unthinking follower!

Ok. Soooo, I have learned a TON about ADD recently, and I even poked around the AAP's site until I came up with the diagnostic criteria and questionnaires used to determine whether they apply. I STILL have this huge thing about going in to the dr without feeling that there is TRULY a need that the dr will recognize, plus, like I said I did NOT want a label stuck on her that shouldn't be there. Well, I printed out the questionnaires and filled one out on my dd. I also had my hubby fill one out, since I knew our viewpoints were vastly different (he's a lot older, he works/lives a completely different schedule than me and the kids, he has NOTHING to do with any of the school stuff, and he has virtually nothing to do with discipline, etc most of the time). We were both SHOCKED beyond belief that when we tallyed up the scores, we scored her *exactly* the same overall. Some of the ratings on idividual questions were different (he scored her 'worse' than I did), but the overall was exactly the same. 9 out of 9 on inattention, and 8 out of 9 on hyperactive/impulsive. That did it. I set up an appt with the ped (we go Thurs and I am SOOOO nervous and have SOOO many questions!)

I went to the library and checked out a 'parent of ADD kid' type book and on impulse picked up a book called "Driven to Distraction" because at that particular moment I thought it MOST appropriate (the kids were driving me insane, I saw the title, laughed and said YEP!). I thought it was a book about ADD in kids. I couldn't believe what I read!

Words can not begin to describe how I felt reading that book. I've tried and tried and tried to explain it to my husband and I just can't. I can't find words strong enough. It was like this guy had gotten inside my head and explained the way I work and think a bajillion times better than I ever could. I didn't just 'identify' with this book. I'm living it and have always lived it.

Everyone has always said that my daughter is a carbon-copy of me...including myself. Everyone knows it, even my daughter. Thing is, NOW I see how SOOO much of the carbon-copy stuff is ADD stuff! The three biggest differences are: she's a lot healthier than I was at her age, she has MAJOR problems with reading (NO improvement at all in over a year, no matter what I've tried) while I was always a 'natural', and she seems to instinctively know just about everything in math that I try to teach her (but can't because she already knows!) whereas I was only 'good' at math. She's seven and doing an advance 3rd grade math course and continues to be THOROUGHLY bored no matter how quickly I try to move her through it. She hates repetition with a passion. If it were up to her, EVERY math problem she EVER does would be an entirely new concept. She doesn't like repeating even once.

All that said (WHEW! I told you it was long!). I have soooo many questions, and am soooo nervous and scared! For the last 3 wks my head has been spinning even MORE than normal. I don't know where to turn, what to say, what to do, or even what to feel. UGG! I HATE this!! I feel immense relief knowing that I'm not a 'mental case' as I've oftened wondered about, that I'm not a complete and utter useless piece of flesh and bones like I've virtually always thought. I also feel quite proud that I've accomplished and done what I have, that I'm functioning as well as I am (which actually isn't all that well, and I've known that all my life!), now that I see how 'classic' and how 'top of the charts' myself and my daughter are in terms of ADD. (Interestingly, my son exhibits NO signs of it. I did a questionnaire for him too...part of the whole "every child would be diagnosed ADD" thing my mom had me thinking for years and years and he didn't come anywhere CLOSE to even being borderline ADD.) I'm nervous and scared about the upcoming pediatrician's appointment (even more so since we homeschool and so don't truly have *two* seperate settings since none of the extracurricular stuff has worked out in the last few months), and nervous and scared, too, about my capabilities of schooling the kids....my daughter in particular. While at the same time, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the public school couldn't do anything with my daughter for sooo many reasons. She would fail horribly and be completely and utterly miserable, bored, and frustrated. I know, I've been there. Even making straight As, I was failing...not grade wise, but in every other way.

Oh gosh! How do I do this??? I guess first up is.... what do I say/do at the ped's appt this Thursday? How do I approach this? I was always completely against meds except in the (I thought!) very rare instance where there was truly NO alternative...for those *few* select kids who just couldn't function without them. Thing is I never saw myself or my daughter as being one of those. While I knew I wasn't functioning well, I never dreamed I "wasn't functioning" as badly as I am. I simply had no idea that the majority of the population was any different. Sure, I knew there were some people adult and kid alike who were better able to finish things, keep things neat and tidy, not be late, not lose or forget things, 'stick to the program', socialize, get things done, not get sidetracked during conversation (or anything for that matter!), etc. but I didn't realize (and truthfully am still having a hard time getting used to the idea) that those people are the MAJORITY. And yet at the same time, I always felt that I was different somehow...that something was screwed up in my head in some way.

I never saw my daughter as 'not functioning well'. I just knew she didn't get distracted easily...she STAYS distracted, knew she could NEVER remember where she put things or what she was supposed to do, was found annoying by almost everyone, would say things in conversation or in response to a question that made NO sense whatsoever in context, could not or would not calm down and quit moving when told to do so, could not or would not maintain eye contact in her 'bounciest' times for more than (yes, I've counted) 4 seconds, could never remember new playmates names ("Friend! Friend!!" she's always called the first several times seeing them/playing with them), stayed continually bored in some aspects of 'school' and yet completely and utterly frustrated and complaining/etc with ALL parts of school (and school has evolved into *mostly* hands on, fun stuff and she STILL can't/won't pay attention), has never been able to 'get into' anything, couldn't/wouldn't wait for anything, couldn't/wouldn't show any responsibility for ANYTHING, definently not perfoming in any aspect of her life as much as I KNEW she was capable of performing, etc. On and on and on. Even with all this, I didn't see it as "not functioning well". I just had no idea. I see it NOW, of course. But NOW I don't know what the heck to do!! =(

So...some questions. First...how do I NOT ramble on and on?!?! LMAO I've always been long-winded, I can't help it. I've tried and tried to cut my long-windedness back, and have failed miserably time and time again. No seriously, though... here are a few questions I have...

What is the best approach with the dr about ADD, considering we homeschool?
Specifically, how do I even begin to tell the dr about Meagan's 'symptoms' or problems? Where do I start? With the problems in school? The behavior issues (she doesn't TRY to get in trouble, she's mostly a good kid, she just never does what she's supposed to)? The comments she's made to me in the past about how she *can't* be still or pay attention because (her words here) "her brain won't let her" or "her brain won't be still"? The comments she's started making more recently about how "nobody likes her" or "she can't do anything right" (FAR from the truth, but how do you convince a 7yo that? I remember all too well what's it like...I truly do know how she feels and yet I have not been able to find a way to reach her!) The fact that all her 'symptoms' or 'problems' have not only not improved, but have gotten considerably worse in the last 2.5-3yrs? Where do I start???
In regards to meds...I've never liked the thought of the kids taking meds for anything, but I've always recognized that it's best they do if there is a need (asthma meds, for example, or allergy meds, etc). I've always researched the meds/dosages/indications/etc extensively before saying 'ok'. I feel 'ok' in terms of side effects, both short-term and long-term with ADD meds, and am trying hard to see/believe that they do NOT turn the kids into zombies or affect their individual personalities in any way. I've also come to the conclusion that if there is a way she can avoid all the b.s. I went through as a kid/teen/and even now, that I want that for her. I don't want her looking back at her childhood and hating almost every bit of it as I do. If there's a way I can help make things easier for her academically, behavorially, socially, and emotionally, I want desperately to do so. And if that means ADD meds, then so be it.
So, in regards to meds...a couple of specific questions.... if/when we try meds...if she is NOT ADD (though honestly I can't see this) how would the meds affect her? Is it a case of if you're ADD the meds will work and if you're not they won't? I've read about how they affect the ADD person, but can't find anything about how they affect the non-ADD person...or at least not in the places I look (only reputable medical information-gathering places...I don't read anything about it that is put out by the media, I've learned that lesson!). Again with the meds...should it be a case of only use the meds on school-days and let her be on the weekends and holidays? I've read about both sides on this, but I wondered how YOU, as an ADD sufferer saw it.

I guess that's it for now. I have a bajillion more questions, but I guess they can wait. I want ideas for tips and tricks and the like, but there are so many I've already tried that I'm not sure how to proceed with that. It makes the most sense to me to list out all the things I've tried (both for her and myself) that haven't worked before asking, but ohmyword! that would be another post as long as this one!

My final plea....PLEASE somebody help me! LOL I'm going nuts over here. I feel like running and screaming and crying and shouting and ugg! I'm just going nuts. That's all there is to it. I feel like I'm going to burst apart into about a milion pieces at any second now. =(

Thank you a million times over if you've managed to read this far. You're truly amazing for sticking with me if you have. You have no idea (or maybe you do!) how much that means to me.

Chris
who SWEARS she will shut up now and go 'freak out' while finally taking the Christmas tree down. lol
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Old 02-13-05, 01:13 PM
smurfymom smurfymom is offline
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OOPS! I am so embarrassed! I didn't read anything before I posted and realize now I screwed up big time by writing my title wrong and asking a bunch of questions. I'm SO sorry!!

Chris
*running to hide*
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Old 02-13-05, 02:23 PM
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Chris, hello!, this is a forum for ADDers. Read all of the details first? I wish! If your post is in the "wrong" forum, there are friendly administrators who will move it. Nice, eh? Welcome.
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Old 02-13-05, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smurfymom
Well, I printed out the questionnaires and filled one out on my dd. I also had my hubby fill one out, since I knew our viewpoints were vastly different (he's a lot older, he works/lives a completely different schedule than me and the kids, he has NOTHING to do with any of the school stuff, and he has virtually nothing to do with discipline, etc most of the time). We were both SHOCKED beyond belief that when we tallyed up the scores, we scored her *exactly* the same overall. Some of the ratings on idividual questions were different (he scored her 'worse' than I did), but the overall was exactly the same. 9 out of 9 on inattention, and 8 out of 9 on hyperactive/impulsive. That did it. I set up an appt with the ped (we go Thurs and I am SOOOO nervous and have SOOO many questions!
Ok. I'm going to try to help here, but my mind is a bit fried at the moment so you're going to have to bare with me, too ! I did read your entire post, which was not the reason for my mind frying by the way, at all...

The online assessment you and H did was a wise move. Certainly, you want to take that with you to your Doc. Don't forget to mention, of course, that you and H are on vastly different schedules with her so that Doc comprehends how relevant these like scores truly are. Another thing, don't hesitate, if one is not recommended, to ask for a Psych consultation. From reading your story, I suspect that would be a difficult move, and it's completely understandable, but if you can bring yourself to do it, it may well be more helpful than relying on the Ped alone.

Quote:
I didn't just 'identify' with this book. I'm living it and have always lived it.
Welcome home.

Quote:
....mind is spinning even MORE than normal. I don't know where to turn, what to say, what to do, or even what to feel. UGG! I HATE this!! I feel immense relief knowing that I'm not a 'mental case' as I've oftened wondered about, that I'm not a complete and utter useless piece of flesh and bones like I've virtually always thought. I also feel quite proud that I've accomplished and done what I have, that I'm functioning as well as I am (which actually isn't all that well, and I've known that all my life!), now that I see how 'classic' and how 'top of the charts' myself and my daughter are in terms of ADD.
You should feel VERY proud. You have overcome ideology that was ingrained in you for years. It's no easy feat. Many folks who find out later in life about their ADHD have gone through this same list of thoughts and emotions. The word "relief" definitely described my feelings upon diagnosis. However, until I began receiving treatment, yep, the mind was racing even more than before! Thirty minutes after taking my first dose of Adderall the world had changed. I kid you not. I have described it as a "LET THERE BE LIGHT" moment in my life, and that is in no way exagerrating.

Quote:
So...some questions. First...how do I NOT ramble on and on?!?!
Ummm. I'm the last person who can answer this one, trust me.....

Quote:
What is the best approach with the dr about ADD, considering we homeschool? Specifically, how do I even begin to tell the dr about Meagan's 'symptoms' or problems? Where do I start? With the problems in school? The behavior issues (she doesn't TRY to get in trouble, she's mostly a good kid, she just never does what she's supposed to)? The comments she's made to me in the past about how she *can't* be still or pay attention because (her words here) "her brain won't let her" or "her brain won't be still"? The comments she's started making more recently about how "nobody likes her" or "she can't do anything right" (FAR from the truth, but how do you convince a 7yo that? I remember all too well what's it like...I truly do know how she feels and yet I have not been able to find a way to reach her!) The fact that all her 'symptoms' or 'problems' have not only not improved, but have gotten considerably worse in the last 2.5-3yrs? Where do I start???
Here is my suggestion. You may have thought of it. If so, I'm just reinforcing your own idea. Sometimes that's as good as anything.... Make an actual LIST of the various areas....school issues, behavior issues, personal comments....etc....in WRITING. Better yet, type them on your computer. Start now so you can both add to and edit the list for clarity. Include the quotes your daughter has made WORD FOR WORD. A Doc will see what you've written above as a RED FLAG. However, if you can't be extremely precise, you may find yourself frustrated. Don't write in paragraph form. Make categories....then list the issues that fit. Single sentences. It will make it far easier to get through it all when you're sitting in front of the Doc...especially given the anxiety you're likely to feel that day.

Quote:
So, in regards to meds...a couple of specific questions.... if/when we try meds...if she is NOT ADD (though honestly I can't see this) how would the meds affect her? Is it a case of if you're ADD the meds will work and if you're not they won't? Again with the meds...should it be a case of only use the meds on school-days and let her be on the weekends and holidays?
I think you might be getting ahead of yourself here, but God knows I'm an expert at that so I definitely relate. Frankly, I doubt pretty seriously that you're daughter isn't ADHD. I'm not a Doctor. I just read your description of your life, her life, and it all sounds as you said "classic." Her starting dose will be extremely low. You will find out over time if you see improvement or a negative reaction. ADHD drugs are unique to everyone, what works for one may not work for others. Be prepard to exercise patience in getting the dose and med just right, if that's the road you're headed for. There is an adjustment period for lots of folks. If she doesn't have ADHD at all, the dose she'll be given is not going to cause her to completely flip out. If anything, you'll simply notice that nothing has changed. It's when dosage is increased in people who shouldn't be on the meds at all that real issues of severe anxiety become present. You will be taking it slow. You will have time to see what's happening. Trust yourself. Add this to the LIST. As for weekend breaks, I don't take them as a rule of thumb. Some do. I just feel my body is more affected, negatively, by the see-sawing back and forth than it is the consistency. But that is something you'll have to figure out on your own. Many people do take breaks and do well.

Quote:
Thank you a million times over if you've managed to read this far. You're truly amazing for sticking with me if you have. You have no idea (or maybe you do!) how much that means to me.
Actually, I think I do. And you're welcome. I hope my brain fog has not caused me to be completely ineffectual. If so, I apologize for that.

I have to add one thing here, in this entire equation, don't forget yourself. Many on this forum started meds and therapy in adulthood. For a lot of us, it's been the key to an incredibly improved quality of life. It is wonderful that you're able to go against the grain of all of the childhood propaganda on behalf of your daughter. I hope you can do that for yourself too. How great would it be for both of you to find PEACE TOGETHER.....Take care....
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Old 02-13-05, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smurfymom
OOPS! I am so embarrassed! I didn't read anything before I posted and realize now I screwed up big time by writing my title wrong and asking a bunch of questions. I'm SO sorry!!

Chris
*running to hide*
Not a problem, smurfy Will take care of dat for ya ..Welcome to the forums
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Old 02-13-05, 05:50 PM
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ummm...lol....not sure how to proceed here! ok, we're not supposed to turn these threads in this forum into conversations, so I'm guessing I need to reply to the above in a different forum??? oh vey! I guess that's what I'll do, in the general ADD forum... sooo... THANK YOU SO MUCH for your replies and help with the title and all...LOL. I'm gonna go start a thread in the general section to reply to you (again with the ???s LOL) that way this thread does go off in a tangent that's not meant to be here.

*whew* I think I'm figuring this out now....=/ LOL
Chris
who, surprisingly (or not??) has been completely and utterly side-tracked with the Christmas tree once more...maybe I'll get it down by St. Paddy's day! LOL
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Old 02-13-05, 06:39 PM
smurfymom smurfymom is offline
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Smile replies to comments on my intro...

Ok. I think I'm in the right spot for just 'talking' and asking questions now....I hope. lol

lmnapl- LOL I had to read your comment 3 or 4 times before I 'got it'. But yeah, I see what you mean. Go figure, huh? LOL Thanks for the welcome and for making me laugh at myself (better than cryin' huh? lol) about being a ditz and flying off to post before reading my instructions.

free2bme- wow! Thanks for all the feedback...now let's see if I can reply without going off in too big of a tangent again. LOL I'll take each piece of your reply and answer it in turn....(I hope!)

*you said the questionnaires my dh and I filled out about dd were a 'wise move' and to take them to the dr and explain the different schedules/viewpoints/etc. How odd that you say that. LOL My hubby said almost the same thing word for word. He even offered to take Meagan to the appt to do just that. He offered because my immediate thoughts were..."NO! We can't let the dr know we did this!!" Why?? Because I kept/keep thinking that if she knows I downloaded the American Academy of Pediatrics 'official' questionnaires that are handed out at the appt, then she'll know I've done reading/researching on this, and if she knows *that* she *might* (VERY mistakenly!!) think that I/we deliberately and intentionally skewed the results of those questionnaires in order to have her diagnosed ADHD. That is FAR from the truth of the matter, but I've always had this 'paranoia' in this kind of regard. I'm always terrified the drs will think I'm making it up or am causing whatever or shoot I don't even know what I'm scared of really. lol I do know, though, that with every other dr appt, concern, etc, I've always been EXTREMELY careful to word things, bring things up, etc in such a way that I am NOT skewing things. I've always tried to only give them the info they ask for, unless of course there are some facts or other things that are going on that I've questioned might be part of the problem (even if they don't 'fit' the diagnosis I figure we're heading for). I think this time it is bothering me even more because everything else I've discovered and sought help with in the kids has had concrete testing or what have you and I've been proven right in my thinking by real, concrete, physical evidence. (i.e. *IF* I unintentionally skewed their thinking/approach it didn't really matter because it was skewed into exactly the right direction to find a definitive diagnosis) With ADHD, though, there AREN'T any definitive tests, there isn't any way to come up with real, concrete, *physical* proof, so I'm terrified of accidentally making the doctor think ADHD when it's not because of what I say and terrified of making them think that it's *not* ADHD because they think I am just saying all this stuff because I know that's what I would say if it *was* ADHD. GOSH I spend way too much time thinking about crap this way! LMAO

Sooo...deep breath... in *your* opinion... if I walked into the dr office with the same questionnaires she'd likely give me to fill out, already filled out and said "look..." and showed her and explained how hubby and I feel we are truly looking at Meagan from completely different viewpoints (almost settings??), do you think it could/would HELP us get an accurate diagnosis or HINDER us getting one?? I guess that's the main issue. My hubby says help, but I tend to say 'in theory should help, but what if I come across pushy or wacko or whatever and so it hinders'.

*Welcome home. lol good way to describe it. That pretty much sums up the way I felt by about page 2 (and DEEPLY by the end of the book). Sooooo much about myself makes complete and utter sense to me now.

*you said I should be proud of overcoming ideology tha was ingrained, etc. LOL That too, I guess. I was actually thinking/referring to what little I/we have managed to accomplish in terms of the homeschooling. Knowing what I know now I look at the homeschooling and think "WOW!!! It's a miracle!" To use a cliche, it's much like the blind *and* deaf *and* dumb, leading the blind *and* deaf *and* dumb and without being able to use the sense of touch to do it! (And btw, I do NOT mean that to be derogitory to anyone in any way...) I just find it flabbergasting that we've been able to get anything done. LOL I mean, I've known for awhile that it was a mind-boggling feat that we had because I know the problems Meagan has (and so therefore I have with schooling her), but now that I know where the vast majority of those problems are coming from and that we share them all...WOW!

*you said to make a list of the different problems/issues. Yup thought of that (did I mention I have always been a HUGE list-maker, but that they rarely seem to get completed...both the list-making and actually accomplishing the things *on* that list...). LOL I started a handwritten one last week, only about the fifth one I've started (at least) in the last couple of years. Problem is I keep hitting a brick wall, or a mix-master highway system or something. I can't seem to actually come up with them all when I go to write them down, and I can't seem to come up with specific examples to help me put the problem into words when I can't come up with the problem either. Other times (more often) I think of a ton at once and can't seem to get them into any order. Or even worse, I can't seem to keep the 'list' a 'list'. I write a problem down and then the next and before I know it I've written a book. I've never been able to do outlines or summaries etc. I used to get my mom to do the outlines in English class for me. I could write the reports and essays, just couldn't do it in pieces. Never could do the outlines, the bibliography, the notecards, etc. I had to just read the stuff, then write about it. I generally got at least a B on the paper (with points taken off for handwriting and run-ons and *too much* detail), and As on the bit-by-bit stuff cause I always had Mom or a friend do it for me. LOL

*which brings me to my next question. I again (today) started to make a list of Meagan's issues...this time on the computer... and I can not get the stupid thing into LIST form...you know...nice and short and sweet and simple and easy to read, etc. So now what do I do??? A couple of weeks ago, I'd entertained the thought of emailing the dr with all this stuff PRIOR to going in to see her, and even started writing the email, but could never get it right. It was always too long and rambling and jumped from one thing to another. I couldn't ever find a *good* place to start, a *good* next 'thing', etc. I think I'm doomed with this one. LOL

*as for the meds and holidays from them, etc....yeah, I know I'm getting ahead of myself. I do that frequently. LOL I was just really curious as to whether ADDers felt that being on the meds full-time was better than intermittenly or what. I guess I probably already knew, though, that it would be an individual thing. LOL

*as for your 'brain fog'...personally?? I didn't see a whiff of it. Possible that we are in the same fog, then? LOL I dunno. As for 'forgetting myself' or 'finding peace myself' whatever...no, I'm definently on the same wavelength you are there. It's just kinda limited as to what I can do. I have no health insurance for me and can't afford the dr and med bills otherwise. Soooo, I've already concluded that as for *me* my help has got to come from within (though if a miracle were to happen and we COULD afford it, I probably *would* try the meds).

I don't know whether you've heard about FLYLady or not, but I spent 2+ days in the middle of all this major information-gathering/researching/wasting-my-time-except-not-in-front-of-the-puter researching her methods/tactics/etc. I can see where she is (knowingly or not) quite probably working as an online, unofficial ADD coach for some people. I've signed up with her and already *do* see a difference, albeit a teeny one. I'm scared that all too soon, I'll find myself ignoring her emails (not new and fresh, I tend to ignore...), but I am truly determined especially now that I KNOW I need the help. My sink has been clean and all my dishes washed AND dinner cooked (AND put away!!) for 5 days in a row now. I've never gone more than a few hours before...ever. I'm trying. lol I'm determined to help myself and so have done a lot of looking-into the tips, tricks, etc. I'm not holding my breath yet, but I am fiercely determined to find a way to make things better over here, so *maybe* now that I know what I'm *really* dealing with I'll be better able to make that happen.

ugg. long-winded again. Sorry bout that. That's one I've been fighting since jr high at least and haven't gotten anywhere with. =(

Chris
who's off to....YIKES!! start dinner! (it's that late already?? shoot, there goes the Christmas tree removal for sure for today! LOL)
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Old 02-13-05, 10:40 PM
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Old 02-13-05, 11:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smurfymom
Sooo...deep breath... in *your* opinion... if I walked into the dr office with the same questionnaires she'd likely give me to fill out, already filled out and said "look..." and showed her and explained how hubby and I feel we are truly looking at Meagan from completely different viewpoints (almost settings??), do you think it could/would HELP us get an accurate diagnosis or HINDER us getting one?? I guess that's the main issue. My hubby says help, but I tend to say 'in theory should help, but what if I come across pushy or wacko or whatever and so it hinders'.
I SINCERELY, HONESTLY believe that any Doc worth a grain of sand would look at parents who have thoughtfully, deeply, extremely carefully analyzed their child's behavior, taken the time to actually research ahead of time, and then show up for an appointment PREPARED for a productive dialogue, as exactly what they are.....loving, concerned, involved, responsible parents.

Quote:
which brings me to my next question. I again (today) started to make a list of Meagan's issues...this time on the computer... and I can not get the stupid thing into LIST form...you know...nice and short and sweet and simple and easy to read, etc. So now what do I do??? A couple of weeks ago, I'd entertained the thought of emailing the dr with all this stuff PRIOR to going in to see her, and even started writing the email, but could never get it right. It was always too long and rambling and jumped from one thing to another. I couldn't ever find a *good* place to start, a *good* next 'thing', etc.
OK. I don't think you should freak over this too much. The list doesn't have to be worthy of being reviewed by The Supreme Court. I see two viable options. One, over the next several days, write down anything and everything that comes to mind. In one place....a notebook...so you can find it later! When it draws closer to the appt, sit down and condense it into a synopsis. My point in keeping it brief was just so you wouldn't leave anything out due to the anxiety you feel, and then feel MORE anxiety over leaving it out! Know what I mean. But you AREN'T BEING GRADED ON YOUR LIST-MAKING SKILLS! The other option is to send her your thoughts ahead of time as you mentioned. It's not a bad idea, as long as know she reads her emails, and you take a copy with you. To be perfectly honest with you, it may be that she actually recognizes the situation in YOU, and I mean that in a good way, believe me. The struggles you are having with the writing are issues that MANY adhders have expressed. I just happen to be one of the weirder of the weird!!!! Try to relax. See what your H thinks is the best way to go here, and also listen to your gut. But truly, even if you walk in there with chicken scratch on a brown paper bag, a good Doc will be moved by the parents you are.

Quote:
It's just kinda limited as to what I can do. I have no health insurance for me and can't afford the dr and med bills otherwise. Soooo, I've already concluded that as for *me* my help has got to come from within (though if a miracle were to happen and we COULD afford it, I probably *would* try the meds).
I suspect that once your daughter is helped, you will feel a burden lifted. As for dealing with your own situation, I know many folks in this medical insurance predicament. I hope that at some point you'll be able to get the therapy and/or medication you may need. In the meantime, education is power....you're still ahead of the game here......and the only person who deserves the credit for that, is YOU.

Hope I didn't miss anything. Take care.
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Old 02-14-05, 03:20 AM
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it's 1:15am and I've still not managed to pry my behind up out of this chair longer than the time it took to go potty and (quicklY!) give my son his meds...just realized I somehow managed to forget my daughter's. =( My Christmas tree is still up even though I SWORE this year it would be DOWN by Valentines. School (homeschool) has been shot to you know where in a handbasket for 3 wks now (mostly cause of me and this whole research thing...it consumes me to the point of not being able to do anything else, but also cause first my dd, then my ds were sick for a week at a time each) and now school has GOT to get going again tomorrow lest we really be up you-know-what-creek about ever getting back into the swing of it and I've *once again* managed to forget/put-off/never-get-to coming up with some sort of 'plan' for the school day. And of course...once again I've stayed up WAY, WAY past the time I told myself I would...never mind the colossal headache I've had all day because of reading on the computer (I have needed new glasses for at least 2yr now...this pair is almost 8yo old...but keep putting off/forgetting to get new ones).

So! While I am just *itching* to respond to all these new replies, I am officially FORCING myself to just shut up, GET up, and get my booty in bed. Especially since I KNOW that it will take me a good 2+ hours for my brain to wear out and crash and that that most likely will mean I will not hear the alarm in the morning as it sounds for an hour and a half (but NO one bothers to wake me up!!!) and that *that* will make me feel guilty and rushed all over again.

ugg. the more I think about this, the more I think about ME, the more I learn, the more I'm flabbergast myself that I've slogged this far on my own. I can't decide whether to laugh myself silly or bawl my eyes out from frustration! LMAO guess that answered that question.

I'm not going to turn my puter off. If I do, I know I will forget to ever get back to that list I started...and the sites people have referred me to tonight...oh! and that list of 'why I love my hubby' that I started Friday night as a V-day gift (and having a HARD time making!). oh no!! not again. can I scream??? Meagan (for the first time EVER) has been working on a 'project' for more than 5min...actually for the last 4 days almost solid. She's been putting together Valentine goody bags for all the people she loves. And I've warned myself and told myself more than a hundred times during the last 4 days that I HAVE to make coupons for the kids and go pick up some chocolate treats for them for tomorrow. Now here it is...tomorrow...and I haven't done it.

OK. I'm shutting up now. Now that I realize that I just REALLY, completely and utterly let everything fall completely flat on its face today....again. I will respond to the new comments in the am. Undoubtedly while I wait for (and then forget about) the coffee to perk.

Chris
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Old 02-14-05, 06:24 AM
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Hello and welcome to the forum Chris
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Old 02-14-05, 02:01 PM
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by free2bme
I SINCERELY, HONESTLY believe that any Doc worth a grain of sand would look at parents who have thoughtfully, deeply, extremely carefully analyzed their child's behavior, taken the time to actually research ahead of time, and then show up for an appointment PREPARED for a productive dialogue, as exactly what they are.....loving, concerned, involved, responsible parents.

HAHA I think I figured out how to quote like you did!! YEA!

ok. see...that is what I always think is the way it SHOULD be (and the drs have always been suitably impressed when I come in with stacks of info and half the forms they/we need all printed out and filled in, etc) but I still have this huge problem TRUSTING it. I have this (I KNOW it's an irrational fear) fear that somehow someway the drs are gonna turn on me and either turn us away (ok so big deal really...find a new dr, right?) or call CPS and have my kids taken away because I'm such an awful parent and they'd be far better off with someone else (see, I *know* that is irrational....my kids are WELL loved, they're clean -usually...lol-, definently not beaten by any stretch of the imagination, they're happy and 'adjusted', they're learning, they're having fun, they're in very good physical health because I stay so on top of things, they have plenty of clothes and plenty of food, and *way* too many toys and books, etc, etc yet I am still terrified that because my house always looks trashed -I try, I REALLY do try!! and I do have hope. I joined FLYLady and my sink and dishes have been clean consistently for almost a week!- and the kids hair isn't always brushed and pinned up neatly and are clothes are always 'the nicest' or whatever...that POOF there they go!) Sometimes I hate being me. LOL

OK. I don't think you should freak over this too much. The list doesn't have to be worthy of being reviewed by The Supreme Court. I see two viable options. One, over the next several days, write down anything and everything that comes to mind. In one place....a notebook...so you can find it later! When it draws closer to the appt, sit down and condense it into a synopsis. My point in keeping it brief was just so you wouldn't leave anything out due to the anxiety you feel, and then feel MORE anxiety over leaving it out! Know what I mean. But you AREN'T BEING GRADED ON YOUR LIST-MAKING SKILLS! The other option is to send her your thoughts ahead of time as you mentioned. It's not a bad idea, as long as know she reads her emails, and you take a copy with you. To be perfectly honest with you, it may be that she actually recognizes the situation in YOU, and I mean that in a good way, believe me. The struggles you are having with the writing are issues that MANY adhders have expressed. I just happen to be one of the weirder of the weird!!!! Try to relax. See what your H thinks is the best way to go here, and also listen to your gut. But truly, even if you walk in there with chicken scratch on a brown paper bag, a good Doc will be moved by the parents you are.

Yup. I know what you mean. hehe Here again, though, my irrational fears keep trying to take over (have I mentioned yet that I have always been a CHRONIC worry-wart about the STUPIDEST things?!?!). The dr may recognize the situation in me?!?! ACK!! My thoughts speed back and forth between: GOOD! That's certainly help! and NOOOOOO! Then she'll see that it's next to impossible for me to make a good mom and home for Meagan since *I'm* not treated!! And what if she calls CPS and they say I can only keep the kids if we start counseling, I start meds, the house gets clean and stays that way, etc. and I can't AFFORD the counseling and meds so can't do them and I clean the house like crazy and somehow manage to keep it mostly ok until JUST the very day they decide to drop in when I haven't been able to keep up and the house looks like it's *never* been cleaned?!

deep breath. LOL See what I mean? I'm hopelessly screwed up in the head...and I know it. lol Especially with the ped we have. She's wonderful! Several times she's complimented me on being 'in-the-know' about the kids and whatever or about being prepared paperwork-wise. Several times she's commented on how unbelievably healthy the kids are in spite of their *numerous* allergies and asthma and eczema. Several times she's commented on how *little* the kids have needed to see her even with all their 'problems'. She's never questioned my bringing them in, she's never gotten upset when I tried to (EXTREMELY tactfully) bring it to her attention that she was in fact thinking of ____ and that in this case the correct answer is ____. MAN I hated that visit! LMAO She's always listened to what I've said and addressed my every concern without being deragotory in any way. She's even called prescriptions in for me when *technically* speaking she probably should have actually *seen* the kids first. So yes, I know this dr is a good dr and surely doesn't see anything truly 'wrong' (in a bad way) with me, but still I worry and freak myself out....*every* time. lol

I suspect that once your daughter is helped, you will feel a burden lifted. As for dealing with your own situation, I know many folks in this medical insurance predicament. I hope that at some point you'll be able to get the therapy and/or medication you may need. In the meantime, education is power....you're still ahead of the game here......and the only person who deserves the credit for that, is YOU.


So do I! LOL I can say this much. I definently feel like I've garnered some top-secret information that is *really* going to help me out. Make some changes, only this time I'll know HOW to make those changes and WHAT changes to make. I feel like now I will be WAY better able to predict what changes are likely to work and which ones won't. In short, I feel like I *finally* know in what direction to turn. No, not turn. It feels more like I've been trying to get down this highway full of construction and detour signs, backed up with orange cones and fender benders and traffic and it's foggy and pouring rain, so I keep trying to turn off at the next exit, only to find a ways down that that exit just is NOT going to work, so back on the highway I go until I get to the next exit. NOW it feels like every last one of those signs and obstacles has simply vanished, the rain has stopped, and the fog is all that's left...and *that* is beginning to lift. So no, not which direction to turn, cause that was the trouble all along...I kept turning when I really needed to continue going straight.

There's only one thing left to say.... ROAD TRIP!!!!!! YEEEE-HAW!!!

Hope I didn't miss anything. Take care.
Nope. Don't think you missed a thing. Thanks a million!! =)

Chris C (keep forgetting to put that C in there!)
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Old 02-14-05, 02:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmnapl
Smurfy,
You won't believe this! This site tells you if you've already voted on a poll.
L.
HAHA!! I figured that out when I went to vote on a poll. I also found out that when you have a private message a little pop-up window POPS right up and tells you and then opens said private message up when you click on ok.

I LOVE IT!!! LMAO I could use that feature on a LOT of sites. haha Man was this site ever designed for me. Except I noticed last night that there are about 50 billion different forums! ACK the choices!! Which one do I post _______ in?!?! How to decide?!?! LMAO

Thanks again for giving me a laugh!

Chris C
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Old 02-14-05, 02:36 PM
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I can't think of anything to add to Free's post...she's one smart chicka IMHO.
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Old 02-17-05, 11:38 AM
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Angry

*sigh* The Fight part of Fight or Flight has kicked in temporarily. I'm grateful, but also frustrated. My daughter's dr appt with the ped was supposed to be today. Yesterday at 3:30pm they called to tell me that because of our insurance they were not allowed to see her for ADHD even if we paid out-of-pocket. Said we had to go through the Behavorial Health # on the back of our ins card. I called that # and got 2 different #s for 'therapists'. One was out of service, and I had to call the ped's office to get a more recent # for the 2nd. I called and left a message, hoping to hear something today.

I'm having to assume that these 'therapists' are pyschologists? The woman didn't say, although she did mention that "they might suggest medication, in which case she'll be referred to a pyschiatrist". Since she didn't give me the name of the 'clinic' or whatever, just the therapists names, I'm going to assume they are pyschologists and not counselors, since counselors can't make the diagnosis.

The anxiety and nervousness and 'freak-out' over the ped's appt is naturally gone. So for now I'm back in MamaBear or Fight mode. Making phone calls, figuring out just what I need to do and can do, being persistent, determined, and so forth to get my baby the help she needs. Just wait, though. Once I break through all that red tape and finally have an appointment set up....Flight sets back in! LOL This is a roller coaster I am quite familiar with. I react this way with everything. I fight when most people would panic, and panic when most people would be drawing a huge sigh of relief that things are over. Just yet another way in which I've always been 'backwards'. LOL

Chris C
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