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  #16  
Old 08-05-17, 04:43 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
See what the one above the pseudo (sp) boss says
I want to. I really do. I actually mentioned it to the president yesterday, and he said that we can meet about it.
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Old 08-05-17, 04:47 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

I understand and also feel it's a good move to make, but those very successful sales people aren't the ones currently supervising you.

I'd suggest meeting with her to discuss the benefits of it and why you think it's such a good idea, perhaps show her some kind of proven track record in how doing so has helped keep or possibly gain more customers, and see if you can work together on it instead of trying to go above and around her.

She's there and isn't going anywhere. She's got more power than you first anticipated, from what I read in another post, so that's been clearly established.

She can make your work life hell. Especially as long as you keep giving her the power to do so in your mind. The only thing you can truly control about any of this is how you respond to each thing that royally pi***s you off about her.

She may surprise you if you approach things differently. Maybe not. It's a crap shoot either way. However, if your mindset is already dead set on the "hate" mode before even trying, it'll be really hard to view her as a team player in any regard, no matter how many meetings you have with any of the bosses.

If you feel it's an issue that absolutely can't be resolved without having someone over her be a part of it, then invite them to the meeting, also, but I'd be leery of calling so many meetings so often as you'll eventually be viewed as a high maintenance employee requiring much time and effort.

I'd spend some more time trying to figure out why she was getting to me on such a deep level and see if I could untangle that. I wonder if it was a guy doing the same things, would you feel any differently about how to approach it, or would it feel the same, do you think?
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Old 08-05-17, 05:13 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by Unmanagable View Post
I understand and also feel it's a good move to make, but those very successful sales people aren't the ones currently supervising you.

I'd suggest meeting with her to discuss the benefits of it and why you think it's such a good idea, perhaps show her some kind of proven track record in how doing so has helped keep or possibly gain more customers, and see if you can work together on it instead of trying to go above and around her.

She's there and isn't going anywhere. She's got more power than you first anticipated, from what I read in another post, so that's been clearly established.
Thanks for understanding and being OK with my cursing about this lady. It wasn't at you. It was out of my frustration with her.

I tried to get her to sign up with an account so she could send a card to her friend. Something always came up, and I gave up. Maybe I should try again.

People like her always last. I know that. She has the authority to direct our actions and everything. However, she can't fire us.
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She can make your work life hell. Especially as long as you keep giving her the power to do so in your mind. The only thing you can truly control about any of this is how you respond to each thing that royally pi***s you off about her.
So you don't think upper management being happy with my work means anything? You don't think that they'd have my back? The president said "to put my mind at ease" about my job and job security. I'm really curious as to what you think.
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She may surprise you if you approach things differently. Maybe not. It's a crap shoot either way. However, if your mindset is already dead set on the "hate" mode before even trying, it'll be really hard to view her as a team player in any regard, no matter how many meetings you have with any of the bosses.

If you feel it's an issue that absolutely can't be resolved without having someone over her be a part of it, then invite them to the meeting, also, but I'd be leery of calling so many meetings so often as you'll eventually be viewed as a high maintenance employee requiring much time and effort.
I'm thinking about trying to use my new negotiating skills to show tactical empathy so she feels like I understand her. I know, and I won't let that mindset fester if I try a different tactic with her.
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I'd spend some more time trying to figure out why she was getting to me on such a deep level and see if I could untangle that. I wonder if it was a guy doing the same things, would you feel any differently about how to approach it, or would it feel the same, do you think?
I don't like being controlled. I guess I like having freedom on the job, and I feel like she's restricting that freedom. She's up my *** quite a bit. Also, there are many things that she's supposed to get done that haven't been done. She makes promises to get us materials that we need to do our jobs and then I guess she forgets about them. That's another ongoing issue that I'm trying to figure out how to handle. How could I not go above her about the issue with getting things done on time? I'm thinking that I should give her the opportunity to explain what's happening first.
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Old 08-05-17, 05:16 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

Just another thought that popped into my head about printing the company logo on your cards. Did your top boss already know you were doing it and including the logo? If so, rock on.

Copyright issues might be worth looking into, too. I wonder what the guidelines within their company are about using the logo without first getting permission.

You'd think a company would appreciate you going above and beyond and be full of gratitude, but legalities often throw a huge wrench in the best of notions.
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Old 08-05-17, 05:29 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Just another thought that popped into my head about printing the company logo on your cards. Did your top boss already know you were doing it and including the logo? If so, rock on.
Do you mean our new president? I don't believe so. Actually, the guy who hired me gave me the OK to send the cards months and months ago. He's no longer here, though.

I've been sending cards to the employees here to be nice and to also do some marketing. The guy next to me had a birthday, and I just sent him a card with brownies. He should get it sometime next week. Hopefully, the pseudo-boss will see or hear about it.
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Copyright issues might be worth looking into, too. I wonder what the guidelines within their company are about using the logo without first getting permission.
My first thought is that I'm not selling or making money off the logo. I've actually been paying out of my own pocket to send my customers cards.
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You'd think a company would appreciate you going above and beyond and be full of gratitude, but legalities often throw a huge wrench in the best of notions.
I was just thinking the same thing! Usually companies have a difficult time getting employees to go above and beyond the call of duty, right? I don't even need the appreciation or recognition. Although, that would be nice. I know that I'm good at my job. I just want to be left alone to do it.
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Old 08-05-17, 05:41 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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I tried to get her to sign up with an account so she could send a card to her friend. Something always came up, and I gave up. Maybe I should try again.
You were trying to convince her to sign up to send personal stuff to a friend, but you're using it for work. Maybe she views it as not professional? Not all folks are into the app scene and such, especially the more old school peeps. Hard to know without asking straight up.

Quote:
So you don't think upper management being happy with my work means anything? You don't think that they'd have my back? The president said "to put my mind at ease" about my job and job security.
Of course it means something. It means a whole hell of a lot. But it isn't by any means a 100% guarantee that they'll continue to be as happy as they are now, especially if they keep having to run interference in helping to resolve issues and sort out the dynamics between you two.

Quote:
I'm thinking about trying to use my new negotiating skills to show tactical empathy so she feels like I understand her. I know, and I won't let that mindset fester if I try a different tactic with her.
Sounds like it's worth a shot. Just be mindful that you don't try too hard in either direction and go for some balance.

Quote:
I don't like being controlled. I guess I like having freedom on the job, and I feel like she's restricting that freedom. She's up my *** quite a bit. Also, there are many things that she's supposed to get done that haven't been done.
Could you be feeling resentment for the fact that she's slacking in getting stuff done, and continually getting away with it while she's riding your a**, while you have a great track record of getting stuff done, yet she has a higher position in the company and is making work life as you knew it difficult all of a sudden?

Quote:
How could I not go above her about the issue with getting things done on time? I'm thinking that I should give her the opportunity to explain what's happening first.
I think it's always a good idea, whenever possible and feasible, to start with the person you have an issue with than it is to go above their head. It helps establish mutual respect and opens extra lines of communication that otherwise wouldn't be open, when it works well.

When it blows up in our face, it provides what I refer to as yet another f'n growth opportunity.
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Old 08-05-17, 05:41 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by Unmanagable View Post
I'd spend some more time trying to figure out why she was getting to me on such a deep level and see if I could untangle that. I wonder if it was a guy doing the same things, would you feel any differently about how to approach it, or would it feel the same, do you think?
I cannot control her. I'm learning how to handle people's comments when they're negative. What I don't like is her perception of the power she has over me.

For instance, the Saturday before the two and a half hour meeting, she mentioned wondering why I was in the office on a Saturday. I don't normally work Saturday's and so I guess that made her curious. I came to the office to get my lap top's power cord. However, is it really her business why I came into the office on Saturday? What's the big deal? What if I wanted to do work here?
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Old 08-05-17, 05:55 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

It's pretty much anybody's business why you're in the office during off hours who is above you in rank in the company, as I see it.

Even people below you in rank not doing the same job could inquire, like the janitor could question it, I would think, especially if he was the one responsible for locking up, having lights off, etc.

It doesn't sound like she made a big deal out of it, but just mentioned it, as you said.

She mentioned it, your mind took off running with it and is trying to make a big deal out of it, most likely because of you already feeling she's been up your a** about everything else.

Tell your mind to settle down and give you a break. Send it to the space where your boss said you do good work, take some deep breaths, shake off the feelings of being pi***d off, practice your new tactics for approaching her, and have a good weekend.

Good luck with getting it all worked out in your head space. I'm off to the garden. Goodbye screen, hello green. Peace.
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Old 08-05-17, 06:09 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by Unmanagable View Post
You were trying to convince her to sign up to send personal stuff to a friend, but you're using it for work. Maybe she views it as not professional? Not all folks are into the app scene and such, especially the more old school peeps. Hard to know without asking straight up.
I told her that I would pay for her to send a card to her friend. I can set up a gift account for people to log in and everything. I wanted her to see how people respond to a card with a picture of themselves and the friend on the front of the card.

Send out cards has options for individual people and also businesses. It's a relationship building tool.

Your app and technical points are valid but easy to overcome. When you see how the cards make people feel, they'll be more inclined to learn it. Plus, she's only 40 or something and seems savvy enough.
Quote:
Of course it means something. It means a whole hell of a lot. But it isn't by any means a 100% guarantee that they'll continue to be as happy as they are now, especially if they keep having to run interference in helping to resolve issues and sort out the dynamics between you two.
Well, they definitely shouldn't have to be a referee, and if things declined, then that could put me in an unfavorable position.
Quote:
Could you be feeling resentment for the fact that she's slacking in getting stuff done, and continually getting away with it while she's riding your a**, while you have a great track record of getting stuff done, yet she has a higher position in the company and is making work life as you knew it difficult all of a sudden?
I don't know. I know that I'm not used to her micromanaging. I'm used to things being more laid back, which I enjoyed given how much pressure I already place on myself to perform. Things have changed, and I'm trying to get used to her managerial style. She doesn't explain things very well and doesn't understand that people need to have procedures in place in order to do something a certain way. It's not just with ADDers.

Also, the expectations are not clear here and when you make a mistake, it's seen as a terrible thing or something you should have known. However, we didn't know, because we weren't trained right in the first place.

It's good that she's providing more structure and guidelines for us to work within. That should help us manage issues and hopefully alleviate some existing ones.
Quote:
I think it's always a good idea, whenever possible and feasible, to start with the person you have an issue with than it is to go above their head. It helps establish mutual respect and opens extra lines of communication that otherwise wouldn't be open, when it works well.
I want to, but I'm worried about her reaction to that. Is she going to be mad about me asking her about the items we were promised two Fridays ago?
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Old 08-05-17, 07:19 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

I've always found that when I'm getting a bit OCD ' d by a situation I need to break away.

Work out her personality, and don't let her know she's pushing you.

This is a season and it will end.
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Old 08-11-17, 01:41 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

I got heart palpitations just reading through this.

I would be a nervous wreck all of the time. I am extremely impressed with how you are handling all of this. I can let people take up ALL of my head space and can become really messed up. No one can see so no one knows but it is very difficult for me.

Good luck.
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Old 08-12-17, 06:03 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

Since she has been there a long time, is all this up your as* stuff fairly new? Or is it something that happened over time?
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Old 08-12-17, 06:08 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

Being kind and showing compassion and empathy even when you do not feel it for someone is a good way to disarm them, Its also a good way to grow as a person. Have you ever clashed with someone for a long while and then the smallest thing sheds light on something and all of a sudden you feel completely different about them? Thats happened here. There were people I was afraid of that I love now and people who I clashed with over and over again about the same things, and then one day I thought about it, reached out and things are good now. One person I thought I never could learn from until I stripped away my own layers and now I love her mother earth peace and have gotten some good advice. All that took was a little compassion, empathy and an ego squash and life is so much better because of it. The whole "kill em with kindness" thing isnt a crock of sh*t. It takes major effort and then through that effort it becomes habit. Even the biggest as*hole has a hard time being an as*hole if they cant bait you into their nasty game.
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Old 08-12-17, 11:02 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

Hope you are holding up ok anonymouslyadd.

I get the feeling that your pseudo boss and you just have different ideas on how to do things and you'll never be able to convince her on your ways.

If it was one of your other coworkers coming up with these different ideas you have like the cards, would she agree to them or is she singling you out on this?

If she fundamentally believes your approach is wrong, I think you'd be better off looking for another job or figure out a way for you to be able to do things her way without it taking away your happiness.

Also, it sounds like she plays the exact same role my official boss does. He can't fire me directly either. He has authority to direct the actions of our group, meaning he can direct my actions too. If I don't do as he says, I'm undermining his authority. He might then make a request to a higher up to have me fired. If he made that request 99% chance I'd be fired regardless of good performance. They would value him over me and they would not keep someone who doesn't respect authority. Is it the same for you?

If so, I'd do everything as she requests for now with a smile and compliment her ideas that you do think are good. If you at all suspect she wants to have you fired already, I'd look for another job just in case. Sorry don't want to put more stress on you, like I said, I can't see your situation so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

If you are stressing out over this, I'd definitely try to relax. Not good for your health and easier to make rash decisions when we are calm.

Sorry, I wish I could give better advice but it does sound like you are in a tough spot. Take care.
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Old 08-14-17, 10:09 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

I'd nicely ask if she could outline specific tasks or ways of doing the job she would prefer you to do it, and see if that makes a difference. Taking interest in her way of doing things may make her more familiar with you and she'll stay off you a bit. Somethings may be asinine and ridiculous, but if it gets her off you, it gets her off you.

Or you can do what I tell my psuedoboss, which is reel in the OCD and complain a little less. We like each other well enough, but she's neurotic about certain things and I'm like "slow down there-" and I'm the only one that says anything. Sometimes being direct works. Just don't say anything snappy if this is someone who could terminate you, or has heavy influence over the person that could terminate you.

Or approach it from both of these angles, and ask to chat and explain that you feel she's a bit overbearing and the pressure is affecting your job. You want to work together and find a good medium for completing your work in an acceptable fashion.

If being polite still doesn't work, document everything and give it to her boss. I wouldn't let it go, personally. If it's affecting your work and/or office morale, its a problem.
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