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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships. |
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#46
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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Obviously--I have tremendous struggle in that area, and a lot of it cannot be helped in my case. There are some improvements that could be made but I fear it's all too little, too late.. I'm in my 30s with more than a decade of social avoidance going. |
#47
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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__________________
President of the No F's given society. I carried a watermelon? |
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Little Missy (12-09-17) |
#48
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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Fuzzy12 (12-09-17), OyVeyKitty (12-09-17) |
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#49
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Re: Nothing works out for me
Nowhere on this site have I ever written this applies to "all women." I am speaking in generalities. I am not even aware of a broader political context to this--or anything else really--which nonetheless keeps being brought up anyway. I speak only from individual experience going by what I've seen in my own everyday life, what I've seen with my online dating experience, studies and other data available on the topic. Possibly all this is insufficient given I'm a social avoidant, and lack a solid grounding.
I'm aware some of it it could be seen as offensive, but have also said it's not a conscious effort to do so. I try to be honest about what I've seen, and in so doing, hope to challenge it as well. I feel as if some of the examples that have been given are helpful, whilst others are well-intended but probably don't reflect the plight of a lesser-abled kind of guy. There could also be a problem with communication style. Maybe the idea is if a delicate topic is going to be addressed, there's a certain kind of abstract way to address the issue which is more palatable than the only way I know how, which is to speak directly about my own experience and observations. And finally, maybe I am just a terrible and hateful person but not fully aware of it as yet; that's another possibility, which I'm saying without a hint of sarcasm. So maybe you lot are right. I think there are a lot of angles here. |
#50
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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__________________
President of the No F's given society. I carried a watermelon? |
#51
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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So, let me give you an example. If you are looking at the statistics, you must really examine the wording and ask yourself what might have made someone respond one way or another. You can't have black and white thinking when interpreting human behavior! One of the more commonly misinterpreted statistics is "percent of women who find money to be very important in a relationship." This is based on a very poorly constructed question ("do you find money to be very important in a relationships?") which lends itself to easy misinterpretation. Personally, I answer the question with "yes, I absolutely do find money to be very important in a relationship," for example. You are missing the "why" and "how" of these women. In my case, I have always answered it with a resounding yes, because I have no interest in dating someone who is careless with money. It's not about the amount of money, but how they handle the money they do have. This same question could be asked of men, but replace the word money with sex. Most humans do find sex important in relationships, but due to social biases, many would interpret the result as appalling and say that "generally speaking, men are perverts who are really only looking for sex." If those questions were turned around and only statistics of "sex is important in relationships" were given for women and "money is important in relationships" were given for men, and the numbers were the exact same, would you interpret them to mean the same thing? I'm pretty sure the numbers really would look very similar from both sides, by the way, especially if the statisticians asking the questions were specific about what they really mean. This is a common problem with statistics based on self-reporting, you have to construct your questions very carefully or you will find your results strongly skewed. It's something frequently abused in politics, but in the case of this example from a common statistics site I think it's a genuine mistake by someone who didn't really know what they were doing. Does this help you at all? Feel free to bring up any data you feel important in this discussion and we can discuss it and see what's going on with it. These forums have a pretty average spread of men and women so there's healthy input from both sides. ![]() |
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aeon (03-25-18), peripatetic (04-14-18) |
#52
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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Do parents look for a different set of features? Or they are more persistent and tolerant ? Or maybe we are imprinted with social mating rules that turns out useless ?
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#53
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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If both parties are accepting of arranged marriages that's fine but very often they are not.
__________________
President of the No F's given society. I carried a watermelon? |
#54
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Re: Nothing works out for me
Yeah, but I was thinking of someone like Fuzzy's friends who are happy (I assume they weren't poured over with hot oil to agree to their marriage)
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Fuzzy12 (04-17-18) |
#55
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Re: Nothing works out for me
accurately speaking its more of a business deal. A game about compromises where cast/creed/race is heavily judged. Priority is given to the amount of money a guy makes, how well "qualified" (even if he might look like a roadkill) and for a girl its generally about the beauty and fairness,'character' and related attributes. These parameters have really,really strong roots at places where arranged marriage is a norm. So the final verdict has to come from the self-appointed judges(parents) who's approval seals the deal. In short,a sad circus full of egomaniac,entitled douches and approval seeking minions.
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#56
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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First, there are plenty of parents that arent disapproving if their child doesn't pick someone with those standards. Second, even if they do prefer what you call the normal parameters, that doesn't make them douches. Why wouldn't a parent want their child to be as financially secure as possible? people arent douches for wanting the best for their children. They are only douches if they hate on their childs partner and treat them poorly because they've determined them unfit on these parameters. And there aren't many parents that would do that. Be a little disappointed deep down, yes. But not giving their blessing and actively trying to separate a couple, no. Also, can you really tell me if two girls were exactly the same except one was super hot and the other the opposite you wouldn't go for the hot girl? If not, then you are being hypocritical with your comment. |
#57
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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__________________
President of the No F's given society. I carried a watermelon? |
#58
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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Quote:
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Fuzzy12 (04-17-18) |
#59
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Re: Nothing works out for me
arranged marriage is considered conventional or mainstream over here.
but to answer the question, no don't have issues with the other types. why would I? |
#60
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Re: Nothing works out for me
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I do have a question though. Do you think your lack of interest in marriage is a turn off? Cause I would think most women in most countries would want someone that can commit. There are some that don't but those are more rare. Also, did you ask your female friends their opinion on why you can't find a partner? |
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20thcenturyfox (03-16-19) |
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