Ran out of hope....need help
So to state my problem I think I need to provide some history.
I was born into a family with little to no support to teach me how to go through life. My Dad was always at work and never had time for me and my mom was always under some medication that her doctors swore she needed. whenever they did pay attention to me it was usually to tell me how lazy or naughty I was.So I taught myself how to do things pretty much and you can imagine how well that went.
At first I was home schooled with nobody to talk to other than my sisters and brothers. than in 8th grade the state required that I be enrolled in public school (because obviously a kid with ADD can only do his homework for so long by himself). all through the rest of school I was lucky if I said more then 10 words a day and I never had good grades either (it wasn't all bad though, I was involved in activities outside of school and I made some friends there).
After barely Graduating I moved out and have been working jobs I hate ever since. I always thought I was lazy (because most people would be more than happy to let me know) until age 19 when my counselor told me I might struggle with it. it is when I was with him and out of a job for a month that I felt most happy because I felt like I had the time and support to do the things wanted or needed to do. But he moved and without him I have never been able to do taxes or pay bills or even to activities that I think I would enjoy like going to the gym or learning to make music. For the past three years I have pushed off friendships, family, college, anything fun or fulfilling, JUST so I could maybe buy some groceries or do some paperwork ect.
Now, after a week of being glued to my couch, playing video games and chugging Adderral, I looked back on all my years of fruitless efforts and how all my friends are now just acquaintances, and I realized every effort I have made to at least have some form of a descent life is just driving me to become the very man that I have hated all my life, my Dad, who also had terrible parents and a bad case of ADD.
Please, I don't know if there is any solution to this nightmare at all but I heard of people even going to the Olympics with ADD, so if you could help me at all I would be very grateful