I really hope its ADHD.
I just joined forum and i'm not yet diagnosed with add/adhd.
hope that's ok.
I may go on a bit but i'll tell you about my self.
right now im 39 and have been to dr for referral for testing add/adhd. waiting...
when I was younger I was typical always in trouble at school kid always sat outside the class room because I would disrupt the class could never finish my work. in the end I was sent mostly to the special needs class to keep me away form the other kids. in secoundry school the only lesson I could sit still and do the work was science because I found it interesting the rest I had no hope in most of my classes I was known by the teachers as the boy who only wrights the title and that's it. I would get bored talk get up walk around and by the 3 rd year I got told that I would never catch up and so the school offered to put me in a work experience program as I was so active and practical so they send me to a builders firm and I spent my first two weeks swiping up junk.
no need to say I got so bored swiping junk I legged it from there to to go and find my own work that actually paid money theres was no way I was spending the last two years of school swiping junk for free....anyway during all this time my mother was made to take me to a dr and a psychiatrist and the outcome of that was I was hyperactive due to eating to many food colourings...nothing else happened....
now as an adult the problems of all this still follow me around at 17 I got with a girl and had three kids it lasted 15 years and she put up with me and my ways because lets just say she was very lazy I would do everything and theres the pay off......and also she was very immature so the part of me that is that child the part that can't grow up matched hers maybe she was adhd aswell ?
I have remarried and been with my wife for the past 6 years she is a wonderful person and I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I have been In love.....but im slowly loosing her because of the way I am...so that's why I want the diagnosis. I don't want to loose my wife all these years I have just put it down to being different being unique....but I have to admit to my self theres something wrong.....
my major issues are being crap with money,not finishing jobs I start,not liserning to her,day dreaming,lack of motorvation ect ect. these may only seem like little things but they build into a massive things.
she tells me she feels like my mother and more or less she is if left to me bills would not get paid,we would never go on holiday because I cant save,she sorts out everything for me, and she shouldn't have to....I know im a nightmare to live with, I don't understand why she would still be with me I don't deserve her. this makes me feel so guilty I know deep inside I can be so much more than I am but my stupid brain takes over and I do stupid things. I feel like im just making excuses im fed up with saying sorry not because im not sorry I really am but because I should have to keep saying it I feel like an idiot..
things I do....
get money spend it....cant help this I go into tunnel vision its like I get taken over....
always promising to do jobs and either forget or start them and not finish...or try to rush them loose things break things.
daydream all the time shes talking to me and my mind is not there then when she recalls conversation I can't remember.
im out of work at the moment im always coming up with business ideas I tell her she thinks its good idea we set to work and within a day or two im bored with it and onto the next thing.
when she askes me to do things I always do it the way I thinks best....I think im doing the right thing but normally its wrong....example she askes me to make dinner chicken and salad now I know she has very plain taste I know what she wants but while im in the kitchen I think i'll make this really special I add this flavour and that flavour thinking shell really love this.....but dose she ? no I know how she likes her food why in the hell would I put a load of stuff she don't like and think she will ????
and this is a big problem I get asked to do things and I add what I think is best....big problem and I never learn.
and that's where I am waiting for a test and omg I hope its add adhd because if its not it means I am just like the wrost human being.....
also if it is I can get help and hopfully save my marriage...
thanks for liserning
this forum really helps I don't feel so alone.
Re: I really hope its ADHD.
Hi monkeyharris, I'm new on here too, it's nice to meet you
Apologies in advance for the long reply but there's a lot with your situation I can relate to (particularly the relationship stuff and frustration with yourself) and I'd like to share my experience for all it's worth with the hope it might help you out in some way.
My wife also feels like she has to constantly nag me to get the most basic things done and has also said that sometimes she feels more like my mother than my partner (can't say I blame her). I feel very lucky to have her and realize that she's put up with a lot over the many years we've been together.
It's all too easy to feel like you don't deserve your partner when your self esteem is at what sounds like a pretty low point (as mine was for a long while), but I'm sure there's a side of you that she loves despite all the struggles! I've also felt the guilt and frustration of constantly feeling like you're not pulling your weight in the relationship and can honestly say that this gets better once you manage to put things into perspective - something an ADHD diagnosis will probably do wonders for!
I feel that you may be beating yourself up way more than you need to. The fact that you're aware of the difficulties you're having AND considerate of how they affect others (evident from your frustration and guilt) shows that you're not just a crap person or the worst human being ever (the exact same thing crossed my mind). I'm no expert but it does sound like you fit the profile for adult ADHD, once I found this out for myself it made me feel a lot better (like I'm sure it does for many people) as I now had a reasonable explanation for the difficulties I had been facing my entire life.
I'm not suggesting that anyone treats ADHD as some kind of excuse, but try not to be too hard on yourself either. Try to remember that you didn't choose this for yourself. I really hope the diagnosis goes well for you, and if it doesn't, don't give up! You will find the answers you need and life will get better.
As for me, I'm only recently diagnosed (about 2 months ago) and currently working with my psychiatrist to find the medication that works best for me. So far I've had snippets of motivation, patience, calmness and clarity that I never would have thought myself capable of. I can now see that things will probably continue getting better and the future looks a whole lot brighter!
Good luck to you man, I really hope things work out, just remember to be patient as it will probably take a while to get the results you're after but it will totally be worth it
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