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  #16  
Old 03-16-17, 09:20 PM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

"Positive thinking" presumes that one's former thinking (supposedly negative, obviously) was mistaken.

It's bad to correct yourself, if you were right in the first place.
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  #17  
Old 03-16-17, 10:01 PM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by fisherfisher View Post
What strategies do you have for getting past emotions so you can be productive?
This is a really great question.

-awareness that I have deficits of emotional-self-regulation
-non distressed emotional environment
-walking
-figuring out why I got mad
-methyphenidate
-...
-...
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  #18  
Old 03-17-17, 12:27 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
Wow, great question.

It's more like being my own high-powered defense attorney, who takes every self-accusation or every thought that I'm catastrophically injured or that my life is horrible ... and then chips away at that thought--just as a defense attorney would cross-examine a witness.



Tone
Really interesting comparison. I'm just learning these skills, within the past 4 weeks so it still isn't natural to me but you're right about this. Challenging the thoughts which lead to my emotion seems to work some of the time. The more I thought about it today the more I thought 'no I'm not actually mad at her or what she said, I'm disappointed with myself' (in this case because she pointed out a behavior I've been justifying when it is in fact destructive to my goals). That sets off another cycle of emotion but its a movement away from something very unproductive and toward change.
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  #19  
Old 03-17-17, 12:30 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
I think there are a lot of benefits and some strong reasoning behind retreating when overwhelmed.
Yes you are so right. I should clarify taking a break, walking away to calm down and regroup, that can be a very good thing. When I talk about 'running' I'm talking about the times I've skipped town and abandoned my family for weeks or times when I'm doing the 'add on' behaviors you mentioned.
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  #20  
Old 03-17-17, 12:36 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Understanding the emotional states really helps.


(Emotional states are never neutral. At least one emotional state is always being stimulated)


Yes you're right. I meant neutral as in calm, content, happy but not over excited or highly playful. Have you ever seen the feeling wheel by Dr Gloria Wilcox? You might be interested in if if you haven't seen it before. It really helped me expand my emotional vocab when before all I had was happy, angry, and sad.
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  #21  
Old 03-17-17, 12:41 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

Thanks for all of the input. Sounds like alot of people use walking to help. Figuring out what my anger was and was not, dissecting it, and trying to move on physically helped alot. I also shot some clays this afternoon so of course that blew off some of the steam so that I could get my head clear enough to really think it through
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  #22  
Old 03-17-17, 01:40 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

I have in the past wanted to do that (skip town etc) but never did. For me, that desire is gone, but I have sometimes entered a sort of communication shutdown which has more or less the same effect. (Suddenly not reading/listening to messages, not returning calls, not saying why, avoiding anyone who might try to reach me in person, and so on).

Fear is the reason. Or shame, or both. I can't tell which.
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  #23  
Old 03-17-17, 10:23 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by fisherfisher View Post
What are some of your strategies for managing distraction and productivity when you're also upset about something?

If my mood and emotional state is neutral most of my usual strategies work but if I'm upset, mad, sad, excited, or anything else I'm almost incapable of being productive. Example, last night my therapist ticked me off and I'm still mad about it today. Its now almost 10am and all I accomplished today was eating, getting dressed, and walking down to the shop. Normally if I have a billable job I've got a solid 2-3 hours of billable labor by this time of day. If it wasn't a work day I'd be missing out on projects I need to finish around the house.

I get up and start to work, get frustrated because the job I'm working on requires concentration, then mess around on the internet for a hour before trying again. I can't stop dwelling on how mad I am and I do this all the time.

What strategies do you have for getting past emotions so you can be productive?
One thing that works for me is to weigh the importance of spending energy on being angry vs letting something go. Dont get me wrong, I allow myself to feel the anger, but letting go of it asap because I dont see how anger helps much and most times doesnt change anything to begin with.
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  #24  
Old 03-17-17, 11:36 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post

Fear is the reason. Or shame, or both. I can't tell which.
Yes exactly. Sometimes one or the either. Usually both.
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  #25  
Old 03-17-17, 05:22 PM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

At least part of my fear and shame relates to people finding out just how "messed up" (both figuratively and literally) I am.

I know that that can be straight-up egotistical, and yet I think there's a lot more to it. The ways in which I've often been treated differently after people find out "that stuff" are not things I'd prefer to repeat, and in that context I do think keeping some problems to myself is justified.
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  #26  
Old 03-18-17, 01:32 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
At least part of my fear and shame relates to people finding out just how "messed up" (both figuratively and literally) I am.

I know that that can be straight-up egotistical, and yet I think there's a lot more to it. The ways in which I've often been treated differently after people find out "that stuff" are not things I'd prefer to repeat, and in that context I do think keeping some problems to myself is justified.
I think its pretty natural to not want people to know those things. That doesn't seem egotistical. You want people to think the best of you and thats just human nature.
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  #27  
Old 03-18-17, 12:11 PM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by fisherfisher View Post
What are some of your strategies for managing distraction and productivity when you're also upset about something?

If my mood and emotional state is neutral most of my usual strategies work but if I'm upset, mad, sad, excited, or anything else I'm almost incapable of being productive. Example, last night my therapist ticked me off and I'm still mad about it today.

What strategies do you have for getting past emotions so you can be productive?
If you feel safe enough to share it, I am really curious about what your therapist said/did to upset you? Was it something stupid? (It happens ... finding the right "fit" with a therapist is hard, hard, hard ...).

Or did s/he hit upon something that challenged the way you see or think about yourself, or perhaps uncovered an unpleasant truth that was/is hard to accept?

As for dealing with the exhausting spiral of anxiety that the incident provoked: it sounds too simple, but for me, deep breathing works. Through the nose, then gently through the mouth. As many times as it takes. Closing the eyes while doing it is sometimes helpful too (although awkward when in public - )

I hate yoga, but for some reason this helps. I think because conciously performing a physical activity reminds me I am in control of *something.*

Anxiety comes in many forms - fear disguised as rage is one. And fear is the result of a perceived loss of control?

So getting control of breathing is a first step ... and then pretty soon I feel a little more "in control" of my emotions. Not completely, but enough to try and start rationally processing whatever it is that is upsetting me.

And when that doesn't work, Xanax or a glass of wine help too ... (only as prescribed, and always in moderation ....)

There are some apps that I have found pretty useful for relaxation in general (I'm sure this is not new to anyone): "At Ease" and "Simply Being." And there are plenty more out there, as your favorite web search engine will tell you.

Good luck.
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  #28  
Old 03-19-17, 09:59 PM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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Originally Posted by MissAnnThrope View Post
If you feel safe enough to share it, I am really curious about what your therapist said/did to upset you? Was it something stupid? (It happens ... finding the right "fit" with a therapist is hard, hard, hard ...).
Good points in your post. For some reason I never seem to get the hang of breathing to relax.

What she said is tough reality for me to take. The kind of problem you know is true but want to justify. Part of the reason I wanted to take it out on her is that she vibes as if she is very religious (and she might be) so anything related to my less morally acceptable behaviors leaves me feeling judged. I'm still trying to figure out if I have accurate spidey senses or if I'm being oversensitive.
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  #29  
Old 03-20-17, 02:44 AM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

If you are not a religious person, having a therapist who is religious is fine - but having one with religious judgments or a religious agenda is not fine at all.
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  #30  
Old 03-20-17, 06:30 PM
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Re: Productivity and Emotional State

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If you are not a religious person, having a therapist who is religious is fine - but having one with religious judgments or a religious agenda is not fine at all.
I know. I've been agonizing over it all weekend because I can't decide if I'm being oversensitive or if she truly is having some personal judgement and I'm just picking up on it. I should bring it up, but I hesitate because I don't really want to know. If I find out she is very religious then our relationship is done and she's a good therapist when it comes to other things.
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