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  #1  
Old 10-09-10, 08:33 AM
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Venting

I just need to get this out, and I know you all, having been there, will understand.

My son, who will be 10 next week, has ADD. He is funny, sweet, artistic, charming, creative, caring, adorable and smart. He is also rigid, pessimistic and explosive. It is astounding to me that those three negative qualities so completely overpower all the positive ones. We never know what might trigger an explosion, of course it's not usually something I would consider worthy of blowing my top over, so it's hard to see them coming. As a result, the rest of us (DH and three other kids) frequently walk on eggshells.

He was diagnosed when he was 7, and we put him on Stratera, which worked very well, up until about July of this year. Then we tried Adderall XR, which was a nightmare---he was so jazzed up, couldn't sleep, and it didn't seem to help with his symptoms at all.

He's on Adderall IR currently, but I just can't tell if it's enough of a dosage, or the right med, or what. At first it really seemed to be helping, I felt like I had the smart, funny, happy kid far more often than I had the angry, raging one, but this past week has been really rough. I feel like we're stabbing in the dark, trying to get his meds just right.

I could go on for pages about the things that make parenting him so incredibly difficult, but I imagine most of you know all to well what those things are. I really never thought raising a child would be this hard. And I worry so much about what his rages are doing to our other kids, about the fact that DH and I pour so much of our time, energy and patience into this one child, that we frequently just don't have much left over for the other three. That really bothers me, but I don't know how to change it.

Thanks for reading this, it does help to have people to vent to who understand what I'm going through.
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  #2  
Old 10-09-10, 10:30 AM
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Re: Venting

{{hugs}}

I understand. I have many of the same worries and struggles.
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Old 10-09-10, 10:55 AM
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Re: Venting

That sounds a lot like my son. You'd tell him to get his shoes on and he'd explode, even though he never had before, and might not again. After a year of treating just ADHD I started thinking there had to be something else going on. Turns out I was right.

He's been diagnosed ADHD as well as having Asperger's. Once I started reading about Aspies, and the sensory issues that come with it things made a ton more sense then if it was "just" ADHD.

It could be you haven't found the right med combo for him, but it could also be that he has a co-morbid condition (which is very common with ADHD). It's something to maybe look into.
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Old 10-09-10, 11:30 AM
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Re: Venting

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Originally Posted by Lady Lark View Post
It could be you haven't found the right med combo for him, but it could also be that he has a co-morbid condition (which is very common with ADHD). It's something to maybe look into.
We've been wondering about this. I have an appt. with a psychologist later this week, up to this point we've been seeing a counselor off and on, which was fine when things were largely under control, but just isn't enough now. I'm hoping that it will be a good experience for all of us, and that we can learn more about how to help our son cope with everything. Because as hard as it is to be his parent and have him exploding at every turn, I know it is infinitely harder to be him and have all those feelings that he can't control.
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Old 10-09-10, 01:52 PM
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Re: Venting

Could the explosions be fueled by frustration?

I have this problem in spades. Frustration is born out of something that I don't do well or go into already feeling like a failure at. Or something going on in life that I don't have a way to express how I'm feeling and have that validated. Or being ridiculed. Or having too much in my head and not being able to understand the new thing that is being thrown in my direction.

Medication helps a lot. I use Ritalin IR. I've been on Adderall IR and for me, it added anxiety that didn't help the frustration much.

I have strong sensory issues as well. As a kid, they fueled frustration. As an adult, I have better control of them because I have control of my immediate environment.

My doc when I was a kid taught me to visualize my "short fuse". The way he put it, I didn't have a whole lot of patience for the things that frustrated me. He taught me to visualize the fuse getting longer. That helped.

Another thing that helped was diversionary. When I was nearly to the point where I was going to lose it, I redirected to something else. That might be taking a walk but it also might be throwing stuffed animals at a wall. Harmless, active, and re-directive. I also watch Mythbusters blow stuff up. Oddly, that is very calming.

Hang in there, Mom. There are solutions to this.

An odd thought...

When he is having those feelings, get him to build how he feels in blocks, color or draw, or write it out. You would be amazed by what he will come up with. But it may help him to communicate it.

(((hugs))) You are doing a GREAT job. Remember that.
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Old 10-10-10, 07:53 AM
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Re: Venting

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADHDTigger View Post
Could the explosions be fueled by frustration?

I have this problem in spades. Frustration is born out of something that I don't do well or go into already feeling like a failure at. Or something going on in life that I don't have a way to express how I'm feeling and have that validated. Or being ridiculed. Or having too much in my head and not being able to understand the new thing that is being thrown in my direction.
Yes, they are, somewhat. When he was younger (as young as 2, we noticed that he was very easily frustrated) this was more the case. Now, however, the explosions and generally grouchy mood seem to happen with no provocation. He can come downstairs in the morning in a towering temper, or be perfectly fine until a sibling opens a box of cereal that he had wanted to open himself, and then. . . KABOOM!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADHDTigger View Post
Another thing that helped was diversionary. When I was nearly to the point where I was going to lose it, I redirected to something else. That might be taking a walk but it also might be throwing stuffed animals at a wall. Harmless, active, and re-directive. I also watch Mythbusters blow stuff up. Oddly, that is very calming.

Hang in there, Mom. There are solutions to this.

An odd thought...

When he is having those feelings, get him to build how he feels in blocks, color or draw, or write it out. You would be amazed by what he will come up with. But it may help him to communicate it.

(((hugs))) You are doing a GREAT job. Remember that.
Thanks for the encouragement. There are many, many days when I really need to hear that.

Right now, we're at a point where, after he's calmed down, he can think of things he could have done instead of raging and yelling (go outside and run, throw a baseball at the pitchback, etc.) but when he's already angry, he won't have anything to do with these ideas, and suggesting them makes him even more upset. I've suggested drawing time and time again, because he's a great artist and really loves to draw, but he has resisted the idea of drawing to get his frustrations out.
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Old 10-10-10, 08:01 AM
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Re: Venting

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or be perfectly fine until a sibling opens a box of cereal that he had wanted to open himself, and then. . . KABOOM!
I would put it to you that's he's not perfectly fine. On outward appearances he may appear calm, but inside he's brooding in a bad mood and is looking forward to opening the cereal, just so he can have ONE thing go his way this morning.

I can relate with the poor kid. On outward appearances I can appear fine, but really on the inside I'm on edge and could lose it at any moment.

Don't judge him on the outside: you don't know what's going through his head at the time.
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Old 10-10-10, 08:11 AM
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Re: Venting

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Originally Posted by Driver View Post
I would put it to you that's he's not perfectly fine. On outward appearances he may appear calm, but inside he's brooding in a bad mood and is looking forward to opening the cereal, just so he can have ONE thing go his way this morning.

I can relate with the poor kid. On outward appearances I can appear fine, but really on the inside I'm on edge and could lose it at any moment.

Don't judge him on the outside: you don't know what's going through his head at the time.
Yes, you're right. This is exactly what is happening. I just don't know why it's happening so much. He doesn't like to talk about it, or when he does consent to talk, he really doesn't seem to know why he's feeling the way he is. I'm sure he doesn't truly know, he just feels prickly all over and siphons off those feelings by yelling. A lot.
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Old 10-11-10, 04:47 PM
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Re: Venting

{{hugs}}

There. Passing that one on from last week. It was given to me when I needed it; hope it helps you.
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Old 10-11-10, 07:42 PM
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Re: Venting

Raging is not a good thing. It is not a symptom of ADHD. You should talk to his doctor about it. Is he seeing a pediatrician or a child psychiatrist. Psychologists dont prescribe meds, just do therapy. Sometimes stimulants can cause a child to rage. If that is the case the child probably should not take stimulants.
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Old 10-12-10, 03:59 AM
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Re: Venting

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Originally Posted by missilebird View Post
I just don't know why it's happening so much. He doesn't like to talk about it, or when he does consent to talk, he really doesn't seem to know why he's feeling the way he is. I'm sure he doesn't truly know, he just feels prickly all over and siphons off those feelings by yelling. A lot.
Yes. He's not coping properly with his life. A lot of things are frustrating him and this is how he balances himself out. And I dare say half of his frustrations are his own manufacturing because he does not want to accept his is different, and wishes to be like everyone else.
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