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  #1  
Old 04-20-18, 02:58 PM
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Any women here with zero relationship experience

...like, made it through middle and high school without having had a first boy/girlfriend, ever?

If so, do any of you feel like your adolescence has been "deferred" so to speak, like you can't relate to your peers and are not yet ready for the kind of relationships most of them are seeking?
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Old 04-20-18, 03:05 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

ME!

...oh wait! I'm not a woman.
Never mind!!
Carry on!
>.<'
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Old 05-09-18, 04:58 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I'm 24 and still haven't been close to a relationship. I get bored quickly so I never talk to anyone for long and I'm not sure I'm ready for one anyway. To answer your question, I do feel like that a great deal of the time...like a divide between myself and my peers. It seems as though all of my friends' biggest priorities are being in a relationship and I'm just not there yet.
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Old 05-09-18, 06:29 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Quote:
Originally Posted by hipsterdoofus View Post
It seems as though all of my friends' biggest priorities are being in a relationship and I'm just not there yet.
I have noticed that it seems like an age priority thing. I have seen it for years. By a certain age there is a need for a partner, then another age for wedding, then another age for children, then another age for divorce heavily, etc... All heavily influenced from peer pressure.

I hope everyone can just find what works for them to be happy rather than compete, compare, or compliment their peer group.
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Old 05-16-18, 01:19 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I don't know why this thread is finally getting attention now but I'm glad...

Quote:
Originally Posted by hipsterdoofus View Post
I'm 24 and still haven't been close to a relationship. I get bored quickly so I never talk to anyone for long and I'm not sure I'm ready for one anyway. To answer your question, I do feel like that a great deal of the time...like a divide between myself and my peers. It seems as though all of my friends' biggest priorities are being in a relationship and I'm just not there yet.
When you say you're "not sure if you're ready for one", do you mean a romantic relationship at all, or a serious adult relationship? Those are two different ways of "not being ready", and each has applied to me at some time in my life. When I was in high school, I wasn't sure I was ready for a relationship at all, in that dating was totally not a priority. From about 22 onward, I was ready for the kind of relationship that others did in their early-to-mid teens. However, the problem is that by then, others around me had changed too.

The kind of relationships I'm ready for is not the only way in which I feel unlike other adults--I also feel that others' minds have "slowed down" post-puberty in a way mine hasn't (which is why I relate to ADHD, even though my diagnosis is Asperger Syndrome)--yet in some other ways I feel more developed/having an "older soul" than some other young adults.
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Old 05-16-18, 09:50 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Well i'm not a woman, but I get where you're coming from. I was probably the most unpopular loser in my school years. Was told things would get better when I became an adult. I'm 27 going on 28 and things haven't got any better. The opposite sex still considers me a loser who isn't even worthy of friendship, let alone anything more serious.
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Old 05-16-18, 11:24 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Inasmuch as a relationship with any other person is explored, discussed, and agreed upon between the people involved only, what anyone else is doing, peer or otherwise, is of no consequence except to the degree you decide to make it so.

So create the relationship you both want, whatever that may be...and...




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Old 05-23-18, 01:48 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

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So create the relationship you both want, whatever that may be...and...

Cheers,
Ian
Well, fist I need the other half of the "both"!
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Old 05-26-18, 03:04 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I don't date. I was extremely introverted when I was younger. I've had boyfriends but none were serious.
Once I realize someone likes me, I flee.

And for some GODFORSAKEN reason, I seem to attract either really short guys or men who are my dad's age.
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Old 05-27-18, 10:27 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I'm a guy but i totally get where your coming from. I feel like i missed some dating class. Like i was sick on Thursday and all the other kids learned how a relationship works. Small talk can be difficult for me. I can carry a conversation as long as i enjoy what we are talking about. If they start blathering about there new Iphone or something i check out. If i do get close to a date i ask a lot of questions before hand. I have been burned before. Where meeting for coffee becomes bedroom eyes and them telling you your "cute" over and over again. Wanting to take the conversation elsewhere, like there bedroom that has lit candles and soft music playing haha. So i ask a litany of questions. What are they expecting, just coffee? more? will we do something else after coffee? movie? can i park in your driveway? street park? how will you introduce me to your room mate?
I know i know i totally kill it. I know i should just go with the flow so to speak. But i just want to plan the evening, no surprises. And i'm the ADHD guy who unintentionally makes people mad. I say just the wrong thing at just the right time. I really do try and i really really want to connect with someone. I always end up liking the person a lot, and they don't feel the same. I have had the awkward conversation a few times.
I never dating anyone in school, had tons of crushes. Acted on one crush and that didn't go well. I think my ADHD hasn't really stunted me so to speak. I mean i get what dating is and all that. I think it's more about just shutting up and going with the flow. And the real issues to me is lack of friends. I struggle making and keeping friends. And that's how many many people find love. You meet your best friend amanda's cousin and hit it off or something to that effect. So i think it's a personal relationship issue that spills over into your dating life. I do like women a bit, but i seem to fight with them. Not physical but drag out verbal fighting. Picking at each other and stuff. Men are easier for me to relate to in a way. But yeah i get what your going through. And of course we are ADHD so we analyze and think about our singleness over and over.




Quote:
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And for some GODFORSAKEN reason, I seem to attract either really short guys or men who are my dad's age.
Lol i feel you on that one, i get 60 year old guys chatting me. Had a 70 year old chat me, thought it would be cool to have a live in lover who could also mow the grass and stuff he couldn't do. So a man servant you sleep with? I think my ceiling is like 55ish, i'm 38.
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Old 05-30-18, 12:55 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

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I think my ADHD hasn't really stunted me so to speak. I mean i get what dating is and all that.
For me, the average woman my age is some combination of romantically boring, intimidating, too serious in some ways and not serious enough in others, and a bunch of other things that are hard to put into words. It really is just that they see things with a different set of eyes, due to a combination of experience and just a different stage of biological brain development (I often wonder how much is due to each).

Basically, it's as though I'm looking to drive bumper cars while they are not only looking to drive real cars, they have been driving real cars for long enough that people who haven't even driven bumper cars are not on their radar screen. And of course there are things you can do driving real cars you can't with bumper cars, but also things you can do driving bumper cars that you can't with real cars (or at least it would be terribly stupid and irresponsible if you did!).
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Old 05-30-18, 03:07 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I'm a guy...so I have desires. I can't help it.

That being said...I like being in the friend zone. I'm good at being in the friend zone. And I'm glad that sex and romance aren't at the top of my lists on needs in life.

I've never been in a relationship. I mean, I "dated" a couple of times pre-high school...but I don't really think those count. It was holding hands and a kiss here or there.

A romantic relationship scares the hell out of me. I can't even care for my own self. Plus I have a hard time with stuff that's just a complete turn off when it comes to intimate relationships...keeping my apartment clean, keeping up with laundry, shampooing/brushing teeth/scrubbing with soap each time I shower...etc. etc.

...Yeah. I like the friend zone . It's a nice place to be for me, and I fit in so well there. Thank goodness I have that. I think I'd be a wreck in life if I didn't have a constant stream of female friends that have kept me going with love and support over the years.
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Old 05-30-18, 11:21 AM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship. I have only ever been on one date that I knew of, and two that didn't (I'm a very oblivious person when it comes to flirting/romance). I always felt disconnected from my peers just because I couldn't relate to their relationship stories or constant crushes, but not because I felt deffered in any way.

There is nothing wrong with never having had a relationship, ESPECIALLY in high school. I truly believe that teenagers shouldn't be dating bc there have the rest of their lives to do that (something that I have always thought, even when I was in HS). They should use that time to enjoy being kids before getting thrown into the trash hole that is adulthood.
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Old 05-30-18, 02:36 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I didn't date until college. I was 17 when I went on a date for the very first time.
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Old 05-30-18, 11:48 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Quote:
Originally Posted by mind_in_orbit View Post
For me, the average woman my age is some combination of romantically boring, intimidating, too serious in some ways and not serious enough in others, and a bunch of other things that are hard to put into words. It really is just that they see things with a different set of eyes, due to a combination of experience and just a different stage of biological brain development (I often wonder how much is due to each).

Basically, it's as though I'm looking to drive bumper cars while they are not only looking to drive real cars, they have been driving real cars for long enough that people who haven't even driven bumper cars are not on their radar screen. And of course there are things you can do driving real cars you can't with bumper cars, but also things you can do driving bumper cars that you can't with real cars (or at least it would be terribly stupid and irresponsible if you did!).
I always feel like a caveman when i'm out in the world. Like i'm just communicating in grunts. People always look at me weird. I noticed on adderall my daily interactions are so much better. Like i'm more in tune with the neurotypicals. My family always says i come off to harsh or abrasive. Or that i could have worded something differently. I usually have zero clue what they are talking about. It's so hard to judge what ADHD does or doesn't do. I can't be neurotypical for a day. I'm just me, i have no idea how to be any other way.
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