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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #16  
Old 06-09-18, 02:02 PM
mind_in_orbit mind_in_orbit is offline
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

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Originally Posted by maryjanewatson View Post
There is nothing wrong with never having had a relationship, ESPECIALLY in high school. I truly believe that teenagers shouldn't be dating bc there have the rest of their lives to do that (something that I have always thought, even when I was in HS). They should use that time to enjoy being kids before getting thrown into the trash hole that is adulthood.
I would disagree here, even though (in fact because) I agree with your last sentence. Teenage dating seems like the only opportunity for most people to explore romance and sexuality while still "enjoying being kids". Adult dating feels like an entirely different playing field, one on which even if I had the skills to play on, I'd rather not.

I'm looking for a woman who is like me in that her sexuality is just "budding", and who wants a relationship where we can "enjoy being kids" despite the fact that we are chronological adults. Someone whose idea of a date is to visit an amusement park, sit up on a hill looking at the stars, make blanket forts, etc., not have a fancy dinner and behave like an adult married couple. Such women are so extremely hard to find, I get very discouraged a lot of the time.

So I regret not having dated in my teen years, when this combination of romantic desire and wanting to be like a kid was the norm rather than something that makes you stand out as different. Yes, there are adults who still like acting like kids every once in a while, the difference is that they don't seem to romantically bond over such activities in the same way teens do. They do these things more despite being in a romantic relationship, rather than as the core bread-and-butter OF the relationship, if that makes any sense.

I was the same way as you in my teenage years by the way--I felt no rush to get a girlfriend because I thought I had the rest of my life. While I do have "the rest of my life" to date, strictly speaking, what I didn't anticipate was that in the next few years almost everyone around me would change drastically as people, and with that what they were looking for in a partner. I also have heard that for some girls, romance and sexuality have always been serious, they never felt like child's play even when those girls were young teens having their first crushes. I obviously can't speak to that, not having experienced that or grown up a girl.

Last edited by mind_in_orbit; 06-09-18 at 02:10 PM.. Reason: There was something else I wanted to respond to
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  #17  
Old 06-09-18, 06:35 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Visit an amusement park? Sit up on a hill watching stars? Make blanket forts?

My teenage dates were nothing like that. They were about being cool enough to have someone be interested in you, being pressurised to have sex, trying to make your body look acceptable, and in general just dealing with selfish, immature pricks.

I go to amusement parks with my husband and we love hunting for sunsets. I look forward to building blanket forts with my little girl. Now at least I can talk about to these things to my husband and my friends. When I was a teenager I'd have been shunned for being super weird (which I was at times anyway).

Not all teenage romances are like kind of course but I do suspect that you have a rather idealised view of them. Did you know many people (of either sex) that you now think you could have mentioned your desire of building blanket forts to when you were a teenager?
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  #18  
Old 06-09-18, 06:50 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Being a teenager with wicked skin problems, I never got to know what teenage romance was. I just remember being awkward and shy all the time and the only girls who noticed me were the one's who had less than nice things to say about my skin and hair colour.



I'd like to say things got better as an adult. They haven't. Although adults are generally much less vocal about how I look, it doesn't stop them treating me like i'm bellow their expectations and social status.


Didn't mean to hijack the thread, just needed the midnight rant.
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  #19  
Old 06-10-18, 02:13 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I seem to have the opposite problem as everyone else. I never wanted to date casually so I didn't date until I was older. I had no desire to have a childhood or teenage lifestyle. I think the entire process was horrible and I couldn't wait to be an adult. I'm much happier as an adult than I ever was a a child. I matured very quickly and I don't feel like I "missed" anything. And I sure as hell don't want to try to relive any part of it.
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Old 06-10-18, 03:17 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

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Originally Posted by mind_in_orbit View Post
If so, do any of you feel like your adolescence has been "deferred" so to speak, like you can't relate to your peers and are not yet ready for the kind of relationships most of them are seeking?
I'm not a woman, but I had pretty much zero friends (platonic or otherwise) in middle/high school...mainly because I was to busy being a high achieving student (sorry, I didn't mean this as a humble brag).

I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, I do think that the lack of friendships/relationships led to social adjustment issues during early adulthood. College was rough, haha.
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  #21  
Old 06-11-18, 04:44 PM
LyrinMeow LyrinMeow is offline
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

Even with my disabilities I spent my younger-ish years playing mom to a full gowns adult males. It got old.

And you're damned right I take myself seriously. If I don't who will? I have sh- to do, responsibilities, bills to pay, races to train for, I'm working my way towards owning a house, have my own car, working on my 401k etc, etc

I see my girlfriend about once or twice a month. Our schedules don't line up all that well and we both have sh- to do. No one is butt hurt over this fact it's just the way it is. And when we do go out we will likely hit up the coffee shop down the street (chai latte for the ladies please) or a museum. We went to a club not long ago and about an hour in I turned to her and said (yelled) "i don't think I have a single thing in common with anyone in this room" she's like "me neither" i'm like "ok, lets go. Wine bar next time". Because we are too f-ing old for that sh-. We are the old married couple you fear becoming.

The idea of looking for someone who is mentally and emotionally stunted strikes me as kinda odd. I really hope you guys are younger than I think you are. You may find one. You may find one of the ones that IS that way because she was abused. You are not prepared for that. Or she may have a mental disability that you would need to be able to support. No one sounds ready for that either. Unless you guys are really just looking for a hook up. Which isn't even a relationship as far as I'm concerned.

The problem with casual teen relationship are that you are not a teen.

Women as a whole tend to be overly romantic. So they really get into that chocolate and flowers things. If you want romantic you can still have it. And be thanked for it. Long walks on beaches. Laying under the stars. Some I'm sure. No for me, If I'm laying out looking at the starts I'm going to be doing it in a dark sky zone and have a telescope and a sky chart out, not holding someones hand.

For anyone not already aware: The world owes you nothing. Women owe you nothing. (These are sentiments I see a lot of these days regarding such topics.) If you find what you are looking for great. Otherwise it's time to look for some more therapy and get yourself up to par. The same thing we always do when we find ourselves lacking in other areas because of ADD/Bipolar/Depression/Anxiety issue. We fix them. If you can't find what you want (which sounds pretty rare) you might have to step it up a bit to get where you need to be.
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  #22  
Old 06-12-18, 06:43 PM
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Re: Any women here with zero relationship experience

I wish I hadn't gotten into a very serious relationship in high school. I now think that the pain and heartache aren't meant to be handled by teenagers. Those years are for good times with friends and school work. The people that I know of in person and on tv who save all of that for when they are adults (The Duggars, for example), appear to fair much better.
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