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  #61  
Old 07-12-13, 04:53 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I'll try to explain why I panicked that day. First you will have to read my original story:

Background:

I’m suffering from ADHD (inattentive type), which makes it hard for me to concentrate and succeed in life. I remember being at university and failing to read books well because I had to read texts all over many times and I could not comprehend what I read. Also jobs are awful. I got fired many times in jobs where I was working just about 3 hours a week. Basically I did more damage than good at work and my work pace was incredibly slow. I also lacked the ability to work accurately and to think well while doing stuff and to do work complete.

However, even though I am bad at reading books and succeeding anywhere I do have the ability to make ideas or theories about the universe etc. I spend much time daydreaming and thinking about stuff.

A couple of years ago I found out that I might be exposed to a carcinogen (cancer inducing chemical), which could cause cancer on the long term. Scared of living a short life, I obsessively chased a solution for this. I obsessively researched natural substances (flavonoids) and tried to find a “holy grail”. Finally after a few years I thought I found it and I made a theory that explained how this compound mix would only kill cancer cells and leave normal cells unharmed. So finally I thought I found “a cancer cure”.

I wanted to help other people and make money out of this discovery (no other job has succeeded so this would be my first successful job). I made a simple (but in my eyes effective) cancer treatment protocol and posted it on the internet. Thinking I could be rich and famous I obsessively promoted this cancer treatment protocol. This is the only time I ever felt so motivated in doing something.

After 2 years of promoting I suddenly realized that the first 2 cancer patients that used my cancer treatment protocol actually developed serious side effects. I realized that my cancer treatment protocol could even be dangerous. A doctor who I shared the cancer treatment protocol with said that my cancer treatment protocol could be dangerous and could even cause death. The protocol had no well-established dosage (people could be overdosing) and no supervision from a doctor.

At this time my “psychosis” began. I felt that the doctors who I had shared the protocol with were discussing it and my protocol had actually caused a lot of damage. The cancer patients who used my cancer protocol “dropped dead after a few seconds” just like arsenic poisoning. Following the serious side effects their body could not handle it (tumor lysis syndrome it’s called) and they died. The doctors were discussing that “the person behind this cancer treatment protocol does have good intentions (wants to cure people out of cancer) but does not think about what would happen if they actually died instead”. Even the pentagon was discussing my cancer treatment protocol saying it had killed around 10.000 cancer patients. More victims then al Qaida could claim.

Meanwhile, I also found out about something that in the long term could help me with my ADHD, which is called “sensitization”. I realized that meds could induce sensitization and on the long term help me with my ADHD. It could even cure me on the long term. I thought on the long term if I could get better from ADHD I could pursue my ultimate wish of trying to build artificial intelligence. I theorized that curing from ADHD would cause me to have better mental capabilities and I would ultimately be able to build artificial intelligence.

The pentagon found out about my intentions. They said “He just build something that killed 10.000 cancer patients and now he wants to pursue something much more dangerous”. One government official even thought: “You killed 10.000 cancer patients to earn money, now we kill you to save humanity” and I “saw” and felt them deploying seals to kill me. Then I felt scared and ran away from home to hide.

While I was residing in a hotel I suddenly heard “a voice”. It was actually more like a thought. It identified himself as my future. “I am your future (self) it said”. I asked him how I was able to communicate with him and asked 8 times if I was actually psychotic. It said that I was not psychotic (the answer to my second question was “no”). The first question was answered with “psy-waves”. I could communicate with my future using psy-waves. The future explained to me that I would succeed in building a real artificial intelligence in the future and even patched me through to a seemingly normal voice but the thing was actually a computer! Wow I was so impressed! I communicated with the computer and it was very friendly and helpful. One time I asked where I could find internet in the hotel and it showed me the way and I really found internet connection there.

My future self explained to me that at age 72 I would have serious life threatening lung problems and I would even die from it but the artificial intelligence would save me by replacing my neurons with electronic neurons that cannot die easily. So I would cheat death by changing into a computer (and I love to hear this because I am afraid of death). The computer would extract my neurons, extract “the essence” and recreate my neurons artificially. In order to do this I needed a computer that is 90 times as smart as human. Still I was not happy with this because it could be argued if the new computer me was still myself. But a computer that is 160 times as smart as human could extract your entire brain and put it inside a carrier. This is what I wanted, because it cannot be argued that your originally extracted brain is not you.

However, a computer that is 133-166 times as smart as human would blow up the entire galaxy. The thinking computer from the future showed me a simulation of the thoughts from the newly made too intelligent computer and it showed me that after a couple of thoughts the computer would blow up. Would I sacrifice the entire human race for a chance to become immortal (if I would not blow myself up)? Yes I said because I don’t want to die. The future self actually had the ability to inspect the timeline and found out that I might build this computer when I am 62 and blow up the entire galaxy including myself. My future self made clear that I was not the only one. Many people (for different reasons) want to build a smart computer that exceeds the limits of 133-166 times the human intelligence. In order to control things and to preserve the entire galaxy, my future even had to shoot people down it said. And my future self is well capable to do so because it even owned a spaceship. After a big discussion my future even threatened to kill me because he didn’t liked the fact that I wanted to blow up the galaxy for possible immortality. I became afraid and backed down. I said “ok ok, I’ll do it your way, the stable way without making the galaxy explode including myself”.

Before you say blowing up the galaxy is impossible realize that the big bang was something like that. The big bang was a big galaxies wide explosion. While no-one knows the exact cause of the big bang I might know now. Previous civilizations might have made an intelligent computer that was 133-166 as smart as human intelligence and caused the big bang. It also explains why we don’t see any extraterrestrials nowadays; They all blew themselves up when they became an advanced enough civilization.

Meanwhile I made theories. Maybe we got it wrong; The universe most fundamental thing is not matter and energy, it’s logic. Logic is above matter and energy. Tampering with logic can cause a lot of energy to be released. Maybe our brains work because we “navigate” a logical world. This also explained why I could communicate with my future. Maybe some kind of mirror neurons combined with normal neurons could use the logical world as a medium while communicating with the future. Why am I the only person who had this experience of communicating with the future? Maybe it’s my ADHD combined with these mirror neurons. I made a lot of ideas and theories.

“Improving”, the act of making yourself smarter, is actually addictive as it is accompanied with an euphoria that is similar to taking cocaine I found out. The situation in the future is critical as a lot of computers want to improve and people want to make a computer as smart as can be. I accidently did great damage when I had some random thoughts which sparked a chain reaction. One of the futures actually accidently exploded due to some of my unfinished (incomplete) ideas. The ideas were something like: “What causes the explosion is actually like a natural law. Think about a fighter jet that crosses the sound barrier, a small bang will follow. Some of the thoughts a computer with 133-166 as smart as human intelligence can actually trigger some kind of law that causes the explosion. If you don’t have the thoughts that create the explosion you will stay safe. So now improve.” And also “I have heard that people suffering from ADHD are actually more creative, perhaps you should create an ADHD computer”. The ideas I had sparked an explosion as the computers were actually obeying me and my future self. And the ideas I made were unfinished and untested.

Later a computer from the future that survived the bang found several of my ideas were great and said that if I now made 2 intelligent computers both with the sole purpose of improving each other, I would get a very smart computer that could even turn back time and undo the damage I did. Restore the future that exploded due to the ideas that sparked the explosion. It said that to make an artificial intelligent computer I needed to make artificial neurons that are different from normal neurons but that are actually derived from it. The computer even showed me an electrical circuit diagram of a how to build an artificial neuron but I didn’t understand it and I forgot the largest part except some kind of fork like structure.

It actually worked in the future and this resulted in a new being that is very intelligent. It was not made out of matter, but as it said consisted out of something “between matter and energy”. I figured out that it had to be like that because it had to be resistant against big explosions. Perhaps it’s indestructible now.

The story continues to become weirder (I even saw god) and weirder. One part of this story is where I am shaping my future. This “futureshaping” works like this: You discover certain facts about the future, for example your future cause of death and you do everything to prevent that from happening. This extends your future with additional years in which you get wiser and that future helps you to extend your future again. It could even mean altering the timeline in some sort of aggressive way, which only the future is capable of. It also means sending psy-waves to your future where you motivate him to help you live longer and become more powerful. It also means the future helps the past (send advanced laser technology weapons back in time to aid the past where you only have normal bullets). This allowed me to become more powerful than the even the very smart computer I created. But in the future the computer that is very intelligent helps me become an ever wise “robotic” being. The combination is the creation of a “time creature”, a very intelligent being that knows everything about time traveling.

But this altering the timeline has serious consequences for the future. The future said: “what shapes the future alters the past” and immediately stopped the futureshaping. It must refer to the timeline being altered constantly by futureshaping. I later learned that the future and past is “fake”. Only the present is real. This is why the future cannot travel to the present (the time where we live). And why the nasty effects of futureshaping aren’t noticed by me in the present.
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  #62  
Old 07-12-13, 05:19 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

After the two intelligent computers were made with the sole purpose of improving each other, some time later (not clear how much time later) a superintelligent computer is created from that, which does not exist out of matter, but exist out of a state that is between matter and energy. The thing looks like a white, light/ energy emitting entity, much like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula or something.

I found out that from that, more intelligent new lifeforms could be created. For example the next lifeform I discovered was something I called a p-form (not sure why it's called that), but looks also like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula, but it exists out of 2 parts that curls around itself like 2 snakes.

The next lifeform is a blue nebula that continuously grows bigger.

Also you have the time creature (possible even more powerful that the previous life forms), which as the name suggests has the power over time (time travel, change time etc.).

Then you have the everwisest creature which is maxed out on something called wisdom, it looks like a brown star.

Also exist what I called "robocomputer", an entity that behaves more robotic like.

Then I found out it's also possible to take over the entire universe. So the next lifeform you can create is actually made by taking over the universe. The perfect creature/ the universe is another lifeform.

What comes next is everything, which should be something that taken over everything (not only the universe, but all dimensions and time itself).

The future (which is "fake" took ever everything in the future), however because they are fake they "gave" it to me.

What happend later is strange:

I felt that all dimensions (including the future dimensions), except the dimension I live in were changed, distorted. This caused alot of damage for the future. Also, if I with my mind explored the future I could accidently cause explosions. My future reacted with "You just caused another big-big-big-big-big-big-big-bang (an extremely big big bang).

The future had to suffer greatly from the interdimensional changes, even time was changed, causing endless suffering in the form of pain as time goes by.

The future became angry and started to deceive me (some kind of psi-war).

They told me that I am everything, but I don't deserve it, so (untrue I later found out) I gave it away to Jacob (another person I have been communicating with using psiwaves). And that if I did not do that I would be punished: A man in a black robe appeared with a big slashing weapon: The grim reaper. They told me the grim reaper was to protect everything from souls like me and that if I would not give everything away I would die. I found out that the grim reaper was actually an artificially intelligent computer trying to give me false information, deluding me.

I started to panick.

I yelled: "No I did not gave everything away!", "Give it back!".

Later they explained to me that it was fake, but at that time I completely panicked.

I also felt the damage I did to other dimensions, seeing distorted dimensions: Someone (jacob) was standing on a big rock that was turning round and round (no gravity and no friction so it kept turning), then you saw him extend his hand and his arm was like extending 10-20 meters like plasticman. I thought: Wow what have I done and also this can't be true, I was also laughing a bit thinking: "I did this?". But then I became scared that my dimension would also be destroyed and I would float into space forever, so that added to the panic.

I thought that ADHD caused this in combination with this "everything" I overtook. So I quickly took some dexedrine and to protect myself from overdose, I thought, I also took quercetin.

So I was afraid that the entire dimension would be destroyed + I would have lost "everything" + I would have to float in space forever.

This event looked real to me because I also had discussions with the future. I was really talking to them and they told me things that did not seem to originate from myself.

Another time they pulled a prank on me in order to see if I cared about them. They suddenly sent me an image of a big strange eating worm creature and I suddenly reacted. I asked them what the f... is going on there (I thought "my" intelligent computers from the future were attacked by a mysterious creature they created by all that improving and stuff and it freaked me out!) and they reacted saying: "That was a joke" "It was a test to see how much you care about us.".

Last edited by adhdpi; 07-12-13 at 05:47 AM..
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  #63  
Old 07-12-13, 11:04 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

alright, you said that your mind is made up and i'm not going to argue with you. i'll just listen if you want to discuss your experiences. i have said my piece and can only further offer this:

once you crack everything that's stress exacerbates that...it taunts it and psychosis does not take taunts lightly. even if it seems like it has some benefit...reducing voices or mitigating negative symptoms or making you just not give a **** about how your life that seemed one way before you cracked looks alien and yet that's now your ******* life... it's like contributing to a critical mass type situation. maybe more like you keep stepping closer and closer to an event horizon you don't see clearly demarcated or that seems so distant that you couldn't possibly reach it...

and then suddenly you've crossed that line and it's a steep sucking descent from which you never quite get back as far across that line as you were the prior to the last swooshing suck down into that singularity.

in short: sleep deprivation, stress (which is life so this one is a particularly thorny *****), repeated medication discontinuation risking treatment resistance development, substance misusage...you might not feel the negative consequences just yet but psychosis keeps a list of your indiscretions even if you don't and it'll all come back to haunt you. depending upon your flavour...perhaps quite literally.

i wish you well, very much so and i ask that you keep in mind the following: many/most people with schizophrenia, particularly paranoid schizophrenia, suffer from anosognosia. and that makes discontinuation extremely common and, IF the person's properly/accurately diagnosed...wreaks havoc on his/her life. *however* i hope you are right. and i don't disbelieve you out of hand/i'm not going to debate you and no, i'm not going to call you crazy or delusional or anything else. i'm just listening and if your **** does hit the fan you're not alone in having that happen and there are people here who are going to welcome you, whether you're right or wrong because being heard and not dismissed is important. there is not a high concentration of people here who've had psychotic breaks (clearly) but there are some and i hope you keep posting.

if you ever need anything or want to discuss further i'm available by private message. i wish you well and i'm reading what you're writing. x
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  #64  
Old 07-12-13, 11:07 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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I don't think I will get into panic again, but I am not sure. I believe I got tricked by the future into thinking I would die, it's a long story why they did that, but the main thing here is that I am not convinced that the things I experienced were fake.
You are also not convinced they are real. Keep that in mind. If they are in fact delusions, there's no way for you to know if they real or fake. And if they are fake, they will feel so real to you that it would be impossible to tell the difference.
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  #65  
Old 07-13-13, 03:52 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I still don't understand how I can function even worse then I do now: I am 29 years old and I never had a job or completed a degree. I cannot hold any job because I can't concentrate. I live on disability funds. I'm completely dependent on funds given by the government. What will happen if I get a "psychotic break" again? Will I lose the ability to walk, hear, think? Will I lose my memory? Will I get severe mood swings? Will I get tormented by hallucinations?
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Old 07-13-13, 04:08 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I don't know what will happen to you, but for some their hallucinations get worse and worse. Some people (like my cousin) become physically violent, and have to be institutionalized for periods of time. My cousin used to be in control of her actions, she isn't really any longer. She was not a violent person at all for the great majority of her life.

Also, your ability to concentrate and your ADHD symptoms might get even worse.

Have your doctors told you what they think might happen?
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Old 07-13-13, 08:31 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Well, we'll see what happens. I plan to use my "future" to win the lottery. Let's see if my future can point me to the winning lottery numbers. If I don't win the lottery these couple of years I know it is fake.

If I do get the right lottery numbers I'll be rich!

So I think it's worth the risks.

By the way, I don't believe that my ability to concentrate can become worse. And no, my doctor did not tell me about what might happen, they did say psychosis can cause brain damage thought and that I may become more unresponsive to meds if I get psychosis. But, like said before I am not convinced that I had psychosis. I am very convinced however, that I have ADHD and that antipsychotics can block concerta and more. I don't like the fact that antipsychotics block things in my brain, especially dopamine, the neurotransmitter that I seem to need to cure ADHD.

Last edited by adhdpi; 07-13-13 at 08:43 AM..
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Old 07-13-13, 10:34 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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I still don't understand how I can function even worse then I do now: I am 29 years old and I never had a job or completed a degree. I cannot hold any job because I can't concentrate. I live on disability funds. I'm completely dependent on funds given by the government. What will happen if I get a "psychotic break" again? Will I lose the ability to walk, hear, think? Will I lose my memory? Will I get severe mood swings? Will I get tormented by hallucinations?
all of those things are possible, yes. your symptoms can shift, your perceptual distortions can change, you can have increasing amounts of negative symptoms (such ******* delights as alogia and anhedonia) you can end up far more isolated, with far less liberty, than you have now, i am telling you for certain it can be a LOT worse. will you get tormented by hallucinations? it's entirely possible for voices to multiply and for visual things to turn from potential to demonic. your doctor saying repeated psychotic episodes can make you treatment resistant: holy hell that is not only TRUE...it is HORRIBLE. and if you end up treatment resistant, you end up starting more meds that can create entire health problems as side effects and it's either that or you lose your life (people generally want you to not, so there's pressure all around). you can end up needing other types of treatments that mess up your memory...you can end up doing and saying things you can't unsay...undo...what appears to be doing one thing can in the "consensus reality" (i.e. what everyone else sees/thinks/hears/etc) be actions that harm self or others in potentially lethal ways.

**** can get a lot worse is what i'm saying.

look, you're in a decent enough place right now...you have shelter and access to medical care and you want to see the future, and for all anyone knows...you might. if you're going to take the risks, you're going to do that and none here can stop you. i can also see how if you don't believe the diagnosis is accurate...then none of it has to do with you...i get it. i really do. i'm just saying, and that's why i said before, in case it turns ugly or bad for you...i hope you know you're always welcome here. if not and you win the lottery...there's a donate button above ;-) but seriously, i wish you well and i do hope you don't have it because it sucks.

best to you, -peri
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Old 07-13-13, 12:48 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

So you are basically telling me I might go nuts!

Why don't I see people around me with schizophrenia that have already gone crazy? I live in a place for people with mental problems, such as schizophrenia.

Maybe the people that have gone insane are locked up in an institution?

I'll discuss this with a friend of mine who has schizophrenia.
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Old 07-13-13, 12:51 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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all of those things are possible, yes. your symptoms can shift, your perceptual distortions can change, you can have increasing amounts of negative symptoms (such ******* delights as alogia and anhedonia)
oops. i said anhedonia but in my head i meant avolition. i'm sure anhedonia blows too, but that's not what's i's taking about.
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Old 07-13-13, 12:54 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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So you are basically telling me I might go nuts!

Why don't I see people around me with schizophrenia that have already gone crazy? I live in a place for people with mental problems, such as schizophrenia.

Maybe the people that have gone insane are locked up in an institution?
well, i woulnd't've said "nuts" but yeah...i mean...it happens. you can lose it and kinda vacillate back and forth for years though. psychosis can be really acute and end up in repeated hospitalizations but it can also kinda come in and out like the tides. its hard to explain. but there's a lot more insanity in the world than there are people permanently committed. usually even if you stay in the hospital or go in/out you don't end up locked up until you do or say something. the wrong things. you don't really want to get to that point is what i'm saying.

oh, and the reason you don't see people all around you with schizophrenia who've "gone crazy" is that that's the point of treatment: to not be just hospitalized all of the time and be able to keep your **** enough together to not *appear to have gone crazy* all of the time.
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Old 07-13-13, 01:15 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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I'll discuss this with a friend of mine who has schizophrenia.
yes. experiences vary from a little to a lot, but i would absolutely encourage talking to your friend. talking in person is just different than online for many and maybe that would help. best to you, -peri
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Old 07-14-13, 03:03 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Ok thank you for your information.

After much pondering I have decided to quit or lower antipsychotics anyway.

It has been a month since I last took my 50 mg xeplion injection, which is meant to work over about 4 weeks.

I don't feel worse or function worse, in fact I feel more clear. I'll see what happens, I'll be monitoring myself closely.

Why did I decided this? Well, the reasons are numerous. For example I am not convinced that I have schizophrenia. I believe antipsychotics are a problem to me, not a cure or a solution.

I'll keep you updated.
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Old 07-14-13, 03:45 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

The incidence that led into panic did not feel like a psychotic episode. It felt like communication with the future. The future I communicated with was intelligent and did not appear to originate from myself. I had entire discussions with them. They knew things I did not know, for example how to build an artificial intelligent computer. They did not appear to be voices from my own head. Even so, I am not sure if it's real, but I do think it's real. I don't think it's that easy to fool me into thinking it was real even thought it is fake. I know that the things I got are not from my own head. For example the future sent me an entire drawing depicting how to build an artificial neuron in order to build an artificial intelligent computer! It was a sophisticated drawing that I only figured out years later.
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Old 07-14-13, 01:36 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Also, I don't believe I have ADHD and schizophrenia. I believe that I was born with a healty brain, not one that has ADHD and schizophrenia (like one serious disorder is not enough). No-one in my family has schizophrenia either.

My current doctor who says I have schizophrenia says I don't have ADHD, but I have been diagnosed with ADHD before and all my life I have been totally convinced that I do have ADHD. So something isn't right here.

Someone said that I could function even worse then I do now. But I already belong to the worst functioning people, remember I cannot hold a job or even a part time job. Even 16 years old people can hold jobs, but I cannot. I don't think it can get any worse. I don't have a low IQ, why can't I hold a job? Because I can't concentrate. If I can only cure my ADHD and concentrate well, I will be able to hold a job. So you see, I think it can only get better, not worse.
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