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  #31  
Old 02-13-08, 08:34 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

I can't STAND it when I'm feeling depressed and a perfect stranger tells me to smile. I want to punch them.

I don't bother talking about depression to anyone if I don't know for a fact they've been there. It's pointless. It's like telling someone with no sense of smell, "It stinks in here." They'll be like, no it doesn't, it's fine! La la la!

All the platitudes people offer make me feel lonely -- "There's another person who does not understand me in the least." So I only share with those who know.
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  #32  
Old 02-14-08, 03:08 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

I don't like it when others say that you need to pull yourself up from your deep depression and find some activities you enjoy doing. You don't just 'pull' yourself up from depression. My last girlfriend made it sound like I was immature and I had a choice if I wanted to overcome my depression (i.e. being more strong willed). I told her that depression runs in my family and it still didn't matter to her. Good bye to you, Miss Judgemental!!!
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  #33  
Old 02-20-08, 12:58 AM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

Real winner from my husband today - he got to talking about what a busy day he was having and how stressed out he was with so many things to deal with (which is true). Then he mentions how he doesn't even tell me all he goes through because "you drown in a glass of water". Nice, huh? I guess it's true - I deal with change and stress and conflict very poorly - I'm easily overwhelmed. But it really hurt my feelings. Made me feel like he had no compassion or understanding of what I go through day to day. Kinda jacked up my whole day and I didn't say a thing to him about it. Story of my life.
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  #34  
Old 02-24-08, 11:55 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

one thing i have learned not to tell someone is
Quote:
I know what you are feeling
unless we are going thru exactly what that person is going thru, there is now way we know what he or she is going thru.
Quote:
I can understand why you would feel that way
that may be a little better, at least then we are epathising with the plite and the emotions but not saying we know more than we do.
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  #35  
Old 02-25-08, 01:55 AM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

What I would do for a fellow depressive is to give them a hug and invite them over to watch Fight Club with me. There is nothing like black comedy, straight up.

Y'know if advocates of "positive thinking" would start calling it -- say -- adaptive thinking they would receive much less grief from people like myself. I'm sorry but there is nothing that says "I'm f****n' clueless" quite like using the phrase 'positive thinking' in a conversation...
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  #36  
Old 02-25-08, 03:37 AM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

popswatter you make some good points. snapping out of it takes years of hard fighting though, and help from the outside like medication, doctors, support from friends and family...it's not something that happens immediately.

it's more the trivializing of how it feels that is offensive for me- if I could get up and go bowling with my friends, or work more, or even go out for coffee...I'd already be doing it. If I was capable of being "chipper" I would be. When people say, "Oh you are depressed, cheer up" or invite me to go do something fun./..well, damn! I have a huge list of people that are inviting me to go do something fun...that response just adds another thing to the list of things I'd like to do but can't seem to find energy for, which makes me feel even worse or isolated...it's just not really helpful.

Plus, fighting it...gets tiring. I can fight it for a day, sure. Then for a month I am exhausted and irritated...I choose my battles carefully now and being told to fight constantly, I don't think that's normal and I don't think "everyone" is going through that kind of thing all the time.

I liked your post though, it didn't offend me at all. Just different perspectives I think
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  #37  
Old 05-11-08, 03:41 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

I was talking to my friend yesterday about some of my feelings and things going on with my depression. What truly surprises me is that she listened to me, told me that she was sorry I was going through what I was going through, and truly acknowledged my feelings. Not saying things like "It's going to get better"...it was really nice to have her support. I have been going through this for about 10 months now...and I know that I am doing everything I can to get through it...but my closest friends will tell me "It's going to get better" "It's ok"...the little I have mentioned about it. No it isn't going to just "get better" and it's not okay!!! Twenty five pounds lost...too much time crying...suicidal thoughts...it's more serious than that. Time, medication, meditation, journaling etc. is what is helping me slowly...not just snapping out of it.

This friend has been there for me throughout...truth is, I only met her a year and a half ago...most of my close friends/family don't seem to understand, and I have not opened up to them much about it. I have found the people who are my support are not the people that I would have thought of right off the bat.
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  #38  
Old 11-19-17, 01:44 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

Quote:
Originally Posted by PopSwatter View Post
.

Life is harsh, it's full of contradictions, it's a lot of simple things that we human beings have made complicated, it's not fair, it's not easy....and in the midst of all of it. it truly is what you make it to be. There will be ups and downs for everyone and things to test all of our spirits and our mettle.

I'll never be Pollyanna type individual. I will still have depressive days but I have learned over the past year to look hard at myself, but after looking, to let go and let it be. To start to love myself. To accept myself. To know what I want for myself. To accept what life hands to me. I meditate some, I pray some, I read a lot of self help, I do whatever I can to stay more positive in my life. I finally found a great job and I see the upswing....and sure there will be future downswings, I already know....but I am doing what is best for me, I am fighting for my well being.

That's what I wish for everyone...the knowledge that the only person who can fight for your wellness is you. You may or may not get help in life, you may or may not hear what you want to hear, and at the end of it all, it's still your mind and your life to take control of, if you want to survive and not only that, but strive to have good things in your life. You do have to find gratitude for what you have. You can't listen to your own excuses and you can't care what other people say to bring you down. You build your own inner core of strength and self love, somehow. The chemicals are imbalanced but can actually be rebalanced naturally, with our thought patterns, and habits.

I don't know...I think people telling other people to find happiness...not such a bad thing. Maybe everyone doesn't say it perfectly but the underlying wish is for your improved state of mind and health and joy in life. I do believe you have to fight depression in yourself, you have to fight ADHD/ADD, you do whatever you need to do! And maybe if you are happy being homeless, alcoholic, alienating your family and friends, on drugs, etc. that's fine too, but if not then you have to find a way to change all of that. I don't know when I turned into the optimistic pessimist. I could only hope someone doesn't pull out the one offensive phrase to pick on. But to be honest, I don't really care if not one person likes me, LOL especially on the internet....I am going to love myself and not worry about anyone else, I want more days of laughter in my life and less sorrow, I want all the good things I know I can have if I change my mindset for a more positive one. Many other people have done it! If Oprah can become the richest female African American billionaire....from a life that started with rape and poverty...it's amazing how much your mind and your spirit can overcome for you when you let it. A big change for me is the fact I know have to raise a child and I cannot let my issues interfere with his safety and well-being, especially since he has ADHD. I am having to learn patience, and to suprress my quick temper, and to become less judgemental.

It's not easy at all, but I keep on with the will to make it through and never give up.

A site that helped me:
great day dot com/motivate

And listening to some Yolanda Adams! don't give up on yourselves. Beat the disorders and don't let them beat you. So many of you have so much potential and intelligence and believe me, it breaks my heart to see you hurt! So please try to do what you can for yourself and understand that people really do care, even if it sounds so trite. Be glad someone actually says to you cheer up, instead of kicking you in the bollocks, snatching your wallet, and taking off LOL...now that would be the perfect end to a depressive's day.

Hold on, press on, stay strong! You can make it through, through depression, through ADD/ADHD, through whatever your particular neurosis may be. No one is normal and everyone is going through something! Physical, emotional, mental...whatever it may be...



I could respond to your post stating something profound...

Instead......

I want to let you know

How much



it moved me..



Last edited by peripatetic; 11-21-17 at 11:45 PM.. Reason: quote consistency; no edits to wonderboy's post
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  #39  
Old 12-01-17, 06:53 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

I had a bout with clinical depression last week due to some upsetting events occurring. I had to "unfriend" someone on FB due to her wanting to play "hero" and bombarding me with texts and when I snapped back, and said I was not a "project" for some do gooder that only shows up when they want to "rescue", she started preaching to me. Asking me if I believed God was bigger than my problems and was a grateful each and every day. And perhaps, I just didn't want to hear the "truth."

I told her straight up that A MEDICAL CONDITION isn't indicative of a person's spiritual faith or beliefs!!!

I hate preachy so-called "Christians". They think if they sit in a church pew, they are somehow morally superior and use those suffering clinical depression as a prop so they can spout off their preachy obnoxious holier-than-thou crap. And it's always towards people with depression, anxiety, etc. Never towards people with arthritis, gout or herpes. They are respectful to other illnesses.

So do NOT play the "God" card with me all because my serotonin levels are low. Srsly!

I'd love to go up to this ex friend of mine when her back goes out and ask her how big is God in her life and perhaps she doesn't want to hear "the truth."
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Old 01-13-18, 08:50 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

I agree! The worst thing for me was when a religious family member decided that before I saw a psychiatrist was the perfect time to "save" me! All they did was make me more depressed. They proved beyond all doubt that they didn't understand the first thing about me. I really hated that person at that moment! Don't ever do that to anyone!
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Old 02-01-18, 06:29 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

I don't want people telling me how they got out of depression in two days by going out and doing things! That's NOT depression, that's just a passing mood.
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Old 02-02-18, 10:06 AM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

If I feel that it is just a misguided approach from someone that sincerely wants to help me the best way that they know how to, I thank them, smile, and normally feel good that someone wants to help. If OTOH I believe the misguided approach is self-serving on their part, I may offer a "witty" comment. If I am not sure, I thank them, smile, and move on. -LN
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  #43  
Old 02-02-18, 10:15 AM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

Take 'em out to lunch. Or, get lunch and take it to them is a nice start.
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  #44  
Old 02-02-18, 11:38 AM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

“This too shall pass. “
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  #45  
Old 02-02-18, 12:15 PM
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Re: What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

Quote:
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“This too shall pass. “
When I’ve been really down I have said this many times before, but I always meant it as a morbid tongue-in-cheek way of saying that it will pass because I will be dead.

So I would not recommend it, even though the idea is sound. Find another way to say it.


Cheers,
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