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Old 12-24-11, 11:20 PM
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The ghost of Christmas Past

Two years ago at this time, my husband and I were exchanging gifts and getting ready to leave for California, after spending Christmas Day with his family.

Christmas Eve was always our private time. We would enjoy a Drambuie, exchange gifts, and celebrate the gift of one another.

Christmas 2009 was bittersweet. Two weeks prior, he had been in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. We knew that it would probably be our last Christmas.

I think I got through last Christmas on auto-pilot. I honestly don't remember much.

I won't lie, today was a mofo. When I haven't been actively engaged in using every kleenex in three states, I have been fighting back tears. With my Dad's death in October this year, I find that I feel even more alone than ever. The anchors that I counted on and believed in are gone.

We're celebrating Christmas at my in-law's. I have all the stuff I'm supposed to bring in bags or the fridge, ready to go. I just can't figure out how to get my attitude ready.

I really don't want to bring everyone down. I just can't figure out how to bring myself UP. I need help... so I'm asking y'all.

I've already figured on an hour or two of sobbing. Hopefully that will help. What else can I do?

Oh! The restrictions are no booze, no medication outside of my current colorful assortment, no vitamins. In short, I have to do this using only my brain...


...wish me luck with all that!
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  #2  
Old 12-24-11, 11:30 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Think of some of the funniest movies you've ever seen, and think about the quotes you loved about them.

Write a couple quotes down on notecards (one quote per notecard) and carry them around with you. I keep mine in my back pocket held together by a binder clip. For you, it might be a purse? The key is you want to have them ready to pull out VERY QUICKLY like a gunslinger pulling his gun from his holster.

I also carry a notecard with all of the things I'm grateful for in my life.


Edit: Good luck.
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  #3  
Old 12-24-11, 11:31 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

I hope you'll be able to lean on each other.
Best wishes for enough strength and composure to get you through, and some measure of warmth.
{{{hugs}}}



We lit a candle tonight in memory of my SO's dad, since it's the (>10th) anniversary of his passing. (We also played with the fire from the candle, and melted stuff, and made a mess, also in keeping with Dad's memory...)
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Old 12-24-11, 11:33 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Merry Christmas Tigg, I'm powerless to do much, but I wish you comfort and strength this holiday season. *hugs*
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Old 12-24-11, 11:33 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Even though I have never lost a person that close to me, but are there kids over there? I always feel better around kids.

.
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Old 12-24-11, 11:34 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

((((hugs))))

You know, I wouldn't worry about getting your attitude ready. That takes a lot of effort and energy. It sounds like you've spent a lot of energy preparing for tomorrow and dealing with your emotions.

You're going to spend the day with people who loved your husband and who apparently love you, too. That's a wonderful thing. I think you just be you, attitude and all. You may find that it's easier to just be you than try to work on being up--when you definitely don't feel like it. You may be surprised to find that your attitude improves and you are lifted just being around others who feel the same way about your husband as you do.

If they love you and loved your husband, they will understand. Sometimes (esp. after losing my dad), when I have felt the way you are now, just going and being with others was enough to bring me up for a bit.
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Old 12-24-11, 11:51 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Well, for one... you can locate me via any number of internet-based instant messaging applications. PM me if that sounds remotely useful at any point. Of course, my brain is probably of no more help to you than your own. Either way, if I'm not working, I tend to exist primarily online, as the real world just does not appeal these days.
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Old 12-25-11, 12:06 AM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Anon, you actually got me to laugh out loud. Whipping those cards out like a gun from a holster brought to mind instant flashbacks from the Engineers Guide to Cats!

Namazu, I haven't lit hubby's candle yet but plan to. I really like the whole "play with the wax" twist. I need to figure out how to incorporate that.

Space, thank you! I'm really praying that the snow holds off for the week so I can get up there. A couple of nights ago I was ready to head north at 3 a.m.

Atabei, my kid is nearly 30. We don't have many young ones any more. Maybe my neighbor will loan me one or two for a while.

BR, you spoke to where I am. $%@^$%# system won't let me rep you. I just hope that we can all consider the tears in the deli tray "seasoning".

Trish, look for a PM. Between us, we might just manage all this.

(((hugs))) guys. Thank you for letting me get some of this out.
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If it were your real life, you would have gotten better instructions.


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If you do, wouldn't you rather be the spin cycle?
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  #9  
Old 12-25-11, 12:38 AM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

I totally understand bout being so lonley because the people you talked too depended on are now gone.up until yestetday I just about had it,runni into the red,stik in the mud bro jammin me up an thoughts of endin it,comin home from work yesyetday I somehow snapped out of it.i got atree,shopped and went out to the bar w co woorkrs,today I got new pc and decorated tree and wrapped gifts.dont know what to tell u exvept you will somehow make it tjru the day and this too shalll pass,merry xmas
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Old 12-25-11, 02:04 AM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

((((((Hugs))))))
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Old 12-25-11, 10:04 AM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

I'm terrible when it comes to advice and grief. Just know that you are allowed to own your feelings and express them in anyway that you want. Take comfort in the fact that you were soul mates and that even something as little as 15 minutes of spectacular is better than a lifetime of nothing special and you've been blessed to have had someone who knew the inside of your soul and loved you even more because of what was in it. I guess that sounds dumb but it's just what I feel.
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Old 12-25-11, 02:54 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Thinking of you today, Tigg-- hoping you're making it thru ok. {{Hugs}}
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Old 12-25-11, 03:12 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

I really wish I could give you some advice about getting thru the holidays after such a devastating loss.Then to lose your dad too, it's more than a person can bear.I can only tell you that you're not alone in how you're feeling , while trying to get thru the holidays.It will be 3yrs.in Feb. since I lost my mom to colon cancer.To me it's just so incredibly sad when I think of her last Christmas.We had no idea that it would be her last.So, I'm still shocked at how fast she went downhill.For me the holidays will always be hard to get thru.

What makes it even harder is that my dad, who is 80, has all the holidays at his house.So my mom's stuff(dishes,knicknacks etc)is all over the place.I do the cooking with all my mom's utensils & stuff.It sounds crazy but I'm very sensitive to that stuff.
All I can offer as advice is just try & hang in there, the holidays will soon pass.You take care of yourself.
(((HHUGS)))
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Old 12-25-11, 03:42 PM
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Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Quote:
Originally Posted by buddy View Post
I really wish I could give you some advice about getting thru the holidays after such a devastating loss.Then to lose your dad too, it's more than a person can bear.I can only tell you that you're not alone in how you're feeling , while trying to get thru the holidays.It will be 3yrs.in Feb. since I lost my mom to colon cancer.To me it's just so incredibly sad when I think of her last Christmas.We had no idea that it would be her last.So, I'm still shocked at how fast she went downhill.For me the holidays will always be hard to get thru.

What makes it even harder is that my dad, who is 80, has all the holidays at his house.So my mom's stuff(dishes,knicknacks etc)is all over the place.I do the cooking with all my mom's utensils & stuff.It sounds crazy but I'm very sensitive to that stuff.
All I can offer as advice is just try & hang in there, the holidays will soon pass.You take care of yourself.
(((HHUGS)))
This is the 13th Christmas without my mom - the 6th without my sister -
both died of cancer. I was so thrilled last month to find a baking pan just
like Mom's at an estate sale. All her stuff was left in the house when Dad
moved into the rest home and the tornado destroyed almost everything.
My brother found some photos and saved them for me, but I still think
fondly of all the kitchen stuff and all those family dinners.


Oops - forgot this - (((Tigger))) In time you'll find a balance between
the sad memories and the happy ones. At least, I have.
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Old 12-25-11, 08:46 PM
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Smile Re: The ghost of Christmas Past

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
Think of some of the funniest movies you've ever seen, and think about the quotes you loved about them.

Write a couple quotes down on notecards (one quote per notecard) and carry them around with you. I keep mine in my back pocket held together by a binder clip. For you, it might be a purse? The key is you want to have them ready to pull out VERY QUICKLY like a gunslinger pulling his gun from his holster.

I also carry a notecard with all of the things I'm grateful for in my life.


Edit: Good luck.


This is something that I would suggest too... You may not find my brand of humor funny - but here goes..

*****At the beginning of the movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy runs away and meets up with The Wizard... She asks him "can I come with you to meet the Crown Heads of Europe?" He responds by saying "Do you know any? Oh, you mean the thing.. he points to his wagon that advertises him as having met The Crown Heads of Europe.. *****

I hope your day has gone ok..
I'm thinking of you and sending hugs your way..
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