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Old 06-08-20, 01:11 AM
amoreno amoreno is offline
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is it gaslighting? memory problems

So I have just been recently diagnosed with adult ADHD
(F 32) and while I have always kind of known, I have been able to get by on my own for a lot of time ( that's why I went undiagnosed)
Now I am finally going to therapy and getting some meds ( wellbutrin) but I feel like the meds just take the anxiety away but don't do much else in the ADD department. ( mind you thats great too right now with the state of the world)
Well to the problem, so I a have a psychiatrist and therapist I like them both, and got referred to both, but sometimes I feel like my therapist doesn't know that much of ADD but I don't know, maybe we just don't talk about it and I just talk about my problems and he never gets to show his expertise, I don't know...
Thing is he is also my first therapist so I don't know what a good therapist would be like ( or a bad one).
One time I mentioned I have a hard time doing basic arithmetics because of my bad memory, or that I forget a bunch of things in the short term, like my keys, or my bag, or anything small that doesn't have specific place.
Then he kinda implied that this was because I didn't have confidence in myself, ( like he literally didn't say it, he implied it and then made me say it) and then when I said he said he said, he was super adamant that I had been the one who had said it, in the moment I said ok maybe, maybe I am not confident in my own mind and memory, and thats why I feel like I have a bad memory but then I started to get annoyed like, hey wtf, this feels like when people that don't have add try to convince you that you don't have add and that whatever you are suffering is just how everyone lives. I mean maybe it is just semantics, and he was saying made sense, but I felt super annoyed because I felt gaslighted.
My parents gaslighted me the whole time, I felt like I had ADHD since I was 21 but my parents kept ignoring me because they said I was using it as excuse to be lazy or not commit, so I kept myself out of any type of therapy because I thought I was supposed to prove I could do it and wasn't doing it as an excuse.

Then another time we were talking about prioritizing and my therapist said, oh you know when you do a task you know which one you should do first, and I stared and said, no... I don't.... thats the whole problem, they are just floating around and causing me anxiety and I could sit down and figure out which one is more urgent by its due date, but that only makes me procrastinate until the last minute I can turn them in.

I have trouble doing things I dislike unless there is some type of extrinsic thing pushing me to do it( a promise, a deadline, me getting fired, a social stipulation).
I have other issues but I want to know how to deal with my time, planning, prioritizing and organizing before I move to anything else ( because this is what causes me more anxiety)
But I don't know if I am with the right therapist, because I have never been with another one and I don't know what should I expect from the one I have.

While some of the things he has told me to work, these are things I have already tried and they work one week and then I go back to my usual "lazy" self.
He also said that he thinks that I don't have that much ADD because whenever he sees me I don't look like it, ( I guess that annoyed me too) I don't want you to tell that I have a little or a lot, I want you to show me what I don't know about myself.

I am sorry I am rambling
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Old 06-08-20, 12:05 PM
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Re: is it gaslighting? memory problems

It sounds to me like the therapist really doesn't know much about adhd if he
doesn't know that you can focus very well when you're doing something new,
and then have the usual adhd symptoms when doing the everyday stuff.

If you have a few minutes, google dyscalculia, which is like dyslexia but with
numbers . . . also dyspraxia. I believe I have dyscalculia but not diagnosed,
which means I can't dial a telephone number correctly, can't write down a
number without transposing digits.

Also check out dyspraxia which is common alongside adhd and autism (I have
both) and results in difficulty with coordination. I don't know if that's the reason
I will mean to say "turn left here" and it comes out of my mouth "turn right."
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Old 06-12-20, 01:37 AM
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Re: is it gaslighting? memory problems

The therapist definitely needs to do a better job. Would you be interested in switching to a new therapist? The thing is if you have adhd It's important to feel validated. He was not validating you he was down playing your concerns. Many therapists are not that knowledgeable about ADHD and say things that they have no information about. It is not your fault. Does your psychiatrist support you?
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Old 06-12-20, 12:33 PM
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Re: is it gaslighting? memory problems

Yeah, my psychiatrist supports me because she has ADD too, but she doesn't really do therapy/coaching, I am having a hard time finding a therapist because they either don't specialize or are really expensive.
I was referred to a new therapist that specializes in ADD and she is very expensive, so although I can go, I can't afford to go that often, so I don't know if its worth it if I will only be able to see her once a month ( thats how much I can afford) and starting with a new therapist is always very emotionally taxing, like oh I have to tell "the story" again.

I was thinking of dealing with it books, but we all know we don't do well without accountability, organization and specific guidance...
I just want to get my work skills in order cuz those are the ones that cause the most anxiety and the ones that get me in trouble, thankfully I really my job, but I wish I could do it in a carefree manner and also my masters degree
Thank you so much for replying

Any books that helped you out?
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Old 06-13-20, 04:59 AM
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Re: is it gaslighting? memory problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by amoreno View Post
My parents gaslighted me the whole time, I felt like I had ADHD since I was 21 but my parents kept ignoring me because they said I was using it as excuse to be lazy or not commit, so I kept myself out of any type of therapy because I thought I was supposed to prove I could do it and wasn't doing it as an excuse.

Forgive me, but would it be gaslighting if we called your parents attitude stupidity and their utterances bad parenting??

The last time that I looked ADHD was defined as a neurodevelopmental condition- ie a brain based medical condition.

We all suffer from these ancient fossilised beliefs that define emotion and motivation as acts of will. As a rule they are not- they are bottom up autopilot behaviours.
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Old 06-13-20, 02:27 PM
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Re: is it gaslighting? memory problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by amoreno
He also said that he thinks that I don't have that much ADD because whenever he sees me I don't look like it, ( I guess that annoyed me too)
That would annoy me as well. Judging people by how they look is no way to identify severity or diagnose ADHD. I would want to ask them what a person with ADHD looks like. No where in the DSM does it discuss one’s looks as a method for determining ADHD.

That sounds like a cop out instead of an evaluation to me. Good luck finding an affordable therapist that really understands ADHD.
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