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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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  #16  
Old 06-04-19, 06:22 PM
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Re: 17 adhd son, no life, no friends breaking my heart!

I am back looking through the forum again and found my old posts. Lots has changed for us in life, divorce, etc and my son is now 24. He has a good job, electrician, but still lacks a social life. He has 1 friend that he had reconnects with now and again from school, and had made a few from work, but they have since moved away or married. He spends alot of money on stuff to fill his time and that is why he still needs to live at home with me! to me is seems like he is always thinking the next sport, or hobby he gets into will make him happy with hanging with others, but then he buys everything and tries it out and it never seems to be as good as he was hoping.
He still spends all his time in his bedroom alone alot! and from accidentally seeing things on his cell, its not a good thing. His dad is a sex/porn addict and he may be following in those footsteps,i hate to say. One thing I notice is he does get angry alot more towards me. I am getting very tired of it and I have tried all I can to guide him or suggest and nothing left in me. I need peace and a life without worrying what I will come home to? Big mess, things broken etc from his boredom. He has not or will not speak to his dad since I kicked him outin 2015 and now divorced. His dad has not contacted him either. THEY had a very extreme relationship. I really do not know what to do anymore.
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Old 06-04-19, 06:39 PM
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Re: 17 adhd son, no life, no friends breaking my heart!

My son is 25. He has high functioning autism and adhd. Family relationships were not working and he moved out of home at around 19. Being on his own was hard but then he got to set his own rules and take his own path. He met a girl and bought a house.

Electricians get paid better than the trade my son has. Get him to move out and a lot of these issues will not be issues because he'll be in control. At 24 he should not be living at home. I say this from the point of view of having adhd and leaving home at 18and having a son with autism and adhd and a daughter with adhd who both left home at 19.
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Old 06-05-19, 04:18 AM
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Re: 17 adhd son, no life, no friends breaking my heart!

Ms A My story is very long and I wont bog down your thread but the short of it: My daughter just turned 19. When she turned 18 she ran away, did partied and stopped going to school. Got into treatment in Florida and barely graduated and has bounced between 8 jobs and 4 sober houses. Our relationship was always a little rough but nothing terrible but from a young age she wanted things her way and would get hooked on things, spend her money on getting stuff for these things and lose interest. The hardest part about her path was facing the fact that my baby girl did not want to live with us. I have two other kids, a son who is 23 and a daughter who is 15 and her life traumatized us and we went to family therapy over it. I never realized how much time and energy she sucked from us with her actions. I always had to wonder in the back of my mind if she ok. Therapy helped us learn to cope with her desire to be "on her own" and of course the drug and alcohol issues. I am an alcoholic myself but I have been sober almost 7 years now so I'd like to think we have modeled a sober home.

When she left we shut her phone off and towed away her car. We did not give her any money. She was barely a few weeks past 18 and we could see the destruction coming and had to let it happen. For whatever reason this was her path and this is her path. I can only hope she comes out the other side. Does he pay rent or help with expenses? He should. If he continues to treat you this way with no consequences he will have no motivation to change. Why should he? He can spend his money and live without contrinbuting and take out all his anger on his mom.
I do not think you can change him but you could try therapy on your own to change how you deal with him. To help you with healthy boundaries and how to set limits. They say trauma sort of stops our emotional progress in its track- a lot of addict start to abuse substances to escape this. Once you work on healing its like your emotional maturity can then continue to develop. If this is indeed the case then the trauma of your divorce and his relationship with his father may have sort of "stopped" him the same way and only he can fix that.
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Old 06-05-19, 06:50 AM
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Re: 17 adhd son, no life, no friends breaking my heart!

When my daughter was in the height of her anxiety she also wanted to spend a lot of our money, often in the way of remodeling her bedroom once again, or even decorating other parts of the house. But alas it never made her feel better long term.

One huge part of our answer was a diagnosis by a child psychiatrist. Therapist or her general physician got the diagnosis wrong but the child psychiatrist was a savior in that he diagnosed her correctly.

The second huge part of recovery was taking meds to help her with her diagnosis.

The third huge part of getting better was therapy. She went through 5 therapists before she hit it off with one. Funny how the one she finally settled on was no push over, & did insist on tough love from us, but it made my daughter realize that she was the one who ultimately had to work hard to help herself because no matter how much we wanted to we couldn't do it for her.

After several years of meds & therapy she has progressively gotten better, with many ups and downs, but ultimately moving in the positive direction.
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