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  #1  
Old 06-02-12, 06:37 PM
Btaim86 Btaim86 is offline
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Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

My ADD is giving me a few major problems in my life. They will affect both my career life and my personal life (actually, they already have, especially my personal life). I'm extremely worried about my future. I take medication, but I pay for it out of my own pocket because I can't afford health insurance. So it's really expensive and due to that, I spread my dosage out over several days, taking it only when I really need to.

I was never the hyper type. I was always fairly quiet, and a true introvert. I had three major problems. 1) Paying attention, 2) Difficulty processing information (both when listening to people give directions and reading books), and 3) socializing with people. I'm wondering if the latter is the result of the first two, because it's not exactly a symptom of ADD. I think my insecurities from my first two problems lead to my 3rd problem.

I'm almost 26 but I still have most of the insecurities I had as a teenager. I have had a lot of trouble in school and college in both academics and social skills. I seem to have overcome a few issues but the key word is few.

I'll start with academics. I always thought I was stupid. I realized more and more that that's not the issue, and I just have trouble processing information. Sometimes I'm wondering if I have a bit of learning disability because of this, but my doctor never mentioned anything about that. I was a horrible test taker. Despite immense studying, I would fail miserably (medication helped a little bit, but mainly for concentration so I could study). Medication takes care of the paying attention problem, but it doesn't really take care of the info processing problem. I had major difficulties in math and science.....ehh, and english....and everything else really (but especially math and science). I was always envious of people who finished tests super fast and aced it. I was the guy who was the last person to finish, and despite studying harder than everyone else, I'd still fail, and be one of the only ones that failed! You can imagine how much this can make one feel emotionally. This got better as time went by because I learned some new study skills and I hired tutors to help me, and my grades and test scores gradually went up to average. I managed to get by and graduate college with a design degree with average grades. Now my next problem is finding a job. I found one recently, but got fired (or laid off? I couldn't tell) because I couldn't understand directions while being trained, despite how hard I ******* PUT 110% INTO IT!!! When I look back, I remember taking adderall one weekend and studying the hell out of what I was being trained. I come to work Monday morning to prove to my boss that I can learn what was taught to me. He gave me a 60 day review test. I answered nearly every question perfectly, and he was truly impressed. Is final remark was "you did great, but the economy is bad and I just can't keep you". I think that's bs. Other problems I have are the typical ADD problems with memory; remembering names, even faces, misplacing items, organization, etc.

I believe me feeling 'stupider' than everyone else is kind of what affected my social life. My insecurities are serious. I'm naturally shy, but that's not the main reason I had trouble making/keeping friends and attracting the opposite sex. I was never the person to learn strategy games. Even learning something as simple as the board game of clue confused the hell out of me. My friends get together and play poker, and I can't remember the basic hands, the rules, etc. It is VERY embarrassing. I was invited to a poker game last night and lied and said I had something else going on. I've been called stupid on multiple occasions. So a long time ago (around age 20), I decided to avoid any event that required strategic thinking. Sports? Football? Ha, forget it. I wouldn't dare. My horrific hand-eye coordination prevents me from even learning how to throw a football. I know basic social skills. I'm a pretty normal guy and can talk in a normal conversation with pretty much anyone, but flirting with a girl? Forget it. I don't know how to make jokes to attract her or anything. I'm approaching the age of 26 and have yet to even have one girlfriend in my life. According to a few people, I'm a 'decent looking guy'. I have had a few dates, but it never went past the first date. I am a virgin. This is now my new serious problem, and it's beginning a to affect everything else in my life.

I wish I could be normal like everyone else. I hope one day I can get married , have kids, and have a real career with a salary that will bring in just enough to buy a small house and afford a couple of kids. That's seriously my dream, to just be normal. But I can't perform well at work, I don't have many friends, and girls seem to repel away from me.
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Old 06-02-12, 06:53 PM
Blueranne Blueranne is offline
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Re: Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

Marriage and kids in not all that it's cracked up to be, and being "normal" is extremely overrated, except around here of course.

Welcome to the forums. I hope you get to know a few of us here and feel at home.
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Old 06-03-12, 10:03 PM
Btaim86 Btaim86 is offline
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Re: Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

[QUOTEMarriage and kids in not all that it's cracked up to be][/quote]

Oh yeah? So what's better? Being single for the rest of your life? Coming home from work on a Friday afternoon and realizing that the weekend is going SUCK because you have absolutely nothing to do and no one to be with, and then Monday morning comes around again and you have to deal with your hell of a job for 5 days? Combine 5 days of hell, with 2 days of boredom because you don't have many friends and you can't get a girlfriend if your life depended on it. As much troubles as kids and a wife can bring to you, I'd rather come home from work (work with a decent salary to live comfortably) to a girlfriend, or wife and kids, and enjoy a nice family life vs what I deal with today.
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Old 06-04-12, 05:10 AM
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Re: Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

Normal is a dirty word.
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Old 07-13-12, 02:16 PM
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Re: Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

Btaim86, you may want to try to dedicate yourself to one particular activity, sport for example, and try to excel at it as much as you can. Not only you can improve your self-esteem and social position that way, you will also have less time for negative thinking.

I find a lot of people being terribly bad at social situations, actually it seems to me that only the small minority is good at it, and all the rest share your way of looking at themselves - "I wish I could be so cool as that guy...".In that, you're actually 100% normal. ( And according to Sarahsweets, you're also dirty at the same time, which som girls may find attractive )

We all have memory problems, but there's nothing so bad that it cannot be improved.
Use the internet and learn the poker things, then go try with friends. Nobody told you should enjoy the game itself, but it might be a good way to be among others.

Good luck!
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Old 07-13-12, 02:45 PM
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Re: Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Btaim86 View Post
[QUOTEMarriage and kids in not all that it's cracked up to be]
Oh yeah? So what's better? Being single for the rest of your life? Coming home from work on a Friday afternoon and realizing that the weekend is going SUCK because you have absolutely nothing to do and no one to be with, and then Monday morning comes around again and you have to deal with your hell of a job for 5 days? Combine 5 days of hell, with 2 days of boredom because you don't have many friends and you can't get a girlfriend if your life depended on it. As much troubles as kids and a wife can bring to you, I'd rather come home from work (work with a decent salary to live comfortably) to a girlfriend, or wife and kids, and enjoy a nice family life vs what I deal with today.[/quote]

You're 25 you hardly need to worry about marriage yet. For many, marriage isn't all roses, it's justnextended hell.
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Old 07-14-12, 12:40 AM
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CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
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Re: Almost 26 year old ADD male, struggling with life

Welcome OP! I hope you find some support here.
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