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Old 03-29-18, 10:25 PM
sagensour sagensour is offline
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Hi from Tejas

You can call me "Spike", the only nickname I ever had in adult life.

I discovered I had ADD (inattentive) in my 40's after my son was diagnosed. I read "Driven to Distraction" and was transfixed as if were a Stephen King novel. On the self test, I scored like a 98%.

At the time I was working as a tech writer, and took Adderall, getting to the max quickly as I recall (30mg 3 times a day) I have a very high metabolism, and eat like a pig it seems but also run, and my BMI is 21.4, and I have very good blood pressure, and low resting heart rate (without Adderall--that is). But meds tend to go threw me quick, just like food.

The crashes I would get on Adderall, if I took a pill too late, and forgot to eat--were horrible. It is like an onslaught of negativity, throughout mind and body. I can remember feeling like I just wanted to die at times.

I just went back on 3 days ago, now in my 50's at 10mg twice a day. As my 2nd pill (first in AM. 2nd 5 hours later) begins to wear off around 6:30 pm, I get so incredibly sleepy, and just need to lay down, but cannot take a short nap (as is usually possible). This is very frustrating and I cannot go on this way. I have also had some negative feelings (I am not suicidal but my mind wanders upon Suicide Lane more in the last 3 days).

I needed this for energy, as well as focus, so I think the negativity (reflecting upon previous talk therapy sessions) is simply the logical place my mind goes when feeling so let down and hopeless.

As Neitzsche said, "The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."

I think it means taking responsibility for our own thoughts. No one really has a right to complain. Self removal is, among all animals, a human monopoly. But it doesn't not mean we need to pretend the thoughts never come, as suppression only drives the self-hate even deeper.

But enough of that. Has anyone here ever had good outcomes with Provigil (Modafinil)? Even though a week dopamine reuptake inhibitor, it gave me some very positive results when I tried 200mg per day. But it just did not feel like"enough". But I had some positive feelings like I had not felt in ages. And I slept great, and had no discernible negative symptoms, like I do with Adderall, Concerta (the latter made me feel "blah" and like a hangover)

I still have some left, and was reading up on dosages and think I need to try 400mg, split dosage, a day. Has anyone here had experience? I sure appreciate any feedback.
Thanks
Spike

"If your dreams do not scare you, they are too small." -Sir Richard Branson
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