ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADDForums FRONT OFFICE > New Member Introductions
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-20-18, 03:34 PM
Urobouros Urobouros is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Covington, WA
Posts: 36
Thanks: 13
Thanked 41 Times in 20 Posts
Urobouros is on a distinguished road
43 and finally getting help

Howdy y'all! I stumbled onto the forum having only just recently acknowledged my ADD. My story is similar to a lot I've read. As a kid I was the class clown but did well enough everyone just thought I didn't care. I agreed for the most part but I think it was the beginning of my defenses. I developed a hearty ego propped up by my success in acting and with girls. Confidence goes a long way in both arenas and mine was absolutely unshakable! I've managed to graduate college with a math degree, get married, have a child and work my way up from the lowest admin to a full time broker but it's a struggle. When my wife & I went to counselling, our therapist suggested I have ADD but I didn't really look into it. We still have some doozy fights and I've noticed the severity and frequency of my symptoms picked up last year when I stopped drinking coffee. I finally got a couple books and did some real research. Now it seems sooo many of problems relate back to ADD. I'm sure I'm not the only who feels those online surveys were written based on their lives but dang I track so closely to them!! I'm still struggling with the grief a bit but at least the uncontrolled crying stopped Seriously though, I developed a Ritalin addiction while I was in college so I'm a bit nervous about medication. That's likely part of why I haven't been more proactive. I'm really looking forward to addressing my ADD head on with a professional but the knowledge so far has already helped stop some arguments.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Urobouros For This Useful Post:
ToneTone (03-20-18)
  #2  
Old 03-20-18, 03:47 PM
midnightstar's Avatar
midnightstar midnightstar is offline
Purriendly feline moderator
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,150
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 18,495
Thanked 22,820 Times in 13,485 Posts
midnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond repute
Re: 43 and finally getting help

Hello and welcome
__________________
Beauty (12th August 2007 - 3rd November 2008 )
Dylan (4th November 2008 - 23rd March 2012)
Tom (29th August 2014 - 17th October 2014)
Ebony (1st January 2014 - 2nd March 2018)
Tigger (31st October 2014 - current)
Willow (3rd November 2018 - current)
"No human should ever hurt an animal" Jessie, Animal Farm

Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-20-18, 06:09 PM
DeClutter's Avatar
DeClutter DeClutter is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Home of the Fries (no, they are NOT French!)
Posts: 138
Thanks: 208
Thanked 250 Times in 110 Posts
DeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to beholdDeClutter is a splendid one to behold
Re: 43 and finally getting help

Welcome Uro!

I am 46 and the realisation of having ADD grew over the past year too. It seems these conditions have a certain formula as to how they make our lives unfold, so i recognize a lot in your story :-)
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 03-20-18, 09:23 PM
Pinkyswear Pinkyswear is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 40
Thanks: 5
Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
Pinkyswear is on a distinguished road
Re: 43 and finally getting help

Welcome! I started me treatment at 42.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-20-18, 09:49 PM
Urobouros Urobouros is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Covington, WA
Posts: 36
Thanks: 13
Thanked 41 Times in 20 Posts
Urobouros is on a distinguished road
Re: 43 and finally getting help

The thing that has surprised me the most is how quickly my well crafted and long honed defenses have started to fall away. I've always struggled with confidence internally but all of a sudden I'm standing naked and not looking like Adonis! I admit there are times that I miss the blissful ignorance vs feeling all the guilt and remorse. But the upside is realizing how close I came to ruining my marriage without actually going over the falls!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-21-18, 01:31 AM
CharlesH CharlesH is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 704
Thanks: 141
Thanked 390 Times in 269 Posts
CharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to all
Re: 43 and finally getting help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Urobouros View Post
The thing that has surprised me the most is how quickly my well crafted and long honed defenses have started to fall away. I've always struggled with confidence internally but all of a sudden I'm standing naked and not looking like Adonis! I admit there are times that I miss the blissful ignorance vs feeling all the guilt and remorse. But the upside is realizing how close I came to ruining my marriage without actually going over the falls!
It's really common for everyone in the family but the ADHDer to notice how obvious the ADHD is!

Could you clarify a bit what you meant by your college ritalin addiction? What purpose was the ritalin serving for you? Were you able to self control your intake of ritalin?

I ask because I think people can move past their previous mistakes. Stimulants are the most effective treatment for ADHD, and if you're now at a point in life were you can take the meds responsibly, then I don't see why you shouldn't!

If you or your doctor are concerned about your past history, perhaps your wife could volunteer to dispense the medicine to you daily. Just a suggestion!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-21-18, 12:55 PM
Urobouros Urobouros is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Covington, WA
Posts: 36
Thanks: 13
Thanked 41 Times in 20 Posts
Urobouros is on a distinguished road
Re: 43 and finally getting help

I was never prescribed Ritalin. While I was home on a long weekend I snorted it with a friend and then went to an arcade. I ended up more than doubling my previous record in Galaga and had the best time. He gave me a couple pills to take back to school and, as if my fate, I ended up with a solid connection. I was burning through 1-2 grams per day by the end of sophomore year. I was doing well in my philosophy class but was emotionally unavailable so my acting classes suffered. I lost my connection at the end of the school year so went through a lovely week of withdrawal and that was it.

My first appt is still a couple weeks away but we've talked about this before. I'm quite confident I can take meds without a problem given the severely negative association I have with addiction. I've been around coke a couple times since beating that one and it's almost a clockwork orange response. That said, my denial was a rather powerful defense before to the extent that I fabricate memories to justify my anger. I'm struggling a bit with both the guilt/shame of such a long period of denial along with the fear that what I'm thinking/feeling at the moment isn't real. I went through an LSD period too and it was pretty easy to ignore the hallucinations because I was always aware that's what they were. Some of the feelings of being attacked when it's really just minor and/or legitimate criticisms are as real as the computer in front me so I'm second guessing everything. Then when I relax and am not on guard, I only realize I'm ten feet down the rabbit hole and yelling at my wife like a loon.

Honestly, I used to think ADD was over diagnosed so there's more than a hint of irony in my current predicament. Thankfully, I'm still a reasonably upbeat person and that's exactly the kind of thought that makes me giggle
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:23 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums