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  #1  
Old 06-14-18, 07:27 PM
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Unhappy I'm too dumb to do my job

I recently joined a new job after years in academia. It's a research position again but for a huge, huge company. It's been 4 months already but I'm not doing very well, I think. It's stressing me out quite a bit. I thought this might be my job for life but now I'm not so sure for the following reasons:

1. I'm not skilled enough: I just don't have enough knowledge or skills. I'm trying to learn but it doesn't help that I know nothing about the core product. Maybe it's age but I'm not learning as quickly as I used to. .

2. I'm struggling to think clearly. The meds are helping me focus but I can't think clearly. Working memory seems to be at an all time low.

3. I'm under huge pressure all the time to deliver. I don't know. My manager said not to worry yet if I'm delivering or nitvut my project mates expect me to I think.

4. My project mates. They are all extremely bright and knowledgeable. And driven. Especially one of them. I'm really struggling to work with him. Sometimes it's great because he's got really good ideas and he's really passionate but he keeps changing the goal posts. Before I can finish working on something he's changed direction again and wants me to work on something else. I don't have any complete product to show at all.

5. (Cont of 4 in a way): at the university I was used to leading my projects, in the sense that I was always the technical lead. I did everything myself from design to implementation. Here I feel as if I'm working on someone else's project with very little creative input of my own. Mainly because my colleague is so pro active about pushing his ideas. His ideas are really good too so it's difficult to argue against him. I find it really difficult to work like this too. Since I'm always implementing his ideas I don't even have time to come up with my own (I'm extremely slow too, which doesn't help. Also I'm using a new programming language which is really slowing me down massively as well). Also I joined the project late. I've never spoken to the customers and injustice don't feel as if I've got a good handle on it.

6. The only thing I enjoy in this job is programming so I'm doing that and nothing else. Admin and all my other duties are totally neglected.

7. I really liked my manager but I've been assigned Joe a new manager who I've never met and who is sitting on the other side of the globe.

8. The company is so huge. I just feel lost and clueless. I dont understand the structure or the different departments or anything about it. We work closely together with other departments though so I'm really struggling with that.

9. I'm not really interested in the core products. I do like my project but that is because it's got nothing to do with the company's main business.

10. I don't feel as if I'm adding value any way. I realise now that at the uni I got a lot of satisfaction from teachingahd though I doubt my research will be Ollie's soon I did. Lot of work in health Care which I'm more interested in. Now I'm working for a few investors really for a company that makes products that mean very little to me.

11. I've already withdrawn and isolated myself from everyone. Maybe it's the meds, maybe it's because I've been so down. I just don't feel like talking to anyone. My colleagues are really nice but slowly they too just be thinking that I'm rather unfriendly..and stupid. If doesn't help that everyone is all the time talking. They are such a friendly and talkactivs bunch. It drives me crazy.
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Old 06-14-18, 07:41 PM
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Re: I'm too dumb to do my job

I worry about underperformance too. Since going off meds I feel like I'm unfocused and ineffective. I think a good attitude is what saves me.

I keep asking for feedback if I'm doing okay and they say yes but I still worry that I'm not.
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Old 06-14-18, 08:07 PM
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Re: I'm too dumb to do my job

As long as you're turning up and getting paid, who cares?

I've made the mistake in the past of walking away from work because I felt I wasn't good enough. If you're being told not to worry about it by those in charge of things, then I wouldn't worry about it. You obviously aren't doing as badly as you think you are, otherwise you'd already be gone.
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Old 06-15-18, 12:09 AM
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Re: I'm too dumb to do my job

You're absolutely not stupid!
this simply isn't an ideal enviornment for you to flourish. transition from academia would be difficult in the first place, and the business world has changed drastically in the past few years, it seems so much more superficial chatty networking bs.

the law firm where i work has merged and merged and remerged again; honestly, i've never understood certain work procedures in the first place and now they are outdated.
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Old 06-15-18, 05:41 PM
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Re: I'm too dumb to do my job

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
As long as you're turning up and getting paid, who cares?

I've made the mistake in the past of walking away from work because I felt I wasn't good enough. If you're being told not to worry about it by those in charge of things, then I wouldn't worry about it. You obviously aren't doing as badly as you think you are, otherwise you'd already be gone.
I care. I hate feeling stupid. And I feel guilty about wasting everybody's time by not contributing.

I won't quit though. Not till I find something else. It's decently paid, my (ex) manager was super flexible about my working hours and most importantly it's permanent. I would love to work as a post doc again but I don't want to go back to contract jobs.
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Old 06-15-18, 05:45 PM
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Re: I'm too dumb to do my job

Quote:
Originally Posted by stef View Post
You're absolutely not stupid!
this simply isn't an ideal enviornment for you to flourish. transition from academia would be difficult in the first place, and the business world has changed drastically in the past few years, it seems so much more superficial chatty networking bs.

the law firm where i work has merged and merged and remerged again; honestly, i've never understood certain work procedures in the first place and now they are outdated.
I honestly didn't think it would be so complex. I've never worked for such a large company before. The university I worked areas huge too but the different departments were much more contained and somehow everything was just more obvious and self explanatory. Here I barely understand what the main business is. It doesn't really help that I don't really care about the main business.
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Old 06-15-18, 07:50 PM
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Re: I'm too dumb to do my job

I am really sorry that you are experiencing this. I've been in some of the same situations and had the same feelings. It all just sucks.



You like healthcare and it is HOT right now. R&D is super HOT which is the area I think you work in, right? I know you said that you don't want to quit but why not just look around healthcare companies? Just a peek?
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