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Old 11-28-17, 01:16 PM
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Lightbulb Following God and ADHD

I am a combined type (hereditary and clinically diagnosed,) with strong impulsivity and inattention due to boredom. I excelled extremely well through school but often did the work so fast and easily that my impulsivity would get me in trouble.

Disciplined environments are extremely difficult because if theres not enough stimulation, I will begin running on impulse because the boredom makes me want to "rip out of my own skin," for lack of a better expression lol!

I LOVE the heavenly world and imagining all the fun and exciting things to do there, that are endless and expansive beyond our tiny rock of boring. Doing gospel work is very fun and stimulating, and brings a lot of love and community! Problem is, I lack a lot in staying within the discipline of christian faith, which is controlling oneself from engaging in secular things.

Secular things tend to give a lot of stimulation but arent spiritually good - an example is drinking which even normal people can barely handle lol, the rush from the liquor and loud, high vibe atmosphere sends my impulses into over drive and I over do it. I have done a lot of illegal drugs impulsively, fist fighting, men have fought over me because I couldnt help but flirt with all of them (and fight with their girlfriends,) my good guy friend whom Im sure is in love with me, jealously keeps me from going home with different men.

I dont sleep around thanks to him honestly, or I get bored once me and whatever guy are thinking of leaving together because the excitement is the flirting / tease whereas the actual sexual part deadens once its over.

My personality type is more death metal and high vibrancy music, which diff music influences your spirit. Death metal makes me want to fight and dance music makes me want sex and to drink / party and do drugs.

I have been working to cut these things down but I "binge-sin" because the impulses are so strong. Ive often cried in the midst of doing these things because I dont want to do them and know its not healthy spiritually or physically.

Any others suffering from impulsivity strongly, know exactly what thats like. You literally detach from your body and watch yourself doing / saying the things you are telling yourself not to do.

I of course dont want to go to hell, and I dont blame God for making me born with my condition, what I care about is how hard it is on others around me. They worry a lot about me or end up getting hurt (fights,) due to my unrestrained impulsive behavior.

"You are an amazing (insert good trade here,) but you cant be controlled." Is what my family, peers and superiors tell me often.

Sucks because I misd out on a lot of great oppurtunities because at an instant my professionalism can be overtaken by an impulsive behavior. In fact holding a job is like holding sand, and personal relstionships are like jumping on glass, hoping it breaks and jabs us just to break the boredom.

The chronic boredom causes an acute strange depressuve state where I entertain thoughts of death and even attempted suicide twice just to get the thrill of dying. I slip into maladaptive daydreaming which is a form of daydreaming that last hours, days or weeks, and is akin to being in a trance or brief hallucinating.

Im avoiding medication because Im embarrassed of my condition and dont want people to think Im crazy or broken. But maybe I should just try it, because when I drink a stimulant like coffee in large amounts, I feel a bit more in control but fidgety like crazy. I think a stimulant style med is going to increase my hyperactivity - I already squirm and walk around the office too much.

When I first started my faith, I was still in the child like stages if you will, which means it was natural to still be a bit worldly and do those stimulating things. As I grew spiritually I wanted to help and do more, because us dang ADHD's over achieve too much, and naturally you cant be all religious whilst indulging yourself in things moreso than non religious people lol, thats a hypocrite right?

So I backed off a little as not to defame the amazing church and beautiful God for my lack of control. I dont want to interfere with others having a chance at believing heartfully because of my poor example as a member.

I can say it honestly lol no need to whitewash my bad sins or act righteous.

Im just torn because I really do love God and my spiritual family and studying / teaching / preaching, but I hit a hard wall when all the stimulators had to be put on the wayside - for the definite better. I mean studying the Bible for hours compared to getting alcohol poisoning or a one night stand with a stranger who could easily harm you, is a lot more healthy.

Problem is my sin-binging because like every other activity, its super exciting at first then gets boring. Whats odd is that when I do the stimulators, I can better focus like releasing pressure. If I were to skip church and party all week, I will get bored of partying and want church. If I go to church faithfully all week, I will get bored of church and want to party. If I do everything at the same time I feel euphoric but these things of course clash and cause problems for others and myself.

Its a vicious cycle.

Im thinking maybe I should find more constructive stimulating flexible outlets. Like instead of clubbing, maybe doing a dance class in a controlled environment. Instead of drinking, maybe karate or fitness gym. I need to get some balance without relying on pills-

for you bored impulsies, how do you manage?
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Old 11-29-17, 05:48 AM
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Re: Following God and ADHD

Not to discount your experience with your higher power but do you think God wants you to be this miserable ? Or would God want you to seek treatment?
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Old 11-29-17, 09:35 AM
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Re: Following God and ADHD

You're young, trying to find yourself and doing it under the profoundly destabilizing influence of a neuro-biological disorder (perhaps more than one).

Some try to find themselves by finding God, but that's backwards. There are many different versions of God, none any more 'right' than any other because we simply cannot know. You need to find yourself before you can find your spiritual center.

Right now the place of your new faith in your life is that of an engaging new interest and hopefully a barrier to you doing something self-damaging. Go back and re-read your post and count the number if times you list actions of yours that you know are wrong. You know it's wrong to initiate violence just for the sake of violence. You know it's wrong to goad others into violence. You know it's wrong toy with the feelings of others. Why do you need faith to tell you that?

If it helps by providing a community to help impress upon you the difference between right and wrong that's fine, but please realize this all comes down to you doing for you what's right for you. Every time you "binge-sin" it carves another chunk out of your self-esteem. Your solution to life will not come from outside, it will come from within.

Nothing will happen unless and until you make it happen. Keep re-reading than line until it sinks in.

It means you need to take responsibility for your actions, understand that harming others harms you, and take action to make it stop.

See a professional and start the search for the correct medication and dosage that works for you. It's covered by your employer's health insurance. If meds work for you, you will likely be astounded at how much easier this is to deal with, like wearing glasses for the first time after a life of near-blindness.

Ask yourself why you would want to avoid doing that. Pay close attention to your answer and determine whether it makes any sense. (Hint: It doesn't.)

While you're starting on that path, take up something athletic to burn off your excess energy and provide some of the brain chemicals your disorder deprives you of.

Most importantly, take decisive action. Don't just bop around between new interests, go straight to the core of the problem by seeing a professional. Even if meds don't work for you, your doctor can show you other things that can help.

What I see in your post is typical of someone who doesn't take appropriate action until some event gives them the clarity to see they need to take charge. These events can be anything from a scary close call to a life-altering tragedy.

I hope you're wise enough to get on the right path before you do any serious harm. Trust me - you will never live that down.

Do the right thing.

Best of luck,
ZD
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"Normal" refers to a majority view.

If ADHD was more prevalent it would be "normal". It would shape all of society, just as it shapes our individual lives now.

Those with an excessive need for order, consistency and timeliness would face a lifelong struggle. Most of us "normals" would wonder why they don't lighten up and be more open to life's ebb and flow.

"Normal" is a meaningless concept. Reality is what it is. How we choose to deal with it is what defines us.
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Old 11-29-17, 02:36 PM
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Re: Following God and ADHD

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost_dream
Im avoiding medication because Im embarrassed of my condition and dont want people to think Im crazy or broken. But maybe I should just try it, because when I drink a stimulant like coffee in large amounts, I feel a bit more in control but fidgety like crazy. I think a stimulant style med is going to increase my hyperactivity - I already squirm and walk around the office too much.
Welcome to the forum! I would seriously reconsider your thoughts on medication. I wouldn't worry what others will think because it's none of their business. Also, they will only know if you tell them. I wouldn't since your concerned with being judged by them.

Just realize those same judgmental friends are judging you already by your actions. Haven't your actions from being untreated been embarrassing enough?

Treatment may greatly help and I would seriously reconsider it. You won't get far it sounds if you continue down your same familiar path.

Best wishes for improving your life.

Cheers
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Old 11-29-17, 06:28 PM
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Re: Following God and ADHD

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost_dream
I think a stimulant style med is going to increase my hyperactivity - I already squirm and walk around the office too much.
I can easily see how you could make that assumption but it's not correct. The stimulant medication actually slows our minds and bodies down with ADHD while increasing focus and with less hyper activity.
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Old 11-29-17, 07:24 PM
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Re: Following God and ADHD

Welcome!

Definitely go to a doc to get properly diagnosed and possibly get on meds. Therapy is also very helpful. These have helped me.

I am a Christian so I understand many of your struggles, believe me. It can get better!!
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Old 09-17-19, 07:15 PM
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Re: Following God and ADHD

As a Christian I am leary of secular therapy. But I realize I need to be diagnosed properly. I have been kicked around by one form of government and the next. So I am not trusting of many authoritative types. As far as I am concerned they are all out for money. When it concerns my well being I am not real comfortable putting myself into their hands. That being said, I know there has to be some out there that truly care about their patients. I just wonder if I will ever find them. Is there any recommendation you have as to what to look for when seeking a qualified doctor to diagnose and a therapist?
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