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  #76  
Old 05-11-11, 07:24 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Rebelyell,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell
at least we have me an abi to terrorize and pillage yall
DON'T tempt me, I am on probabation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell
I cant believe this is affecting me this bad because aside from here I barely knew the guy and since hearing of his passing Ive been sad and ****ed offteary eyed crybaby right now
I bawled when I heard bro. I was gushing tears and snot. No handkerchiefs for me, I needed a bathtowel to clean myself up after.

Sorry for the messy icky details, but I think esh would have approved of the description in all its gooey glory.
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  #77  
Old 05-11-11, 07:27 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Rebel: btw, he liked you a lot, you know...

You were ALWAYS on those top 10 lists he made... who he would take with him to a desert island and so forth.

And I don't know if you remember the post where he said that if we all met up I'd be like a brother and you would be like a best bud (it may have been the other way around).
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  #78  
Old 05-11-11, 07:39 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

It's been a few month since I've talked to Esh, and I always kind of expected he'd be there when I looked again. While my first encounters with him were rocky and slightly fiery, once I got to know him I would say he was a really warm human being. He is missed.

Peri, many sympathies for this. I wish I had more words for you.
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  #79  
Old 05-11-11, 07:40 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
Please dont take his stuff down for some of us would still like to hear what he has to say and maybe go back an reminisce and thats all we have at this point.How old was he by the way?
rebel,

is this to me regarding his youtube accounts? i'm not trying to take away your memories, but he wanted things done and i'm going to do them.

EDITED

i hope that gives you some understanding of why he wanted these things removed or edited. but, at the end of the day, i must honour his wishes.

Last edited by peripatetic; 05-08-14 at 07:27 PM.. Reason: overexposure correction
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  #80  
Old 05-11-11, 08:47 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I understand about peoples wishes,if only he could of understood alot more people liked an loved him for him.Yes I was talking bout the you tube accounts if thats his wishes I respect that.I already put 2 people THat dearly ment something to me in the ground,so I totally understand wishes an wills. Yes I remember that abi it was last JUne around the time my aunt an cousin came up here to go to NY city w me and my brother at the end of June.It sucks that not a whole lotta people give a sh*t about each other anymore.People think ohhh mom and dad will be here forever or I forgot to tell my brother/sister gf bf I love em,ahhh Ill see em next week.What people forget is we are truly living moment to moment,no 1 wakes up and says Ahhh I better not ride my motorcycle today Im gonna be killed on it etc.
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  #81  
Old 05-11-11, 09:01 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
if only he could of understood alot more people liked an loved him for him.
i tell you truly, rebel, that it took incredible courage on his part to allow himself to believe that i loved him and to trust me. i, too, wanted for him to be able to see the love so many had for him. even more than that i wish i had found a way to help him give some of his enormous supplies of love he had for others to himself.

nevertheless, he fought hard and he worked against the depression and the negative thought patterns it created with everything he had. the man was a fighter
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  #82  
Old 05-11-11, 09:08 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
I cant believe this is affecting me this bad because aside from here I barely knew the guy and since hearing of his passing Ive been sad and ****ed offteary eyed crybaby right now)
We've bonded with one another, dude. We are a fraternity in here--a family. When one of us goes, it's like we all lost a family member. It does not matter how close we were to that person. We understand one another in ways that even our own families do not get. I didn't really know esh that well either, but I still feel his loss. He was one of us...and he always will be.
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Last edited by BouCoupDinkyDau; 05-11-11 at 09:14 PM.. Reason: spelling mistakes - man am I tired
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  #83  
Old 05-11-11, 09:38 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I dont see any of his writings/blogs as inadequacies or failures I see it as it takes a real strong person to talk about there problems an tribulations and not blame others.Its too bad its too late and people didnt tell him this sooner Im guilty too I didnt go out of my way to try to contact him,got tied up w life but that is still no excuse really.Yeah not too many people in my world understand me.last few days w my mom being on my mind,brother doesnt even talk to me anymore,I feel Like Im gonna lose it.hearing no 1 talk to you is like solitary confinement,sensory deprivation.I thought was strong enough but it breaks you eventually.
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  #84  
Old 05-11-11, 09:44 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
I dont see any of his writings/blogs as inadequacies or failures I see it as it takes a real strong person to talk about there problems an tribulations and not blame others.Its too bad its too late and people didnt tell him this sooner Im guilty too I didnt go out of my way to try to contact him,got tied up w life but that is still no excuse really.Yeah not too many people in my world understand me.last few days w my mom being on my mind,brother doesnt even talk to me anymore,I feel Like Im gonna lose it.hearing no 1 talk to you is like solitary confinement,sensory deprivation.I thought was strong enough but it breaks you eventually.
No more drinking tonight Reb... There are a few members of this forum close to your location. You all should really plan that Forum member meet-up!
Everyone here would talk to you, I know it!
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  #85  
Old 05-11-11, 09:54 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I dont see what drinking has to do w it or anything,I dont understand what your getting at Im sorry.
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  #86  
Old 05-11-11, 10:07 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
I dont see what drinking has to do w it or anything,I dont understand what your getting at Im sorry.
ahh... Im sorry, no worries.... I was getting at being sad when drinking is no fun.
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  #87  
Old 05-11-11, 10:28 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Im usually not sad when I drink tho.
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  #88  
Old 05-11-11, 10:45 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

For Peri,

As I've read your posts in regards to Shane on this thread, it has brought hope to me in my life regarding a relationship with a woman.

I did not realize how close you and Shane were. Sure, I saw the visitor messages with green emoticons sprinkled around.

This moment has impacted me very much. I have wondered if I could be loved by a woman no matter what I do. Not only did Esh or more humanly Shane have ADD, he had severe Bipolar. I believe you said he suffered from seizures and potentially catatonic states. Yet, you loved him so dearly even while knowing his struggles and his terrible mental states.

I sit here on my bedroom floor with my mechanical pencil writing words about you and Shane, people whom I have never met. I am balling my eyes out now. My chest has been going up and down like a runner finishing a race he was unprepared for. I have had to take a break, walk to the store, and cover up my red face. My eyes are laden with tears. I almost lost it walking on the sidewalk next to the highway.

The fact of the matter is that on the door step of my brains thoughts are that of shock and disbelief at your love for Shane even till the end. He had so many problems and struggles. I wonder if most of the world would abandon, judge, or stayed away from him. I have never known love like this. Not from my ex-wife. Not from my mom.

I have quite a few emotional issues. I have a mental health disorder, actually several. I have baggage from my childhood, which I am deeply affected by. I have seen a lot of mental health professionals totaling eight. This began probably at that young age. I have moments when I think that I won't be loved unconditionally.

I do not claim to have suffered as Shane did nor would I be so brash to speak of it at this time, on this thread. But one day, I hope to have a woman in my life who will be able to love me. Love me with all my struggles and issues as you loved Shane. You accepted him. I have never known the feeling of being safe and accepted by woman. This occured maybe once with my ex-wife's mom.

I hope if she is out there that I will have the wisdom to hold on to her. Hold on even if I feel like I'm in a distant land.

You showed Shane love. You've shown me love.
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  #89  
Old 05-11-11, 11:50 PM
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Unhappy Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Peri, I've thought of you and Esh. whenever I had a break in the day today.

It probably helps that I'm with you here in SF visiting relatives right now, so I see people in coffee shops or what have you and think, "That could be Peri."

Sure puts all our other stupid day-to-day concerns in perspective.
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  #90  
Old 05-12-11, 02:03 AM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Ive still been thinking about this and am sad.

I sooo wish this did not happen.

I am so sorry, that he was so sad. I HATE that.

I just figured that he was still coming here but just not posting as much. It is awful.
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