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Old 08-30-19, 02:06 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness for

other hyphenated words, self -esteem, self-efficacy, self-truth, self-worth etc...those parts that run on inside myself, utilizing the knowledge already garnered, and of you don't know (didn't project, which is why healthy self-fishness and self-esteem are important), all the self stuff in your own lives as well is hyphenated and is if-then.

so, yesterday I talked to my college counselor, understood the concept of "without knowing black there is no way of knowing the light", took in a notebook and the notebook was black, wondered if it represented anything and figured out, via a scientific school of thought, the color black is anything but the color black, what we see is the only color the surface doesn't absorb, thus, these letters, are every color in the visible spectrum behind the color black, and I know what my intelligence means, I went to one concept to another "black to all colors besides black, including the light of the prism of the atmosphere" in like, 3 ego statments. wanting to color my emotions, I differentiated myself from him, felt goosebumps on the back of my neck (ego skin).

that's not what I want to wright about though, although feelings are part of the post. we are all of equal value in that we are all human, the commonality that binds us all. I started thinking ealier and now, just, shoring up the epiphany I had in language about myself, and sense I come here often, thought I would share with you all.

healthy self-fishiness is defined by figuring oneself out, what one values, what one doesn't value, what beleife one has, what feeling one has about himself or herself. I grew up with people telling me what to do, how to believe, what to feel, how to feel. I don't ever recall much talk of feelings or emotions, and recently, I've been able to feel a lot of feelings, cause I took off the armor(theory of the mind stuff) and know my ego skin(goosebumps, belly laugh, butterflies in my stomach, etc...), shoulds are toxic, coulds are the way to go. if any of you have a should in your mind, it's from a projection, mind control, replace the thought with a could.

healthy-selfishness, when I was at utah traveling I went to a geographic location called mount zion, all of utah was just, phenominal, however, I didn't want to go to the top, I said to myself then, and relating now " I just don't feel right going to the top, I want the others who I care about to share the experience with", healthy-selfishness turning into dedication.

I've traveled a lot, cause for me, it's the experience that counts. I was wondering why the therapist I go to, not you guys, always hands me a water bottle, I thought about cd a bit earlier today, my mouth fitting my behaviors, I've traveled a lot and I just figured a huge part of me out, something he has trying to coorespond to me.

the 6 ounce plastic bottle with the "title on the bottle saying "100% natural" I guess before my cognitive blinders were too high (which is why horizontal relationships are important). again from a scientific lense, plastic isn't biodegradable, neither are alluminum cans, plastic bags, straws, all that stuff I consumed in the past, right in the garbage, and people 1000 years from now will still be with that waist on the planet out their I adore so much.

the therapist I go to and I, and just relating here, we talk about the cup, filling my own cup, both metaphorically, and litterly. tonights trash night and their is so much plastic I've picked up, so much aluminum, no more, or atleast, way less waist, as in both waistfull spendning and polluting less. I will purchase one of those aluminum thermisus or several, for water, for tea, for juice, as to note waist anymore. I'll save who knows how much money in the meantime, even the ecigs I smoke are way less appealing, I've thrown away hundreds of those things and thousands of the ecig ends atleast, plastic and who knows what else are in those, besides nicotine.

the answer was, in a way, stairing me in the face for years, windmills, renewable energy, even nucleur energy. I always heard about the guy who cleaned up some plastic from the ocean going "way to go" in my head, now I know why, there is one planet, near 7 billion human beings, I'm going into the economy, I think I can do some good.

4/=5. now I know why my therapist told me not to worry about the news. 100% pure water plastic bottle, give me a break. I know what I hold sacred in my heart and mind, and will keep striving to figure out more of myself, it's my duty afterall to my self, then to the others. I will do my best from here on out with trying to keep my ego humbled, cause it's never my way or the highway. I'm skilled and talented, I'm blessed and I know I won the genetic lottery, it's time to stop thinking my smarts are a curse (talking more to myself there), and stop being embarrassed of my other parts that I need to internally switch on.

and in, other wierder than **** news, the light-bulb in my room that was once, out, isn't... like, seriously, strange... however, I like strange. not even joking about the lightbulb though, it's been out for a while.

note, I didn't project cause I knew those parts of myself, could be wrong, but I got a gut feeling about it.

Last edited by namazu; 08-30-19 at 10:14 AM.. Reason: Removed politicla comments, per ADDF guidelines.
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Old 08-30-19, 04:16 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

think I'm actually getting at a bunch of inner stuff, and I might have actually projected and reincorporated, don't know.

something that I looked up, tommorow, I will read all this again further.

Once identification achieved its status as a specific psychoanalytic concept it followed a process of reconceptualization that emerged from the different clinical and theoretical contexts in which Freud approached and explained the phenomenon. In tracing the unfolding of the theory of identification throughout Freud's works, we have accounted for the following steps: First, in his correspondence with Fliess, Freud announced topics that would subsequently be theoretically processed. Second, in the first topography, identification was explored in the contexts of hysteria and dreams, and elaborated through reference to two psychic scenes with their respective modes of psychic functioning. Third, in the period of transition to the second topography identification was defined as a substitute for an object relationship and as a preliminary stage of object choice. Interlocked with the concept of narcissism, it produced a reconceptualization of the ego that led to the second topography. Finally, the tripartite model proposed in the second topography manifests the consolidation of the structuring function of identification, since the psychic structure is therein conceived of as resulting from the vicissitudes of object relationships.



something my college counselor said to me was, it's, is a contraction of it, which follows the rules of grammar that I've had a hard time with in the past. which I think is the psychological apparatus, however, I could be wrong. I really feel like I'm discovering new parts of myself, in-myself, the self itself itself.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2508143
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Old 08-30-19, 08:02 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

so, I've used the ABC, XYZ, and 123 a lot in the past few weeks when posting here, and the reason, about 2 or 3 years ago my therapist used the letters ABC and XYZ and 123.

what I can share is the gyst of those sequences are, internal, external and other representation.. the ABC is something like sense of inner self, sense of reality, sense of affecting our arm in reality XYZ is 1st person I/we(with group) 2nd, other, third, they and other third person pronouns, ehh, ya I can't recall the other, been tired,

however, I know when I'm talking to others and when I'm talking to myself (haven't even used the term to me all day and that's the first time I've heard myself use the term myself today). I've been able to defriantiate a lot inside my mind now and it's as if my inner monolouge, heh, has some balls to it now, just meaning it's.... louder, if that's the correct word. not having to tell others what it is I'm doing cause I can think in my head and have been getting better, just today, at catching internal thoughts that are externalized.

I'm sharing all this cause I've shared a lot over years here, however, for the past couple of years was lost inside myself, with some glean of wherewithal from time to time, so I actually have news to share with, everybody who wants to read what I wrote.

the other day I said something to my college therapist about the blackness really being every color of the light spectrum, thus, to know the light of day (or to differentiate) is to know that light can not exist with darkness, thus the ying and yang, another sentiment from therapy (probably an inner thought, gonna be a while to to get the hang of ego completely), and I'm saying, being able to differentiate, skin ego, inwards, outwards, how the ego is structured internally and externally, and how belles and feelings and keeping with those feelings makes all the personal difference in the world.

without loosing my train of thought, which has come back, when I said, I beleive those words to him, he encouraged me to wright everything down. I had no idea why really, I thought we were talking about college but we weren't, what he said sparked the idea's I shared in the posts above, and in my wrighting over the last couple months I've been noticing the coielecing of several themes, yesterday, the perfect storm happened (hey, I had a dream were I survived the perfect storm, litterly, a sleepytime dream, YES I kind of behave differently offline is how I am when I'm not wrighting on a forum everybody more loosy goosy, easy going, I know a lot of words and sense now know how to differentiate, will start to, not abandone anypart of me to anyone else, but, well be considerate, if I say **** and someone doesn't want me to and says so with real reason, then I'll try to stop saying ****). however, now I feel as though my brain isn't quite as one tracked.

and it's all because I made three silly selfish trips to figure myself out a lot more, what issues I care about and so on. the therapist I go to, not the counselor, has given me several riddles over the years and the riddle he gave me recently has stumped me so, and the above, with a little help with my counselor at college, has.... I understand myself more, inside and out, I can differentiate in my head, I almost typed something that had no relevence to what it is I'm typing. I'll type it anyway, my counselor and I had am exchange about grades "maybee I'mm make all a's" I said pompously, he said "maybee all f's" it's when he told me to wright the stuff down, the op really of this thread, I slept, horribly, woke up, and I could hear myself think again, more clearly, I don't have to go to everyone and say "I'm going to do such and such, I I I I I" all the time, cause I can execute action in my head now(in ternal thought)

I wrote him, my counselor via facebook, about 45 minutes ago thanking him, asking him if If he did give me a push and knew what was going on before I did, and then resolved the issue of grades with " I might make all A's, or All F's, however, I'll just do my best"

ya, personal stuff, however, the reason I'm saying all this is, I feel much more anchored, level, able, with less doubt, all because of ABC, XYZ, 123. the real reason, hell, I'm not talking to myself here but the rest of you on the adhd boards (not spacio visual super ego, no projection, sorry it's like I have a program in my mind, the visiospacial notebook and somehow, I know when I'm projecting cause I see the word... well, superego, inside my mind, and not what I wrote, inward, outward)

I started to know myself better, and so can all of you, just by being a bit, healthfully-selfish, cause I feel, wordy however, the words I employ in writing or spoken word are a lot more, precise is a good word. sorry all, it's like I'm booting up parts of me that have been dormant for a while.

cause what I wrote yesterday, was, I could hardly read it. I'm not even trying to come up with words, not really. I had to stop for a second for typing and typed, heh. I just really wanted to say, there was a real reason for what I wrote the other day, I had a pshychologist and a counsilor both pushing me and I felt compelled and I'm glad they(THIRD PERSON PARTICULAR TO WHAT I'm WRIGHTING did)

evem when looking up the abcxyz123 stuff and the self stuff and the frued stuff from ncbi, I made sure to not step on any toes on my pshychologists proffesion and just looked up what I needed.
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Old 08-31-19, 07:53 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Did you know that there has been a massive amount of research since
Frueds' time that has proven most if not all his theories to be wrong.
Interviews with his former subjects have shown that he lied about them
and just made stuff up to fit his theories.
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Old 08-31-19, 10:30 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrzyphl View Post
Did you know that there has been a massive amount of research since
Frueds' time that has proven most if not all his theories to be wrong.
Interviews with his former subjects have shown that he lied about them
and just made stuff up to fit his theories.
Yep, he was a fraud!
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Old 08-31-19, 11:26 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
Yep, he was a fraud!
I don't believe he thought he was fraudulent though. He loved to read his own words.
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Old 08-31-19, 06:10 PM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
I don't believe he thought he was fraudulent though. He loved to read his own words.
It's amazing what people can convince themselves of wanting it to be true.
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Old 08-31-19, 11:25 PM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

attacks on character, "oh, drogheda thinks he is frued and just likes to hear himself speak"

I'm self aware, what I wrote above was the blueprint for myself of selfawarness, a culmination of figuring out myself and a lot of stuff my therapist has said to me over the years, I thought this was the place to do as such, not to be covertly attacked to figure myself out.

and no, I'm not writing to myself. sense I figured that out, my inner monolouge is a lot, err, louder. "ohh he is talking about the inner monolouge on the screen" no

ehh my psychologist was correct "in that society really doesn't understand healthy being through healthy selfishness". and yes I'm quoting him for those who think I don't know the difference between quotes and self. I did have stuff to share, good positive stuff, however, I don't think the room would want to hear anything positive, an inner thought I just shared. I also wanted to share how much more coherent and happy I am, however....

thanks, but not really, guys and gals. I have true incite, an inner thought, however, nobody hear wants to hear what I have to say, a hurt, nobody ever wants to hear me talk, I say I'm good at guitar,through experience, nobody elsee believes me it's why it's been so difficult to beleive myself and trust myself, cause I can prove myself right now, record myself playing a lick or something, but, I don't have to proove myself to others.

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Old 09-01-19, 08:43 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

I'm sorry, Drogheda. It was not my intent to disparage your beliefs. It was
just my own fumbling attempt to seek clarification. I'm just trying to
understand where you're coming from. It doesn't do any of us any good to
attack each other. We're all suffering to some degree and want to be better
people. That's why we're here.

Also, we have no reason to doubt that you're good at the guitar. I would love
to hear your music. You could set up an account at soundcloud. It's free!
I've posted my own amateur piano compositions there. I recorded them on
a 1960's reel to reel tape machine so the sound quality isn't that great.
If you'd like to hear them search for 'amn16' or 'Solar Suite'.
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Old 09-01-19, 11:29 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Drogheda,
I’m very sorry as well. I never intended for you to think your experiences weren’t important or inadvertently compare you to Freud. I don’t think you talk just to hear yourself talk.

I was just adding my opinion of Freud. It had nothing to do with you. I’m very sorry if it came across as a personal attack. That was definitely not my intention. Please keep posting and just know my post was in no way an attempt to slight you. I’m sorry it came across that way.
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Old 09-01-19, 03:34 PM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Grehound, I know that you were not doing as such, I just don't want to name drop cause covert or manipulation is not my way, and an inner thought made external, I know what "that" means so no projections.
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Old 09-02-19, 10:20 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

I think, Drogheda, you are on a very good, healthy and positive path. A bloody difficult one, but well worth it.
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Old 09-03-19, 10:25 PM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

Just to let you know Drohgeda in case you didn't (though I didn't make the freud comment so maybe you know already) - but my response to the Freud comment was sincerely because I found it interesting as I had never known that about Freud. I apologize for continuing a sidetracking discussion.

And just to let you know, you NEVER have to wonder about whether I'm making any backhanded remarks, because I typically don't make them. I tell people straight to their face if I disagree or dislike something or if I don't think it would help to speak, I don't say anything at all.

Just like how I told you straight up I disagreed with you using made up words. I regret that though. In hindsight, I think I should have just not said anything at all. It's hard to know whether saying what you believe is the truth to someone will help them or make this place feel less safe and critical of them. I apologize for my mistake.
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Old 09-05-19, 03:16 AM
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Re: figured out more of who my true self is. the importance of healthy-selfishness fo

think nothing of it acdc, most of the words weren't made up per say, but weird psychological words, like horizontal relationships, that really applied to my unique perspective ,and ya the phrase exist as a psychological phrase, stuff that I know now doesn't apply to everybody

not to self how there was 1 ego statment.

the other phraze is abc, xyz, 123.that was phraseology that the therapist I go to (don't want to mention his name) and I talked about a long time ago that just started to make sense to myself, which is why my ego has sort of, gone down. the inner ego, is a lot louder, thus, the ego itself ,what I say and wright is less sense I understand theory of the mind stuff more, embodied cognition is another aspect of self, still debating when I should say I'm in a good mood to others, however, I suspect I should get a feel for when just with time, I'm going to try to use "super ego"

don't don't what I did and squelch yourself acdi, if you have something to say, say it, you made no mistake cause we are all in the earth to learn from oneanother.

something I'm going to have to get used to doing (inner thought made external) is holding a mirror towards people when I suspect projection, which is normal, we all do project "It's hard to know whether saying what you believe is the truth to someone will help them or make this place feel less safe and critical of them. I apologize for my mistake."

heh, there is a reason why I chose the Perseus myth... ehh, inside story.

personal note, inner worry has gone, rumination is hardly a thought thing "knock on wood", I guess it's the main reward of everything I wrote, inner piece of mind, such as I can think in my mind and behave what I think I should do in my mind without externalizing.

I've also been catching myself whenever I pull in something from another conversation into a conversation, suspect that that too will take some time. I'll read this message tommorow and probably find something, heh.
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