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Old 05-20-18, 12:50 PM
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Dealing with rejection

I get that everybody faces rejection every now and then and they're willing to go through the rejections to finally gain acceptance. So there is a reward at the end of it all.


However, what if you're man that only ever faces rejection and there is no acceptance? Either because of something about you on the inside you can't change, something about you on the outside you can't change, or a combination of both?


That's where I find myself in life. All I want to do is meet someone and develop a relationship with them, but because of inner flaws and external flaws due to disability and bad decisions in the past, I feel i'm looking for something that will never actually happen.


I don't see the point going through rejections anymore, when there's only more rejections ahead of me with no hope of acceptance.
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Old 05-21-18, 08:55 AM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Hey Frase. :-)

Sorry you are going through this (or is it "that"??). If you're just "blowin' off steam" pls disregard. You're saying IOW that your skills/abilities don't align with your expectations in this matter. You can drastically alter your expectations and just give-up, continue to struggle w/o acceptable result and beat yourself up even more so, or seek a different approach. If I was a little less clueless this is where I would offer a better approach, but I don't have one. All I have is that I would try to improve my mood and likely my coping skills. My guess is that it would start by seeing an MD to rule out any physical ailments JIC. After that seeking out an appropriate counselor (I'm thinking priest, rabbi, psychiatrist, psychologist...) to help figure out how best to address. Wish I had better w/ specifics. In any evet, GL. -Tom
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Old 05-21-18, 03:09 PM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Expect rejection and then acceptance will be twice as sweet.
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Old 05-21-18, 03:39 PM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
I get that everybody faces rejection every now and then and they're willing to go through the rejections to finally gain acceptance. So there is a reward at the end of it all.


However, what if you're man that only ever faces rejection and there is no acceptance? Either because of something about you on the inside you can't change, something about you on the outside you can't change, or a combination of both?


That's where I find myself in life. All I want to do is meet someone and develop a relationship with them, but because of inner flaws and external flaws due to disability and bad decisions in the past, I feel i'm looking for something that will never actually happen.


I don't see the point going through rejections anymore, when there's only more rejections ahead of me with no hope of acceptance.

Accept yourself unconditionally. Then, when someone else rejects you, it doesn't matter, because the most important person in your world still has your back.


Rejection is a part of life. You get a paycheck, you get taxes taken out. It's a known thing. When you pursue something, the taxes are called rejections.



Once you've fully accepted yourself, you'll find others accepting you more. The person who feels unacceptable, in ways they can't even detect, is behaving unacceptably.
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Old 05-23-18, 02:26 PM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Quote:
Originally Posted by WheresMyMind View Post
Accept yourself unconditionally. Then, when someone else rejects you, it doesn't matter, because the most important person in your world still has your back.

How does one go about "accepting onself" ?
What does one atcually need to do ?

I wonder If I am accepting myself at 40% or 90% right now.


Fraser: It seems to me that you need some meds, you got looped on those thoughts.
Or at least a heavy workout.
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Old 05-23-18, 03:34 PM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

All I can say is that if you are as cheerful as you are on the forums I know part of your issue.

I don't know if I'm down with requiring entire self acceptance (It is a good idea though) but I feel that one should be alright with being alone. You should be sure enough in yourself that you don't *need* anyone else. If you can truly do that the self confidence goes up and that is what women like. (Read: confident, not cocky)

Do you have any more specific information on how these rejections come up? We might be able to help more if we know what you are talking about specifically.
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Old 06-01-18, 03:52 AM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
I get that everybody faces rejection every now and then and they're willing to go through the rejections to finally gain acceptance. So there is a reward at the end of it all.


However, what if you're man that only ever faces rejection and there is no acceptance? Either because of something about you on the inside you can't change, something about you on the outside you can't change, or a combination of both?


That's where I find myself in life. All I want to do is meet someone and develop a relationship with them, but because of inner flaws and external flaws due to disability and bad decisions in the past, I feel i'm looking for something that will never actually happen.


I don't see the point going through rejections anymore, when there's only more rejections ahead of me with no hope of acceptance.
Do you accept yourself? If not I wonder what would happen if you did. Would you come across differently to people and maybe feature on someone's radar. Just random thoughts..
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Old 06-01-18, 05:32 AM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Well it's happened for about the 10,000th time. The "other guy" gets chosen over me. I give up.
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Old 06-09-18, 07:45 AM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

All my life has been like that, you are not the only one, so I hope this makes you fell not alone in this...
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Old 09-28-18, 02:19 AM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Well it's happened for about the 10,000th time. The "other guy" gets chosen over me. I give up.
If you can make them smile, you have won half the battle. Say something to make them smile, if it doesn't work. Say something different to the next to make her smile. Eventually you will get your smile and you are on your way.

That's what I did when I was dating.
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Old 09-28-18, 10:20 AM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Sounds like y'all are looking for external validation to make yourself feel good on the inside. Noone wants to be your tonic. A woman or man wants to be your equal partner on the journey through life, not complete some hole in the middle of you. Neediness is the ultimate turn-off. I could go on and on with platitudes like this, but most of them are true.

The bottom line is, take a break from dating and work on your insides. Big time. You don't need the rejection right now, and you're going to keep getting it. I agreed with the poster who said you need confidence, not cockiness. You need to know who you are and what your purpose is in life, not pump yourself up and try to think of funny things to say. Being funny is great, but "techniques" aren't going to get it done.

If you have a therapist, tell them you want to work on improving your confidence, finding your purpose, learning how to notice contextual clues that will tell you who is interested and who is not. Or get a good social coach to go along with your therapist. Also, there are a ton of short videos on YouTube that teach you how to read body language, improve your appearance, make small talk with women, etc. Tons. Some are really good.

And watch out for "dating gurus" who promise the next "magic method" with women, or whatever. You can read dating books til you are blue in the face, but really it's about knowing who you are, being genuine, and then figuring out who is interested and who is not, and talking to the people who are interested in the real you. You can't walk around obsessing about your looks, your techniques, rejection, etc. But the trick is finding that "real you" and valuing him or her fully.

Don't give up on yourself, and stop feeling sorry for yourself and get to work. There's only one life to live, so live it while you can.

A few books I could recommend: "The Five Things we Cannot Change...and the happiness we find by embracing them", by David Richo. "The Four Agreements" (helps with not taking other peoples attitudes towards you so personally). Start there.

Also, please start meditating. I know that sounds ridiculous, but a good meditation practice will help you to accept every situation you are in for what it really is, and not for what the story in your brain is trying to make it. Also, it will help you see all of those self-disparaging thoughts for what they really are, just passing thoughts that you don't have to fixate on. One of the best things that ever happened to me in this regard was the "10% happier" app, which I found by chance when looking for apps that could help jump-start my failing efforts to meditate regularly. I don't work for them. It's just an amazing app, with guided meditations for stopping self-criticism, working with difficult emotions, sleeping better, seeing yourself for who you really are, relationships, relating to situations as they are and not creating a story about yourself, etc. etc.

And finally, just 10% of the time, try to care about other people. Get off the ME, ME, ME plan just 10% of the time. If you are talking to a girl and you listen to her and show genuine interest in her, that helps. And it will make you feel better about yourself if you consider others and making others happy and not just yourself. It really will. Read "Ruling your world" by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche.

Peace out,
Daniel
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Old 11-03-18, 09:46 PM
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Re: Dealing with rejection

Read this book.

Models

Attract Women Through Honesty

By Mark Manson

He states that Rejection is necessary as it allowed you to move on to someone who will not reject you.


Firstly go to the gym get in shape. You will feel better about yourself just by doing that.
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