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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 04-07-10, 12:10 PM
mollycase mollycase is offline
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not necessarily ADHD related, but i have ADHD and i have an SO issue

hi -

just real quick because i could on forever with details.

do you have a partner who does long distance running?

my boyfriend does marathons. so this means that he exercises A LOT. when he is not doing a long run for practice, he is at the gym doing all sorts of upper body and core strength training. he'll work out at home too (like the PX90 ab stuff).

he gets home from work about 6 or so. changes and has a snack then goes to the gym or running and he doesn't get back until 930 or 10. about the time i trying to get settled in with quietness and reading a book to go to bed.

this is every weekday. on days he doesn't he go to the gym, he has either had to stay at work late or he is going for a long run outside, so he's gone for 2 - 3 hours just running in the neighborhood.

as you can imagine, this cuts into our quality time and sex life a LOT.

he's definitely not cheating, i know other people who go to the same gym, and believe me, i can tell by that awful sweaty gym bag when he comes back he was actually working out :-)

it wasn't so bad over the winter, but now that we're in "training season" again, it's like i never see him. and it will be like this until november.

*sigh*
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Old 04-07-10, 05:48 PM
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Re: not necessarily ADHD related, but i have ADHD and i have an SO issue

Well, as a man, I can tell you that we need our personal time, but also he should have a little more consideration for the marriage IMO.

Perhaps find out when you can have a scheduled "date night" each week and see if you can keep to it. I know several couples who make a point of having a special date night each week.

HTH.
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Old 04-07-10, 09:25 PM
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Re: not necessarily ADHD related, but i have ADHD and i have an SO issue

I will say be careful... my (now-probably-ex) girlfriend is a marathon runner.

She could never understand that asking me to go out to every one of her races is torture - NOT AT ALL because I didn't want to support her, or didn't want to cheer her on... but watching thousands of people run by for four hours with no other distractions is simply impossible for me.

This of course was translated to 'I don't support her', which falls to 'I don't love her'... even tho I just simply can't sit still for that long. Given, my formal diagnosis is pretty recent, but still... can normal people sit around alone for four hours at dawn watching a ton of people run by?

That progression to "you don't love me" might be a little less likely for your guy, but I'd say be careful of building resentment that you don't support his main outlet.

And a good way to spend some of your time while you're home waiting for him would be warming up to drag him into the shower for some steamy sudsy time. That'll at least answer your sex needs, and should make him feel like you want him to come home sooner rather than later.

A few strategically placed candles should help with the sweaty clothes smell.
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Old 04-09-10, 12:07 PM
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Re: not necessarily ADHD related, but i have ADHD and i have an SO issue

the clothes don't bother me

when he comes back from running, he's never very interested in sexy time, tho. he's just so wiped out and wants to eat and shower.

i totally support him and never whine or complain about it, in fact i always ask him about it and would bring home some library books about running i thought he might like.

anyways, some stuff happened recently and i'll be posting about that separately.

thanks for the reply, tho
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