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Old 06-11-18, 11:19 AM
vaneurysm vaneurysm is offline
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I think Dex may have just saved my life

Hi All,

I am new here, just wanted to share my story and see if anyone else has had any similar experiences.

Diagnosed ADD as a child, on Methylphenidate for 13 years through school.
Even then, medicated, I always felt I didn't quite fit in.
Typical story, 'he seems to be smart but doesn't apply himself'.
I made it through with 'ok' grades.
Went to Uni, however dropped out after 6 weeks.

My adult life has been quite messy though.

I stopped taking medication not long after I turned 18. I was convinced I didn't need it. Also my father who I love to death was always convinced that I didn't need it either.
So I put ADD behind me and didn't think about it again until recently.

Not long after my 19th birthday I developed a severe anxiety, panic/phobia disorder. At certain stages it bordered on agoraphobia. This is still present to a degree, but some CBT 5 years ago helped a lot.

At 26 after an extremely low risk sexual encounter I was convinced I had caught HIV. I spent 3 months of my life in a constant panic attack. Lost massive amounts of weight (30+ pounds) in those 3 months. (I wasn't overweight to begin with).

Then the alcoholism started. From 27 through until about a month ago (I am in my early 40s) My brain has been obsessed with alcohol.
It started when I moved in with my ex who drank every night. Before that I was a weekend warrior, but now it had become ok to get drunk 7 nights a week.
After we broke up though... the damage was done. The habit was formed.

I met another woman who helped me reel it in, but it was ever present. I was always trying to crowbar drinking in where ever I could fit it.
I did CBT, ACT, outpatient, tried quitting altogether multiple times, nothing seemed to work.

Late last year I became quite despondent, tired of fighting alcohol. I couldn't seem to stop the impulsiveness that led me to drink. My brain just couldn't connect with the weight of the potential consequences vs the few hours of relief I would get from drinking.

So one day late last year, I contacted my brother (Who also has ADD) and asked him how dex was helping him as an adult around issues with impulse control.
He sent me a simple text back that potentially saved my life... 'It is a lot better when I am on dex, I notice it is worse when I forget to take it.'

I thought... 'holy ****... is this ADD? Do I still have ADD?' So i started doing research.
I learned that ADD and Substance abuse go hand in hand for a lot of people.
The more reading I did, the more it made sense. The social anxiety, talking over people, drifting off during conversations, laziness, procrastination, feeling like I didn't fit in etc.

So I made an appointment to see a Psychiatrist who specializes in ADD. It took 6 months to get an appointment though.

I had my first appointment 2 months ago. He put me on Methylphenidate again. It did nothing except cause the most horrible comedowns. Really introverted/depression type feelings. Awful. If anything it made me drink more to try to counteract the comedown.

After that I thought I was ******... I was so hopeful that ritalin would help. I was doomed to have to try to fight drinking until the day I died... I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep living like this...

The worst of it was the drinking while at work. I couldnt stop myself from going for a drink as soon as the bars opened at 8am. Every day I would tell myself I wouldn't... but I kept doing it.
I was walking a very fine line that had I got caught, I probably would have lost my job.

So I had a follow up with my Psychiatrist, told him the ritalin failed and that I was probably just an alcoholic and I was destined to destroy my life whether I wanted to or not.

He suggested Dex. I told him there was no point. He insisted... so I said 'ok' I will give it a try.

I went home, started my way into another 6 pack of beer and 3 beers in I thought, **** it, might was well try this dex.

Holy ****. The change was instantaneous. I actually almost didn't feel like finishing the six pack. (spoiler alert: I did)

However since then, I have been taking Dex daily and my desire to drink has almost completely disappeared.
I have not had the urge to leave work and drink for over 3 weeks now.
Also other areas of my life are so much better.
I can concentrate and apply myself to tasks, I am interested in hobbies that I could only enjoy when drinking but now without alcohol.

It's ******* amazing.

Apparently I have been living my entire adult life on 'hard mode'.

Anyway, that is my story.

Hopefully the Dex keeps working.
It has literally saved my life from Alcohol.
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