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Old 12-04-17, 07:33 PM
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How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

I've noticed that fuzzling is quite timid when we are around other babies or young children. Eg when other babies take the toys that she's holding from her she looks upset and helpless. She never takes toys from other babies which is odd at this age, I think. In the nursery they said she gets upset when any of the other babies get too close to her.

She's also quite a bit smaller than other babies her age so that doesn't help.

Anyway I always wanted to teach fuzzling to be good but being good also involves being good to yourself. Now I'm confused though how to send the right message. By default I seem to teach her the path of least resistance
..mostly In the name of politeness. Eg when she's trying to take a baby's toy then I tell her no, pull her away if required snd distract her. More often when another baby grabs what fuzzling is holding I ask her to share .

Isn't that sending the wrong message? That she always has to give in and give up what is hers?

Sorry my eyes are closing. Not sure I'm expressing myself. Above is just an example but I'm too sleepy to explain
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Old 12-05-17, 05:30 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

How old is she again>?
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Old 12-05-17, 05:33 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

Almost 1.5 years

Last edited by Fuzzy12; 12-05-17 at 05:49 AM..
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Old 12-05-17, 07:26 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

I think its about that time that babies are just learning the space they physically take up in the outside world, their sense of self is barely developed and they dont understand that what they do (cause)will do to someone else(effect). I forget when that starts to be more of a thing but the socialization with other babies is good for her.
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Old 12-05-17, 08:51 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

I had both extremes. My son was a toy taker, EVERYTHING was HIS! As he grew up he is actually my people pleaser. Anything you need or want he will try and do for you, even to his own detriment sometimes. He is also very competitive in sports.

My daughter was a very reserved baby, she barely cried, it was actually very odd. Even when her diaper was near bursting she would sit there and entertain herself and not give any sign she was uncomfortable. She was my people watcher. She was very capable of keeping herself busy and the adults around her were pretty much just there to reach the high things, she was and is beyond self sufficient. She is now 8 and just last night she woke me up at 4am because she was making herself a hot-pocket and couldn't get the container open. After I opened it she went on her way and I didn't hear from her again. We go to a lot of baseball games and she goes to the concession stand by herself. If she can't reach the napkins she asks someone to help her. She is not clingy, she is actually very observant and wise for her years. I often say she is a 25 year old trapped in an 8 year olds body.

I say all this to say that your baby watching rather than taking is not a bad thing. It sounds to me like she is people watching like my daughter, and absorbing the information.
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Old 12-07-17, 08:04 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I think its about that time that babies are just learning the space they physically take up in the outside world, their sense of self is barely developed and they dont understand that what they do (cause)will do to someone else(effect). I forget when that starts to be more of a thing but the socialization with other babies is good for her.
Yes I agree. I do think though that what is done to her or around her could affect her in some way. I don't resent other toddlers for grabbing her toys or food or pushing her out of the way (because that's just what toddlers
do. They don't mean anything bad) but I think these might be important learning opportunities for her that can influence how she views herself and her place in this world.

What I'm really trying to determine here is how I should react. I need to give her a consistent message but right now I think the message I'm giving her is to always choose the path of least resistance...and to put herself last. If another toddler wants the toy she's playing with I asked to share but if she wants somebody else's toy I tell her to not grab it and met the other toddler finish playing with it

Mostly I don't interfere but the same thing happened today again at a friend's house. My friends baby kept taking from her each and every toy she played with and though she visibly didn't want to give up every toy she sort of just accepted it. My friend was pretty good and tried telling her son to not do that but I think she needs to hear it from me as well. She needs to know that it's ok to not always want to give up what's hers. And out of politeness I worry that I'm not sending her that message.
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Old 12-07-17, 08:08 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

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Originally Posted by Caco3girl View Post
I had both extremes. My son was a toy taker, EVERYTHING was HIS! As he grew up he is actually my people pleaser. Anything you need or want he will try and do for you, even to his own detriment sometimes. He is also very competitive in sports.

My daughter was a very reserved baby, she barely cried, it was actually very odd. Even when her diaper was near bursting she would sit there and entertain herself and not give any sign she was uncomfortable. She was my people watcher. She was very capable of keeping herself busy and the adults around her were pretty much just there to reach the high things, she was and is beyond self sufficient. She is now 8 and just last night she woke me up at 4am because she was making herself a hot-pocket and couldn't get the container open. After I opened it she went on her way and I didn't hear from her again. We go to a lot of baseball games and she goes to the concession stand by herself. If she can't reach the napkins she asks someone to help her. She is not clingy, she is actually very observant and wise for her years. I often say she is a 25 year old trapped in an 8 year olds body.

I say all this to say that your baby watching rather than taking is not a bad thing. It sounds to me like she is people watching like my daughter, and absorbing the information.
Yes she watches and observes and that's fine. But as I said above she's also bring a push over...for want of a better word.

I was fairly shy and timid as a child...especially with other children and I still am a pushover, scared of confrontation and struggle to say no.

Just today I read that shy amd timid toddlers often struggle to make friends later and are at higher risk of being victimised by other kids.
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Old 12-07-17, 08:22 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

I guess I might need to model more assertive behaviour...
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Old 12-07-17, 09:15 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

Fuzzy12

I love this thread.



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Old 12-08-17, 01:30 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
I guess I might need to model more assertive behaviour...
politeness, though, is something you value; I was much the same as Fuzzling;

My mom could be incredibly blunt and abrasive when annoyed by someome and this used to baffle and surprise me. Actually it did all of my life, because I have my dad's quieter nature.

A bit more assertive perhaps, and that could help you as well
But don't feel you need to change your personality.

If I could give you any advice, when she is older and tells you about some issue, don't get upset yourself. ( because of course she would feel bad that i was upset - and then " be angry at my place"). Then she would also dismiss the problem bluntly. " well they don't know anything, you're such a nice, sweet girl, just ignore them!!!"
listen and give lots of love and reassurance.

All of this to say: your personality/characteristics may perhaps not influence her as that is just already, her own peronality.
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Old 12-08-17, 08:43 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

Personally I think you are over thinking this. The kid isn't even 18 months old yet, she is observing. If and when she gets ticked off enough to not allow her toy to be taken away then SHE will fight for it. I don't think she is watching you and modeling her behavior after you. I don't know a person alive who always did what their parents told them to do.

You should be YOU, not what you think your baby wants you to be. If the worst case scenario here is that you raise a healthy, empathetic person, who doesn't like conflict...I still say that is a win.
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Old 12-08-17, 08:51 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

It's possible that I'm overthinking this but I'd rather err on the side of overthinking than underthinking. A lot of crucial development takes place in the first two years. Even if that's just how she is if I can do anything to make her more assertive it's worth a shot.

Like Stef said I'm sure love and reassurance are key but reassurance can be given in different ways. I want fuzzling to know I've got her back. That she's safe with me while also allowing her to learn how to deal with conflict (and not ******* off other people by charging in like A mama bear) If she takes a toy from someone else or hits someone And I say nothing that is reassurance that her behaviour is ok when it isn't.

Eg what would you in this situation: fuzzling and a my friends baby are playing with blocks. Friend's baby decides that all blocks need to go into a box including the one that fuzzling is playing with. Fuzzling takes another block toolay with and fbaby takes it off her again and puts it in the box. Fuzzling then starts eating a baby cracker and fbaby decides the cracker too needs to go into the box and tries to pry it out of first fuzzling's hand and then her mouth. The other baby is much stronger and succeeds.My friend tells her baby to leave fuzzling alone once but then leaves it at thst. So now what do I do? What would you do?
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Old 12-08-17, 10:45 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

You are right, Fuzzy. You ARE teaching Fuzzling how to behave with others. Yes, it is a L O N G process. But! She will model you.

What would I do? Tell friend's baby "It's Fuzzling's turn with the block", and give it back to Fuzzling.

"That's Fuzzling's cracker. Would you like a cracker?" Hold Fuzzling on your lap if the other kid just won't leave her cracker alone.

She is WAY too young to understand the concept of sharing, or even that the other baby is a person just like she is, with feelings and emotions.

Model calmness, straightforwardness, (no mind/word games).

When she shows an interest in sharing, go ahead and encourage it. But my personal view is that sharing should be optional, not forced.
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Old 12-09-17, 07:18 AM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

i didn't encourage sharing at that age unless e had multiples. then, once shared, she had to let the other kid play. examples would be sidewalk chalk sticks or playing at the beach with multiple sand toys.

with things that other kids had, i said "not yours" and still to this day say "not yours" if we're out at a restaurant and she spies another person's food. she doesn't just pick up others' things. but once offered, she plays with something until she's done or the other child has to go home.

in scenarios similar to your friend's baby and fuzzling, i would do what luvmybully said and give the block back to fuzzling saying that she's still playing with that one. then i'd point out the many other blocks she's not playing with. sometimes, and i don't know at what age it shows up, but i've seen it from both e and other kids, they don't want something until another has it. then they want it. i don't permit e to get away with that behaviour. if she has something and wants to keep it, fine. but if she's not playing with something and another grabs it, she doesn't get it just because it's "hers". that's where i think sharing comes in.

with the cracker, i would offer the other kid a cracker and say that that's fuzzling's cracker. i would also take it back and return it to fuzzling if grabbed out of her hand.

there is a change i've noticed in e from fuzzling's age to e's age. she went from being the little kid who had things taken to being the kid who doesn't give up her stuff when someone tries to take it. i think it might just be a developmental phase...?
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Old 12-09-17, 04:59 PM
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Re: How to raise a confident human? Rules of the playground

Fuzzy12

I love your method your using the social emotional instinct to play and the playground environment to observe your daughters social emotional development.

I used a similar approach raising my son, and I am hoping to take online courses, starting in the new year based on the subjects.

Looking forward to reading and discussing lots more about the topics, with you and other members in the future.










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