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Old 10-20-10, 11:09 PM
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crappyname crappyname is offline

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Does this guy have any idea? (Ranting)

I finally got the nerve up to go to the doctor and ask about ADD a few weeks ago. He said he could not diagnose me, and sent me to a psychiatrist, because he felt that the diagnosis for ADD was more than he could do just by sitting there asking me a couple questions in that short amount of time. Which, I understand and was fine with.

I've had two appointments with the psychiatrist, and do not plan on seeing him any further. He seemed to avoid the idea that I might have ADD, and had this idea that if you're not hyper and bouncing off the walls, that you must not have ADD. After repeating a couple times that I am NOT a hyper person, he decided to move onto several other questions to try and figure out why it was that I have difficulty concentrating and staying focused.

This is where he ticked me off. Maybe it's his job, but I felt like he was fishing, over and over and over, and getting nothing out of me, because he was asking all the wrong questions.

I mention that my concentration issues make it dangerous for me to drive sometimes. That sometimes, I seem to forget I'm driving and start driving out of my lane when I'm driving in new places.

"Do you have negative thoughts when this happens" - No.

I mentioned it's hard to read larger books or paragraphs of text. I don't know how to explain it other than I just can't stay with what I'm reading, my mind refuses to stick to those words.

"Sometimes we talk to ourselves in our head. Do you ever find yourself thinking 'I can't do this', or saying negative things to yourself?" - No. I don't.

I mention I have trouble sleeping.

"What are you thinking about when you're trying to sleep?" - My day. Tomorrow. Noises. I listen to every little noise. - "You aren't thinking negative things?" - NO. NO. NO. NO.

"Maybe you're associating learning with negative thoughts from school, were you bullied?" - NO. - "Did you have a problem with teachers?" - NO.

It goes on. He's trying to get me to say anything negative. Is my husband abusive? Are we in a good relationship? Did I get along with my parents? Were there problems at home? Was there anything going on in your life that was stressful?

My husband is great. We've been together since I was 15yrs old. My parents were GREAT to me. My mom was married at 19, and were together till he died last year. There was nothing stressful at home, I had a great childhood. I was spoiled to say the least.

He seems taken back by all my positive answers, and just keeps on digging further. "Sometimes, when something so bad happens, our mind has the ability to erase it from our memory."

OH, right...Haha. So because you can't get me to 'admit' anything traumatically bad happened to me to cause these concentration/focus/anxiety issues, my mind must have just....forced me to forget, and that's why I'm not telling you?

What a fool. After asking if I wanted to set up another appointment with him, I was iffy about it, so he told me to call and set up with him as I needed.

He referred me to another psychiatrist, he said the difference between him and this other guy I'm going to see, is that he cannot prescribe medications whereas this other guy can. But from what I have seen from military physicians, they all seem to be 'by the book' and not very good at looking at people as individuals. I hope this guy is different.

Oh, but anyways....So I had my followup appointment today with an actual doctor to discuss how my blood-work and such came back. Said my blood is good, came back positive for marijuana (From two months ago? I didn't know it stuck around that long.) and asked about my concentration issues....Which consisted of- "What is an example of something you're having problems with?" - Reading, I find it hard to read large groups of text. *insert some explaining here* - "Alright...*looking at computer* Ritalin...." - I ask, 'Isn't that for hyper kids?' - "Alright, we'll get you some Adderall."

He explains the risks, dosage, etc etc, and sends me on my way. Wow. So, did I really put up with that psychiatrist just so I could come back and be handed Adderall without effort at all?

I had to get this out of my system. I am just so flustered with it all.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE....I took my first pill after the appointment. There were a couple situations that I thought I acted differently towards, like...pretty darn noticeable for me, and it was really strange. There are some things that make me angry to the point of rage or yelling. It's not all that hard to do.

Well, a few things happened a couple hours after I took my medicine, that would normally send me into an anger fit....First off, the landlord came over while the dogs were outside, and our front door is in our yard (The way italian houses are here, you can't get to a door without being IN the yard). My young, very misbehaved dog, was very excited to see her and was trying to jump on her. So, I held her down. She was biting at me, kicking me to get away, trying to grab the papers from us, just being all together *nearly* uncontrollable.....I stayed calm, I had a positive attitude, and eventually used this positive attitude to calm the dog down enough to let her go and not worry about her jumping. I felt like Caesar Milan for a moment there transferring my calm assertive energy to the dog! haha, I was so happy!

Later on....I have a cat who annoys me to no end. She did something, I don't remember what, that would also normally make me pretty angry. I didn't feel a TINGE of anger. Not even a tense muscle. Again...I was almost baffled at myself.

And a little after that, I was feeding my 1yr old. Pasta, with a side of green beans. Of course she doesn't like green beans, so I tried hiding them in the pasta. It was working pretty well. Eventually, she tasted them, and spit out a mouth full of food. This is something that frustrates me, and I have raised my voice *slightly* (More like just talking very sternly) to her about it, out of pure frustration.....Today? Nope. She spit her food out, I simply cleaned it up, and tried again. She even spit it out a couple more times! Again, not a tense muscle in my body. I didn't feel frustrated. Nothing.

When I got this medicine, I did not know that it could affect my anger issues. So I am just amazed really. I wasn't in any situations that involved concentrating or anything otherwise stressful, so I'm not sure yet how the Adderall will help with that. Aside from being noticeably un-anger-able (lol) I didn't notice any mood changes or anything unusual about myself. But then again, I slept half the day because I was so tired from waking up early for that appointment. By the time I woke up from mine and Ellens nap, I'm guessing the medicine wore off.

I had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Between clicking "Edit signature" and loading the page, I definitely forgot what I was going to write here. Perhaps that is why I'm here to begin with?
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