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  #1  
Old 06-10-18, 08:19 PM
amberwillow amberwillow is offline
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Please don't tell me to only think positive.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my therapist's rooms telling her that I had come to a really nice place where (even if life rocks me) I can recover pretty well. I have compassion for myself and have learned to listen to the aspects of myself that come up regularly, or in response to trigger situations and work through with them/me in a healthy, productive way...

Then, some medical investigations for heavy bleeding with my periods turned up pre-cancerous cervical cells and the testing and procedure conversations started coming thick and fast.

The noise inside is LOUD! I am feeling/thinking so many directions at once.

The difference between now and the past is that although I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed I know I can work through it given time to process and really feel these states.

Enter the POSITIVE crew. I have been telling my friends that I want them to know my situation, I don't want to hide and be isolated, but that they don't have to solve anything... I just want them to know. Suddenly most people are telling me to think ONLY positive.

I feel so annoyed! I need to feel all of my emotions, pushing things down only makes me sicker. I have lived this!!

Grrrr!!

When I'm sad, or scared or feeling confused I need to be able to feel that and sometimes express that without it being WRONG.
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  #2  
Old 06-10-18, 11:25 PM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

Have you tried telling your friends that, at least right now, you're just looking for someone to express your feelings to? Friends who are worthwhile will listen to you if you tell them how you they can best help you.
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Old 06-10-18, 11:57 PM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

I also hate this insistence on positive thinking.

I believe realistic thinking is more beneficial.


Studies have been done questioning whether it's true that positive thinking
makes one healthier ...
or whether the truth is that healthier people are simply more positive.

To read more on this: "Can Positive Thinking Be Negative?" at Scientific American.


I wish for you the best outcome possible.

My adult daughter and my niece both experienced cancerous cervical cells.
My daughter had two procedures and my niece had five (I think).
This was nearly 20 years ago for both of them and they are still alive.
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Old 06-11-18, 12:14 AM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

Omg Amber, I'm so sorry .

You know, I went through something similar when I first found out that cancer I'd had a year before had come back and that I was going to need months of some pretty intense chemo treatments.
I just needed to feel however I needed to feel and to not be judged for it.

So I set a day for doing just that. It was like a week before treatments began, and I took a bath (which I haven't done since I was a kid. I only ever take showers)...and I gave myself permission to feel however I needed to and actively stopped myself from trying to judge the feelings.
I cried and felt sad and angry and threw a big pity party. I remember feeling really vulnerable and child like...but also I really loved myself in that moment. Like loving a child who's ill. It was a VERY tender moment in my life

And omg...it felt so good! To just release all that and not feel dumb or guilty about it.

...
Just an idea. Maybe set up a day to do something really relaxing and soothing for yourself...alone...and just give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel and try not to judge yourself for it.



That 'C' word sucks. God does it suck!
I'm so glad you're so strong. I know you can get through this. I'm so sorry

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Old 06-11-18, 01:45 AM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

Aww Amber you're going through such a lot from the sounds of it, loads of hugs to you
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Old 06-11-18, 04:41 AM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

I tend to be a positive person and thinker but I would never tell someone else to be positive. Its insulting, its not like the person is actively trying to be negative and its my job to tell them to be positive. I dont believe anyone in your situation tries to be negative.
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Old 06-11-18, 11:52 AM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amberwillow View Post
---SNIPPAGE---
Enter the POSITIVE crew. I have been telling my friends that I want them to know my situation, I don't want to hide and be isolated, but that they don't have to solve anything... I just want them to know. Suddenly most people are telling me to think ONLY positive.

I feel so annoyed! I need to feel all of my emotions, pushing things down only makes me sicker. I have lived this!!

Grrrr!!

When I'm sad, or scared or feeling confused I need to be able to feel that and sometimes express that without it being WRONG.

AW, I doubt if I had to deal w/ anything similar, I wouldn't handle as well as you.

Lemme start w/ I think that is great saying up front that you are not looking for a solution, but someone to listen only. Otherwise w/o that my default is to assume you are asking for help to solve the problem. You could try something I have done when advice is not wanted or needed. Add-in to the end that "It is your firm belief that unsolicited opinions are worth what you are paid for them. Not a damn thing!" (Last sentence I add situationally for extra emphasis for those that may not grasp the meaning.) No matter what, GL. -LN
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Old 06-11-18, 04:57 PM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

Ride the emotions and think *rationally*. You don't need to be placing your health care on a colon cleanse in Mexico or thinking to yourself that there is no problem. All things in moderation.

Feel the emotions but don't let them take over. Emotions love love love to do that.

My friend has brain cancer (we are pretty sure he has less than a year left due to the rate he is deteriorating) and I believe he thanked me at one point for just talking to him like the person he was before the cancer.

You do you. Handle it in whatever way works best for you. Just keep it real. If people aren't ok with that they can either get it in line or go away. You don't need that in your life.
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Old 06-11-18, 05:42 PM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

There seems to be a lot of this lately. Same thing happened to my colleague. It all got resolved in the end but it was a harrowing few months. I hope they manage it all properly and keep you informed every step of the way. I'm sorry you have to go through this it must be horrible.
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Old 07-15-18, 09:44 PM
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Re: Please don't tell me to only think positive.

You do you, there's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings... It's quite healthy actually. Explain that to them, if they can't understand that then move on
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