ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ADD/ADHD > General Parenting Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #61  
Old 08-28-17, 10:59 AM
peripatetic peripatetic is offline
 
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: .
Posts: 21,380
Blog Entries: 12
Thanks: 32,988
Thanked 32,184 Times in 14,534 Posts
peripatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond reputeperipatetic has a reputation beyond repute
Re: "unconditional parenting" by alfie kohn

Quote:
Originally Posted by mildadhd View Post

I think I am more preverbal.
thanks!

one thing i should note is that i say all of the things i said above, and have been talking to her like that for as long as i've read the book. however, until the last couple of months i don't know how much she really understood. now, because she seems to be cognitively "getting" things more, she's got words for all sorts of stuff, and she's like a little learning parrot, i think she understands.

but her agreement was chalk now, eat now. and then after we'd done those things she willingly climbed into her carseat. i think she catches on to a lot of what's said, but only recently been able to verbalize things in her slightly broken fashion.

my hope is that we're laying a good foundation.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to peripatetic For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (08-28-17), mildadhd (08-28-17)
  #62  
Old 08-28-17, 12:34 PM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: America
Posts: 11,007
Thanks: 1,301
Thanked 888 Times in 656 Posts
mildadhd has disabled reputation
Re: "unconditional parenting" by alfie kohn

Quote:
Originally Posted by mildadhd View Post
There are parts in National Geographic's tv series "Einstein", when Einstein is separated from his young sons' without visiting them for several years, because of factors including work, war and the divorce. In a scene Albert Einstein visits his son in the hospital after Einstein learns his son tried to commit suicide. Until then Einstein assumed his sons' knew that he loved them. But when he saw his son in the hospital Einstein realized, perhaps his son did not know his father loved him.




(Paraphrasing)




M
I forgot to includ the quote below in post #56 above.

Quote:
Quote:
"P 11..what counts is not just that we believe we love them unconditionally, but that they feel loved in that way"

-Alfie Kohn, "Unconditional Parenting", p 11.


M
__________________
"When people are suffering mentally, they want to feel better -- they want to stop having bad emotions and start having good emotions." (-Temple Grandin)
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 08-28-17, 01:11 PM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: America
Posts: 11,007
Thanks: 1,301
Thanked 888 Times in 656 Posts
mildadhd has disabled reputation
Re: "unconditional parenting" by alfie kohn

Quote:
Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
thanks!

one thing i should note is that i say all of the things i said above, and have been talking to her like that for as long as i've read the book. however, until the last couple of months i don't know how much she really understood. now, because she seems to be cognitively "getting" things more, she's got words for all sorts of stuff, and she's like a little learning parrot, i think she understands.

but her agreement was chalk now, eat now. and then after we'd done those things she willingly climbed into her carseat. i think she catches on to a lot of what's said, but only recently been able to verbalize things in her slightly broken fashion.

my hope is that we're laying a good foundation.
I have a hard time expressing how I feel in words.

I am a step dad so I did not have the option for traditional forms of punishment.

I think I might have made that mistake if I was his biological parent.

I often worried that I should be more strict, when things where not going so well.

But I did not have any other options anyway.

My worries turned out to be unnecessary as I learned my step son took a little longer to learn than some.

Some of my relatives are amazed at how mature and independent thinking my step son is now.

I guess they thought he was doomed because I did not use traditional forms of punishment?

Gabor Mate also refers a lot to "unconditional positive regard" by Carl Rogers, in his book "Scattered. (Keeping attachment and attunement relationship first and foremost.)

There have been times when I had to be more strict raise my voice for safety sake, but I never had much problem getting my step son's attention during those times, I am guessing he could recognize the seriousness in my voice, that was not always present unless necessary.

There are sometimes when I am cranky and always try to apologies after I realize when I am at fault. (My step son will now also apologize after the fact, if he is the cranky)

My step son is in his early 20's now, and now looking back I would not change anything.

We do not hang out as much now, but when we do it is a real blast discussing things with him.

Judging by your previous example, I think you got it already Peripatetic. (It is about unconditional love and individual respect, like you mentioned earlier)

I am looking forward to having this conversation again from your perspective, in about 20 years or so!



M
__________________
"When people are suffering mentally, they want to feel better -- they want to stop having bad emotions and start having good emotions." (-Temple Grandin)

Last edited by mildadhd; 08-28-17 at 01:25 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to mildadhd For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (08-28-17)
Sponsored Links
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:13 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums