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  #16  
Old 09-23-17, 06:56 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
After 14 hours in the crisis unit we got her into a really good place. She says she didnt want to hurt herself or die but it doesnt matter because it was impulsive. Thank God I put a lock on my medicine cabinet, I didnt know she had melatonion in her room. We had to follow medical transport there but it was such a better vibe than the place from awhile ago. We met with the clinican and doctor and it was 1am! Nice people. Wont switch up her meds without our express permission. Its meant for short term so right now the insurance approved 7 days. Beautiful campus that offered pet therapy and art therapy and structure, even the weekends. Honestly, I feel great today. I havent felt so worry free in a long time. I was able to sleep without any underlying fear. Especially since the place was so welcoming and not interested in keeping her, but interested in getting her well. I told the doctor she said she didnt need to be there and the doctor said she has heard that a zillion times from teens. Either way she needs to know that these types of things warrant immediate serious responses no matter what the reason she says it is. I feel really good about the whole thing, and relieved. Does that make me a bad mother? To be relieved that she is in a hospital and not at home? I dont know but the events of the last few days have been so hard for me. The worse part was the ER they do not move fast and I deserve an award for being so patient when I am not a patient person.
She is getting the care she needs and that is why you are relieved. Keeping her at home when she needs professional help would not be in her best interest.

Im glad things are looking up. Phew.
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Old 09-25-17, 08:22 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Went and visited Becca yesterday. She is doing well. She still thinks she doesnt need to be there but she took a bottle of pills so regardless the bipolar is not giving her healthy coping skills. Average length of stay is 5-7 days so she thinks she is getting out in 5 days but I told her that if she isnt ready it will be longer. A great facility. they had pet therapy and art and music therapy so they arent sitting around watching tv all day. Very structured and this week its more structured. They dont keep them locked up like prisoners which is good. They have gym and out door time. Its a good fit for her. She should be assigned a clinician today and we will have to set up a family meeting.
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  #18  
Old 09-28-17, 09:29 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Just the opposite: your relief that your daughter is being diagnosed and treated is a sign of a loving and attentive mother. Sometimes our loved ones--heck sometimes we ourselves--need the treatment and break from life that hospitalization brings.

She's not safe at home right now--that's why you're relieved. She needs the help of the hospitalization and the services that the hospital can bring.

I hope you can give yourself major credit, Sarah. I can't tell you the number of stories I have heard in which parents and spouses and friends were in denial about a partner's troubling condition ... they were in a type of denial.

You are so far away from denial. That's good mothering!

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Old 10-08-17, 07:03 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

"The Becca show"

Update:
Been going to Partial for a week taking the van transport. She says she is cleared to drive and I told her over my dead body for now.
She is making some progress with meds- up to 100g of lamictal and staying at 30 of cymbalta and vistaril for anxiety.
I think she seems a little more level.
Oh but lets not forget...
She shaved half her head with her friend on our deck. Broke up with the boyfriend and pierced her septum.

AHEM:Hair- dont give a sh*t about would have been nice to know it was coming but it grows back.
Boyfriend: He is not a bad guy but not equipped emotionally to handle her and really, no 20 year old would be. They are going to "talk soon". She can date him all she wants as long as its in my living room or on my deck, because anywhere else is off limits so we will see.
She was told over and over no piercings or tattoos til your 18, please wait you might change your mind. She turns 18 in Feb, but she did it herself and a friend had one of those rings and she managed to hide it for 2 days by tucking it. Hubby stepped in and took it from here in addition to whatever instrument she used and we got rid of it,

Truly I am not that off put over the piercing cause you can hide it but it still has to be done safe in an enviroment that medically specializes in it. Rules are rules.
She told her sister that when she turns 18 she has friends she can go live with.
I told her thats fine, I would never throw her out but her car and iphone are in my name so I hope her fantasies of crashing with friends involve them paying for everything she needs.

All the rash changes are indicative of that impulsive mania part of bipolar which I TOTALLY GET its just so much energy on top of trying to heal from my surgery which I shoukd have just put off. I let her work at the haunted house with her sister and brother because ironically being around a bunch of theater kids who like to scare people is the most normal she has had in a while.
I am trying to stay strong and hold the lines. and we are being the monkey on her back with spies everywhere. I *think* its a little better but I am afraid to say for sure.

pic below- half shaved head girl is my darling Becca.
http://sm.uploads.im/t/O0Epw.jpg
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Old 10-08-17, 07:07 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Sarah you're a wonderful mum
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Old 10-08-17, 12:32 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Sarah, of course you had to have your surgery. You have to take care of you
in order to take care of your family.
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Old 10-08-17, 01:01 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

So much to handle on top of trying to juggle self-care along with surgery after-care. May it all smooth out and everyone find the relief they most need. Hugs heading your way.
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Old 10-21-17, 10:19 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Sarah, I am just now seeing this post. So, forgive me for being a little late to the show. To be honest, I have kind of been avoiding this part of the board. Another post led me here. After reading about your daughter and all that you have been through with her, I feel compelled to respond.

You are not alone. I can wholeheartedly empathize with what you are going through. My daughter, Mia, who is 22 now, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder around the age of 15. Now I realize that isn't the same thing as being Bipolar, but from what I have read the 2 disorders are often confused with one another because they are quite similar. Plus, some of what you have shared of your experiences with Becca, I can absolutely say "I have been there. I understand."

Mia was an impulsive teenager, somewhat of a risk-taker, rebellious... which I realize could apply to a lot of teenagers. However, with my daughter most everything was taken to the extreme. Sneaking out at night. Skipping school. Running away. There were at least 2 instances where the police were involved. When I told her no to getting gauges, she went ahead got a pair from a friend and shoved them in herself.

She became addicted to smoking weed. I know people have different views about this, and I know it does have medicinal properties. Generally speaking, I don't have a problem with it, - to each his own. However, if something, anything, becomes an addiction, to the point someone feels they cannot function in life without it, and they take unnecessary risks to get it (she actually gave a drug dealer our address once so that he could deliver to her!) then it is a problem. Oh, and let's not forget the amount of cash flow it takes to keep a daily addiction such as hers going. To top it off, it happens to be illegal where we live. So, yeah, for her it's risky behavior.

Her mood-swings were severe, sporadic. Sometimes turning into destructive fits of rage. Often there was nothing I could do or say that would help. Just had to ride it out. She was not only destructive to things around her, she was self-destructive. During one fit she began banging her head on the dashboard of our car. She would scratch herself. Pull her hair. And, she was a cutter. This is something she was able to hide from me for a very long time. Her bouts of depression were debilitating. Her self-loathing ran deep, and her anxiety ran high. Coping with change, or the unknown, has always been extremely difficult for her. I would say it is one of her biggest triggers.

At the age of 14, it really came to a head. During that year, I had her in at least three different facilities trying to find the help she needed. She was prescribed 3 different medicines. I cannot recall the names, but one was for depression, one was for anxiety, and the other was for her aggression. Mia fought me the whole way. She would not work with her counselor or try to apply anything she had learned from her therapy sessions. Soon I realized she wasn't even taking her prescriptions. She was only pretending to take them. She had saved them up, put them in a baggie, and hid them. Then when she decided to take them, she tried to "make up for it" by taking more then she was supposed to, and ended up telling me because she felt funny. Thank goodness she did! I felt so dumb!

So, for a while watching my teenage daughter became my full-time job. I mean, yes, parenting is a 24/7 job, but I'm talking about ALL my energy, ALL of my attention, ALL my time, ALL my focus, it was ALL on her. I did not leave her side. It was rough for a while. Emotionally draining. I couldn't even sleep much, because there were times when I did nod off she would see it as an opportunity to sneak out and take my car to meet a friend in the middle of the night.

Her father was pretty much out of the picture and when he did decide to come around he went against everything I was trying to do for her. He countered me all the way and refused to help, both emotionally or financially. Thank goodness I had the support of my parents. Although, it came to a point in which they were not able to deal with Mia at all. They were able to help me with my son though. It still saddens me to think of how much time I lost with my son during all of this.

You mentioned feeling as if you have failed in the parenting department. I have often felt this way too. As long as we are doing our best to help and be there for our children, then we are not failures. We may not always get the results we want. But, if we have done our best, we shouldn't consider ourselves to be failures. Not trying at all would be failing. I have to remind myself of this.

I tried desperately to help my daughter. Unfortunately, as I described, she fought me every step of the way. I did try though. I did my best. Now that she is an adult I don't feel as much responsibility to keep her on track. Doesn't take the worry away though. I will always worry.

Please know you are not alone. I feel for you, I really do. I tend to overshare at times, but I honestly wanted you to see that there is someone else out there that understands on some level what you are dealing with. From what I can tell, you are a wonderful mother and you are doing all you can. Hang in there. ((hugs))
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Old 10-22-17, 08:31 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KitCat View Post
Sarah, I am just now seeing this post. So, forgive me for being a little late to the show. To be honest, I have kind of been avoiding this part of the board. Another post led me here. After reading about your daughter and all that you have been through with her, I feel compelled to respond.

You are not alone. I can wholeheartedly empathize with what you are going through. My daughter, Mia, who is 22 now, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder around the age of 15. Now I realize that isn't the same thing as being Bipolar, but from what I have read the 2 disorders are often confused with one another because they are quite similar. Plus, some of what you have shared of your experiences with Becca, I can absolutely say "I have been there. I understand."

Mia was an impulsive teenager, somewhat of a risk-taker, rebellious... which I realize could apply to a lot of teenagers. However, with my daughter most everything was taken to the extreme. Sneaking out at night. Skipping school. Running away. There were at least 2 instances where the police were involved. When I told her no to getting gauges, she went ahead got a pair from a friend and shoved them in herself.

She became addicted to smoking weed. I know people have different views about this, and I know it does have medicinal properties. Generally speaking, I don't have a problem with it, - to each his own. However, if something, anything, becomes an addiction, to the point someone feels they cannot function in life without it, and they take unnecessary risks to get it (she actually gave a drug dealer our address once so that he could deliver to her!) then it is a problem. Oh, and let's not forget the amount of cash flow it takes to keep a daily addiction such as hers going. To top it off, it happens to be illegal where we live. So, yeah, for her it's risky behavior.

Her mood-swings were severe, sporadic. Sometimes turning into destructive fits of rage. Often there was nothing I could do or say that would help. Just had to ride it out. She was not only destructive to things around her, she was self-destructive. During one fit she began banging her head on the dashboard of our car. She would scratch herself. Pull her hair. And, she was a cutter. This is something she was able to hide from me for a very long time. Her bouts of depression were debilitating. Her self-loathing ran deep, and her anxiety ran high. Coping with change, or the unknown, has always been extremely difficult for her. I would say it is one of her biggest triggers.

At the age of 14, it really came to a head. During that year, I had her in at least three different facilities trying to find the help she needed. She was prescribed 3 different medicines. I cannot recall the names, but one was for depression, one was for anxiety, and the other was for her aggression. Mia fought me the whole way. She would not work with her counselor or try to apply anything she had learned from her therapy sessions. Soon I realized she wasn't even taking her prescriptions. She was only pretending to take them. She had saved them up, put them in a baggie, and hid them. Then when she decided to take them, she tried to "make up for it" by taking more then she was supposed to, and ended up telling me because she felt funny. Thank goodness she did! I felt so dumb!

So, for a while watching my teenage daughter became my full-time job. I mean, yes, parenting is a 24/7 job, but I'm talking about ALL my energy, ALL of my attention, ALL my time, ALL my focus, it was ALL on her. I did not leave her side. It was rough for a while. Emotionally draining. I couldn't even sleep much, because there were times when I did nod off she would see it as an opportunity to sneak out and take my car to meet a friend in the middle of the night.

Her father was pretty much out of the picture and when he did decide to come around he went against everything I was trying to do for her. He countered me all the way and refused to help, both emotionally or financially. Thank goodness I had the support of my parents. Although, it came to a point in which they were not able to deal with Mia at all. They were able to help me with my son though. It still saddens me to think of how much time I lost with my son during all of this.

You mentioned feeling as if you have failed in the parenting department. I have often felt this way too. As long as we are doing our best to help and be there for our children, then we are not failures. We may not always get the results we want. But, if we have done our best, we shouldn't consider ourselves to be failures. Not trying at all would be failing. I have to remind myself of this.

I tried desperately to help my daughter. Unfortunately, as I described, she fought me every step of the way. I did try though. I did my best. Now that she is an adult I don't feel as much responsibility to keep her on track. Doesn't take the worry away though. I will always worry.

Please know you are not alone. I feel for you, I really do. I tend to overshare at times, but I honestly wanted you to see that there is someone else out there that understands on some level what you are dealing with. From what I can tell, you are a wonderful mother and you are doing all you can. Hang in there. ((hugs))
Thank you so, so much! It brought tears to my eyes. Its like you are my spirit animal lol. Its so good to have someone get me, thats why I love this place. We just had an intense discussion/argument thursday about her communication with us. We gave her a small bit of freedom to go to the firehouse she belongs to and sigh up for some stuff and hang around. She had to be home at 8. All we asked was to text us when she got there (its right down the street) and send us her location through the iphone. For 35 minutes we didnt hear from her. Then she was talking about how busy it was because their main fundraising event was this Saturday and it was bustling. She actually asked if she could stay later and we said no way.

When she came in she proceeded to tell us that she was almost 18 and even though she didnt want to NOT tell us where she will be, she techically wouldnt "by law" have to once she was 18, and she said she felt like we were baby sitting her. I was shocked, like havent you been paying attention these last 6 weeks?
It got heated and yes, I yelled but it was loud vs yelling. My points were given and worthy of an academy award. I told her she doesnt get to say these things after everything thats happened. I told her if she has dreams of living it up the way she wants when she turns 18 then I hope she had a plan of how she was going to get places or call people since the phone and car were mine. I told her I would never kick her out but that if she had fantasies of moving out that I hope she had a plan for money, a car and a phone, and some very generous friends. I hated that I said that.

But its true, I hate to pull the "under my roof" card but she doesnt get to make the rules just because we cant legally keep her here. I hoped it was a dose of reality. My only regret is that I had to be loud. My drinking history isnt so good before I got sober and I know the chaos and yelling was always hardest on her and for whatever reason she took the brunt of it. So of course I beat myself up over getting angry and loud but I really couldnt stomach the selfishness.
She gets really upset when anyone is yelling, which almost never happens in our house. I grew up with abuse and never wanted to have my kids live like that.
When we have had to deal with major mistakes with any of them, we knew that making them fear us and be afraid to tell the truth or get in touch with us when they were in a risky situation would only ensure more dishonesty and bigger mistakes,
I have had to eat my words before because we have always told the kids if they were anywhere and have been drinking or anything like that, or with others who have- call us we will go get them no questions, no yelling. I want kids who are alive, not kids who die driving home drunk or with someone on drugs because they are afraid of getting grounded.
I dont think any of them have ever been grounded-maybe lost a specific privledge or something but blanket grounding never worked for me, so I dont see it as effective.
Even when she ran away, she realized she was in over her head and got so afraid of coming home and getting in trouble it was like hostage negotiation with her and my son trying to get her to meet him so he could get her home.
That fear of us scares me. We have ever given any of the kids to fear us so much that they would put themselves in danger but still, I must have done some damage with her.

Not a day goes by that I dont have a thought of how my drinking nearly made my kids broken. It was a short lived period of time because it wasnt bad until the end but the scars are so deep and I feel like I made official ammends and continue to make daily ammends by doing my best.

I would be lying if I thought its going to suddenly clear up when she is 18. I am terrified. She wants to spread her wings and fly but at the same time she doesnt have good risk assessment skills. In a way she was a late bloomer with all of this. I really hope she has an epiphany like I did when I was 18 and a senior in high school. One last major fight with my mom and it was like a switch had flipped the light on and I suddenly saw the big picture. I dont get the feeling its going to be like that for her. I have never dreaded a child's birthday Like I dread hers in February.

Holy hell I just wrote waayyy too much up there but your response helped open the flood gates so I hope no one minds. Some people put this in the discipline category. Maybe we have been too lax, loved too much or not been good enforcers. We didnt believe in hitting although things have gotten intense. I dont know if any of this made sense but it just came out this way.

Thanks so much Kat.
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Old 10-22-17, 05:41 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Thank you so, so much! It brought tears to my eyes. Its like you are my spirit animal lol. Its so good to have someone get me, thats why I love this place.
You are most welcome! I wish I had found a place like this back in my 20s. Seriously! Maybe I could have handled some of life's struggles a little more successfully, especially those that come with marriage and parenting.

As I get older, I have finally come to see how there really is no "right way" to handle what life throws our way. Everyone's "normal" is different. Every person, every situation, each set of circumstances is different, and SO many things are out of our control. This especially rings true when it comes to raising our children.

Quote:
We just had an intense discussion/argument thursday about her communication with us. We gave her a small bit of freedom to go to the firehouse she belongs to and sigh up for some stuff and hang around. She had to be home at 8. All we asked was to text us when she got there (its right down the street) and send us her location through the iphone. For 35 minutes we didnt hear from her. Then she was talking about how busy it was because their main fundraising event was this Saturday and it was bustling. She actually asked if she could stay later and we said no way.

When she came in she proceeded to tell us that she was almost 18 and even though she didnt want to NOT tell us where she will be, she techically wouldnt "by law" have to once she was 18, and she said she felt like we were baby sitting her. I was shocked, like havent you been paying attention these last 6 weeks?
Again, I must say you sound like a wonderful mother. In fact, it sounds like you and your husband are both amazing parents. It's wonderful that you are working together to help guide your daughter down the right path. You are providing her with opportunities to earn trust. Your expectations and the boundaries you are setting for her are very fair in my opinion. Her actions and words remind me very much of my daughter. Lots of manipulation, justifications, excuses, and guilt-tripping.

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But its true, I hate to pull the "under my roof" card but she doesnt get to make the rules just because we cant legally keep her here. I hoped it was a dose of reality. My only regret is that I had to be loud. My drinking history isnt so good before I got sober and I know the chaos and yelling was always hardest on her and for whatever reason she took the brunt of it. So of course I beat myself up over getting angry and loud but I really couldnt stomach the selfishness.
She gets really upset when anyone is yelling, which almost never happens in our house. I grew up with abuse and never wanted to have my kids live like that.
Hey, you needed to pull the "under my roof" card. Legal age or not, I fully believe children who still live with their parents should be respectful and appreciative of what is being provided for them. Obviously, the dynamics of a parent/child relationship change over time, especially when a child is entering into adulthood, but, to me, taking the time to let a loved one know where you are and that you are ok, is more a matter of respect than following a set of rules.

Even now when I stay at my parents' house, I make sure to do things as they would, whether I agree with their methods or not. It's their house, so things should be done their way. I would feel this way when staying at anyone's house. When I do leave their house during my stay, I always make sure to tell them where I am going and when I will return. If plans change, I call or text to fill them in. That way they don't worry.

Communication in any relationship is important. Nevertheless, I have found that not everyone agrees with me. There are even adults who view this type of expected communication as being someone's way of trying to "tie them down" or see it as "too controlling". Not me. If I can ease someones concerns or worries with a simple text or phone call, I will do it.

As far as you yelling, well, it happens. Frustration gets the best of us sometimes. It is actually something I have had to work very hard on myself. Although, I do believe there are times a raised voice works well to gain their full attention and to show just how serious you are. It's a fine-line though, for sure.

Quote:
When we have had to deal with major mistakes with any of them, we knew that making them fear us and be afraid to tell the truth or get in touch with us when they were in a risky situation would only ensure more dishonesty and bigger mistakes,
I have had to eat my words before because we have always told the kids if they were anywhere and have been drinking or anything like that, or with others who have- call us we will go get them no questions, no yelling. I want kids who are alive, not kids who die driving home drunk or with someone on drugs because they are afraid of getting grounded.
I dont think any of them have ever been grounded-maybe lost a specific privledge or something but blanket grounding never worked for me, so I dont see it as effective.
Even when she ran away, she realized she was in over her head and got so afraid of coming home and getting in trouble it was like hostage negotiation with her and my son trying to get her to meet him so he could get her home.
That fear of us scares me. We have ever given any of the kids to fear us so much that they would put themselves in danger but still, I must have done some damage with her.
Our kids know we will hold them accountable. So they will do what they can to avoid facing us, avoid seeing our disappointment, avoid owning up to what they have done, and avoid dealing with the aftermath. But, really, if they were THAT afraid of us, they wouldn't do those kinds of things in the first place, am I right??

I get what you are saying though. We don't want our children to feel afraid to come to us in times of need, when they have messed up. However, if she is like my daughter, the impulsive, risky behavior puts her into way more dangerous situations, then her attempts to avoid me afterwards does.

Think of it this way, when Becca realizes she has got herself into a sticky situation, her hesitation in reaching out to you for help might not be because she is afraid of you. Remember, our kids know we will hold them accountable for their actions. So, it's more likely she doesn't want to deal with owning up to her mistakes, or facing the consequences of her actions. That's a hard thing to do at any age. Even now, with no one to answer to but herself, when things go awry because of her poor choices, Mia will often try to move along like it never happened, regardless of any damage that was done to herself or others.


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Not a day goes by that I dont have a thought of how my drinking nearly made my kids broken. It was a short lived period of time because it wasnt bad until the end but the scars are so deep and I feel like I made official ammends and continue to make daily ammends by doing my best.
Although, I am not a drinker, I can still relate to how you feel. After my ex left us, I suffered from severe depression. I feel like this caused a great deal of damage. If I had been a stronger person, if I had handled things differently, if I had made different choices, Mia wouldn't have spiraled so far down, and my son wouldn't have had to go through what he went through. There was a time, I too, felt as if my kids were broken, that I was broken. I'm thinking many parents have had their reasons for feeling this way. Making amends, doing our best, striving to improve... will eventually help to smooth over those scars.

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I would be lying if I thought its going to suddenly clear up when she is 18. I am terrified. She wants to spread her wings and fly but at the same time she doesnt have good risk assessment skills. In a way she was a late bloomer with all of this. I really hope she has an epiphany like I did when I was 18 and a senior in high school. One last major fight with my mom and it was like a switch had flipped the light on and I suddenly saw the big picture. I dont get the feeling its going to be like that for her. I have never dreaded a child's birthday Like I dread hers in February.
It's hard to let them go. It is terrifying. Totally understand what you are saying. Especially when you feel they aren't ready. In my situation, Mia broke free from me as soon as she was able. At 17 she went to live with her father. Many, many things have happened since then. Things that I wish I could change. As I mentioned before, now that she is 22, I don't feel as much responsibility toward her. Of course, if she reaches out to me, I am always there for her. Nonetheless, I have slowly pulled away from taking care of things for her, from cleaning up her messes.

I hope Becca does have an epiphany at 18 and she is able to see the big picture as you did. I know how much of a relief this would be for you and your husband! Not to mention how much easier life would be for her.

As for my daughter, adulthood has proven to be quite difficult. In her defense, she does have her fair share of obstacles to overcome. On top of having BPD, she suffers from anxiety and depression. She is a smart girl, but since she is ADD, dyslexic and dysgraphic, school was a major struggle. All of these things contribute to her low self-esteem and hinder her ability to consistently function at her best. It wasn't until recently she was able to fully complete all the requirements to earn her high school diploma. VERY proud of her. She could have easily given up on it totally.

When Mia started living on her own, I had to make a conscientious effort to not feel responsible for her life choices. Our relationship is not the mother/daughter relationship I had always dreamed of. She and I are like night and day, there is not much we agree on. She doesn't come to me for advice, or ask for my opinion. What is going on in my life pretty much doesn't interest her unless it in some way affects hers. If she calls me it is because she needs something from me or she wants money. When I call her she usually answers with "What mother?" which makes me feel like I'm always bothering her. Even so, I know she loves me and I always make it very clear how much I love her.

Admittedly, not having what I consider to be a "normal" relationship with my daughter has made me feel like I have failed in some way. My mother and I have a strong relationship. I am close to my dad as well. So, I expected to have similar relationships with my own children. Which thankfully I do have with my son.

Relationships do seem to be problematic for Mia in general. So, I really should not take how she treats me personally. She is actually pretty narcissistic. She was never diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, but after reading up on it, I truly believe she has this as well. Oddly enough, what prompted me to research the disorder is when one of my ex-husband's girlfriends made a claim that he had it. Before this I had never heard of it.

I believe no matter what our expectations are for our children, no matter what our relationship is with them, no matter how many stumbling blocks we encounter, there is always hope. Not sure Mia will ever have an epiphany to where her mind will instantly be accepting of the big picture, nevertheless, I do see her progressing in her own way, and in her own time. I will take comfort in this.

Quote:
Holy hell I just wrote waayyy too much up there but your response helped open the flood gates so I hope no one minds. Some people put this in the discipline category. Maybe we have been too lax, loved too much or not been good enforcers. We didnt believe in hitting although things have gotten intense. I dont know if any of this made sense but it just came out this way.

Thanks so much Kat.
It's so hard to know how to handle certain situations with our children, or with anyone we have a relationship with really. Different people, different circumstances, call for different responses. Sometimes it is ok to be a little lax, where other times it is more beneficial to not waiver one bit. As for loving too much - this is never a bad thing in my opinion!

You made perfect sense and, again, you are most welcome! Reading and sharing on here has proven to be very therapeutic for me.
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Old 11-02-17, 04:05 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

She turns 18 in Feb and I am terrified. The thursday before we went for our overnight (about 10 days ago) we had an intense discussion. We allowed her to go to the firehouse for a little while which is like a mile away. Our only request was that she send us her location and tell us when she got there. She was to be home by 8pm. For 35 minutes we were txting her and trying to see if she was really there ( she was because I rode by) and then at 755 she asks if she can stay longer. Of course the answer was no and we outlined why.

When she gets home she proceeds to tell us that she feels like we are baby sitting her and dont trust her and that because of her age "by law, when I turn 18 I dont have to tell you where I am or what I am doing. Not that I wont tell you or dont want to tell you but just that by law i wont have to".

That is the point where I had to take deep breaths and slow my roll.I told her that she will be living with us and she was only asked to do 2 simple things out of courtesy and she didnt do them. Again, she mentioned her legal requirements.
Boy do I deserve an academy award for how well I displayed my anger and displeasure without getting hysterical or nasty or shrieky.
Yes I was loud, but not overwhelming. I cant help being angry.
I told her she doesnt get to accuse us of babysitting her. I asked if she had been living in the same house as me because recent events have made it abundantly clear that she needs these checks and balances because of her safety, our peace of mind and to earn trust.

Then came the zinger::
I told her:
"I dont know what kind of grand plans you have about wanting to move out when you are 18 because you can do so legally , but I hope you have means for transportation, communication and living expenses.
If you take your car I will report it stolen because its in my name. I will have your phone turned off. I hope you have very generous friends that dont mind someone living with them, eating their food and using their utilities for free."

So I didnt let on that I felt bad for that last part. Was it bad? Yes I said it while angry but it wasnt said just because I was angry. I meant it. She doesnt like anger from anyone and always cries ( me too) and she wants to immediately go away to her room. I dont want her to cry but dont I have a right to express my feelings every now and then?
Throughout the last 2 months we have been understanding and accommodating and we arent the kind of people that believe in yelling or verbal abuse/shame.I really felt like I needed to say what I did.

Do I win the terrible mom of the day award?
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Old 11-02-17, 06:30 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

No! You just won the Realistic Mother of the Year Award.

She needs to get a job.
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Old 11-02-17, 09:10 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Reality sucks rather often, regardless of how you deliver it.

Having had all of her expenses paid and needs met by mom and dad is something teens rarely think of, until they have to.

I really wish my parents would have taught me more about those particular life skills.

We were broke, so there wasn't ever any money for me to look forward to inheriting, and I worked menial p/t jobs most of my life due to not being able to afford to further my education, nor did I really wish to based on my schooling experiences up to that point, so I've always scraped by, living paycheck to paycheck.

Unfortunately, that led to me doing unspeakable things for money and survival once I turned 18. I threw all of my belongings in a trash bag and left three days after I turned 18, and 6 days after I graduated.

I couldn't handle the rules, the abuse (from childhood on up), or feeling caged any longer. Some bigger doses of hard core reality as to how things really were vs. how my parents thought I "should" be in their imaginary world may have changed the course of my life for the better.
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Old 11-02-17, 10:19 AM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

Sarah, you did the right thing

I remember when I was 18 I was desperate to get the heck out of where I was living but I had nowhere to go and I had an elderly female cat I was responsible for, who was also poorly by that point
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Old 11-04-17, 10:56 PM
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Re: I think my daughter is DEFINITELY bipolar now.

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Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
No! You just won the Realistic Mother of the Year Award.

She needs to get a job.
100 % agree!

Sarah, you had every right to say what you said. Your daughter certainly needed the dose of reality you gave her. If she were to start working, and started paying for some of her own things, it might help to get the sense of entitlement she seems to have reined in.

Sounds like you handled yourself perfectly under the circumstances. You are doing all the right things.
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