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Anxiety Disorders, OCD & PTSD A forum to discuss Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Simple Phobias, and Social Anxiety Disorder

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Old 11-04-04, 10:39 PM
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Unhappy This is a vent...I'm probably wasting my time.

I'm probably wasting all of our time with this post, but something isn't right and if I don't vent it will just keep bothering me, so here it is...

I'm sorry. I don't know what for. It's absurd. I'm sick. I always get sick in the winter. For a long time. A long, long time. I think the antibiotic I took for 10 days caused a different bacterial infection in my intestine, but I don't want it checked out until I have more evidence...

Worst of all, I'm sorry, and I have no idea what for. I keep bothering people. I am certain that I am causing other people problems, even when they say I'm not, and if I'm not, then I know I'm making it worse by asking what's wrong. I haven't done anything wrong that I know of...

I'm worried...I'm sick, and my medicine isn't working, so I am worrying senselessly, and feeling depressed...but I can't go see the doctor, because I asked to up my dosage, and he said to see my psychologist, but I haven't...but what's worse is I had him prescribe me and dispense a 2 month supply, so I can make it through December because he won't be able to represcribe while I'm at home... so I have these 50mg and I don't know if they aren't working, or if the sickness is causing this...

I am sick, and it's a problem. I hate being sick. I don't feel physically sick. I was doing just fine, and then my head started hurting from sinus congestion. I just finished taking antibiotics that put a sinus infection in remission, but it came back. Now I can't go back, because I have already been there weekly for 3 weeks now...

I have a terrible headache. I just took 400mg Ibuprofen and an Allegra...I'm thinking of taking a Diphenhydramine sleeping pill too...but that's two antihistamines, which is not good...but I've done it twice before now...oh well...I won't do it until I need to go to sleep...maybe I'll take two, I dunno.

I am pretty sure that it is because I am sick that I feel this way, and not because the Zoloft isn't working. Geeze, I'd hate to see me if it wasn't working right now...but I hate that I am so sickly. What is up with this crap? I'm sick all the time.

Last year around this time I succumbed to pneumonia...this year I have acute bronchitis, 6th year in a row...I'm concerned that it's going to become chronic. People smoke around here all the time, and it makes me cough. It's funny, because I used to smoke for about 3 months last summer, and it never bothered me then, but now I seem to be allergic to it...it makes my throat constrict and my nose run and my eyes water.

Wow...I am sorry. I ticked some people off because I couldn't stop making snide comments during a TV show...I tried to stop but I couldn't, I can't. I can't even control my own actions. What is up with that? I hate ADHD. I hate impulsiveness. I hate ODD. I hate Anxiety Disorders.

Gad, I have more numbers in my DSM-IV classification than freaking Pi. Ugh. I am such a mess.

And here I am, on an internet forum, posting this miserable dribble, and I'm not even sure why, because I know full well that any replies will barely help, if any. The people I made mad at me probably think I'm a shmuck, and they might be right. But I can't help it! I wish this ibuprofen would work faster...I'd take a caffeine pill to make it kick in faster, but then I wouldn't sleep...now I'm rambling on more.

I wish people could carry on with me normally...they probably think I'm a finicky, mean, hard to get along with person. People come on this forum all the time asking about guys with ADHD and how we are so hard to get along with...I hate it. I wish people could get along with me normally. I bet people are all the time talking about me and how I am so prone to anger, or so mean, or so annoying...

I know we talk about someone else sometimes, which is terrible...but that means that they all talk about me just the same, and why not?

I have a terrible habit. I tend to diagnose people with things. I intend to do it for a living, and I am good at it, I use the DSM-IV like a pro (and have a copy from the library right now), but I think people think I'm weird. I'm also quick to recommend medication for things...too much energy? Diphenhydramine. Tired? Caffeine. Headache? Acetaminophen. Body sore? Naproxen Sodium. I also have a terrible habit of using generic names for drugs. The things I just named before were Unisom, Vivarin, Tylenol, and Aleve...gah.

I wish I wasn't such a goof. I'm sorry...and I don't even know why...heh.

Good game Anxiety Disorders. You win again!
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Old 11-05-04, 12:50 AM
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Hey, Keith, you are one of the brightest and kindest people I have ever been happy to know!

I think every one of us out here understands that low place you are in right now. We have been there, too. It is just your chemistry talking right now, and it is screwed up and telling you lies.

No matter how you are feeling, you are a wonderful human being! Hang in there, for this too shall pass.

You are loved!
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Old 11-05-04, 12:51 AM
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i'm so sorry keith!!

i posted something sadly sort of similiar the other day.. i felt brain dead..

i have experienced major headaches since i've started my meds..and i already had a predisposition to headaches.
anxiety sucks major ssa..
and i have definitely had my anxiety ramped up...

i had bronchitis twice in the past year. i feel extremely looooww energy which just pi ss es
me OFF.

i get so burned out talking to ppl on the phone all day and its making me hate humanity.
i just want to sleep sometimes..
and i hate having adhd too!
i wish that things were EASIER and i was normal. but it isn't.

i have severe allergies and i can't even sit on a lawn...i have to take zyrtec every day. do allergy shots..and i'm allergic all year round.

by the way..its not uncommon for ppl w/ sinus issues to continue having them..sometimes you need surgery..i've known two ppl very close to me who have had it already..
anyway
at least you're not a crack w h o r e...
thats my motto!
its repulsive and insensitive i know..but it is funny!
and
yes i wonder every day if i can just SHUT UP.
i hate myself sometimes b/c i can't even shut up on these posts!
yeah..
this stuff is no fun.

i too can diagnose anyone with just a few moments w/ them...the other night i spoke to my best friend in nyc and i ended up telling her gently
that i think she has borderline personality disorder with pmdd..
and that her father was a classic narcissist..i found myself thinking..why am i saying this? i think its all true..but geez..i dont' need to classify everyone around me...
she's bipolar..
he's controlling...
blah blah..
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Old 11-05-04, 09:10 AM
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Keith I hear your words and know your frustration. I too am a sickly person during the winter months and I get so stinking frustrated because those around me seem to be healthy as ox's. My husband never gets sick and I seem to be sick all the time. I asked my doc about it last year and he said it has a lot to do with genetics while I may not be physically strong I am mentally stronger then my husband...scarry thought. Anyways he prescribed an increase in certain vitimins during the winter months and I have to FORCE myself outside...I hate the cold but it's not healthy to stay inside for months at a time. So, now I walk even if it's raining or snowing everyday some day's I cheat and cut my walks really really short though. Good luck Keith and I don't find you irritating at all.
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Old 11-05-04, 02:39 PM
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I know how difficult it is when you get sick and it seems that you get one thing after another without a break in between. I suffer from sinus issues and get ear infections, I think I am the only adult that still gets them...lol. I got a sinus infection/ear ache while on a trip to the Virgin Islands a few years ago and it lasted 4 weeks after I returned home..I honestly thought my head was going to blow up while I was flying home. Sinus infections are so difficult to get rid of.

I have 3 kids and when they were young I was at the dr's office at least once a week with one of them and the cycle just wouldn't stop. Finally I wandered into a alternitive medicine fair and got a recommendation for Echinacea, I started giving it to my kids and I swear I didn't have to take them back to the dr's for the rest of the year. It has to be the kind you get at a health food store (as opposed to the drug store stuff) and liquid that you drop into juice or take directly into your mouth (tastes nasty) Also if you do try it don't get the alchohol free kind, from what I understand you need the alchohol to draw the echinacea out during processing. You only take 10 drops or so. I do 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off but you can also take it just when you feel something coming on.

Sorry you feel so badly, hope today is a better day.

Debs
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Old 11-05-04, 04:14 PM
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I heard an interesting piece on my beloved CBC radio one yesterday on "probiotics".

I wasn't really listening very closely but from what I gather they are having some trouble with very strong strains of bacteria in hospitals in Quebec and had just done a very successful trial with "probiotics" (I hope I have that right) in conjunction with the anti-biotics.

Fresh air, exercise and a good diet which means less fat and more fruits and veggies covers a lot of bases on this stuff but once in trouble it's a heck of a thing to get clear of.

I've suffered similar troubles especially in the spring and fall. I think I must have some mild asthma too boot. The last round of antibiotics didn't work for me and they weren't the cheapies either. I took matters into my own hands and set to work to try and get around the problem.

I threw my theory by my physician and she thought it was a great idea. Basically it stems from a conversation I had with her over the sinus infection that would not die.

When I gave her my symptoms and time frame she slumped visably and sighed deeply. She said that she hates treating these types of infections for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that they are so hard to treat!

The big reason that they remain difficult is that the blood flow through that region is so limited. It's just not a high flow type of area.

The next most important part is that it's usually congested so there is no air flow either.

So my theory [(which is mine) aka Anne Elk.. thank-you Monty Python] is that to beat this type of infection I have to open up the area both to air and blood flow. Heat was my first clue. When I get warm working out I usually feel my nose run soon after I start if I have things that need moving there.

Working to a level that is 75% or better of my max heart rate for a half hour (not including warm up and cool down times) three or four times a week increases my metabolism and increases my blood flow everywhere. I think it's beyond doubt at this point that beyond having some kind of health concern that might make this behaviour dangerous that the consensus is in and the verdict is that it's a good ideas.. no matter what the ailment.

It worked like a charm and not just for my head congestion. The sinus infection could not keep going with me working out like that. It died a whimpering death in the first week.

The down side of course is that I nearly died when I started to try and work out with a sinus infection. Maybe that's a little too strong a wording but I'll tell you all it was ugly to try and work hard physically when I could hardly get out of a chair much less work myself into a sweat working out.

I think it was Debs and Jim that I didn't give proper credit too over this. We had a discussion on the exercise forum here about how we handled working out when we were sick and I think they both proposed a limited but continuing schedule while I bailed and voted to lay down and take it. Ian <<<<<<<<----------= weenie.

I've changed my tune since then and have learnt a couple of things in the process. One is that I don't stop just because I don't feel like it. I've always heeded the "don't feel like it" and it's lead me nowhere good. The second is that even if I have visible signs of weakness like a cold or sore muscles or whatever, I still take time to get outside and go through the motions even if it's not hard work. Just physically moving for 30 minutes outside in the fresh air is all I expect out of the time.

It must be tied to my need for structure. I like routine and it's good for me to have a base like that to help keep me grounded.

Well here I go again extrapolating out beyond the galaxy. You are all so kind not to throw rotten fruit and such. :*}

Do what you can Keith. I hope you get your immune system ahead of the game soon.

Don't worry about peeing people off. This is a support forum. We lend a hand when we can. I'm sorry it's not met your needs yet. You do hold the balance of power. If you are doing what you can then be at peace with that and ride it out. If you have areas left to discover then forge ahead. We'll be here to cheer you on regardless.

I've used Echinacea and I have stopped but I will take Debs suggestions and put them to work this winter and see if it makes it different for me this time. The first times I tried it, I was always left with the impression I was only delaying the onset of a cold. Thanks for the heads up on the alcohol connection Debs.
ian
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Old 09-27-05, 04:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KMiller
I'm probably wasting all of our time with this post, but something isn't right and if I don't vent it will just keep bothering me, so here it is...
Yep, I know this thread is a year old, but it's where I am right now, so I'm responding for my benefit.
Quote:
Worst of all, I'm sorry, and I have no idea what for. I keep bothering people. I am certain that I am causing other people problems, even when they say I'm not, and if I'm not, then I know I'm making it worse by asking what's wrong. I haven't done anything wrong that I know of...
Know this one well -- last week I was busy apologizing to my counselor for showing feelings and not having it together in a counseling session!
Quote:
I'm worried...I'm sick, and my medicine isn't working, so I am worrying senselessly, and feeling depressed...
At the moment, I'm not even sure if my meds are helping or hurting (my hearts been racing and I'm having a real hard time sleeping -- I don't know whether it is the Concerta, Estroven, Claritin or just the combination. My Concerta sure doesn't seem to be helping my anxiety and racing thoughts like it was back in March when I started it, although it's still helping with my ADHD symptoms like focusing and sticking with something. I keep thinking about quitting my meds or at least cutting back -- I'm not sure if that is such a good idea or not.
Quote:
I hate being sick. I don't feel physically sick. I was doing just fine, and then my head started hurting from sinus congestion.

Wow...I am sorry. I can't even control my own actions. What is up with that? I hate ADHD. I hate impulsiveness. I hate ODD. I hate Anxiety Disorders.
I hate feeling sick, I hate headaches, I really hate not being able to stop my own thoughts, and ATM I really hate ADHD and I hate GAD even more! Way more!!!
Quote:
Gad, I have more numbers in my DSM-IV classification than freaking Pi. Ugh. I am such a mess.

And here I am, on an internet forum, posting this miserable dribble, and I'm not even sure why, because I know full well that any replies will barely help, if any. The people I made mad at me probably think I'm a shmuck, and they might be right. But I can't help it! I wish this ibuprofen would work faster...I'd take a caffeine pill to make it kick in faster, but then I wouldn't sleep...now I'm rambling on more.
I keep posting when I should be in bed sleeping or trying to sleep. Putting this down here doesn't change anything, but I guess it feels better than holding it in.
Quote:

I wish I wasn't such a goof. I'm sorry...and I don't even know why...heh.

Good game Anxiety Disorders. You win again!
In case I wasn't clear -- I really do hate my anxiety disorder and am not to keen on my ADHD either right now. I would just love to have a quiet peaceful brain that ran at a normal pace and that I could turn off for R&R at will. Believe me my brain really needs some R&R right now, unfortunately bedtime is frequently the worst time these days -- never used to be. Seems like when I was younger I could push my body hard enough to keep up with my brain -- as I'm older I can't do that as well anymore, but the brain is still zooming. When my brain is zooming and my body isn't my brain zooms in circles -- if I'm running or doing something else, it's like my brain may still zoom but it slows down a bit and can hold a straight course better. I think I need more intellectual challenges and more of an adult social life -- my brain is bored and feeding on tasteless old material. Feels like it's consuming itself.

Keith, since this is a year old, I doubt you'll find you're way back here, but in case you do, thanks for posting your vent -- kind of nice to know that even a smart guy like you wrestles with this stuff sometimes (not that I'd wish it on you) -- it gave me a little permission to do some venting of my own.

Scattered
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Old 09-27-05, 10:18 AM
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Heh. This post kicked off the Obsessive-Compulsive exciting fun time that eventually had me away from the board...it's funny, too, because even though OCD isn't fun, it was kind of amusing, to me, and when I quit my Zoloft this summer, it was because I was trying to get it back...my rationale was that I don't like change, and if I get better, than I'm different, and I won't know who I am, so if I don't get better, at least I won't change...good reasoning, eh?

Ah well...I'm glad someone's getting something out of this post, which I still hold was probably a waste of time. Heh
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Old 09-27-05, 10:42 AM
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Keith, the scary thing is that I followed that line of reasoning with no problem!
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Old 09-27-05, 04:07 PM
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Hang in there...and don't sweat the small stuff. You are an intelligent guy and have a lot to offer.
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Old 09-27-05, 10:18 PM
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I would speak with your doctor before stopping any meds Scattered. I recently put myself on a Strattera holiday thinking I didn't need the med because I couldn't feel it working anymore and my grades went from a high A to a high B in a week...Happily back on meds. Cherity
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Old 09-27-05, 11:28 PM
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I know what you mean cherity. I am on stratterra too and after awhile you dont feel it working. When you take yourself off whamo you notice the effects and what the meds where doing
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Old 09-28-05, 01:50 AM
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I am going to talk to my therapist first before I quit (this would be the same therapist who asked me last time I suggested quitting "And what makes you think that's a possibility for you?" So it's more likely I'll just cut back to once a day instead of twice. Also fortunately these days my report cards are all behind me! Although, I'm slipping a bit in the homeschooling department with my daughter, which is probably why I won't quit meds entirely. Too bad actually -- quite happy and relaxed at the moment, but not very productive. Too bad life comes with responsibilities! Concerta is a little easier to take when needed than Strattera -- it doesn't have to build up in your system.

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