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  #1  
Old 07-07-04, 02:57 AM
DevilHanzo DevilHanzo is offline
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Unhappy Weeping (literally), because I miss my dear friend Acid / LSD

Ok, first off, I have a moderate level autism, add, bi-polar, and possibly tourette's. I haven't done acid in a couple years. I think about it often and I would very much like to do it again, but I don't know if I will ever do it again. I believe the autism is what makes me enjoy it so much and not go crazy. All the beautiful patterns and pictures that my mind can create is sooo fascinating to me. I can make the absolute most intricate designs and pictures in my head, infinitely more complex than anything you have seen in real life. A kaliedescope of beautiful colors and textures.

I had a nice vial of pure uncut liquid acid, some really strong stuff. I was taking a few hits maybe once a week for a while. I wanted to see how intense it could get, so I would take 6-8 hits at a time. It was an amazing experience, but I had to have more. I took around 13 hits one night, and then said screw it, and began to suck the acid out of the dropper bottle. I took an insane amount of acid, and it was an awesome experience. Things turned into negative images, exactly like the little negatives you get when you get your film developed. I can't remember a whole lot about it because it's been a long time. Inanimate objects took on a life of their own, and the patterns and images became very intense, clouding my vision, so it looked like there was a constantly changing pattern printed on an overhead projector film in front of my eyes. When I looked at a patterned carpet floor, it had depth. About 6 inches, It was a sea floor of patterns, with kelp growing up through the water to the surface, and there was leaves floating around on the surface of the water. The water was a cool blue, giving the whole room a tropical feel.

To this day, I continue to see the patterns floating through my vision, I usually cannot see them unless I look at a textured ceiling, wall or floor, but when I look at something like this, the patterns are still there, morphing into new patterns.

I tried mushrooms a couple times, but the visuals weren't intense enough, and it made me feel weird. I gave my friend a very very small hit of the stuff that I took, and he got really tweaked out, he said everything looked dirty and he had little snakes and people running around in his head. This amused me and I tried to tell him to just sit back and enjoy the show. I feel bad for giving it to him now, but he insists that he liked the experience, even though it was obvious he didn't. Doing acid was a bad idea, especially how much of it that I did. But I must admit, some of the best times I had in my life, were sitting at home by myself rocking (I'm one of those autistics who rocks constantly) myself in my chair, listening to music, real high on acid. I wish I could plug my brain into a computer and upload all the images and patterns to the computer so I can look at them all the time.

Sorry if I rambled on forever, but writing about this, has made me miss acid more than ever. Right now my eyes are welling up with tears. It's a strange feeling, missing acid like a friend who passed away. I yearn to again unlock all the beauty that my mind can create, the beauty that I cannot show anyone even though I wish I could. I wish I could create something tangible with as much beauty and complexity as my mind can create when influenced by acid.

Last edited by DevilHanzo; 07-07-04 at 03:08 AM..
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Old 07-07-04, 12:05 PM
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Thumbs up longing for LSD - Addictions / Abuse

http://www.erowid.org I found this link after a post on /. (slashdot) the other day about a piece called LYSERGICALLY YOURS (Free E-Book)
by Frank Duff.

It lead me to the erowid site as a better source for writing in this vein.

Pardon me if this is all familiar to you.

http://www.erowid.org/library/books_...l/tihkal.shtml
Maybe this link will help you to feel among friends. You'll stay around here for all the right reasons and post like a fiend right?

I read quite a bit off the QUALITATIVE COMMENTS in the individual substance listings. These personal informal qualitative comments seem to often show a desire to experience deeply spiritual and profound union with larger environments of understanding and experience. Is it the profound and spiritual communion that you long for? Or is it just the colours?


http://www.erowid.org/library/books_...ng_scale.shtml

This is the scale that's used on erowid's site to rate personal experiences and seems to indicate a desire to seek emotionally relevant depth.

I don't know how much merit there is to mind altering drugs as a way into the deepest reaches of the mind and soul. I do know that in some lines of Zen practise there may be a more honest enquiry. I'd fall under that category of "there is no free lunch". But I sit here before you full of Dexedrine so I may have my head up my butt.

We may all be looking for that place where we are at peace with the world and entirely aware with all our being of the beauty and intensity of this thing called life. Becoming naturally skilled at these things is an ancient and difficult practise, but it yields many of the experiences I yearn for.

Anywho.. it's great to have you posting such confident and deeply personal writing. The risks you take writing publically like that are so very good for me personally. I try to take risks like you have too. It means I'm not alone. The company of my peers is where I am and it feels great. It's completely unnerving my wife, but I can't have everything I want all the time.

I've done a lot of different recreational drugs. That's no longer the case.
Cheers! Ian.
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Old 07-07-04, 12:28 PM
paulbf paulbf is offline
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Well, sounds like great memories and that's probably a good place to leave it, which is obviously what you've decided to do. I did acid almost weekly for about a year back in highschool though never at high doses 'cause it could get scary getting into emotional stuff. It was truly amazing though. I'm also curious does the autism leave you less emotional/spiritual than other people? To be comfortable on that much acid you'd have to be either very comfortable with yourself or somehow less emotionally affected I'm guessing. I was also very impressed by the visual effects and enjoyed the spiritual effects but found them potentially scary as well.

For others who are curious, acid does stick with you if you do too much, like flashbacks or more like a lingering permanent effect so it's not something to do casually. And being a drug rather than a methodically achieved state of higher conciousness there is definitely the "no free lunch" effect.
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Old 07-07-04, 02:19 PM
paulbf paulbf is offline
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Ah, here's one with no side effects:
http://www.snille.com/flashback
turn on the sound and click "Play"

Amazing little movie!
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Old 07-07-04, 05:39 PM
DevilHanzo DevilHanzo is offline
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Acid does affect me emotionally/spiritually, but not to the degree that it affects most people. Mostly what it does to me is it magnifies the things I already feel and tells me how evil the world is. Now I am quite a cynical person to begin with, the things normal people do without even thinking about it are strange to me, and I enjoy being alone (part of the autism). I think about all the bad things people do to each other and to the earth. I think about all the horrific things people do to other people during wars, things soldiers do to innocent people. Raping women and young girls, burning villages, shooting fleeing villagers from helicopters and laughing about it. I am absolutely disgusted with things like this when I'm not on acid. But when I am on acid it hurts me almost like it happened to someone I love, and I am so glad to be sitting alone with no evil people around. I wonder why people feel the need to always be around other people, always needing social interaction, or they go crazy. When I'm on acid, I utter this phrase to myself constantly "maaan, that is sooo f***ed up"

Me and one of my friends were in a hotel room starting at the floor while on acid, and we were both seeing the exact same sea floor, it was great. However, my other friend was having sex with his girlfriend across the room. This was extremely disgusting and hilarious. I could not figure out why people would want to bounce around on top of each other making funny noises, it baffled me.

I did acid at a rave once, and it was the only time I had a bad experience while on acid. It's extremely uncomfortable for me to be around so many people to begin with, but on the acid, it was horrible. I wanted to be at home by myself, my friend didn't want to leave, and she kept yelling at me. Due to the autism, I am sensetive to sensory stimuli such as bright lights and loud sounds of higher frequencies. She wanted to sit next to the speakers, I thought I was going to die. It literally drove me crazy. I thought my friend died when I looked at her because she was sitting very still, so I started shaking her saying "are you ok!!??" I didn't realize for a while, that the look she was giving me, was a look of horror. She kept staring at me like this for a while, which made me think, wait a minute, maybe I'M dead! When we finally got out of there, I felt so much better. I went home, layed in bed staring at the ceiling, and i could see reflections on the ceiling that water casts off like on a swimming pool ceiling. Every sound I made, sounded exactly like it was under water. My body felt like I was in warm tropical waters. I have never been anywhere tropical, and I have never been in a jungle, but on acid, I have traveled there many times.

Sorry if I'm writing so much, I just cannot talk to anyone in real life, so when I get in front of the keyboard, thoughts start pouring out. I realize my thoughts are quite different and most people will not agree with all of it, but I like it like that. The people on this site are really cool though, thanks for your replies Even if you don't agree with all of what I say, hopefully it at least be entertaining to read.

itschaotic: I used to frequent that website I haven't seen that book though, it looks like an interesting read, thanks!

paulbf: I can't get flash to work on my web browser so I can't see the site

Last edited by DevilHanzo; 07-07-04 at 05:55 PM..
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Old 07-07-04, 07:27 PM
paulbf paulbf is offline
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Yep that all sounds familiar. I get more freaked out thinking about my own stupidity & problems though.

Try right-clicking over this link and saving to disk:
http://www.snille.com/flashback/flashback.swf
It's about 7MB & you can view it with Irfanview or flash player or something later.
http://www.irfanview.com
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Old 07-07-04, 11:37 PM
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That link was outstanding paulbf. On dial up it was a bit much to stream well but it was a treat for sure. I'm with you on the day to day stuff providing me with plenty to keep me entertained and amazed (read: freaked out) most of the time.
Cheers! ian.
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Old 07-08-04, 12:32 PM
Deviate4420 Deviate4420 is offline
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Tried it once with my gf and a couple other friends...Had the time of my life, I dunno if i could trip on anything right now that girl took off on me and i'm not quite over it......
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Old 07-08-04, 04:11 PM
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David is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to behold
Dr. Flashback was designing on the "brown acid"

This is like a modern day version of the original: The Mind's Eye

http://www.odyssey3d.com/odinmineye.html
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Old 07-08-04, 04:16 PM
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David is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to beholdDavid is a splendid one to behold
I used to do my fair share of trip. Like DevilHanzo, I have taken it to the edge.. Maybe a bit further, but that was my intent. I've never had a drug problem, per se, but I did love acid. I did a lot of it and in just as many different places.... If I had a drug of choice, that would be it... I too only had one "bad" or negative ride, and that was when I was trying to pull someone (actually a few of them) up out of the hole they were getting themselves into. It didn't go bad but it ruined my trip...

I will say that I think acid/lsd/trip is a young persons drug... Meaning if you have no responsabilities or monkey's on your back, you are going to have a better experience. I haven't done it in a long time, and though I had some great times on it, I don't really miss it.

One word of caution though.. Never mix LSD with Lithium. I'll detail that one later as I accidently did and it was the most intense ride of my life, and it almost left me speachless literally.... and maybe permanently.
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Old 07-08-04, 09:53 PM
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Grin Glad to see that Im not the only one thats been there , to all who have replied to this thread.

If we could only really remeber what we think we rember from those days !!!!!!

Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end,

AT LEAST THE NIGHTS SEEMED NEVER ENDING when you were tripping all night long
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Old 07-08-04, 10:31 PM
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I never did it... I swear! Just read a lot about it... (Burning my video tapes of the events)

Shall include this as an "events" thread... Places you've tripped?
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Old 08-20-04, 10:50 PM
ScaredFemale80 ScaredFemale80 is offline
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I've never touched the stuff, just for the fear of maybe having a "bad trip". Everyone told me you have to be mentally strong to take acid, and I don't believe at this point and time in my life I am. I've done my fair share of ecstasy, which is a TOTALLY different drug. I'm sure that hasn't helped my anxiety. I think its kind of cool to read some of the stuff people have seen. I've heard about it, but not in great detail.
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Old 12-07-04, 03:58 AM
julia julia is offline
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Smile the colors!

I must say i miss it too! I enjoyed every minute of my trip I have tried Xtasy but doesnt take effect me like everyone else. always wondered why. maybe cuz Im ADD!
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Old 06-30-05, 04:48 AM
DRANSWORLD DRANSWORLD is offline
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LSD is holy and you shouldnt feel cravings for it. if you do, go to the desert , drop and have a religious experience!!
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