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Old 03-30-19, 10:56 AM
Lunar88 Lunar88 is offline
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Unhappy Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

I got diagnosed proper with ADHD-C last year, this was during my rehab period for opiate abuse.
I'm 11 months clean now, but life since then has been ...grey, grey with tiny flashes of muted colour, but most importantly.. From then till now I feel.. Exhausted all the time, mentally I feel zero urge to do anything beyond things that require little mental effort, like watching TV, or reading books... Even that has flown out the window, and when I try to learn new things, I find myself watching or reading a page several times without remembering what I just read or watched , it's like whatever ever intelligence I had is gone.. All I want to do now is sleep, which is hard due to insomnia, which has me waking up foggy but unable to fall back to sleep. I don't want to discuss this with my close friends and family cause some don't understand(most), and others have their own problems to deal with.


I was placed on antidepressants, but had to stop taking them due to being broke from lack of work(freelancer, getting jobs has been nil to sporadic) , my rent is about to expire next week, and while it worries me, it's like I couldn't less at the same time, like let the worse happen(this scares me) , my house is a pigstye but I can't seem to bring myself to clean up the mess, which just gets worse everyday. I know I can be better than this, but it's like I can not push the weight I feel on my chest away for enough time to do anything, then I feel ashamed for not trying harder... Only time I get motivated is if I get gigs that I can do on autopilot, which works for the clients as I do it quite quickly since its all I can focus on at the time, but that does t last long after I'm done, I just flop right back on my bed and wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up.

I'm tired of feeling this way, like I'm living life wearing a glove around everything. Is there something I can do for this that does not involve money? I've tried to exercise, but I get tired pretty quickly, and don't feel any better... I have not said this out loud since I went to rehab but... I need help... I just.. Need help but I don't know what kind, can this really be managed without medication?

P. S : I took the antidepressants for about 3 months and didn't feel any different, in fact I felt suicidal during the last few days, and had to suffer through the mild withdrawal when I stopped..

Sorry if my post is hard to understand, my mind is scattered right now.
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  #2  
Old 03-30-19, 01:12 PM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Are you medicated for adhd? Now that you're not 'self medicating' anymore?
I know that's tricky for an addict. One thing you could try is Omega 3 fish oil
supplements. They don't work for everyone, but for some us they are very
helpful.

You could also try Vitamin D3 (the 3 is important) for your hopeless mood.
It's often recommended for Seasonal Affective Depression and has helped me
with that. (Wish I could figure out what helps with the anxiety.)

And welcome to the forum!
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Old 03-31-19, 01:45 AM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Are you medicated for adhd? Now that you're not 'self medicating' anymore?
I know that's tricky for an addict. One thing you could try is Omega 3 fish oil
supplements. They don't work for everyone, but for some us they are very
helpful.

You could also try Vitamin D3 (the 3 is important) for your hopeless mood.
It's often recommended for Seasonal Affective Depression and has helped me
with that. (Wish I could figure out what helps with the anxiety.)

And welcome to the forum!
Hello, thanks for the welcome. I have tried Omega 3 in the past.. I did not help(took it for 3.5 months) . And as for buying anything else... I'm so broke feeding is problem. In my country insurance does not cover long term mental health issues, so buying medications for ADHD is far away... But thank you for your kind words.
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Old 03-31-19, 12:23 PM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar88 View Post
Hello, thanks for the welcome. I have tried Omega 3 in the past.. I did not help(took it for 3.5 months) . And as for buying anything else... I'm so broke feeding is problem. In my country insurance does not cover long term mental health issues, so buying medications for ADHD is far away... But thank you for your kind words.
In my country (USA) there are a lot of people like my daughter and I, who have
no health insurance either and can barely afford food and housing. I was old
enough to apply for Medicare a couple of years ago (I filed early) and that helps
with doctor visits but does not cover meds. I was first prescribed generic anti-
depressant and it's been helpful. The generics are pretty inexpensive but I
would eat peanut butter for a week to pay for my bottle of Zoloft.
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Old 03-31-19, 01:51 PM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Lunar 88,
1. Has anything in the past helped you feel even a tiny bit better? eg go for a walk, do yoga. If so, do it now.
2. Start a list of items that need to get done around the house. I said start. Do not DO anything on your list while you're making it. That's for later.
3. Post your list in a place where you will not lose track of it. eg fridge, front door, smartphone.
4. Refuse to listen to negative self-talk. Life happens in the present moment. Don't look back, and don't look forward either. Look down at your feet, and put one foot in front of the other.
5. If you are plagued by negative self-talk - take a piece of paper and divide it in half vertically.
6. On the left side record each negative thought as it occurs to you. One phrase or sentence only. "e.g. I'm so stupid."
7. Notice and record the thought, but do not dwell on it.
8. On the right side of the page, beside each unhelpful thought, record what you wish you were thinking instead. e.g. "I am lovable and capable."
9. Writing down a positive alternative gives you an option that will help you redirect your thinking the next time you're tempted to slide.
10. Keep your self-talk list near your to-do list in a place where you will not lose track of it. eg fridge, front door, smartphone.
11. Reality is created twice. First in our head, and only secondly out there.
12. You will feel better if you can improve your home environment even a little. Walk around your home. As you're walking, write a list. But don't do anything or change anything. Just write what you see needs to be done. e.g. do dishes. lay out clothes one item at a time on bed. Divide clothes into dirty, clean. Sweep front hall. etc.
13. Don't worry about when the task will get done. Just keep adding one item at a time to your list.
14. Take a rest.
15. Pray or meditate.
16. When you feel like doing one thing, look at your list.
17. Do one task only.
18. If you feel tired, lie down again.
19. Do another task.
20. Continue to pray or meditate.
and so on.
Reality changes only one step at a time. It's the only strategy that's worked for me during my down times and it's true for everyone.
Do only what you have the energy to do - but do something. Then rest.
Sooner or later you will see progress. Sooner or later things will start to improve.
You MUST believe this.
You can be the master of your self-talk. You can keep things moving forward, tiny step by tiny step. I was able to do this even when very depressed. It's the only thing that got me through.
Use your will to overcome the limitations of your brain when it refuses to cooperate.
The belief that giving up is the only solution is a mistaken belief.
It may seem like an option, but it is not, so don't go there.
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  #6  
Old 04-01-19, 11:25 PM
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How Are You Coming Along on Solving the Rent Problem?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar88 View Post
...my rent is about to expire next week, and while it worries me, it's like I couldn't less at the same time, like let the worse happen(this scares me)....

Sorry if my post is hard to understand, my mind is scattered right now.
I'm sorry to say that the rest of your "rant" was easy to understand, and all too familiar. I could have written the same words 2 years ago. If I knew how I made it through, I would gladly pass it on.

But these words jumped out at me as your most pressing practical problem and biggest threat to the peace, patience and self-compassion you need to find for yourself in your present distress. Of course these things take time and wiggle room. Unless an eviction would land you in a safer, cleaner place, you probably don't need the extra chaos and drama right now.

Please let us hear how you are doing this week.
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Old 04-04-19, 01:54 PM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
In my country (USA) there are a lot of people like my daughter and I, who have
no health insurance either and can barely afford food and housing. I was old
enough to apply for Medicare a couple of years ago (I filed early) and that helps
with doctor visits but does not cover meds. I was first prescribed generic anti-
depressant and it's been helpful. The generics are pretty inexpensive but I
would eat peanut butter for a week to pay for my bottle of Zoloft.
My country(Nigeria) doesn't even really acknowledge ADHD as a problem, just an excuse, and have nothing like Medicare(I wish). I'm glad you got even a generic one to help. I wish I could afford even that
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Old 04-04-19, 01:58 PM
Lunar88 Lunar88 is offline
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ready1 View Post
Lunar 88,
1. Has anything in the past helped you feel even a tiny bit better? eg go for a walk, do yoga. If so, do it now.
2. Start a list of items that need to get done around the house. I said start. Do not DO anything on your list while you're making it. That's for later.
3. Post your list in a place where you will not lose track of it. eg fridge, front door, smartphone.
4. Refuse to listen to negative self-talk. Life happens in the present moment. Don't look back, and don't look forward either. Look down at your feet, and put one foot in front of the other.
5. If you are plagued by negative self-talk - take a piece of paper and divide it in half vertically.
6. On the left side record each negative thought as it occurs to you. One phrase or sentence only. "e.g. I'm so stupid."
7. Notice and record the thought, but do not dwell on it.
8. On the right side of the page, beside each unhelpful thought, record what you wish you were thinking instead. e.g. "I am lovable and capable."
9. Writing down a positive alternative gives you an option that will help you redirect your thinking the next time you're tempted to slide.
10. Keep your self-talk list near your to-do list in a place where you will not lose track of it. eg fridge, front door, smartphone.
11. Reality is created twice. First in our head, and only secondly out there.
12. You will feel better if you can improve your home environment even a little. Walk around your home. As you're walking, write a list. But don't do anything or change anything. Just write what you see needs to be done. e.g. do dishes. lay out clothes one item at a time on bed. Divide clothes into dirty, clean. Sweep front hall. etc.
13. Don't worry about when the task will get done. Just keep adding one item at a time to your list.
14. Take a rest.
15. Pray or meditate.
16. When you feel like doing one thing, look at your list.
17. Do one task only.
18. If you feel tired, lie down again.
19. Do another task.
20. Continue to pray or meditate.
and so on.
Reality changes only one step at a time. It's the only strategy that's worked for me during my down times and it's true for everyone.
Do only what you have the energy to do - but do something. Then rest.
Sooner or later you will see progress. Sooner or later things will start to improve.
You MUST believe this.
You can be the master of your self-talk. You can keep things moving forward, tiny step by tiny step. I was able to do this even when very depressed. It's the only thing that got me through.
Use your will to overcome the limitations of your brain when it refuses to cooperate.
The belief that giving up is the only solution is a mistaken belief.
It may seem like an option, but it is not, so don't go there.
oh wow, your advice on the steps to cleaning my home are the besvive read so far.. you really broke it down in a way that didn't activate my avoidance of to do lists(too many I have, and not one task done)... Exercise just makes me more tired, and I'm usually in tears by the end... So I just sleep...
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Old 04-04-19, 02:04 PM
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Re: How Are You Coming Along on Solving the Rent Problem?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 20thcenturyfox View Post
I'm sorry to say that the rest of your "rant" was easy to understand, and all too familiar. I could have written the same words 2 years ago. If I knew how I made it through, I would gladly pass it on.

But these words jumped out at me as your most pressing practical problem and biggest threat to the peace, patience and self-compassion you need to find for yourself in your present distress. Of course these things take time and wiggle room. Unless an eviction would land you in a safer, cleaner place, you probably don't need the extra chaos and drama right now.

Please let us hear how you are doing this week.
Hello! Thank you for understanding, I was told yesterday that I'm. Just being lazy, and to suck it up. Like anyone would want to be like this on purpose..

No if I get evicted it's to nowhere better . And though my landlord gave me a week extension, I keep thinking... Where on earth I'm I going to get it, when feeding is such a challenge, I honestly wished I didn't open my eyes this morning, and that makes even more depressed, if that makes any sense...
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Old 04-06-19, 07:05 AM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

I was thinking about your situation and I am so sorry you are in this spot and I identify. I am also sorry that your country doesnt acknowledge adhd or have better low income help. I understand your financial issues and Ready1 had and excellent post about breaking things down. It helped me to read it. I was trying to think of cheap in expensive things you might do to help. This may sound lame but the last year I discovered coloring books. I do not like the sweet geometric or floral kind, I think the adult versions.


This is one I have, and I cant show you what the inside looks like because of the curse words but its about 5$ and markers are cheap too but you can use crayons or colored pencils. Its satisfying because they are not too complex to be completed quickly, and not overwhelming to look at . They are hysterical IMO and you can even tear out pages as a gift. It may be a lame suggestion but I find it both stimulating and calming.
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Old 04-10-19, 11:06 AM
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Re: Feeling Dumber and tired (Weary Rant)

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I was thinking about your situation and I am so sorry you are in this spot and I identify. I am also sorry that your country doesnt acknowledge adhd or have better low income help. I understand your financial issues and Ready1 had and excellent post about breaking things down. It helped me to read it. I was trying to think of cheap in expensive things you might do to help. This may sound lame but the last year I discovered coloring books. I do not like the sweet geometric or floral kind, I think the adult versions.


This is one I have, and I cant show you what the inside looks like because of the curse words but its about 5$ and markers are cheap too but you can use crayons or colored pencils. Its satisfying because they are not too complex to be completed quickly, and not overwhelming to look at . They are hysterical IMO and you can even tear out pages as a gift. It may be a lame suggestion but I find it both stimulating and calming.
I tried things like this before... Initially it was slightly interesting... But that stopped real quick (ADHD and novelty)... But thanks for the advice, I'm glad you have this working for you.
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