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Old 11-05-18, 07:02 PM
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Jacksper Jacksper is offline
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If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you

It's hard to face your own weaknesses and failures. It has been for me, I have tried for decaded, but I have never been as brutally honest and vulnerable as I have been now.

I do this, because I lost the girl of my dreams, and perhaps it was only a dream and it was not meant to be, but it struck me so hard that I saw that I was lying to myself, that I was working hard to become someone who I did not want to be. Someone who was successful, but had deep issues inside, who I tried to hide. However, I also wanted to be open to her about it, which made it very confusing to her.

Having lost her, I went on to work on myself. First to win her back, but now to win myself back.

I am, for the first time in my life, willing to stare deep into the abyss and see all the ugly and painful things that have happened in my life, and that I still carry with me in my behavior, emotions and thought patterns. I have a therapist, who I see almost every week, to guide me through this process, but it's so positive.

To anyone reading this, I just want to say: don't waste years, but find some stability and start being your real self. Deal with your issues. Don't deny them. It's ok to have problems in your life and to not be perfect, but just focus on growing.

It's painful at first to face your dark side, and you may be afraid to be open about it, but if others don't allow you to be you, then you should not worry about them, it's your life. Often, at least that's what I hope (and experience), others will respect you for being vulnerable and, though they may not understand you at first, they will admire you afterwards for what you have done.

Many people never dare to face the truth and they let their issues remain, and get worse and worse, for their whole lives. And this is a tragedy, because these issues may be very small at first, but they become large as time passes.

To finish off, I'd like to say that it's true that the abyss stares back into you if you dare to gaze into it, it's terrifying to see all the imperfection inside of yourself, but if you just keep gazing (and taking positive steps), you will become stronger and become a better and truer version of yourself.
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