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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

View Poll Results: Does Couples therapy work longterm?
Yes it definitely works 3 21.43%
No, it does not work longterm 2 14.29%
I/We have never tried it. 9 64.29%
Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 09-20-04, 09:36 PM
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Post Does couples therapy work longterm for an adult with ADD/ADHD?

I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

Please say if you have tried it (if you feel comfortable) Why do you think it worked?

If you think it doesn't work, what do you think the reason is for its failure?
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Last edited by moxee33; 09-20-04 at 09:41 PM..
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Old 09-21-04, 01:17 AM
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We first sought out help ten or more years ago. Those changes we worked out then are still working and in place.

Those sessions lead to us learning more about how to create those types of conversations ourselves. We have since been back into sessions specific to us as a couple but have also benefited from Pierrette meeting alone and with me present with my current therapist.

It's a bit like learning to play music. A riff here a riff there and soon someone recognises it as something that sings. It's a slow process and I'm not sure it's ever "over" until we die but it's worth doing if both parties are committed. It has been great for us.

I'm not saying it's easy... just that our kids and ourselves are better off having ventured into it.
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Old 09-27-04, 01:36 PM
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We are still in it and I think it has helped. Part of the early problems was my wife's anger if I spoke about an issue that I did not like. This occured after the sessions the first few times. I never did speak up again, but basically sat and said I had been wrong when she brought up issues. At that point it was a waste of time. We started up again in Augst after 8 months off. I had reached a point I had to say what I felt. I think this has helped both my wife and I. We are working on me being able to express my feelings in the relationship.
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Old 09-28-04, 02:49 AM
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I thought it worked very well for establishing a new format for speaking on more even terms.

Wife, what is your thoughts about this topic?

Husband, what do you feel about what she said?

etc.

We only did couples counseling for a short while but both found it helpful & I really apreciated the new approach to communication.
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Old 10-02-04, 12:41 AM
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We just started therapy this week. I have noticed a couple of changes already.
Waaaay toooo early to say yet. Next sessions are individual ones next week.
I am non-add. Basically out of the first session he was told to
Communicate more effectively - I do not read minds
Take time out for the relationship
Get over the past.
This is going to be a long-haul. I hope the finances hold out - this stuff is very expensive.
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Old 10-02-04, 01:19 AM
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I really admire people that get what they are hoping for out of therapy. I have such a hard time with shades of grey. I want things to be black and white. This was a real conversation we had at the therapist....

Me..he doesn't appreciate the things I do to show him that I love him
He: like what?
Me: like cooking your favorite foods
He: like what?
Me: spinach...we have been eating spinach for months haven't you noticed?
He: I never said I like spinach
Me: WHAT????? YES YOU DID. YES YOU DID!!! THATS A LIE!
He: I may have said I like spinach but I don't want to eat it all the time
Therapist: OK, times up. lets meet again next week.

That was a real exchange between us and it cost $140 for me to find out he doesn't want to eat spinach every night!!! I have not made spinach since then. Basically, I got no appreciation for making stupid spinach for months, I don't know what his favorite vegetable is any more and thats one less nice thing I feel I can do in the marriage (make his favorite food).

I think I'll be dead before I can convince my husband that the best way to motivate me would be to say "honey, can you buy some corn next time you are at the store? I've been craving it and I'd love to have some".

Can therapy teach that?
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Old 10-20-04, 12:10 PM
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Getting ready

We are starting ready to start our counseling. I will let you know how it goes.
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Old 10-20-04, 02:38 PM
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Moxee... you need a new therapist

We went briefly to marriage counseling about two (?) years back. She figured out pretty quickly that we were a great couple and we just needed some adjustments. You both speak english but you can't communicate.

As far as favorites go...when he's in a nice mood make a list of silly questions about each other and share the answers...what IS your favorite food? How often do you want to eat it? Make that argument into a game...it's sad the therapist had nothing productive to say about it. It obviously matters if you argue about it.

Mike and I's main issues were how frustrated and resentful we were about each other's depression and mood swings. Mike needed to help out more at home...and I can't remember what she said about the major turn in our lives reguarding religion, but it was comforting when she suggested that I give myself permission to mourn. That felt very good because it almost wrecked our marriage.

We did not stay with it long but I was relieved that we had done it. My therapist now is even better and I have learned to really stick up for myself in a nice way. Mike has a chore list. Just something he needed. I don't put him on the defensive as much. Something else he needed.

Hope things improve for you. You sound like a special person and you and your husband deserve a loving, secure marriage.
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Old 11-09-04, 12:58 PM
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My husband and I haven't gone for ours yet, however, I just wonder if we would be wasting our time. My mom in law sent me a book called the 7 Principles of Marriage and it's pretty much got everything in it to make your marriage better. I just have to wonder if going to a therapist is the right thing to do.
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Old 11-14-04, 04:29 AM
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We had major communication problems & the couples therapy helped with that. The ADD was not so simple but generally speaking it can be very valuable, even if only several sessions.
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